Month: October 2019

Bad Story, Good Lessons

She was a young teenager, the only daughter among a crowd of sons. Living in a new place, she was curious about clothes, customs, and social events that were different from her family’s. Most likely she was also a little naïve, not considering the harm that could come to her by sneaking away to mix with new friends at a local festival.

He was accustomed to getting his way. As a young man of privilege, he probably carried a sense of entitlement. When he saw something he wanted, he took it and dealt with the consequences later. Maybe he knew his powerful father would follow behind him to clean up the mess. So when he saw the new girl in town, he didn’t think twice about pursuing her. Maybe it started out as a friendly flirtation, but it quickly escalated into something entirely different. No one had any idea how the collision of these two lives would forever change the city and the family who had come to live on its outskirts.

Sounds like the makings of a modern movie, doesn’t it? Actually, it’s the story of Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, and the prince of Shechem, as told in the book of Genesis (with a bit of creative license based on commentaries). It’s a sordid tale that makes us uncomfortable, but there are things we can learn if we’re willing to move past our squeamishness. Finding personal application in it reminds us that times have changed, but human nature has remained the same.

Dinah’s Downfall: “Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the women of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, the prince of the land, saw her, he seized her and lay with her and humiliated her. And his soul was drawn to Dinah the daughter of Jacob. He loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her. So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor, saying, ‘Get me this girl for my wife.’” (Genesis 34:1-3, NIV)

Scholars believe Dinah was a young adolescent, somewhere between the ages of 12 and 16. Naturally, she was curious and interested in developing her social life, as most teens would be. But her parents hadn’t equipped her with the wisdom to recognize the dangers of the outside world. No one explained how vulnerable she would be out on her own, even in a place that looked so inviting. In fact, no one seemed to be paying much attention to her until it was too late. 

It’s tempting to point the finger of blame at the family members who didn’t seem to value Dinah enough to watch out for her. But how often can we be guilty of the same today? Teenagers may look like adults who eagerly exert their independence, but we’re fooling ourselves if we think they know how to navigate the world entirely on their own (both online and in real life). Sheltering adolescents seems like a quick fix, but isn’t realistic or beneficial to them. Leaving them to their own devices isn’t the answer either. We need to find middle ground where we’re engaged in their lives and connecting with them consistently so we can earn their trust. Only then will they be open to receiving the truth and wisdom they need from adults to make wise choices. If you’re not parenting a teen, you still have opportunities to connect and pour into them in many ways—whether it’s as a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a neighbor, a youth leader, a co-worker, a work supervisor, a teacher, a mentor, a coach, a tutor, or any other role that puts you in contact with this precious and vulnerable age group. (See below for helpful resources on understanding teens and their world).

Dinah’s Brothers Misuse God’s Covenant: “The sons of Jacob answered Shechem and his father Hamor deceitfully, because he had defiled their sister Dinah. They said to them, ‘We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised, for that would be a disgrace to us. Only on this condition will we agree with you—that you will become as we are by every male among you being circumcised.  Then we will give our daughters to you, and we will take your daughters to ourselves, and we will dwell with you and become one people. But if you will not listen to us and be circumcised, then we will take our daughter, and we will be gone.’” (Genesis 34:13-17, NIV)

Jacob’s sons used the sacred sign of God’s covenant as a tool of manipulation. Insisting that all the men of the town be circumcised was a ruse for making them vulnerable to attack. Using anything God has given us to inflict harm on others has no place in the life of a believer. It’s dishonoring to Him and defiles the sacred things He’s given us. The Church has had many shameful seasons in history when hateful acts were committed in the name of the Lord. We shouldn’t use pressure or manipulation to force people into God’s ways. Our role is to plant seeds of faith, it’s the Holy Spirit who makes them grow and brings true life transformation.

Dinah’s Brothers Take Revenge: “And all who went out of the gate of his city listened to Hamor and his son Shechem, and every male was circumcised, all who went out of the gate of his city. On the third day, when they were sore, two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, took their swords and came against the city while it felt secure and killed all the males. They killed Hamor and his son Shechem with the sword and took Dinah out of Shechem’s house and went away. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain and plundered the city, because they had defiled their sister.” (Genesis 34:24-27, NIV)

Simeon and Levi decided to stand up for their sister and take their revenge to a gruesome extreme. In the process, they ruined the lives of everyone in Shechem and made their family a stench in the land. What they did was so detestable that their father cursed them on his deathbed:

“Simeon and Levi are brothers—  their swords   are weapons of violence. Let me not enter their council, let me not join their assembly, for they have killed men in their anger and hamstrung oxen as they pleased. Cursed be their anger, so fierce, and their fury, so cruel! I will scatter them in Jacob and disperse them in Israel.” (Genesis 49:5-7, NIV)

Dinah’s brothers probably imagined how satisfying it would be to get revenge, but it backfired on them in the end.  When we’ve been wronged, Scripture instructs us not to give in to our thirst for revenge: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21, NIV) Rather than bringing peace and contentment, revenge only escalates painful situations and perpetuates hate and violence. Trust God to handle vengeance and do your best to live at peace with everyone.

How I wish Dinah could have heard the words of “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle. Let the song comfort you and remind you of God’s attentiveness in whatever difficulties you’re facing. (Once you click below, a new window will open, then click “Watch on YouTube”).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgkNB4939YM

Want more info on how to understand teens and their culture? Check out these resources:

Axis.org

Teenesteem.org

Chapclark.com

The Challenge of Comparing and Competing

I remember hearing people talk about Facebook when it opened to the public in 2006, but I had no real interest in joining it. Although my curiosity was sometimes piqued, I was hesitant about wading into the waters of social media. Truth be told, the main reason was an acute understanding of my weaknesses. I’ve always been prone to compare myself to others and have a competitive streak that isn’t always positive. I knew scrolling through pictures and commentary on Facebook might stir up envy, jealousy, insecurity, and hurt. 

I avoided joining for 7 years. But once I started posting blogs, a few savvy friends convinced me that if I wasn’t on Facebook, my writing would be hard to find. So, with reluctance, I joined. Scrolling through posts, I saw the allure and the pitfalls of social networking. Just as I’d suspected, I had to limit my exposure and log out as soon as negative feelings surfaced—whether it was a sense of feeling left out, not good enough, or annoyed by someone’s braggy post. Much later I learned that “Facebook Depression” is a real thing.

Social networking has heightened an issue that’s existed since long before the advent of computers. The tendency to compete and compare is part of the human condition. It has quite a history in Scripture, starting with Cain, who let it consume him to the point of murdering his brother, Abel. Another set of siblings that show us the ugliness of comparing and competing is Leah and Rachel. Thanks to their devious father, both sisters ended up sharing the same husband, Jacob. The trio was troubled from the start since Jacob clearly preferred Rachel to Leah. 

God saw that Leah was unloved by her husband, so He opened her womb and allowed her to conceive four sons with Jacob in quick succession. With each birth, Leah hoped that her husband would become more attached to her, but nothing seemed to change. Meanwhile, her beautiful younger sister had a different problem:

“When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I’ll die!’ Jacob became angry with her and said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?’ Then she said, ‘Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.’” (Genesis 30:1-3, NIV)

Rachel’s feelings of discontentment and inadequacy probably became unbearable when she compared herself to her sister. In hopes of evening the score, she decided to produce children through her maidservant (that might sound familiar if you’ve studied Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar in Genesis 16.)

Not wanting to be outdone by Rachel, Leah joined in the competition: “When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.  Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, ‘What good fortune!’ So she named him Gad.” (Genesis 30:9-11, NIV) The competing and comparing continued until Jacob had twelve sons and at least one daughter from four different women. 

Jacob’s family provides numerous examples about the dangers of letting comparison goad us into a frenzied state of unhealthy competition.  So, what’s our response if we want to handle this issue with the right perspective? Let’s look at some New Testament examples and see what we can learn.

Jesus, Peter, and John: After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples several times. In one instance, He told Peter about some difficult circumstances that would unfold in his future. At that point, “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” (John 21:20-22, NIV)

Jesus confronts Peter’s quickness to compare by redirecting his attention back to Him. His swiftness with refocusing Peter reminds me that when we’re tempted to compare what’s happening in our lives with someone else’s, we’re heading into unhealthy territory- especially in matters of faith. The best response when we’re starting to compare is to turn our attention back to Jesus.

Paul and Apollos: Apollos was a gifted teacher who captivated the early Christians with his eloquence. Unfortunately, some believers began dividing into factions, with one group rallying behind Paul and another behind Apollos. Paul addressed this unhealthy competition saying, “When one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere human beings? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)

Comparison caused these believers to confuse their priorities. They were making the giftedness and speaking style of their preferred teachers into a competition for popularity, completely overlooking the consistent message of the gospel both were preaching. When we become more personally focused on winning or being the best, we quickly lose sight of what’s truly important. 

One of my favorite quotes is: “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt). It jolts me when I’m veering off course and becoming consumed by an unhealthy mindset. If it resonates with you, remember it next time you’re tempted to make an unwise or unkind comparison.

Rachel and Leah compared their fertility, competed for their husband’s attention, and used their children as pawns to win his favor. Amazingly, God still worked through their dysfunctional family for His good purposes. We see this through Jesus, the Messiah, who came out of the family line of Leah’s fourth son, Judah. Listen to “The Lion and the Lamb” to celebrate God’s triumph despite this difficult family.

Image by TeroVaesalainen from Pixabay.com

Fighting Against Favoritism

Teacher’s Pet. Brownnoser. Kiss-up. Yes-man. Lap Dog. Boot-licking Toady. While you may not know each of these slang terms, you probably get the general idea that they’re all derogatory labels for someone who’s being shown favoritism or trying to earn it. What’s funny about the name calling is that we focus our disdain on the one who’s favored rather than the one bestowing the favor. We all want to be noticed and valued, so when someone else appears to be getting the attention we want, it doesn’t feel good.

Playing favorites is just part of the human condition. There are legitimate reasons for being drawn to different people and it’s natural and normal to want to give them preferential treatment. But the results can be devastating—especially for followers of Jesus.

Scripture addresses this using stories that illustrate the consequences of favoritism and teachings that warn against it. The tale of twins, Jacob and Esau, and their parents, Rebekah and Isaac, stands as one of the best warnings for the dangers of favoritism:

“When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb…The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:24, 27-28, NIV)

That last line catches my attention every time—the blatant favoritism the parents display is just a simple fact in the story, but it changes the trajectory of their lives. You may remember that as the twins grew up, an intense rivalry developed between them. Ultimately, Jacob fled from home to avoid Esau’s wrath after he was tricked out of his birthright and blessing. One of the roots of their animosity was the favoritism each received from a parent, ultimately causing the family to fracture. 

Unlike Jacob and Esau, followers of Jesus live under the new covenant. We don’t have to jockey for position to get the first and best of what our Father has to offer because there is enough for all of us. All we need to do is accept the inheritance made available through faith in His son: “For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.” (Hebrews 9:15, NIV)

With our position in the family of God secure, we’re called to recognize and root out favoritism wherever we see it: “If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” (James 2:8-10, NIV)

Favoritism focuses on exterior elements of people—primarily the way they look, behave, and perform. Although this is a natural inclination, we need to recognize the hurt it causes and ask God to help us fight against it. Becoming like Christ means we strive to see others as He sees them—and God doesn’t have favorites. 

If you’ve read or watched The Shack, you probably remember Papa, the character that personifies God the Father. For every human she meets or recollects, Papa repeats the same exclamation: “I am especially fond of him [or her].” 

I think we could use more of Papa’s mindset in our interactions with others. Having this view starts with living like we believe we’re one of God’s favorites. Rather than making us feel superior, this knowledge should free us to love people well. When we root our identity in being one of God’s favorites (as we all are), we can focus our attention on helping others to learn this same truth. We do this by showing them God’s love, serving them, and sharing the good news of Jesus. This leads individuals to discover that the Lord is “especially fond” of them as well.

How inclined are you to play favorites with those you enjoy or connect with easily? How do you treat them compared with those you don’t prefer? Consider the people you interact with regularly in these contexts:

Family: Do your family members ever tease you about having favorites? Are you aware that this might be a way they veil their hurt? Think about your kids, grandkids, in-laws, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, or uncles. Do you give the ones you like best more time and attention? Do you show them preferential treatment? Do you need to pray about how you interact with some of those “hard to love” family members you’d prefer to avoid? 

Work/ Regular Commitments: Think about the places you’re involved regularly outside your home. It could be work, an organization you volunteer with, a club you belong to, or a place you serve regularly. Are there certain people there you especially enjoy? How do you treat them compared to the others? If you’re showing love and kindness to some and indifference to others, you may be missing the mark on keeping the “royal law” described by James.

Church/ Bible Study: Do you zero in on the people you like and ignore the rest? Do you take opportunities to connect with different individuals each time you attend or do you stick with those in your comfort zone? Do you keep an eye out for people who look like they’re on the periphery? Do you have room in your circle to add more friends or do you view church as a place to link arms  and turn inward once you’ve found “your people”? 

We rarely see the negative impact of showing favoritism. It can take years for family members to admit hurt over knowing they weren’t favored. The results are devastating personally and fracturing to the whole family. Sadder still, those who have witnessed preferential treatment at church and have felt like they didn’t “make the cut” often walk away altogether. They assume the favoritism they’ve witnessed is evidence of God’s rejection of them as well.

Let’s strive to eradicate favoritism from our mindset and to treat all people like we’re “especially fond” of them.

“Stars” by Skillet will remind you of God’s infinite power and intimate love. This music video includes a few clips from The Shack movie. You’ll see this story personifies the Trinity as a black woman (Papa- the Father), an Asian woman (Sarayu- the Spirit) and a Middle Eastern man (Jesus), which is why Papa is referred to as “she” above. Don’t let this throw you off! Let the truth of the words sink in as you listen.

William Paul Young, The Shack, Windblown Media, 2007.

Assuming God is Good

Giggling from the backseat, my son read the completed Mad Lib aloud to his brother and friends. At the time, the boys were in elementary school—a prime age for reveling in the silliness of this classic fill-in-the-blanks activity. You probably remember doing Mad Libs of your own in younger days: one person acts as the scribe and asks the group for nouns, verbs, adjectives, and other parts of speech to write into blanks in a pre-written story the participants haven’t read. The results are usually funny—especially with boys who strive to choose the most ridiculous words they can.

As we get older, we continue filling in the blanks mentally, but the results are usually less fun. We get in the habit of making assumptions about gaps of information with our best guesses. For many of us, these are more negative than positive. We do it all the time with other people. We also do it with God.

That’s why I find the story of Abraham’s sacrifice of his son, Isaac, so astounding. As a test, God asked him to do the unthinkable and place his cherished child as a burnt offering on the altar. Abraham had waited 25 years for the Lord to give him an heir with Sarah. So why did He make such a brutal request after fulfilling His promise? Perhaps Abraham had gotten his priorities out of order and had been prizing his son above all else. Maybe he needed to be reminded God still deserved first place in his heart. Whatever it was, Abraham didn’t ask for the reason, he just obeyed.

Scripture gives us a few clues about how he saw the situation. The first is when he prepared to take Isaac up the mountain as a sacrifice: “He said to his servants, ‘Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.’” (Genesis 22:5, NIV)

Despite the plan to use his son as an offering, he told the servants both he and Isaac would return. Why would he say that? I used to think he was just trying to cover up what he was about to do so his servants wouldn’t try to stop him. But, maybe it was an example of his faith in God. As we read on, it seems possible he really did believe both of them would come back.

After leaving the servants behind, Isaac asked his father where they would find an animal to sacrifice and Abraham replied: “`God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.’ And the two of them went on together.” (Genesis 22:8, NIV)

Again, I previously assumed Abraham was stalling and giving an excuse to Isaac, but now I see that he really believed what he said. At the moment Abraham raised his hand to kill his son, an angel called out to him, showing that God was, indeed, trustworthy: “`Do not lay a hand on the boy,’ he said. ‘Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.’ Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, ‘On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.’” (Genesis 22:12-14, NIV)

In the New Testament’s “Hall of Faith,” we discover more insight about the sacrifice of Isaac: “Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.” (Hebrews 11:17-19, NIV)

This story is hard to grasp on many levels, but what strikes me most is Abraham’s unwavering trust in God. Not once did he accuse the Lord of being cruel or unfair. He believed God was good and trusted Him to provide. God tested Abraham and he passed with flying colors.

So, what’s the personal application for us in this? I’m learning that when we lay down what we cherish before God, it enables us to reprioritize and give Him the place of honor in our lives He deserves. Only after realigning our will with His can we receive back what we freely offered Him. Or, as A.W. Tozer says, “As God is exalted to the right place in our lives, a thousand problems are solved all at once.”

I’m humbled by Abraham’s faith as I recall the many times I’ve filled in the blanks with negative assumptions about God. How often have I fretted over a difficult or uncertain situation instead of simply laying it before Him? When have I demanded to know why the Lord allowed pain in my life instead of trusting that He would use it for my good and His glory? What about times I’ve struggled to believe promises in Scripture, like this one:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NIV)

Instead of trusting God is at work in ways He hasn’t yet revealed, I tend to worry and make contingency plans. Many of us in the midst of the unknown assume God is either not paying attention or not going to act in time. We want the Lord to work for our good according to our purposes instead of His. So, we seek comfort, security, and control in other things instead of trusting Him and waiting patiently. We act using our own wisdom when God doesn’t do what we want, when we want, how we want. All the while, we’re forgetting what Abraham remembered, even in his darkest hour. God is good. God is for us. God loves us. He has plans for us and provides for us. He knows us and what we need. He keeps His promises. His timing is perfect. He’s worthy of trust even when we don’t have all the answers and the path ahead is unclear.

For me, the best way to remember this is to fill my mind with truth about the Lord. Listening to music with sound theology is a great method for doing this. The lyrics redirect me and stop me from filling in the blanks with negative thoughts. And I’m always drawn back to the One who never fails me. If you need a dose of truth about God, listen to “King of my Heart” by Kutless.