Teacher’s Pet. Brownnoser. Kiss-up. Yes-man. Lap Dog. Boot-licking Toady. While you may not know each of these slang terms, you probably get the general idea that they’re all derogatory labels for someone who’s being shown favoritism or trying to earn it. What’s funny about the name calling is that we focus our disdain on the one who’s favored rather than the one bestowing the favor. We all want to be noticed and valued, so when someone else appears to be getting the attention we want, it doesn’t feel good.
Playing favorites is just part of the human condition. There are legitimate reasons for being drawn to different people and it’s natural and normal to want to give them preferential treatment. But the results can be devastating—especially for followers of Jesus.
Scripture addresses this using stories that illustrate the consequences of favoritism and teachings that warn against it. The tale of twins, Jacob and Esau, and their parents, Rebekah and Isaac, stands as one of the best warnings for the dangers of favoritism:
“When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb…The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:24, 27-28, NIV)
That last line catches my attention every time—the blatant favoritism the parents display is just a simple fact in the story, but it changes the trajectory of their lives. You may remember that as the twins grew up, an intense rivalry developed between them. Ultimately, Jacob fled from home to avoid Esau’s wrath after he was tricked out of his birthright and blessing. One of the roots of their animosity was the favoritism each received from a parent, ultimately causing the family to fracture.
Unlike Jacob and Esau, followers of Jesus live under the new covenant. We don’t have to jockey for position to get the first and best of what our Father has to offer because there is enough for all of us. All we need to do is accept the inheritance made available through faith in His son: “For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.” (Hebrews 9:15, NIV)
With our position in the family of God secure, we’re called to recognize and root out favoritism wherever we see it: “If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” (James 2:8-10, NIV)
Favoritism focuses on exterior elements of people—primarily the way they look, behave, and perform. Although this is a natural inclination, we need to recognize the hurt it causes and ask God to help us fight against it. Becoming like Christ means we strive to see others as He sees them—and God doesn’t have favorites.
If you’ve read or watched The Shack, you probably remember Papa, the character that personifies God the Father. For every human she meets or recollects, Papa repeats the same exclamation: “I am especially fond of him [or her].”
I think we could use more of Papa’s mindset in our interactions with others. Having this view starts with living like we believe we’re one of God’s favorites. Rather than making us feel superior, this knowledge should free us to love people well. When we root our identity in being one of God’s favorites (as we all are), we can focus our attention on helping others to learn this same truth. We do this by showing them God’s love, serving them, and sharing the good news of Jesus. This leads individuals to discover that the Lord is “especially fond” of them as well.
How inclined are you to play favorites with those you enjoy or connect with easily? How do you treat them compared with those you don’t prefer? Consider the people you interact with regularly in these contexts:
Family: Do your family members ever tease you about having favorites? Are you aware that this might be a way they veil their hurt? Think about your kids, grandkids, in-laws, siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, or uncles. Do you give the ones you like best more time and attention? Do you show them preferential treatment? Do you need to pray about how you interact with some of those “hard to love” family members you’d prefer to avoid?
Work/ Regular Commitments: Think about the places you’re involved regularly outside your home. It could be work, an organization you volunteer with, a club you belong to, or a place you serve regularly. Are there certain people there you especially enjoy? How do you treat them compared to the others? If you’re showing love and kindness to some and indifference to others, you may be missing the mark on keeping the “royal law” described by James.
Church/ Bible Study: Do you zero in on the people you like and ignore the rest? Do you take opportunities to connect with different individuals each time you attend or do you stick with those in your comfort zone? Do you keep an eye out for people who look like they’re on the periphery? Do you have room in your circle to add more friends or do you view church as a place to link arms and turn inward once you’ve found “your people”?
We rarely see the negative impact of showing favoritism. It can take years for family members to admit hurt over knowing they weren’t favored. The results are devastating personally and fracturing to the whole family. Sadder still, those who have witnessed preferential treatment at church and have felt like they didn’t “make the cut” often walk away altogether. They assume the favoritism they’ve witnessed is evidence of God’s rejection of them as well.
Let’s strive to eradicate favoritism from our mindset and to treat all people like we’re “especially fond” of them.
“Stars” by Skillet will remind you of God’s infinite power and intimate love. This music video includes a few clips from The Shack movie. You’ll see this story personifies the Trinity as a black woman (Papa- the Father), an Asian woman (Sarayu- the Spirit) and a Middle Eastern man (Jesus), which is why Papa is referred to as “she” above. Don’t let this throw you off! Let the truth of the words sink in as you listen.
William Paul Young, The Shack, Windblown Media, 2007.