Continuing our march through the greatest sermon of all time, we come to Jesus’ teaching on some hard topics: adultery and divorce. Just glancing at the headlines in any gossip magazine shows us the standards He sets reveal a sharp contrast to what we see in the world today. In this section of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus continues to raise the bar, admonishing us to be faithful in our relationships.
He starts by expanding on the 7th Commandment found in Exodus 20:14: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”(Matthew 5:27-30, ESV)
Like His discussion on the relationship between murder and anger in Matthew 5:21-26, Jesus again explains that what happens in the heart leads to sinful behavior. Here He addresses the root issue of adultery: lust. While there are times we may admire someone’s appearance, lust moves into the driver’s seat when we take a second look. When we ruminate about that person sexually and let our minds roam freely, we’re headed for trouble.
Jesus uses exaggerated language here to make His point, telling us to gouge out our eyes or cut off our hands if they’re leading us to sin. He’s using hyperbole to get our attention, not telling us to maim ourselves. Being faithful in our relationships means guarding our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and taking extreme measures to avoid sin. The writer of Hebrews encourages us to “Throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1, NIV)
What might you need to “throw off” to be faithful in your relationships? What distracts or detracts from the people that matter most to you? Is there someone who influences you negatively? A website that leads you down a bad path? A social media platform that takes your thoughts in a negative direction? Are there books, magazines, or movies that make you fantasize unrealistically and see your spouse as less appealing? Maybe it’s time to cut them out of your life.
Jesus continues with another weighty topic: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-32, ESV)
The Bible gives two clear grounds for divorce: (1) sexual immorality (mentioned here and again in Matthew 19:19) and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever (mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:15). There are other instances not explicitly mentioned in Scripture such as abuse or addiction where separation may be warranted. The goal of separation should be for one or both spouses to pursue help and healing with the hope of reconciling. Meeting with a godly, trained counselor to confront issues and challenges should take place before ever considering divorce. Even in the two instances where there are biblical grounds, divorce is not required or even encouraged in Scripture. Confession, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration are the goal. Divorce should only be viewed as a last resort.
While the world sees divorce as a valid option for almost any reason, we can see God’s original intent for marriage in the first couple, Adam and Eve: One man and one woman in a committed, loving, lifelong relationship. God intends for such faithfulness in a relationship to reflect His forever love for His people: “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” (Hosea 2:19, NIV) God designed marriage as an illustration of the love and commitment between Himself and His people: “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:21-32, NIV)
Despite these teachings in Scripture, most of us have been exposed to the pain caused by divorce. If you haven’t been divorced yourself, you’ve witnessed its ripple effects in family members and friends who have experienced the deep hurt it causes. That pain is part of the reason Scripture says God hates divorce (Malachi 2:15-16). Note that it does NOT say God hates divorced people. Nothing could be further from the truth. God’s love and grace are open to us all and there are no second class citizens in the Kingdom of Heaven.
For those who are married or hope to get married, the chances of maintaining a healthy marriage and avoiding divorce increase as we keep our focus on Jesus and let Him guide our relationships: “Contrary to what’s been reported for years, the divorce rate [for Christians] is not 50 percent; it’s more like 30 percent. And then we find that people who keep God at the center of their home and family stay married at far greater rates, and even thrive within those marriages. One of the reasons for this is that those whose first commitment is to the lordship of Jesus put fewer expectations upon their spouses to meet emotional needs that only God can meet. The lessening of unrealistic expectations gives marriages a stronger foundation upon which to withstand difficult times.”*
Sanctus Real’s song “Lead Me” describes the challenges and benefits of fighting for a healthy marriage. After the song, scroll down for some additional resources to maintain a healthy marriage.
Resources to support your marriage:
CPC Danville’s Marriage Mentoring program. Click here for more information.
Making Love Last by Laura Taggert
Becoming Us by Beth and Jeff McCord
I would be remiss not to address pornography, which is a huge issue related to these topics. Here are few articles for you:
“What Does the Bible Say About Pornography?”
“Is Pornography Addiction an Acceptable Reason for Divorce?”
*Quote from article: “Is The Divorce Rate Among Christians Truly The Same as Among Non-Christians?”
Portions of this post were inspired by Tyler Scott’s sermon at CPC Danville “The GOAT: The Sermon on the Mount Part 5”