Category: Marriage

The Wedding of the Lamb

Touching down on the runway, my mind buzzed with excitement anticipating the weekend of wedding festivities that lay ahead. As we jolted to a stop, I glanced at a text message I’d received mid-flight and my stomach lurched: a close friend’s father had passed away earlier that morning. Stunned, I froze for a moment before burying my face in my hands as tears began flowing. Though I ached for my friend’s loss, I also rejoiced that her father was no longer suffering from a debilitating disease. The news triggered a wave of personal grief as memories surfaced from losing my own dad over a decade earlier.

After a phone call with my friend, I pushed the pause button on my emotions and changed gears. We’d flown halfway across the country to gather with extended family for a happy reason—the wedding of our nephew. Over two action packed days, we spent time connecting with family members and old friends to celebrate the marriage of a man and woman who loved Jesus and one another deeply.

Standing under massive shade trees bordering a meadow dotted with wildflowers, we watched as our beaming nephew awaited his radiant bride. Although the surroundings were picturesque, what caught my attention most was the deep joy that permeated the wedding. It was clear that these two had been covered in prayer throughout their lives. Both sets of parents had prayed fervently for the Lord to lead their children to godly spouses who would complement them perfectly. Their marriage was starting on a firm foundation and the wedding celebration was evidence of God’s faithful provision.

Scanning the crowd during the reception, I marveled at the many intersections between guests. With so many godly and faithful people there, the overlaps in ministry and friendship were plentiful. I loved reconnecting with a mentor I hadn’t seen since college and was thrilled to meet people tied to friends and ministries I’d served with in the past. The array of faith-filled guests felt like a foretaste of the great wedding feast prophesied by John in the Bible:

 “Then a voice came from the throne, saying: ‘Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, both great and small!’ Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

‘Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given her to wear.’ (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)

Then the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’ And he added, ‘These are the true words of God.’” (Revelation 19:5-9, NIV)

If you’re unfamiliar with this passage, it’s describing the celebration that will occur after the final judgement: “God’s people are arrayed in fine linen, clean and white because Christ’s shed blood has washed away their sins. They are presented righteous and pure to their bridegroom, Christ. At the marriage supper, individual believers are guests, but collectively they are the bride.”1 This links to Scriptures that use a groom and his bride as a picture of God and His people in the Old Testament and Christ and the Church in the New Testament (most notably in Ephesians 5:22-32).

This brings me to an unlikely comparison– I felt the same deep joy a few weeks later at the memorial service for my friend’s dad. Once again, people gathered to celebrate, only this time it was for the life of a man who met Jesus as a young dad and followed Him humbly for the next four and a half decades. Throughout the service, we heard stories about his love for the Lord and how it informed every aspect of life in his home, his leisure time, and his career. Overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness, I joined the congregation singing “How Great Thou Art” and “Amazing Grace” as tears rolled down my cheeks.

Sitting at the service surrounded by old friends once again made me think about the great wedding feast of the Lamb. Weddings and funerals prompt us to pause, reflect, and recognize God’s goodness. It’s profound to celebrate with followers of Jesus who have been intent on seeing His kingdom advance on earth. A significant bond connects those who walk the narrow path that leads to life described in Matthew 7:13-14.

Weddings and funerals offer a foretaste of what’s ahead for all who call Jesus Lord and Savior. One day believers from every tongue, tribe, and nation will gather at the Feast of the Lamb to worship Jesus together. I can only imagine the many joy-filled reunions between old friends and family members that will take place.  After years of following Him, we’ll see Jesus face to face and revel in His glory and grace together.

These scenes also prompt me to pause. What about those who can’t comprehend the spiritual significance of weddings and funerals because they don’t know Jesus?  They won’t recognize the Lord’s amazing handiwork because they have no context for it. My heart aches for them to know and experience the depths of God’s love. May the Holy Spirit prompt all who follow Jesus to sow seeds of faith liberally so others can receive the hope of salvation through our Bridegroom, Christ.

Post inspired by Jennifer Rothschild’s Heaven.  Order your copy using this link.

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  1. Halley’s Bible Handbook, Zondervan, 2000, p. 958

Balance and Blind Spots

Have you ever driven a car with unbalanced wheels? If so, you’ve probably experienced a vibrating, bumpy ride. Ignoring the warning signs means wearing your tires unevenly and having to buy new ones sooner than you’d like. Or, have you ever driven a car with a huge blind spot? You glance over your shoulder before changing lanes but still miss the car coming up beside you until you nearly collide with it. While balance issues and blind spots are problematic out on the road, they also have detrimental effects in our personal lives—especially when it comes to serving others.

Discovering and using our spiritual gifts feels energizing and inspiring. Doing the good things God has “prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10) brings deep joy and fulfillment. What can be challenging, though, is learning to balance that satisfying sense of purpose with other responsibilities in our lives that require our ongoing attention. Sometimes we’re passionate about opportunities to use our time and gifts, but we must also be discerning about maintaining healthy margin. I’ve learned this (sometimes the hard way) through situations with my immediate and extended family over the past decade.

Seeking the Spirit’s discernment for setting priorities and managing time commitments has become a regular practice for me. I don’t want my household to dread every time I agree to teach, lead, mentor, or serve. So, maintaining a healthy balance between ministering to others, caring for myself, and spending time with my family keeps me from getting burnt out and them from getting bitter.

Our time and energy are finite, so with every “yes” we are inadvertently saying “no” to something else. It’s taken a while to realize the value of having margin and not cramming my schedule completely full. If I give all of my effort, energy, and attention to serving others, I don’t have much left for my family or other personal relationships. We live in a world that leads us to believe we can operate at full capacity 24/7– that we can “have it all” and “do it all” with no fallout or negative consequences. In reality though, we are not limitless. Relationships suffer when we go on autopilot and stop nurturing them.

God gave me perspective on this when I took on a significant leadership role at church just as my mom’s declining health forced her to stop driving. Although others also stepped in to help, I became responsible for accompanying her on most appointments. Some days it felt like I knew my mom’s doctors, medications, and health issues more intimately than my own. I took care of her needs efficiently, but often felt distracted and anxious to move on to the next responsibility in my day.  My mom was keenly aware of how busy life was for me. Time spent with her revolved around accomplishing tasks. Adding time to do enjoyable things together was a luxury I didn’t feel I could afford.

During that season, the Lord revealed a huge blind spot in my attitude. I realized that rushing through time spent with my mom was both hypocritical and unloving. Through the gentle but firm conviction of the Holy Spirit, I stopped treating her like a task to check off on my to-do list. Inspired by Colossians 1:11, I started praying before I’d pick her up, asking for endurance and patience. I wanted God to help me serve her with a spirit of love instead of obligation. When she felt self-conscious about taking time from my other “important” responsibilities, I began reassuring her that she wasn’t an inconvenience or an interruption from “real” ministry. Not only did this improve our relationship, it brought both of us more joy and peace.

If we serve people at church or out in the world, but find the needs of our own families irritating, there’s a blind spot that needs to be addressed. Using all of our energy to pour into others means giving our families a depleted, exhausted version of ourselves. And overlooking them also means we’re missing out on some beautiful ways God can use us and forge meaningful family relationships. First Corinthians 13 describes what love looks like: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV) Is there something in this description that convicts you? Will you commit to asking the Lord to help you with it? Let’s strive to show this kind of love to people we serve in ministry, as well as our families and those we encounter out in the world.

If you’re like me and struggle with wanting to say “yes” to all the things, consider where you might be out of balance. Before agreeing to the next exciting ministry endeavor, pause to pray for God’s clear leading. Ask your family and/or wise friends if they think it’s the right fit and timing; humbly allow them to identify any blind spots you may be missing. Consider your season of life and the other responsibilities you already have. Taking time to evaluate before diving in allows you to say “yes” or “no” with confidence. Serving with balance and without blind spots brings joy to you and blessing to everyone else in your life.

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Want to learn more about healthy balance? Check out Lisa Terkeurst’s book: The Best Yes.

The GOAT 5a: Adultery & Divorce

Continuing our march through the greatest sermon of all time, we come to Jesus’ teaching on some hard topics: adultery and divorce. Just glancing at the headlines in any gossip magazine shows us the standards He sets reveal a sharp contrast to what we see in the world today. In this section of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus continues to raise the bar, admonishing us to be faithful in our relationships. 

He starts by expanding on the 7th Commandment found in Exodus 20:14: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”(Matthew 5:27-30, ESV)

Like His discussion on the relationship between murder and anger in Matthew 5:21-26, Jesus again explains that what happens in the heart leads to sinful behavior. Here He addresses the root issue of adultery: lust. While there are times we may admire someone’s appearance, lust moves into the driver’s seat when we take a second look. When we ruminate about that person sexually and let our minds roam freely, we’re headed for trouble.

Jesus uses exaggerated language here to make His point, telling us to gouge out our eyes or cut off our hands if they’re leading us to sin. He’s using hyperbole to get our attention, not telling us to maim ourselves. Being faithful in our relationships means guarding our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and taking extreme measures to avoid sin. The writer of Hebrews encourages us to “Throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1, NIV)

What might you need to “throw off” to be faithful in your relationships? What distracts or detracts from the people that matter most to you? Is there someone who influences you negatively? A website that leads you down a bad path? A social media platform that takes your thoughts in a negative direction? Are there books, magazines, or movies that make you fantasize unrealistically and see your spouse as less appealing? Maybe it’s time to cut them out of your life.

Jesus continues with another weighty topic: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-32, ESV)

The Bible gives two clear grounds for divorce: (1) sexual immorality (mentioned here and again in Matthew 19:19) and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever (mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:15). There are other instances not explicitly mentioned in Scripture such as abuse or addiction where separation may be warranted. The goal of separation should be for one or both spouses to pursue help and healing with the hope of reconciling. Meeting with a godly, trained counselor to confront issues and challenges should take place before ever considering divorce. Even in the two instances where there are biblical grounds, divorce is not required or even encouraged in Scripture. Confession, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration are the goal. Divorce should only be viewed as a last resort.

While the world sees divorce as a valid option for almost any reason, we can see God’s original intent for marriage in the first couple, Adam and Eve: One man and one woman in a committed, loving, lifelong relationship. God intends for such faithfulness in a relationship to reflect His forever love for His people: “I will betroth you to me forever;  I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” (Hosea 2:19, NIV) God designed marriage as an illustration of the love and commitment between Himself and His people: “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:21-32, NIV) 

Despite these teachings in Scripture, most of us have been exposed to the pain caused by divorce. If you haven’t been divorced yourself, you’ve witnessed its ripple effects in family members and friends who have experienced the deep hurt it causes. That pain is part of the reason Scripture says God hates divorce (Malachi 2:15-16). Note that it does NOT say God hates divorced people. Nothing could be further from the truth. God’s love and grace are open to us all and there are no second class citizens in the Kingdom of Heaven.

For those who are married or hope to get married, the chances of maintaining a healthy marriage and avoiding divorce increase as we keep our focus on Jesus and let Him guide our relationships: “Contrary to what’s been reported for years, the divorce rate [for Christians] is not 50 percent; it’s more like 30 percent. And then we find that people who keep God at the center of their home and family stay married at far greater rates, and even thrive within those marriages. One of the reasons for this is that those whose first commitment is to the lordship of Jesus put fewer expectations upon their spouses to meet emotional needs that only God can meet. The lessening of unrealistic expectations gives marriages a stronger foundation upon which to withstand difficult times.”*

Sanctus Real’s song “Lead Me” describes the challenges and benefits of fighting for a healthy marriage. After the song, scroll down for some additional resources to maintain a healthy marriage.

Resources to support your marriage:

CPC Danville’s Marriage Mentoring program. Click here for more information.

Making Love Last by Laura Taggert

Becoming Us by Beth and Jeff McCord

I would be remiss not to address pornography, which is a huge issue related to these topics. Here are few articles for you:

“What Does the Bible Say About Pornography?”

“Is Pornography Addiction an Acceptable Reason for Divorce?”

*Quote from article: “Is The Divorce Rate Among Christians Truly The Same as Among Non-Christians?”  

Portions of this post were inspired by Tyler Scott’s sermon at CPC Danville “The GOAT: The Sermon on the Mount Part 5”