Category: Competition

Pitfalls of Comparing

I remember friends encouraging me to join different social media platforms when they first launched. Although my curiosity was sometimes piqued, I was hesitant about wading into those waters. Truth be told, the main reason was an acute understanding of my weaknesses. I’ve always been prone to compare myself to others and I have a competitive streak that isn’t always positive. I knew scrolling through pictures and commentary might stir up envy, insecurity, or a critical spirit in me. 

I avoided joining for several years. But once I started posting blogs, a few savvy friends convinced me that if I wasn’t on social media, my writing would be hard to find. So, with reluctance, I joined. Scrolling through posts, I saw the allure and the pitfalls of social networking. Just as I’d suspected, I had to limit my exposure and log out as soon as negative feelings surfaced—whether it was feeling left out, not good enough, judgmental, or annoyed. Now that I’ve been on it a while, I also get reminders of older photos that make me wistful comparing past memories with current realities. Have you noticed that comparisons often seem to trigger strong emotions in us?

Social networking has heightened an issue that’s existed since long before the advent of computers. The tendency to compare and compete is part of the human condition. It has quite a history in Scripture, starting with Cain, who let it consume him to the point of murdering his brother, Abel (Genesis 4). Sisters Leah and Rachel also let competition and comparison taint their relationship. For them, it spurred a baby-producing frenzy that led their husband, Jacob, to father twelve sons and one daughter with four different women. (Genesis 29 & 30)

We see another danger of comparison when the Jews in Haggai’s time compare the smaller temple they’re rebuilding with the grander one from Solomon’s era: “Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing?” (Haggai 2:3, NIV) Looking back to compare their rebuilding efforts with the larger temple of the past could’ve squelched any motivation they had to keep working. Jennifer Rothschild explains, “The real danger of comparing is possibly missing the real glory. Looking at our lives, callings, and work with eyes of comparison means we can’t see with eyes of faith. It was true that Zerubbabel’s temple was not as outwardly impressive as Solomon’s.” However, a few verses later we read: “‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty.” (Haggai 2:9a, NIV)

Jennifer Rothschild encourages us to be wary of comparison:
“We can’t always see the full potential of something while we’re in the middle of it. We can’t see how the seeds planted by one small act may grow. We fall into the comparison trap and end up stuck in discouragement because we compare what we see to the wrong things.”

So, what’s our response if we want to get a healthy handle on comparison and competition? Let’s look at three New Testament examples and see what we can learn.

God’s Work in Your Life vs. Someone Else’s: After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples several times. In one instance, He told Peter about some difficult circumstances that would unfold in his future. At that point, “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” (John 21:20-22, NIV)

Jesus confronts Peter’s quickness to compare by redirecting his attention back to Him. His swiftness with refocusing Peter reminds us that when we’re tempted to compare what’s happening in our lives with someone else’s, we’re heading into unhealthy territory– especially in matters of faith. The best response when we’re starting to compare is to turn our attention back to Jesus.

Different Gifts, Strengths & Ministries: Apollos was a gifted teacher who captivated the early Christians with his eloquence. Paul, on the other hand, was less articulate but taught with an incredible knowledge of Scripture. Unfortunately, some believers began dividing into factions, with one group rallying behind Paul and another behind Apollos. Paul addressed this unhealthy competition saying, “When one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere human beings? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)

Comparison caused these believers to confuse their priorities. They were making the giftedness and speaking style of their preferred teachers into a competition, completely overlooking the consistent message of the gospel both were preaching. They had lost sight of what was truly important. When we lose perspective and begin comparing different teachers, ministries, or churches it’s time to step back, look at the big picture, and re-focus on how they are each playing a part in accomplishing God’s plans.

The Past vs. The Present: If you’re prone to romanticize the past, take Paul’s words to heart: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13b-14, NIV) God may have done amazing things in your past, but remember that He is always on the move doing new things. Don’t get stuck reveling in what once was and miss out on what He’s doing now.

One of my favorite quotes is: “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt). This phrase realigns me when I’m veering into a negative mindset. Ask the Lord to help you remember this the next time you’re tempted to compete and compare in unhealthy ways.

If, like me, you want to stop the cycle of comparison, let this song give words to your prayers. Click here and listen to Micah Tyler’s “Different.”

Jennifer Rothschild, Take Courage: A Study of Haggai, Lifeway Press 2020, 98 & 99.

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Not Limitless

Strapping the new watch on my wrist, I tap the screen and scroll through the different functions it performs. Besides telling time, it tracks my heart rate, my physical activity, the number of steps I take daily, the number of calories I burn, and the quality of my sleep. By linking it to an app on my phone, I’m able to see detailed statistics complete with bar graphs, line graphs, and circle graphs measuring each of these things. Some days I find it interesting, other days it feels like another critic reminding me when I’m not measuring up.

I score points for every minute my band senses I’m moving. The harder I push myself, the more points I score. (I can also get negative points for being sedentary for too long, so that’s fun). The watch automatically sets the goal of 150 points per week. When I meet that goal, it vibrates on my wrist and flashes a message: “You met your goal, way to go!” Here’s the part that’s maddening, though. Once I “earn” all of the points towards my goal, the watch establishes a new goal for me that’s higher. So instead of feeling satisfied with what I’ve accomplished, I focus on the corner of the screen that tells me what my next goal is and how many points I’ll need to get there.

As long as I keep a healthy perspective, the watch serves as a useful tool. But, at times, I’ve found myself getting sucked into the stats a bit too much—especially when I’m obsessing over meeting the goals it sets for me.  It’s a great example of the direction our culture has been moving for the past few years. We’ve become captivated by measuring, quantifying, and assigning value to so many things—whether it’s how many steps we take each day or how many likes we get on a social media post. In every realm, we’re pushed to reject limitations and to see how much more we can accomplish. We’re programmed to want “all the things” and to feel serious FOMO if we’re not keeping up with everyone else.* We are fed the lie that it’s possible to be amazing in every category: having a successful career, a thriving family, a vibrant marriage, a robust social life, a deep faith, a fit body, a beautiful home, and time to serve others with sincere hearts. We’re led to believe there’s no limit to what we can do.

And that’s why I love that the Bible includes what happens to Elijah after his miraculous showdown with the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel. After calling down fire from heaven and proving God is the ultimate power and authority, Elijah transitions into a season of despair and discouragement. This begins when he receives word that Queen Jezebel plans to kill him for making fools of her prophets before ending their lives. “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’’’ (1 Kings 19:3-4, NIV)

Stop and think about all that Elijah has experienced leading up to this: he lived by the brook Cherith for eighteen months while God sent ravens to feed him; he stayed with a widow in Zarephath where the Lord rescued them from starvation by replenishing their food supplies daily; he prayed for the widow’s son to be raised from death and God granted his request; at Mt. Carmel he poured water over an altar and then prayed God would set the sacrifice on fire and the Lord consumed not only the sacrifice, but the rocks and dirt as well. Yet now, when he hears Jezebel plans to kill him, he loses heart. He runs away, tells the Lord he’s ready to die, lays down under a bush, and falls asleep. Recognizing Elijah’s deep exhaustion, the Lord sends an angel to minister to him: “All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’ He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.” (1 Kings 19:5b-6, NIV)

Elijah had been faithful and obedient to God through so many incredible challenges. At Horeb, he reached his physical, spiritual, and emotional limits. Utterly depleted, he needed rest. I wonder, though, in our current culture how this would’ve played out. Would Elijah’s watch have said something like this: “Great job slaying the prophets of Baal! Your next goal is….”? 

Friends, it’s time for us to realize we have limits. We can’t do it all because God didn’t design us that way. Even when the Lord does great works through us by the power of the Holy Spirit, we still need rest and replenishment. “God is not mad at you because your body is tired or your mind is frayed or your soul is unusually heavy—not after the kind of project you’ve just finished, or the difficulties you’ve just endured, or the emotional marathon you’ve just run. He isn’t agitated by the limitations of your flesh. Instead, He stands patiently ready to minister to you, to work through those deficiencies, and to nourish you as you recover from them.”1

This is a message I’m writing for myself as much as for you. We have to stop believing the lies fed to us by our culture and by the enemy that we need to push ourselves to the limits of our capabilities in all realms. There is so much pressure to do more and to be more. We’re wearing ourselves out trying to prove it’s true. “With all the busyness, legalism, strictness, and tension that may be an ongoing part of your daily life, take a moment to breathe deeply, enjoying the gracious and sincere affection of your Father today. He sees. He knows. Sister, rest.”2

By all means, allow yourself to be stretched. Accept challenges and celebrate growth. Let the Holy Spirit use your gifts to build the Church and expand God’s kingdom. Don’t shy away from opportunities for refinement. But realize, also, that you’re only human, and that’s exactly how God made you.

Click here and be encouraged by Jordan St. Cyr’s song “Weary Traveler.”

  1. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 193  
  2. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 193.

*FOMO is “fear of missing out.”

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The Challenge of Comparing and Competing

I remember hearing people talk about Facebook when it opened to the public in 2006, but I had no real interest in joining it. Although my curiosity was sometimes piqued, I was hesitant about wading into the waters of social media. Truth be told, the main reason was an acute understanding of my weaknesses. I’ve always been prone to compare myself to others and have a competitive streak that isn’t always positive. I knew scrolling through pictures and commentary on Facebook might stir up envy, jealousy, insecurity, and hurt. 

I avoided joining for 7 years. But once I started posting blogs, a few savvy friends convinced me that if I wasn’t on Facebook, my writing would be hard to find. So, with reluctance, I joined. Scrolling through posts, I saw the allure and the pitfalls of social networking. Just as I’d suspected, I had to limit my exposure and log out as soon as negative feelings surfaced—whether it was a sense of feeling left out, not good enough, or annoyed by someone’s braggy post. Much later I learned that “Facebook Depression” is a real thing.

Social networking has heightened an issue that’s existed since long before the advent of computers. The tendency to compete and compare is part of the human condition. It has quite a history in Scripture, starting with Cain, who let it consume him to the point of murdering his brother, Abel. Another set of siblings that show us the ugliness of comparing and competing is Leah and Rachel. Thanks to their devious father, both sisters ended up sharing the same husband, Jacob. The trio was troubled from the start since Jacob clearly preferred Rachel to Leah. 

God saw that Leah was unloved by her husband, so He opened her womb and allowed her to conceive four sons with Jacob in quick succession. With each birth, Leah hoped that her husband would become more attached to her, but nothing seemed to change. Meanwhile, her beautiful younger sister had a different problem:

“When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I’ll die!’ Jacob became angry with her and said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?’ Then she said, ‘Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.’” (Genesis 30:1-3, NIV)

Rachel’s feelings of discontentment and inadequacy probably became unbearable when she compared herself to her sister. In hopes of evening the score, she decided to produce children through her maidservant (that might sound familiar if you’ve studied Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar in Genesis 16.)

Not wanting to be outdone by Rachel, Leah joined in the competition: “When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.  Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, ‘What good fortune!’ So she named him Gad.” (Genesis 30:9-11, NIV) The competing and comparing continued until Jacob had twelve sons and at least one daughter from four different women. 

Jacob’s family provides numerous examples about the dangers of letting comparison goad us into a frenzied state of unhealthy competition.  So, what’s our response if we want to handle this issue with the right perspective? Let’s look at some New Testament examples and see what we can learn.

Jesus, Peter, and John: After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples several times. In one instance, He told Peter about some difficult circumstances that would unfold in his future. At that point, “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” (John 21:20-22, NIV)

Jesus confronts Peter’s quickness to compare by redirecting his attention back to Him. His swiftness with refocusing Peter reminds me that when we’re tempted to compare what’s happening in our lives with someone else’s, we’re heading into unhealthy territory- especially in matters of faith. The best response when we’re starting to compare is to turn our attention back to Jesus.

Paul and Apollos: Apollos was a gifted teacher who captivated the early Christians with his eloquence. Unfortunately, some believers began dividing into factions, with one group rallying behind Paul and another behind Apollos. Paul addressed this unhealthy competition saying, “When one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere human beings? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)

Comparison caused these believers to confuse their priorities. They were making the giftedness and speaking style of their preferred teachers into a competition for popularity, completely overlooking the consistent message of the gospel both were preaching. When we become more personally focused on winning or being the best, we quickly lose sight of what’s truly important. 

One of my favorite quotes is: “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt). It jolts me when I’m veering off course and becoming consumed by an unhealthy mindset. If it resonates with you, remember it next time you’re tempted to make an unwise or unkind comparison.

Rachel and Leah compared their fertility, competed for their husband’s attention, and used their children as pawns to win his favor. Amazingly, God still worked through their dysfunctional family for His good purposes. We see this through Jesus, the Messiah, who came out of the family line of Leah’s fourth son, Judah. Listen to “The Lion and the Lamb” to celebrate God’s triumph despite this difficult family.

Image by TeroVaesalainen from Pixabay.com