Reading Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount about saying “yes” and “no” has gotten me thinking about our commitment-phobic, over-scheduled culture. He says:
“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37, NIV)
Jesus’ teaching in this passage is not to deter us from saying the Pledge of Allegiance or taking an oath in court. His point is if you are a person of integrity, then your word is your bond. As followers of Jesus, any oath or vow we make should be considered redundant because we’ll keep our word anyway.
So, what’s the practical application for this in daily life? Here are a few ideas for you to consider:
-Give a definitive “yes” or “no” rather than leaving others hanging: Don’t let that invitation sitting in your inbox remain unanswered for weeks. Respond to the person who has asked you to consider a volunteer position. Don’t procrastinate on making a decision by not giving an answer.
-Avoid over-scheduling and over-committing: Saying “yes” when you can’t follow through on a commitment does more harm than being honest and saying “no.” Have you ever been at an event or in a group with someone who is over-committed, stressed out, or not really engaged in it with you? It doesn’t feel good, does it? Similarly, it’s unloving and unfair to others when we say “yes” to serving and then don’t keep our commitments or do them half-heartedly.
-Follow through: If you say you’re going to arrive somewhere or be home at a certain time, be on time. If you say you’re going to attend an event, make it a priority to be there. This shows others you’re trustworthy and that you value and respect them.
-Be “All In”: Are you ever guilty of being physically present somewhere but not really relationally engaged with the people there? Don’t fall into the trap of trying to be multiple places at once. When your attention is divided and you’re distracted thinking about the other place you need or want to be, your “yes” isn’t whole-hearted.
-Avoid having an automatic default answer: Some of us are “yes” people and some of us are “no” people. While there are valid reasons to accept or decline, sometimes we give the quick and easy response without really considering what we’ve been asked to do. Some of us say “no” to avoid leaving our comfort zones or having our routines disrupted. Others of us say “yes” to please people or to keep ourselves busy. Scripture tells us “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV) This means we need to seek the Lord’s wisdom and prayerfully determine which specific things He’s calling us to do or not do rather than having an automatic answer for any request.
If you tend to be a “yes” person, a good practice before diving into something is to think about how your other commitments will be affected. If you have the time and desire to say “yes,” consider how it will impact people in your life too. Our families often bear the brunt of too many “yes” answers to others.
If you tend to be a “no” person, pause and consider what you might be missing by declining. Is there a new friendship or growth opportunity that could bless you by saying “yes”? Are you resisting God’s prompting to use a gift or skill you have that would benefit someone else? Is your “no” motivated by fear, apathy, or selfishness? Ask God to help you figure out the root issue before giving your answer.
If you tend to be a “maybe” person who is in the habit of being unresponsive or giving unclear answers to others, can I encourage you to consider their perspective? Do you think they’re feeling respected and valued by you? Are they sensing the love of Jesus flowing from you? Our actions usually speak more loudly than our words. This includes our failure to act by giving no response.
Next time an opportunity or invitation comes your way, pray first and evaluate whether you have the time and inclination to give it your all. Then, be confident in delivering a clear “yes” or “no” answer and be joyful in the decision you’ve made.
Resources:
If you’d like to grow in discerning when to say “yes” or “no,” you may be interested in:
What Happens When Women Say “Yes” to God by Lysa Terkeurst
The Best “Yes” by Lysa Terkeurst
Portions of this post were inspired by Tyler Scott’s sermon “The GOAT: Sermon on the Mount Part 5” at CPC Danville on July 4, 2021. Click here to watch.