Category: Christian Goodbyes

Dying Well

I became an orphan in middle age while most of my friends still had two healthy, thriving parents. My mom lived thirteen years after my dad and when she died, I had a sense of being untethered and adrift despite having a husband and kids of my own. I felt too young to be assuming the position of the “older generation” responsible for maintaining family connections, history, and traditions.

Memories from the end of my mom’s life have resurfaced reading Jennifer Rothschild’s words, “Your age may be twenty seven, seventy seven, or somewhere in between…Regardless of how long you’ve lived, you do not know when you will exhale your last breath here. So why not live ready to die? Why not be a woman who blesses people and worships God every day you live? Why not live as a forgiver? Why not live fully committed, abandoned to Christ in light of Heaven’s promise?”1

My mom exemplified what Rothschild encourages here; she continued to bless others with her love and gratitude until she breathed her last. Never was there a trace of self-pity or bitterness. Peace, love, and warmth were the defining characteristics of her final months of life.

Sitting with my mom in that season created many opportunities to observe God’s blessings in the midst of her suffering with pancreatic cancer. Despite battling pain and discomfort, my mom continued to flash a smile and offer a word of thanks to every person who entered her room. Numerous caregivers commented about sensing a different spirit in her. Some recognized it was the Holy Spirit; all felt drawn in by the atmosphere He created.

As her strength failed, my mom didn’t have the energy for much conversation, so I was inspired to read aloud to her just as she’d done for me through much of my childhood. Our daily reading sessions included favorites like C.S. Lewis’ The Last Battle and Corrie Ten Boom’s The Hiding Place. During one of her last lucid days, I sat by her bedside reading Amazing Faith, the biography of Bill Bright, the dynamic Christian leader who founded an international disciple-making ministry. At one point, I looked up to find tears streaming down her face. Surprised and confused, I asked, “Mom, why are you crying?” With a tissue clenched in her fist, she gestured toward the book and said, “That story reminds me of God’s faithfulness. He’s just so good!” Within seconds, I was brushing away tears too. It struck me that in spite of her broken body and failing health, my mom recognized God’s faithfulness. She saw this not just in the book we were reading, but in her life as well.

When she went on hospice care, my mom asked me to write her favorite verse on the whiteboard in her room, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV) These verses had sustained her through the death of my dad and given her hope in the midst of deep grief and loneliness that persisted for the rest of her life.

I had the extraordinary privilege of sitting beside my mom as she breathed her last. As painful and emotional as it was, the veil between Heaven and Earth seemed thinner during that tender time. I had a surreal sense of feeling truly alive, knowing I was partaking in a sacred moment bathed in unspeakable joy and indescribable peace. My mom’s grave marker now has the Second Corinthians passage inscribed on it as a reminder that she trusted in what is eternal instead of clinging to what was temporary. It’s a testament of a woman who lived faithfully and died well.

Jennifer Rothschild admonishes, “My friend, don’t shy away from talking about death. Don’t avoid those who are dying because you feel awkward. Death feels shattering, emptying, and totally counterintuitive, but death is defeated…Death is the comma that transitions us from the prologue to the forever stories of our lives. Death allows you to step fully into your glorious unending finally trading faith for sight…earth is short, and Heaven is long. May we live well and die well all for the glory of God.”2

Praise God for this amazing truth made possible through the life, death, and resurrection of His son, Jesus! What a gift it is to know Heaven awaits all who humbly and gratefully accept His sacrifice on their behalf.

Post inspired by Jennifer Rothschild’s Heaven.  Order your copy using this link.

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  1. Jennifer Rothschild, Heaven: When Faith Becomes Sight, Lifeway 2025, 203.
  2. 2. ibid, 204

Until We Meet Again

Kristi and I met at church youth group in junior high, but our friendship blossomed in freshman English class the following year. I smile picturing her as an eager 9th grader wearing on-trend 80’s outfits: neon mini-skirts, layered tank tops, mesh gloves, and  jaunty hats or berets. I’ll never forget cheering her on a few summers later as she performed aerobics routines with a crew from her exercise studio at our hometown July 4th parade. But Kristi was more than just a trendy teen—she had a sharp intellect, an incredible work ethic, and boundless energy. Standing at 5’2’’ with wispy blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and a sweet smile, people sometimes underestimated how fierce she really was.

Our lifelong friendship solidified the summer we graduated from high school as both of us chose to work at Christian camps; she headed to Redwood Camp in the Santa Cruz mountains while I served at Houseboats on the Sacramento Delta. Leaving camp at the end of the summer, I was exuberant about my faith in Jesus. But returning to life and friends at home had been challenging. Many people thought I’d gone a little overboard on my faith.

The one exception to this was Kristi. Re-connecting after our summer away, we discovered we’d both had life-changing experiences that would forever alter the courses of our lives. What an encouragement it was to discover I had a like-minded friend whose spiritual eyes had also been opened (Ephesians 1:18). A deeper bond grew between us from that day forward. Our friendship wasn’t just based on fun times and shared memories, but on a passionate love for Jesus and a desire to follow Him faithfully.

Kristi and I experienced many milestone moments over the years, including studying abroad together in college and being bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. After getting married and starting careers, we didn’t have many opportunities to spend time together. Eventually Kristi was living in a different state and homeschooling four kids, so we only saw each other when she came into town to visit her parents. We’d sit in my backyard watching our kids play and it was as if no time had passed. The depth of our friendship endured despite the months and miles that separated us.

Calls and texts became more frequent a few years later when Kristi was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was in her early 40’s and had always been healthy, so we hoped and prayed for a full recovery. An aggressive treatment plan seemed to be working, until it wasn’t. A short remission came to an abrupt end with news that the cancer had returned with force and was spreading.

As Kristi’s health declined, I longed to see her face-to-face and when the timing was right, I booked a flight to Austin. Traveling alone, I had time to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually, asking the Lord to bless and encourage Kristi and her family  through me. I was anxious about seeing my energetic friend so sick and grateful for friends and family at home supporting me with prayer.

As I walked in the front door of her house, Kristi greeted me with delight. She was using a walker for support and wearing a scarf to cover  her bald head, but her broad smile and cheerful spirit remained intact. Despite her frail body, she was as fierce as ever. In fact, I was amazed at the variety of activities we did over the course of the weekend. Her family was determined to give me a full “Lone Star State Experience” when they found out I’d never been there before. So, in spite of going to give them support, I got a big dose of Texas hospitality in return.

On my final day, I had a rare quiet moment alone with Kristi and asked if I could read some of Psalm 34 to her– the verses seemed to provide the words of encouragement I lacked:

“I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing…The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:1-10, 17-18, NIV)

Later, before leaving for the airport, I paused with Kristi and her husband to lay hands on them and pray. I said goodbye feeling at peace, so grateful for the time we’d spent together and not convinced it was the last time I’d see Kristi in this life. It seemed like she still had a lot of fight left in her and the family refused to give up hope.

But as school let out in June, I received word that Kristi’s cancer was spreading and her doctors had run out of options. With this news, a sense of urgency prompted me to stop avoiding one last thing I needed to do. Writing a final letter to Kristi felt daunting but essential given the depth and duration of our friendship. With the Holy Spirit guiding me, my fingers tapped at the keyboard pouring out specific ways Kristi had impacted and encouraged me over the years. Knowing time was short, I wanted to mail it as soon as possible.

Kristi’s husband read the letter to her on June 28th. Just four days later I received word that my sweet friend breathed her last. She was freed from her broken body and finally at home in Heaven. Even though I knew it was coming, I was too stunned to cry. Grief simmered in the back of my mind, but the tears just wouldn’t come.

A week after receiving this news, I had a dream about Kristi. We were having a conversation and sharing some final moments together. I don’t remember the words, but there was a feeling of warmth and peace between us. She was smiling, confident, and reassuring. Moments later I awoke in the dark and realized I wasn’t just crying in my dream, but in reality. As I sat up to wipe away the tears, I felt the relief of emotional release and so comforted thinking of my friend’s salvation through Christ. Seeing her in that dream provided a sense of closure I hadn’t realized I needed.

The tenacious faith Kristi and her family showed in her last 15 months impacted countless people. Their unwavering trust in Jesus pointed everyone around them to God’s saving grace and ultimate hope in Christ. The Lord used their heartbreaking circumstances to bring about much good in their lives and many others.

In the New Testament, Paul describes how our mortal bodies will one day be made new: “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:54-57, NIV)

I walk in confidence knowing that I will spend eternity with my spunky friend. She’ll be made new and her cancer-ravaged body will be redeemed. “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:24-25, NIV) So, I take comfort in words of wisdom from C.S. Lewis: Christians never have to say “Goodbye,” only, “Until we meet again.”1

2013
1988

Post inspired by Jennifer Rothschild’s Heaven. Order your copy using this link.

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  1. Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy, Harper and Row, 1977.

The Feast of the Lamb

Touching down on the runway, I switched on my phone as the plane taxied to the gate. My mind buzzed with excitement anticipating the weekend of wedding festivities that lay ahead. As we jolted to a stop, I glanced at a text message I’d received mid-flight and my stomach lurched: a close friend’s father had passed away earlier that morning and her husband had reached out to share the news. Stunned, I froze for a moment before burying my face in my hands as tears began flowing. Though I ached for my friend’s loss, I also rejoiced that her father was no longer suffering from a debilitating disease. The news triggered a surprising wave of personal grief as memories of losing my own dad surfaced. Wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath, I gathered my things as we prepared to exit the plane.

After a phone call with my friend, I pushed the pause button on my emotions and changed gears. We’d flown halfway across the country to gather with extended family for a happy reason—the wedding of our nephew. Over two action packed days, we spent time connecting with family members and old friends to celebrate the marriage of a man and woman who loved Jesus and one another deeply. Standing under massive shade trees bordering a meadow dotted with wildflowers, we watched as our beaming nephew awaited his radiant bride. Although the surroundings were picturesque, what caught my attention most was the deep joy that permeated the wedding. It was clear that these two had been covered in prayer throughout their lives. Both sets of parents had prayed fervently for the Lord to lead their children to godly spouses who would complement them perfectly. Their marriage was starting on a firm foundation and the wedding celebration was evidence of God’s faithful provision.

Scanning the crowd during the reception, I marveled at the many meaningful connections there were between the guests. With so many godly and faithful people there, the overlaps in ministry and friendship were plentiful. I loved reconnecting with a mentor I hadn’t seen since college and was thrilled to meet people with common connections to friends and ministries I’d served with in the past. It was an amazing array of faith-filled people and felt like a foretaste of the great wedding feast prophesied by John in the Bible:

 “Then a voice came from the throne, saying: ‘Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, both great and small!’ Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

‘Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given her to wear.’ (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)

Then the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’ And he added, ‘These are the true words of God.’” (Revelation 19:5-9, NIV)

If you’re unfamiliar with this passage, it’s describing the celebration that will occur after the final judgement: “God’s people are arrayed in fine linen, clean and white because Christ’s shed blood has washed away their sins. They are presented righteous and pure to their bridegroom, Christ. At the marriage supper, individual believers are guests, but collectively they are the bride.”* This links to many passages where Scripture uses a groom and his bride as a picture of God and His people in the Old Testament and Christ and the Church in the New Testament (most notably in Ephesians 5:22-32).

This brings me to an unlikely comparison– I felt the same deep joy that characterized my nephew’s wedding a few weeks later at the memorial service for my friend’s dad. Once again, people gathered to celebrate, only this time it was for the life of a man who met Jesus as a young dad and followed Him passionately for the next four and a half decades. Throughout the service, we heard stories about his love for the Lord and how it informed every aspect of his life in his home, his leisure time, and his career. A lump formed in my throat trying to sing the words to “How Great Thou Art” and “Amazing Grace.” It was overwhelming to worship the God who had used this gifted, yet humble, man to love and serve so many. 

Sitting at the service surrounded by old friends once again made me think about the great wedding feast of the Lamb. I’ve learned to savor those sweet moments at weddings and funerals when we get to pause, reflect, and recognize God’s goodness. There was a deep fulfillment in celebrating with others who faithfully followed Jesus and who were intent on seeing His kingdom advance on earth. Over time I’ve discovered that a significant bond connects those who walk the narrow path that leads to life described in Matthew 7:13-14. 

I realized both events gave a glimpse of what’s ahead for all who call Jesus Lord and Savior. One day all believers will gather at the Feast of the Lamb to worship Jesus together. I can only imagine the many joy-filled reunions between old friends and family members that will take place.  After years of following Him, we’ll see Jesus face to face and revel in His glory and grace collectively. 

As I reflect on those recent celebrations, I can’t help but think of people attending who couldn’t fully comprehend or appreciate what was taking place because they didn’t know Jesus. They were unable to access the spiritual significance or marvel at God’s faithfulness like the rest of us. They couldn’t recognize the Lord’s amazing handiwork because they had no context for it. My heart should ache for them more than it does. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will prompt me to sow seeds of faith liberally in the lives of others in hopes that they recognize and receive God’s tremendous love. 

Kristian Stanfill’s song “Even So Come” paints an inspiring picture of waiting faithfully for our Bridegroom to return. As you listen, imagine the joyful reunion you’ll experience with Jesus one day, then go and share it with someone else so they can be a part of it too.

*Halley’s Bible Handbook, Zondervan, 2000, p. 958 

Advance Part 5: Making Your Hardship Serve the Gospel

IMG_6935

Last summer one of my closest friends from high school passed away after battling cancer. If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you may recall a post I wrote about her last days called “Christians Never Have to Say Goodbye.”

I couldn’t help thinking about Kristi and her family as I heard Beth Moore share the final point of her ADVANCE acrostic:

E– Everything is redeemed if it serves the gospel

Beth’s main point was that we have the choice to use our hardships to advance the gospel and spread God’s kingdom on earth. I watched Kristi’s husband do this over the course of her brutal cancer treatments and her last days before going home to heaven. His regular posts on Caring Bridge not only updated friends and family about Kristi’s health condition, they also shared his faith journey with authenticity and boldness. It was impossible to read through a post without being pointed to the person of Jesus and to be reminded that true hope is found only in Him.

My friend’s husband exemplifies the idea of submitting something awful for the sake of the gospel. In the past year he has continued to write about his journey as he’s sorted through the grief of losing his wife and raising their four kids. He doesn’t sugar coat life as a single parent with sunny platitudes, but he does share the hope he continues to find through faith in Jesus.  Countless lives around the globe continue to be impacted by the truth he shares.

The Apostle Paul did something similar throughout his ministry. He took hardships he endured and used them to advance the gospel. Rather than focusing only on his “target audience,” he viewed anyone in his path as a perfect candidate for hearing the good news of Jesus. Even his guards and fellow inmates in prison benefitted from being near him. He rejoiced at the opportunity to share with these captive audiences.

“Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ” (Philippians 1:12-13).

In some cases, Paul’s faith was so evident in the midst of hardships that others were drawn to him even when he wasn’t focusing on them specifically:

“After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. When he received these orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks.

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose. The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. But Paul shouted, ‘Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!’

The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, ‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’

They replied, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.’ Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household” (Acts 16:23-34).

Here are few thoughts based on these passages and Beth Moore’s teaching:

-We don’t always get to pick our circumstances, but we can choose how to respond to them

-We can trust God in the midst of a hardship and ask Him to reveal Himself and use it to advance His kingdom

-We can’t put boundaries around with whom, where or when we share the gospel; our “target audience” is anyone God puts in our path.

-When our focus is on God and we spend time with Him, our faith will naturally overflow to impact others

-It is biblical and honoring to God when we focus on Him in the midst of our hardships; this pleases Him and gives hope to others

I’m aware that these things are easy to write about, but much more challenging to put into practice. Still, what do you have to lose by praying a simple prayer like this: “God, use the hardship I’m facing right now to advance the gospel”?  Ask God to draw your attention to the ways He’s inviting you to advance the gospel in the midst of your difficulties.

Writing about Beth Moore’s teaching from the Living Proof Live event I attended has made it sink in so much more. I hope it’s been a blessing in your life and has inspired you while giving you practical tools to advance the gospel.

Here is the acrostic in its entirety:

A- A kingdom is coming

D- Dare to advance it

V- Vie fiercely in prayer

A- Add traction to your action

N- Never take a “no” from the devil

C- Cease the policing and the pacing

E- Everything is redeemed if it serves the gospel

*Special note to those planning to join Focused Living at CPC this fall: If you enjoyed reading about Paul and Silas in the Acts passage above, you are going to love our first study this fall on 1 & 2 Thessalonians by Beth Moore called Children of the Day.

If you’d like a great example of someone who is using his hardship to serve the gospel, visit Kristi’s husband’s blog at the link below.

http://www.bgoneb9bhealed.com/blog/

If you’re in the midst of a hardship right now, click on the link and be encouraged by Casting Crowns’ song “Praise You in the Storm”

Christians Never Have to Say Goodbye

Kristi and Marybeth Inverness '91

Kristi and me in Inverness, Scotland 1991

I wrote a blog about heaven this past December called “Traveling Light with and Eye Towards Home.”  In it, I recounted the story of backpacking in Europe with my friend, Kristi.  What I didn’t mention in that posting was that Kristi was in remission after a nine-month battle with breast cancer.  We didn’t know that it was only a temporary reprieve.  The cancer returned with a vengeance in March of this year.  I had no idea that my blog on heaven would become so relevant so soon.

As Kristi’s health declined, I longed to see her face-to-face and prayed God would show me the right timing to make a trip to her home in Texas.   We’d talked, texted and e-mailed regularly throughout her illness, but it just wasn’t the same as being with her.  At the end of April the timing was right and after getting the green light from Kristi and her husband, I booked a flight to Austin.  Traveling alone, I had some good time to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually.  I also had a number of friends and family supporting me with prayer at home.  I asked God to use me to bless and encourage Kristi and her family.  I was anxious about seeing my spunky friend sick and wondering how the weekend would go.

When I finally arrived at her house, Kristi greeted me warmly and maneuvered across the room to give me a hug. She wore a headscarf and gingerly pushed a walker but her broad smile and cheerful spirit remained intact.  In fact, I was amazed at the amount of things we did over the course of the weekend considering Kristi’s frailty.   Her family was bound and determined to give me a full “Lone Star State Experience” when they found out I’d never been there before.  So, in spite of going to give them help, I got a big dose of Texas hospitality in return.

On Saturday morning I sat with Kristi at a hometown parade watching three of her four kids smiling and waving from one of the floats.  Afterwards, I experienced my first Texas thunderstorm- a two-hour deluge unlike anything we have in California.   I spent a quiet afternoon organizing Tupperware in the kitchen after painting Kristi’s toenails metallic blue (she was in desperate need of a pedicure).  While she was resting, her 6 year-old son appeared in the doorway dressed as Captain America and glumly declared “I’m bored.” As any mom would, I countered “How about showing me some of your toys?”  Thanks to my boys, I knew a thing or two about comic book heroes and Lego mini figures, which earned me serious status as I sat playing with him.  That evening I tasted my first “Texas Barbeque” without a plate or utensils at Rudy’s (a combination of a restaurant and gas station).

Sunday morning I was in charge of loading Kristi’s wheelchair into their Suburban and driving the family to church while her husband competed in a triathlon.   Later that afternoon we attended a family reunion in an adobe house that was over 100 years old.   It was a fun and busy weekend filled with moments of laughter and light-heartedness- definitely not what I was anticipating.

On Sunday morning after church, Kristi and I had a rare moment alone at the house.  Feeling prompted by the Holy Spirit, I asked if I could share Psalm 34 with her, which I’d read in Jesus Calling earlier that morning.  It seemed to fit her circumstances perfectly (funny how the Bible does that…):

“I will extol the Lord at all times;
 his praise will always be on my lips.

I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing…The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 
and saves those who are crushed in spirit”  (Verses 1-10, 17-18).

Later, before leaving for the airport, I found another quiet moment with Kristi and her husband.  It was a blessing and privilege it was to lay hands on them to pray after being apart for the duration of her battle with cancer.  I left feeling at peace, so glad for the time we’d spent together and not entirely sure it was the last time I’d see Kristi in this life.  It seemed like she still had a lot of fight left in he and the family had definitely not given up hope.

As school let out in June, I received word that Kristi’s cancer was spreading and her doctors had run out of viable options for her. I was so glad I’d traveled to see her, but felt I had one more thing to do that I’d been avoiding.  So, I sat at the computer one afternoon and wrote Kristi a letter.  I’d been overwhelmed thinking of how to sum up a friendship that began when we were in 8th grade and spanned so many years.  We’d experienced so much of life together, how could I capture that in a few pages?  With the Holy Spirit guiding me, I wrote a simple letter and sent it with a CD of songs to encourage Kristi and her family.   Here is an excerpt from that letter:

In spite of all these milestone moments we’ve shared, I think the one that means the most to me happened over the course of summer and fall in 1988.  Newly graduated from high school, we both launched in different directions with the same purpose:  working at Christian camps to serve, grow and (of course) have fun.   Working at Houseboats was transformational to my faith and my life choices.  I remember coming home so excited that I finally really “got” my faith and loved God in a way I never really had before.  Returning to life and friends at home was hard and I felt like a stranger in a strange land.   Most people outside my family looked at me like I’d gone a little crazy from being around so many Christians for so long. 

The one exception to this was you.  I can remember talking to you and hearing about your experience at Redwood Camp and realizing that we had both had life-changing and faith-changing experiences that would forever alter the courses of our lives.  I can’t tell you what a relief it was for me to discover that I was not alone and that there was someone who understood the choices I was making and affirmed me for them.  A deeper bond grew between us from that day forward.  Our friendship wasn’t just based on fun times and shared memories, but on a passionate love for Jesus and a desire to follow Him with our lives.

As we headed off to college, we were both set on finding Christian friends and plugging into ministries at our new schools.  Like most of our friends, we both chose to join sororities.  Although the social scene was familiar to us, it felt a bit different now that we’d fully committed to God and were not “riding the fence” as we had in high school days. 

For me, this proved to be pretty challenging at first.  I can remember struggling to find Christian friends among my peers in the Greek System.  As a freshman, I wanted to fit in and make new friends. I called you for some encouragement and you admonished me not to fall back into the lukewarm waters of our high school years and to stand firm in my faith.  You told me it was good for me to stand out as different and pointed out that this could be a great avenue for sharing my faith with a group of people who desperately needed to hear the truth.  I can remember thinking “Wow, God has really given her a strength and conviction that are pretty amazing.”  I don’t know if I ever really told you, but that “pep talk” gave me the courage to press on, to be different and to be a light in a dark place.

If I’ve never said it before, let me say it now:  Kristi, thank you for being a voice of Truth when I needed it most.  The impact you had on me at that time made a significant difference in my life choices.  I’ll never forget your words of encouragement that day or in the days that followed.

Thank you for your partnership in the gospel for these many long years.  I rejoice knowing we will spend eternity praising Him together.

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers…I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:3a-6

Kristi’s husband read the letter to her on Friday, June 28th.  I’m so glad I responded to the Spirit’s prompting to write it.  On July 2, I received word that my sweet friend breathed her last with her husband at her side.  She was freed from her broken body and finally at home in heaven.

A week after receiving this news, I had a dream about Kristi.  We were having a conversation and sharing some final moments together.  I don’t remember the words, but there was a feeling of warmth and peace between us.  She was smiling, confident and reassuring.   Moments later I awoke in the dark and realized I wasn’t just crying in my dream, but in reality.  As I sat up to wipe away the tears and blow my nose, I felt the relief of emotional release. Adjusting to this new reality has been hard; the sadness churns in me but tears have not flowed very freely.

I am still processing this huge loss, yet there is a peace in me that is deeper still.  Kristi lived every moment pointing people to Jesus until she took her final breath.  The faith and trust she and her family showed in her last 15 months impacted countless people and opened their eyes to God’s saving grace.   He used their hard circumstances to bring about much good in their lives and the lives of many others.

I walk in confidence knowing that I will see Kristi again.  I’ll paraphrase C.S. Lewis’ sentiments from the book A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken:  Christians never have to say “Goodbye”, only, “Until we meet again.”

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Georgetown, Texas 2013