The Challenge of Comparing and Competing

I remember hearing people talk about Facebook when it opened to the public in 2006, but I had no real interest in joining it. Although my curiosity was sometimes piqued, I was hesitant about wading into the waters of social media. Truth be told, the main reason was an acute understanding of my weaknesses. I’ve always been prone to compare myself to others and have a competitive streak that isn’t always positive. I knew scrolling through pictures and commentary on Facebook might stir up envy, jealousy, insecurity, and hurt. 

I avoided joining for 7 years. But once I started posting blogs, a few savvy friends convinced me that if I wasn’t on Facebook, my writing would be hard to find. So, with reluctance, I joined. Scrolling through posts, I saw the allure and the pitfalls of social networking. Just as I’d suspected, I had to limit my exposure and log out as soon as negative feelings surfaced—whether it was a sense of feeling left out, not good enough, or annoyed by someone’s braggy post. Much later I learned that “Facebook Depression” is a real thing.

Social networking has heightened an issue that’s existed since long before the advent of computers. The tendency to compete and compare is part of the human condition. It has quite a history in Scripture, starting with Cain, who let it consume him to the point of murdering his brother, Abel. Another set of siblings that show us the ugliness of comparing and competing is Leah and Rachel. Thanks to their devious father, both sisters ended up sharing the same husband, Jacob. The trio was troubled from the start since Jacob clearly preferred Rachel to Leah. 

God saw that Leah was unloved by her husband, so He opened her womb and allowed her to conceive four sons with Jacob in quick succession. With each birth, Leah hoped that her husband would become more attached to her, but nothing seemed to change. Meanwhile, her beautiful younger sister had a different problem:

“When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I’ll die!’ Jacob became angry with her and said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?’ Then she said, ‘Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.’” (Genesis 30:1-3, NIV)

Rachel’s feelings of discontentment and inadequacy probably became unbearable when she compared herself to her sister. In hopes of evening the score, she decided to produce children through her maidservant (that might sound familiar if you’ve studied Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar in Genesis 16.)

Not wanting to be outdone by Rachel, Leah joined in the competition: “When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.  Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, ‘What good fortune!’ So she named him Gad.” (Genesis 30:9-11, NIV) The competing and comparing continued until Jacob had twelve sons and at least one daughter from four different women. 

Jacob’s family provides numerous examples about the dangers of letting comparison goad us into a frenzied state of unhealthy competition.  So, what’s our response if we want to handle this issue with the right perspective? Let’s look at some New Testament examples and see what we can learn.

Jesus, Peter, and John: After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples several times. In one instance, He told Peter about some difficult circumstances that would unfold in his future. At that point, “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” (John 21:20-22, NIV)

Jesus confronts Peter’s quickness to compare by redirecting his attention back to Him. His swiftness with refocusing Peter reminds me that when we’re tempted to compare what’s happening in our lives with someone else’s, we’re heading into unhealthy territory- especially in matters of faith. The best response when we’re starting to compare is to turn our attention back to Jesus.

Paul and Apollos: Apollos was a gifted teacher who captivated the early Christians with his eloquence. Unfortunately, some believers began dividing into factions, with one group rallying behind Paul and another behind Apollos. Paul addressed this unhealthy competition saying, “When one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere human beings? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)

Comparison caused these believers to confuse their priorities. They were making the giftedness and speaking style of their preferred teachers into a competition for popularity, completely overlooking the consistent message of the gospel both were preaching. When we become more personally focused on winning or being the best, we quickly lose sight of what’s truly important. 

One of my favorite quotes is: “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt). It jolts me when I’m veering off course and becoming consumed by an unhealthy mindset. If it resonates with you, remember it next time you’re tempted to make an unwise or unkind comparison.

Rachel and Leah compared their fertility, competed for their husband’s attention, and used their children as pawns to win his favor. Amazingly, God still worked through their dysfunctional family for His good purposes. We see this through Jesus, the Messiah, who came out of the family line of Leah’s fourth son, Judah. Listen to “The Lion and the Lamb” to celebrate God’s triumph despite this difficult family.

Image by TeroVaesalainen from Pixabay.com