Tag: Psalm 34

Until We Meet Again

Kristi and I met at church youth group in junior high, but our friendship blossomed in freshman English class the following year. I smile picturing her as an eager 9th grader wearing on-trend 80’s outfits: neon mini-skirts, layered tank tops, mesh gloves, and  jaunty hats or berets. I’ll never forget cheering her on a few summers later as she performed aerobics routines with a crew from her exercise studio at our hometown July 4th parade. But Kristi was more than just a trendy teen—she had a sharp intellect, an incredible work ethic, and boundless energy. Standing at 5’2’’ with wispy blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and a sweet smile, people sometimes underestimated how fierce she really was.

Our lifelong friendship solidified the summer we graduated from high school as both of us chose to work at Christian camps; she headed to Redwood Camp in the Santa Cruz mountains while I served at Houseboats on the Sacramento Delta. Leaving camp at the end of the summer, I was exuberant about my faith in Jesus. But returning to life and friends at home had been challenging. Many people thought I’d gone a little overboard on my faith.

The one exception to this was Kristi. Re-connecting after our summer away, we discovered we’d both had life-changing experiences that would forever alter the courses of our lives. What an encouragement it was to discover I had a like-minded friend whose spiritual eyes had also been opened (Ephesians 1:18). A deeper bond grew between us from that day forward. Our friendship wasn’t just based on fun times and shared memories, but on a passionate love for Jesus and a desire to follow Him faithfully.

Kristi and I experienced many milestone moments over the years, including studying abroad together in college and being bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. After getting married and starting careers, we didn’t have many opportunities to spend time together. Eventually Kristi was living in a different state and homeschooling four kids, so we only saw each other when she came into town to visit her parents. We’d sit in my backyard watching our kids play and it was as if no time had passed. The depth of our friendship endured despite the months and miles that separated us.

Calls and texts became more frequent a few years later when Kristi was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was in her early 40’s and had always been healthy, so we hoped and prayed for a full recovery. An aggressive treatment plan seemed to be working, until it wasn’t. A short remission came to an abrupt end with news that the cancer had returned with force and was spreading.

As Kristi’s health declined, I longed to see her face-to-face and when the timing was right, I booked a flight to Austin. Traveling alone, I had time to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually, asking the Lord to bless and encourage Kristi and her family  through me. I was anxious about seeing my energetic friend so sick and grateful for friends and family at home supporting me with prayer.

As I walked in the front door of her house, Kristi greeted me with delight. She was using a walker for support and wearing a scarf to cover  her bald head, but her broad smile and cheerful spirit remained intact. Despite her frail body, she was as fierce as ever. In fact, I was amazed at the variety of activities we did over the course of the weekend. Her family was determined to give me a full “Lone Star State Experience” when they found out I’d never been there before. So, in spite of going to give them support, I got a big dose of Texas hospitality in return.

On my final day, I had a rare quiet moment alone with Kristi and asked if I could read some of Psalm 34 to her– the verses seemed to provide the words of encouragement I lacked:

“I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing…The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:1-10, 17-18, NIV)

Later, before leaving for the airport, I paused with Kristi and her husband to lay hands on them and pray. I said goodbye feeling at peace, so grateful for the time we’d spent together and not convinced it was the last time I’d see Kristi in this life. It seemed like she still had a lot of fight left in her and the family refused to give up hope.

But as school let out in June, I received word that Kristi’s cancer was spreading and her doctors had run out of options. With this news, a sense of urgency prompted me to stop avoiding one last thing I needed to do. Writing a final letter to Kristi felt daunting but essential given the depth and duration of our friendship. With the Holy Spirit guiding me, my fingers tapped at the keyboard pouring out specific ways Kristi had impacted and encouraged me over the years. Knowing time was short, I wanted to mail it as soon as possible.

Kristi’s husband read the letter to her on June 28th. Just four days later I received word that my sweet friend breathed her last. She was freed from her broken body and finally at home in Heaven. Even though I knew it was coming, I was too stunned to cry. Grief simmered in the back of my mind, but the tears just wouldn’t come.

A week after receiving this news, I had a dream about Kristi. We were having a conversation and sharing some final moments together. I don’t remember the words, but there was a feeling of warmth and peace between us. She was smiling, confident, and reassuring. Moments later I awoke in the dark and realized I wasn’t just crying in my dream, but in reality. As I sat up to wipe away the tears, I felt the relief of emotional release and so comforted thinking of my friend’s salvation through Christ. Seeing her in that dream provided a sense of closure I hadn’t realized I needed.

The tenacious faith Kristi and her family showed in her last 15 months impacted countless people. Their unwavering trust in Jesus pointed everyone around them to God’s saving grace and ultimate hope in Christ. The Lord used their heartbreaking circumstances to bring about much good in their lives and many others.

In the New Testament, Paul describes how our mortal bodies will one day be made new: “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:54-57, NIV)

I walk in confidence knowing that I will spend eternity with my spunky friend. She’ll be made new and her cancer-ravaged body will be redeemed. “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:24-25, NIV) So, I take comfort in words of wisdom from C.S. Lewis: Christians never have to say “Goodbye,” only, “Until we meet again.”1

2013
1988

Post inspired by Jennifer Rothschild’s Heaven. Order your copy using this link.

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  1. Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy, Harper and Row, 1977.

Through the Valley

Of all the headlines I’ve read related to COVID-19 in the last week, one stood out most: “The loneliness of death in the time of coronavirus.” The story described the agonizing final days of an elderly man’s life. Because he was infected with coronavirus, his daughter was barred from being by his side in the hospital. She lamented, “I couldn’t hold his hand when he took his last breath…I feel like he was alone.” The sense of anguish and lack of hope is heartbreaking.

The mood of that article stands in sharp contrast to what I studied in Psalm 23:4 this week: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” (NKJV) This familiar verse reminds us we’re never alone—even when people we love can’t be there. Walking with the Lord means His presence protects and comforts us even as death looms near.

The rapid spread of cornonavirus has forced us to confront the reality that life is finite and we are not in control. However, the threat of death may not be your primary concern right now. Other fears could be lurking in your mind that seem more urgent. Are you worried about a vulnerable family member getting infected, losing your job, or laying off employees? Maybe you’re fretting over missing milestones like trips, graduations, births, or weddings. Perhaps the downward slide of the stock market is keeping you awake at night envisioning your retirement account shrinking. Or maybe you’re feeling anxious about being stuck in a pattern of social distancing with no end in sight. The angst related to the pandemic leaves no one untouched. 

While some of our concerns don’t seem like outright fear, Jennifer Rothschild explains, “Fear shows up in ways we don’t realize. Being overly controlling is fear in disguise. Anger is often fear in disguise. Isolating yourself is fear in disguise. Anxiety and worry are fear in disguise.” (p. 118) She also reminds us, however, that “we can’t always change the valley we’re in, but we can always change our attitudes, actions, and choices in that valley. When we walk through our valleys with our Shepherd, He uses the valleys to change us, to grow us, and to take us to a new and better place. God can use our temporary valleys to create everlasting good for and in us.” (p.116)

As we walk through valleys, our hearts soften to God’s transformative work when we claim His truth. Rothschild explains, “fear focuses on the shadows. Faith focuses on the Shepherd.” (p. 120) To put that idea into practice, I took a variety of verses about fear and personalized them:

God is with me wherever I go. When I am afraid, I will trust in him. I will remember He has called me by name and I am His. He did not give me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-discipline. He will strengthen me and uphold me with His righteous right hand. He will answer me when I seek Him and deliver me from all my fears. I will let God’s perfect love drive out my fear. (Compiled from Joshua 1:9, Psalm 56:3-4, Isaiah 43:1, 2 Timothy 1:7, Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 34:4, 1 John 4:18)

Here’s the truth: “God gets personal when the valley gets dark.” (p. 124) As COVID-19 disrupts our normal routines and forces us to confront our fears, we have an opportunity to depend on God like never before. Being confined to home means many of our normal distractions have been removed. With our newfound free time, we may choose to numb ourselves by anesthetizing in front of screens, busying ourselves with household projects, or indulging in our favorite comfort foods. But we also have an amazing opportunity to draw near to the Lord without being in a rush. The pause button has been pushed on the whole world simultaneously. This means we have more opportunities to read, study, think, and pray. “Stillness increases our awareness of His presence…Ask the Lord to help you be still, to listen, and to quiet your heart.” (p. 126) Maybe it’s time to dust off that Bible study book you never finished or to start writing prayers in the journal that’s been sitting on your desk untouched. Go outside and admire the first blooms of spring or listen to music that draws your heart to Jesus. Perhaps God will reveal Himself as your awareness of Him grows in this season of stillness.

If you’re like me, you’re trying to make the most of this time and feeling impatient that there isn’t more you can do.  You’re ready for God to speak but haven’t sensed Him saying anything specific. Feeling restless, you’re craving productivity and purpose. Maybe you’re trying hard to force meaningful family time or searching tirelessly for moments of revelation and insight. Remember, “God is with you in your valley…don’t press to find the grand lesson or insight if one is not clear. Just rest in your Shepherd. Let Him carry you through. Receive His comfort and care.” (p. 126) Stop trying so hard and just be with Him. (I need to look in a mirror as I say that).

Remember that the Shepherd is with you in this challenging season. Don’t let fear consume you. Find your rest and refuge in Him. Take one day at a time rather than projecting into the future. Trust Him and let Him comfort and lead you. Help others to find hope and comfort by encouraging them to draw near to the Shepherd too. 

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” (Psalm 91:1-2, NIV)

The song “Fear No More” by Building 429 seems especially relevant in light of the coronavirus pandemic. Listen now and make it your proclamation against fear.

Jennifer Rothschild, Psalm 23: The Shepherd with Me, Lifeway Press, 2018, Week 4.

Julia Prodis Sulek, “The loneliness of death in the time of coronavirus”, East Bay Times, March 20, 2020, page 1.

Christians Never Have to Say Goodbye

Kristi and Marybeth Inverness '91

Kristi and me in Inverness, Scotland 1991

I wrote a blog about heaven this past December called “Traveling Light with and Eye Towards Home.”  In it, I recounted the story of backpacking in Europe with my friend, Kristi.  What I didn’t mention in that posting was that Kristi was in remission after a nine-month battle with breast cancer.  We didn’t know that it was only a temporary reprieve.  The cancer returned with a vengeance in March of this year.  I had no idea that my blog on heaven would become so relevant so soon.

As Kristi’s health declined, I longed to see her face-to-face and prayed God would show me the right timing to make a trip to her home in Texas.   We’d talked, texted and e-mailed regularly throughout her illness, but it just wasn’t the same as being with her.  At the end of April the timing was right and after getting the green light from Kristi and her husband, I booked a flight to Austin.  Traveling alone, I had some good time to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually.  I also had a number of friends and family supporting me with prayer at home.  I asked God to use me to bless and encourage Kristi and her family.  I was anxious about seeing my spunky friend sick and wondering how the weekend would go.

When I finally arrived at her house, Kristi greeted me warmly and maneuvered across the room to give me a hug. She wore a headscarf and gingerly pushed a walker but her broad smile and cheerful spirit remained intact.  In fact, I was amazed at the amount of things we did over the course of the weekend considering Kristi’s frailty.   Her family was bound and determined to give me a full “Lone Star State Experience” when they found out I’d never been there before.  So, in spite of going to give them help, I got a big dose of Texas hospitality in return.

On Saturday morning I sat with Kristi at a hometown parade watching three of her four kids smiling and waving from one of the floats.  Afterwards, I experienced my first Texas thunderstorm- a two-hour deluge unlike anything we have in California.   I spent a quiet afternoon organizing Tupperware in the kitchen after painting Kristi’s toenails metallic blue (she was in desperate need of a pedicure).  While she was resting, her 6 year-old son appeared in the doorway dressed as Captain America and glumly declared “I’m bored.” As any mom would, I countered “How about showing me some of your toys?”  Thanks to my boys, I knew a thing or two about comic book heroes and Lego mini figures, which earned me serious status as I sat playing with him.  That evening I tasted my first “Texas Barbeque” without a plate or utensils at Rudy’s (a combination of a restaurant and gas station).

Sunday morning I was in charge of loading Kristi’s wheelchair into their Suburban and driving the family to church while her husband competed in a triathlon.   Later that afternoon we attended a family reunion in an adobe house that was over 100 years old.   It was a fun and busy weekend filled with moments of laughter and light-heartedness- definitely not what I was anticipating.

On Sunday morning after church, Kristi and I had a rare moment alone at the house.  Feeling prompted by the Holy Spirit, I asked if I could share Psalm 34 with her, which I’d read in Jesus Calling earlier that morning.  It seemed to fit her circumstances perfectly (funny how the Bible does that…):

“I will extol the Lord at all times;
 his praise will always be on my lips.

I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing…The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 
and saves those who are crushed in spirit”  (Verses 1-10, 17-18).

Later, before leaving for the airport, I found another quiet moment with Kristi and her husband.  It was a blessing and privilege it was to lay hands on them to pray after being apart for the duration of her battle with cancer.  I left feeling at peace, so glad for the time we’d spent together and not entirely sure it was the last time I’d see Kristi in this life.  It seemed like she still had a lot of fight left in he and the family had definitely not given up hope.

As school let out in June, I received word that Kristi’s cancer was spreading and her doctors had run out of viable options for her. I was so glad I’d traveled to see her, but felt I had one more thing to do that I’d been avoiding.  So, I sat at the computer one afternoon and wrote Kristi a letter.  I’d been overwhelmed thinking of how to sum up a friendship that began when we were in 8th grade and spanned so many years.  We’d experienced so much of life together, how could I capture that in a few pages?  With the Holy Spirit guiding me, I wrote a simple letter and sent it with a CD of songs to encourage Kristi and her family.   Here is an excerpt from that letter:

In spite of all these milestone moments we’ve shared, I think the one that means the most to me happened over the course of summer and fall in 1988.  Newly graduated from high school, we both launched in different directions with the same purpose:  working at Christian camps to serve, grow and (of course) have fun.   Working at Houseboats was transformational to my faith and my life choices.  I remember coming home so excited that I finally really “got” my faith and loved God in a way I never really had before.  Returning to life and friends at home was hard and I felt like a stranger in a strange land.   Most people outside my family looked at me like I’d gone a little crazy from being around so many Christians for so long. 

The one exception to this was you.  I can remember talking to you and hearing about your experience at Redwood Camp and realizing that we had both had life-changing and faith-changing experiences that would forever alter the courses of our lives.  I can’t tell you what a relief it was for me to discover that I was not alone and that there was someone who understood the choices I was making and affirmed me for them.  A deeper bond grew between us from that day forward.  Our friendship wasn’t just based on fun times and shared memories, but on a passionate love for Jesus and a desire to follow Him with our lives.

As we headed off to college, we were both set on finding Christian friends and plugging into ministries at our new schools.  Like most of our friends, we both chose to join sororities.  Although the social scene was familiar to us, it felt a bit different now that we’d fully committed to God and were not “riding the fence” as we had in high school days. 

For me, this proved to be pretty challenging at first.  I can remember struggling to find Christian friends among my peers in the Greek System.  As a freshman, I wanted to fit in and make new friends. I called you for some encouragement and you admonished me not to fall back into the lukewarm waters of our high school years and to stand firm in my faith.  You told me it was good for me to stand out as different and pointed out that this could be a great avenue for sharing my faith with a group of people who desperately needed to hear the truth.  I can remember thinking “Wow, God has really given her a strength and conviction that are pretty amazing.”  I don’t know if I ever really told you, but that “pep talk” gave me the courage to press on, to be different and to be a light in a dark place.

If I’ve never said it before, let me say it now:  Kristi, thank you for being a voice of Truth when I needed it most.  The impact you had on me at that time made a significant difference in my life choices.  I’ll never forget your words of encouragement that day or in the days that followed.

Thank you for your partnership in the gospel for these many long years.  I rejoice knowing we will spend eternity praising Him together.

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers…I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:3a-6

Kristi’s husband read the letter to her on Friday, June 28th.  I’m so glad I responded to the Spirit’s prompting to write it.  On July 2, I received word that my sweet friend breathed her last with her husband at her side.  She was freed from her broken body and finally at home in heaven.

A week after receiving this news, I had a dream about Kristi.  We were having a conversation and sharing some final moments together.  I don’t remember the words, but there was a feeling of warmth and peace between us.  She was smiling, confident and reassuring.   Moments later I awoke in the dark and realized I wasn’t just crying in my dream, but in reality.  As I sat up to wipe away the tears and blow my nose, I felt the relief of emotional release. Adjusting to this new reality has been hard; the sadness churns in me but tears have not flowed very freely.

I am still processing this huge loss, yet there is a peace in me that is deeper still.  Kristi lived every moment pointing people to Jesus until she took her final breath.  The faith and trust she and her family showed in her last 15 months impacted countless people and opened their eyes to God’s saving grace.   He used their hard circumstances to bring about much good in their lives and the lives of many others.

I walk in confidence knowing that I will see Kristi again.  I’ll paraphrase C.S. Lewis’ sentiments from the book A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken:  Christians never have to say “Goodbye”, only, “Until we meet again.”

IMG_0331

Georgetown, Texas 2013