Category: Accountability

An Outsider’s View of Judgment and Hypocrisy- Sermon on the Mount Part 8

The next time you’re tempted to make a quick judgment on someone, take a moment to stop and think first.

IMG_5562

Bobbing on the ocean’s surface, I listened as the surf instructor reminded me what to do. Together we squinted towards the horizon, scanning for the next set of waves to roll in. Standing waist-deep in the water, he prepared me for my first ride before shouting with glee, “Ok, here we go!” With a shove of the board, he pushed me in front of the swell and began shouting “Paddle! Paddle! Now stand up!” With one swift motion I pushed myself from my chest to my feet and steadied myself as the board moved towards the shore. After years of wanting to learn, it was a thrill to surf in the warm waters of Kauai that day. The long board, low waves and encouragement from a knowledgeable teacher were key ingredients for success.

As much as I loved the experience, you won’t find me riding the waves off the California coast anytime soon. There are many aspects of the sport that intimidate me, but the main one is that I’m not an “insider.” I’ve learned through listening to family members and friends that there is a whole culture and code of conduct in the world of surfing. There are unwritten rules about who surfs what beaches and who has first dibs to drop in on a wave. A newbie who doesn’t know better is sure to get a tongue-lashing from locals who don’t appreciate a “kook” messing up their surf session. (Yes, surfers have their own brand of slang and terminology too.)

For me, the act of riding the waves was hard enough. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my instructor.  Adding the unwritten rules within surf culture makes it far too intimidating to be enjoyable for me. If you’ve never surfed before, you’re probably nodding your head in agreement. But if you know the thrill of riding a wave, you might think I’m crazy for letting surf etiquette keep me from continuing to learn.

What if I told you that many people outside of the church view Christian culture the same way? There are aspects of it that attract them (that whole promise of eternal life isn’t so bad, after all). But there are so many parts that intimidate them that they aren’t willing to risk engaging in Christian community.

For the past few years I’ve had a unique opportunity to spend time weekly with a group of women who considered themselves “newbies” to exploring faith. Some had a church background but lacked Biblical knowledge while others were discovering the Christian faith for the first time. Regardless of their levels of experience, two things held them back from seeking answers to their spiritual questions: hypocrisy and judgment. Most had at least one negative experience with a “churchy” person that had tainted their perspective of God and the Church as a whole.

I’ve learned a lot from this group of women as we’ve continued to meet and study the Bible together. They have given me an “outsider’s” view into the Christian sub-culture. For most of them, our group was the first time they felt safe to ask questions without fearing judgment or criticism. That is why Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount are so striking to me:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5, NIV)

Judging people labels and categorizes them, diminishing their value and dismissing them based on outward flaws. Many Christians are quick to let the sinful behaviors and attitudes of non-believers deter them from engaging in relationships. It’s so much easier to judge a person for things we see on the surface than to take time to develop a friendship and to discover what influences and worldviews have impacted their perspectives.

Judging people creates a barrier that prevents opportunity for deeper relationships. It intimidates others and often causes us to appear self-righteous. Judging others also puts us in a position of superiority that stands in opposition to humility. It causes us to hide our sins and weaknesses for the sake of pride, making us hypocrites in the process.

Jesus gave us the perfect model for engaging others with love. He took time to get people in all stations in life–even the worst sinners. His harshest words were directed not towards “sinners” but toward the most self-righteous and superior people He encountered, the Pharisees.

The next time you’re tempted to make a quick judgment on someone, take a moment to stop and think first. What factors might be contributing to their actions and attitudes? Examine your heart and ask God to help you see the person as He sees them. Make time to understand them before being so quick to dismiss them.

There is a place for using discernment to hold people accountable for their sins, once we’ve made things right within ourselves and with God. However, this needs to be done in the context of a loving caring relationship, not as a snap judgment. (See James 5:19-20 for more on this.)

Let’s strive to be more like my surf instructor– coming alongside people patiently and helping them to discover the tremendous joy found through a relationship with Jesus.   When we begin with love and encouragement, they may eventually trust us enough to let us address the areas in their lives that need transformation. And there won’t be any need to judge.

Let’s never forget that God gave us grace when we deserved judgment. May the song “Call it Grace” by Unspoken remind you of this foundational truth and motivate you to share it with others.

Continue reading “An Outsider’s View of Judgment and Hypocrisy- Sermon on the Mount Part 8”

Yes, No, Maybe So- Sermon on the Mount Part 5

The Sermon on the Mount emphasizes that all people matter to God, one way to show this is by giving a clear “yes” or “no” answer.

FullSizeRender

The invitation has been sitting in my e-mail inbox for a few weeks now. Every time I see it there, it reminds me I haven’t given an answer. Ironically, I haven’t even responded with a “maybe,” although it’s an option the designers of the website include with every invitation.

Reading Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount about saying “yes” and “no” has gotten me thinking about our commitment-phobic, over-scheduled culture. He says:

 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37, NIV)

Jesus’ teaching in this passage is not to deter us from saying the Pledge of Allegiance or taking an oath in court. His point is if you are a person of integrity, then your word is your bond. As a follower of Jesus, any oath or vow you make should be considered redundant because you’ll keep your word anyway.

It seems people struggle to give clear answers to simple questions in today’s culture. Finding individuals who give a definitive “yes” or “no” is refreshing, but unusual. I think it’s because we have too many demands on our time and we procrastinate in making decisions (my lack of response to the invitation mentioned earlier is a case in point).

People in my life who keep their word are rare gems. When I started writing my blog three years ago, I asked a godly woman to be part of my prayer team. After the first year, she told me she needed to step away from my team to focus on a leadership position in another ministry. I was impressed with her integrity and touched by how seriously she had taken her commitment to pray for me. Later, when her other responsibility ended, she re-joined my team and has continued to cover me in prayer faithfully ever since. That is someone who understands the value of letting a “yes” be “yes” and a “no” be “no.”

Her example is a good reminder to think carefully before we say “yes” or “no.” It’s important to be sure we can follow through or to acknowledge that we are unable to do what is being asked of us. But whatever we do, we shouldn’t leave someone hanging with no response at all.

Many of us habitually avoid or put off giving answers to requests or invitations. When we do this, we unintentionally communicate that the other person doesn’t matter enough to merit a response. This often leads to feelings of hurt or frustration from the one who is awaiting your answer.  When it happens over and over again, it creates bitter feelings and strained relationships. Ultimately, it’s just plain unloving and not exemplifying the life of integrity that should characterize a follower of Jesus. The Sermon on the Mount emphasizes that all people matter to God, one way to show this is by giving a clear “yes” or “no” answer.

Another related issue is the problem of over-committing. Some Christians assume every request made of them must be answered with a “yes” and feel compelled to meet every need they see. However, saying “yes” when you can’t follow through on a commitment does a lot more harm than being honest and saying “no.” There is nothing worse than working alongside someone who doesn’t have time to be serving or who is over-committed, stressed out or not really excited about what they’re doing.

Scripture tells us “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV) This means we need to seek His wisdom and prayerfully determine which specific things He’s calling us to do or not do. A good practice before saying “yes” to something new is to think about how the other commitments you already have will be affected. If you have the time and desire to say “yes,” you also need to consider how it will impact the rest of your life. Our families often bear the brunt of too many “yes” answers to others.

Sometimes we’re tempted to say “yes” to several events happening at the same time and hope to make an appearance at each one for a little while. This can be incredibly unloving when the people who have invited you realize they’ve been squeezed in among many obligations. Doing this makes them feel like they’re part of a checklist rather than people you truly value and want to spend time with.

If you’re in the habit of being unresponsive or giving unclear answers to others, can I encourage you to consider things from their perspective? Do you think they’re feeling respected and appreciated by you? Are they sensing the love of Jesus flowing from you? Our actions usually speak more loudly than our words. This includes our failure to act.

If you’re frequently saying “yes” and then bailing out, maybe it’s time to try a new tactic. Next time an opportunity or invitation comes your way, be sure to pray first and evaluate whether you have the time and inclination to give it your all. Then, be confident in delivering a clear “yes” or “no” answer.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to circle back to that invitation waiting in my inbox. My response is long overdue.

Investing Wisely

There’s a big difference between spending and investing. Once something is spent, it’s gone for good: like spending money on something that will eventually lose its value or become obsolete. Investing, on the other hand, gives a return. When we invest in things that are worthwhile, they return greater rewards.

image

My heart hammered in my chest as butterflies danced in my belly. Although my only physical activity was the darting of my eyes and the nervous shaking of my knee, I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I’d spent the past four days waking up several hours before dawn, driving long distances to remote locations and nursing an aching back from sitting on hard, metal bleachers. It was the tenth and final game of my son’s biggest water polo tournament of the year. And although I was only a spectator as the drama unfolded in the pool each day, it often felt like a full body experience. The last game kept the crowd in suspense until the final moments. In the end, my son’s team clawed its way from behind to claim a hard fought victory.

As the teams lined up on the pool deck to shake hands, I asked myself why my family willingly submitted to such a costly experience.  Were the “bronze” medals my son’s team wore worth all of the effort? We’d spent a fair amount of money on travel, food, tournament fees, and accommodations. Beyond that, we’d spent our precious vacation time cramming into stands to cheer for our son’s team as it battled for victory in the pool. With each game we experienced a range of emotions from disappointment and frustration to pride and jubilation. Watching the gleeful team celebrate its third-place medal was satisfying, but not the real motivation behind our effort.

My husband and I viewed the time we took and the financial and emotional costs associated with the tournament (and the whole sport for that matter) as an investment in our son. It’s not that we have grand illusions that he’ll get a full ride to college or earn a spot on the Olympic team—it’s more about the life experience and opportunities for character development. Over the years, he’s learned much more than how to play the game of water polo. He’s discovered how to show respect for his coaches and the officials, how to work with a team, how to win graciously and how to handle disappointment maturely. He’s learned a lot about discipline, commitment and hard work.  He’s had fun making friends but has also learned how to deal with difficult people and situations. The dollars, time and emotions we’ve spent have been an investment in his character and in his growth toward manhood.

There’s a big difference between spending and investing. Once something is spent, it’s gone for good: like spending money on something that will eventually lose its value or become obsolete. Investing, on the other hand, gives a return. When we invest in things that are worthwhile, they return greater rewards.

Jesus told this story about the value of investing wisely:

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

 19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

 21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

 22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

 23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

 24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

 26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

 28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’” (Matthew 25:14-30, NIV)

The bags of gold (translated as “talents” in other versions) represent the many resources God gives us to use during our lives. Every day we have a choice to invest them wisely, to squander them thoughtlessly or to keep them to ourselves, as the “wicked, lazy” servant did in the parable.

Thinking about the resources God has entrusted to me causes me to do a bit of soul-searching. It’s good to stop and consider if I’m as intentional with other areas as I’ve have been with my son’s involvement in sports. I try to ask myself periodically if I’m making worthwhile investments with the things listed below:

-My time (Am I following my own agenda? Am I generous or stingy with my time? Am I intentional about managing it wisely?)

-My relationships (Am I reaching out to people who need love and encouragement or focusing only on people who are part of my usual circle?)

-My finances (Am I generous? Do I tithe? Do I give sacrificially?)

-My natural abilities (Do I use them for my own benefit or to bless others and honor God?)

-My spiritual gifts (Do I know what they are? Am I using them regularly?)

-My intellect (What kinds of things do I put into my brain? Am I developing my mind and continually stretching myself to learn new things?  Am I using what I know to bless and benefit others?)

-My body (Am I exercising and sleeping enough so I can stay healthy? Do I put too much emphasis on my appearance? Do I have habits with food, alcohol or other substances that are unhealthy?)

-My tangible resources (Am I willing to open my home? Am I willing to help people with needs such as making meals, babysitting, doing extra carpool duty?)

-My spiritual life (Am I committed to growing in my relationship with God and my knowledge of His Word? Can I see signs of growth as I look back over the last few years?)

If one of the categories or questions causes you to stop and think, take some time to pray about it. Ask God to reveal whether or not you are making a wise investment with that particular topic. Let the Holy Spirit guide you and, above all, don’t try to tackle the entire list at once! Invest wisely one step at a time and know that God is saying to you “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

I suspect a few people who read the list above are going to focus on the areas they need to grow and will react by feeling like failures.  If you’re tempted to beat yourself up, please don’t.  Instead, click on the link below and be encouraged by Casting Crowns’ song “Just Be Held.”

Staying Spiritually Sharp

Our faith journeys always involve sharpening one another with spiritual truth. Sometimes we do this through sharing and encouraging, other times we do it through challenging others to reach higher or to confront a hard truth they’ve been avoiding.

IMG_7806

Clutching the packet of paper-wrapped knives, I walked to my car. It felt good to get them sharpened—a task that had been on my “to do” list for far too long. As I’d chatted with the man who had done the work for me, I asked, “How often do you suggest getting knives sharpened?”

“Oh, I’d say every six months or so, depending on how much you use them and how well you care for them.” I smiled to myself realizing I hadn’t been quite that diligent. The last time I had my knives sharpened was sometime during George W. Bush’s Administration.

I’d heard for years that a dull knife was dangerous. With a little research I found out why this is true from the folks at America’s Test Kitchen. In a short demonstration video, kitchen tester Bridget Lancaster explains that a dull knife is “an accident waiting to happen.” She goes on to say, “A dull blade will require more force to do the job. That will increase the chances of slipping and missing the mark.”

Her use of the phrase “missing the mark” caught my attention since it is one of the definitions used for sin (taken from a term used in archery). The experience with my dull knives also reminded me of a favorite verse: Continue reading “Staying Spiritually Sharp”