Teaching our boys how to give a sincere apology was a big priority for my husband and me. We never wanted them to say a flippant “sorry” just for show or to appease us. So, we stressed the importance of sincerity, of having the words that came from their mouths be consistent with what they were really feeling in their hearts.
After one especially heated argument, we separated the boys to cool down before encouraging them to reconcile. A few minutes later, our older son pulled himself together and tried to smooth things over: “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” Still simmering with anger, his brother spat back, “Those are just words from your mouth, not feelings from your heart.” Even at that young age he understood the importance of authenticity and integrity. (Honestly, I can’t recall whether my older son’s apology was sincere or my younger son was just lashing out because he was still mad).
I think this idea of consistency between our interiors and exteriors applies to our interactions with God also. It matters to Him that our words and actions align with our hearts. He values pure motives and selfless intentions, not hollow acts done to fulfill obligations. The first time we see this idea is in the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. The brothers each present an offering before the Lord, but only one is found acceptable. Reading the story, we can make some educated guesses about why Cain’s offering didn’t find favor with God:
“In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.” (Genesis 4:3-5, NIV)
While Abel offered the firstborn of his flock, Cain brought “some of the fruits of the soil.” Based on other passages in Scripture, it seems the fact that Cain didn’t offer the first fruits was significant (See Deuteronomy 26:10, Exodus 13:2,12). Offerings were meant to honor God; giving the first and best demonstrated this. It also showed gratitude for the Lord’s provision and trust that He would continue to provide beyond the first yield of a crop or first birth of an animal.
Secondly, Cain’s reaction to the Lord’s explanation reveals there was no heart behind His offering: “Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.’” (Genesis 4:6-7, NIV)
Instead of having a contrite heart and being grieved that his offering didn’t please the Lord, Cain grew angry. He had gone through the outward show of honoring God, but his negative response betrayed an inner resistance. He was attempting to fulfill an obligation instead of truly worshiping the Lord.
So, what can we learn from Cain about bringing offerings before the Lord, whether it is our time, our gifts, our skills or our material resources? How can we avoid being like him and giving offerings that are unacceptable in the Lord’s sight?
The most important thing we can do is to engage our hearts when we give. Responding to the love of God and desiring to show Him honor and gratitude should always be the motivators for our giving. Maybe this story can prompt us to take inventory on what’s motivating us to give our time, talent and treasure to God.
Obligation: If we give because we “should,” we often do the bare minimum required. Maybe it’s using a food drive to offload some expired canned goods or buying the most inexpensive gifts you can find for the underprivileged family you adopted for Christmas. If you’re looking for the easiest and cheapest ways to give, you might be meeting an obligation rather than offering God your first and best.
Guilt: If you’re giving your time or resources because you feel bad or someone coerced you into it, the focus is on making yourself feel better or satisfying another person’s demands. There isn’t much room for honoring God with either of these attitudes.
Personal Agenda: If you’re motivated to give because it makes you look good or elevates your status with a group of people, then your giving is purely about you. If you want to be sure others know you’ve given (and how much) that should be a red flag that you’ve lost the right focus.
Getting Something in Return: If the only motivation for giving is getting a tax write off or the chance to win a prize or to receive a gift, then something is out of balance. If you give your time to make a business connection or to feel like you’re part of the “in” group or to receive special treatment from others, you’ve lost sight of the point of giving. Sometimes there are perks to offering our time and resources to God, but if they are our main motivation, then it’s honoring us, not Him.
Pleasing Others: Occasionally our giving is purely motivated by wanting to please others. Our offerings can sometimes be a result of peer pressure. We’re worried we’ll look bad if we don’t give/serve/participate. Ministries and good causes are typically started by people with passion and heart. When we forget the main purpose for our involvement and do it for ulterior reasons, honoring God is lost in the shuffle.
When we go through the motions of giving to God without engaging our hearts, our offerings become obligations to fulfill rather than acts of gratitude born out of love. It’s easy to look good on the outside by offering our time, talent and treasure to God. It’s more difficult to maintain authenticity with each gift we offer Him.
How important it is to remember “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b, NIV)
Feeling convicted by something on the list above? Why not take it to God in prayer? Use Matthew West’s song “The Motions” to inspire you.
Jen Wilkin, God of Creation: A Study of Genesis 1-11 Week 6, Lifeway Press, 2017
Thanks for your honest and challenging blog, Marybeth as I really appreciated your words regarding our own generosity whether it be time, talent or treasure. I often think about this in regards to times that we invite guests over to our homes for dinner and want to make a special meal for them – we wouldn’t serve our leftovers from the previous night – yet, how often do we/I give God the leftovers instead of the first fruits that He has already provided! God has given us His very best….and calls us to do the same!