Have you ever driven a car with unbalanced wheels? If so, you’ve probably experienced a vibrating, bumpy ride. Ignoring the warning signs means wearing your tires unevenly and having to buy new ones sooner than you’d like. Or, have you ever driven a car with a huge blind spot? You glance over your shoulder before changing lanes but still miss the car coming up beside you until you nearly collide with it. While balance issues and blind spots are problematic out on the road, they also have detrimental effects in our personal lives—especially when it comes to serving others.
Discovering and using our spiritual gifts feels energizing and inspiring. Doing the good things God has “prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10) brings deep joy and fulfillment. What can be challenging, though, is learning to balance that satisfying sense of purpose with other responsibilities in our lives that require our ongoing attention. Sometimes we’re passionate about opportunities to use our time and gifts, but we must also be discerning about maintaining healthy margin. I’ve learned this (sometimes the hard way) through situations with my immediate and extended family over the past decade.
Seeking the Spirit’s discernment for setting priorities and managing time commitments has become a regular practice for me. I don’t want my household to dread every time I agree to teach, lead, mentor, or serve. So, maintaining a healthy balance between ministering to others, caring for myself, and spending time with my family keeps me from getting burnt out and them from getting bitter.
Our time and energy are finite, so with every “yes” we are inadvertently saying “no” to something else. It’s taken a while to realize the value of having margin and not cramming my schedule completely full. If I give all of my effort, energy, and attention to serving others, I don’t have much left for my family or other personal relationships. We live in a world that leads us to believe we can operate at full capacity 24/7– that we can “have it all” and “do it all” with no fallout or negative consequences. In reality though, we are not limitless. Relationships suffer when we go on autopilot and stop nurturing them.
God gave me perspective on this when I took on a significant leadership role at church just as my mom’s declining health forced her to stop driving. Although others also stepped in to help, I became responsible for accompanying her on most appointments. Some days it felt like I knew my mom’s doctors, medications, and health issues more intimately than my own. I took care of her needs efficiently, but often felt distracted and anxious to move on to the next responsibility in my day. My mom was keenly aware of how busy life was for me. Time spent with her revolved around accomplishing tasks. Adding time to do enjoyable things together was a luxury I didn’t feel I could afford.
During that season, the Lord revealed a huge blind spot in my attitude. I realized that rushing through time spent with my mom was both hypocritical and unloving. Through the gentle but firm conviction of the Holy Spirit, I stopped treating her like a task to check off on my to-do list. Inspired by Colossians 1:11, I started praying before I’d pick her up, asking for endurance and patience. I wanted God to help me serve her with a spirit of love instead of obligation. When she felt self-conscious about taking time from my other “important” responsibilities, I began reassuring her that she wasn’t an inconvenience or an interruption from “real” ministry. Not only did this improve our relationship, it brought both of us more joy and peace.
If we serve people at church or out in the world, but find the needs of our own families irritating, there’s a blind spot that needs to be addressed. Using all of our energy to pour into others means giving our families a depleted, exhausted version of ourselves. And overlooking them also means we’re missing out on some beautiful ways God can use us and forge meaningful family relationships. First Corinthians 13 describes what love looks like: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV) Is there something in this description that convicts you? Will you commit to asking the Lord to help you with it? Let’s strive to show this kind of love to people we serve in ministry, as well as our families and those we encounter out in the world.
If you’re like me and struggle with wanting to say “yes” to all the things, consider where you might be out of balance. Before agreeing to the next exciting ministry endeavor, pause to pray for God’s clear leading. Ask your family and/or wise friends if they think it’s the right fit and timing; humbly allow them to identify any blind spots you may be missing. Consider your season of life and the other responsibilities you already have. Taking time to evaluate before diving in allows you to say “yes” or “no” with confidence. Serving with balance and without blind spots brings joy to you and blessing to everyone else in your life.
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Want to learn more about healthy balance? Check out Lisa Terkeurst’s book: The Best Yes.
