Category: Accountability

When “Good Enough” Isn’t

Laboring and striving sound like hard work, so we settle for “good enough” instead of pressing on in our pursuit of Christ. Yet there is so much we miss when we surrender to this lackadaisical attitude.

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Dipping my paddle in the water, I balanced on the board and pulled hard, ignoring my body’s protests. It had been twelve weeks since I’d fractured my elbow and wrist in a bike accident. I’d been looking forward to vacation and assumed I would be “back to normal” so I could enjoy biking, paddle boarding and swimming. The doctor had assured me the bone would be fully healed by then but my physical therapist was still concerned by my ongoing pain and stiffness. The tendons and muscles that had constricted to protect the fractures were still tight, preventing full range of motion.  My therapist pushed me hard in our sessions leading up to the trip, not wanting me to settle for “good enough.” She’d had other patients who didn’t want to do the hard work to be 100% recovered.   Beyond the concern about my quality of life and ability to use my arm fully, she worried about future problems that would arise, particularly the early onset of arthritis in my elbow joint.

Just before I left on vacation, she gave me a list of exercises to do daily and encouraged me to press on toward healing. A few days later, taking my first spin on a paddle board in the harbor, I remembered her words. With each dip of the paddle, the pain and stiffness that were so strong at first began to subside. By the end of the day, my arm felt loose and almost normal after all of the activities I’d done. But with the dawn of the next day, I was right back where I started. Some days it was tempting to give myself a break and not do the exercises she’d assigned, but I knew this would only prolong my recovery.

I had to trust that my efforts were incrementally improving my range of motion and flexibility, despite the discouragement of the painful stiffness returning each day. It started me thinking about a passage of Scripture written by Paul:

“Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.” (1Timothy 4:7b-10, NIV)

Physical training produces a healthy body, but it is not a one-time event. Whether it’s doing physical therapy to regain full strength or just exercising consistently, we must move our bodies to maintain health. Similarly, we need to engage daily in training ourselves for godliness. The difference is, this kind of regimen has eternal significance.

As believers, we know this–yet why is it so difficult for us to put into practice? Maybe it seems easier to just coast through life without spiritual discipline. Laboring and striving sound like hard work, so we settle for “good enough” instead of pressing on in our pursuit of Christ. We want to amble along comfortably instead of living with a sense of urgency. Yet there is so much we miss when we surrender to this lackadaisical attitude. We limit the exciting things God wants to do in and through us and we fail to experience the abundant life he promises.

The pain in my elbow reminds me throughout the day that I need to keep working and pressing on with my therapy. I’m praying that circumstances in my life will prompt the same sense of purpose in my walk with God. Will you join me? When facing a difficult situation, let’s pursue God and see what he wants us to learn instead of defaulting to self-pity. When we encounter the same issues over and over again, let’s confront them head on and lay them at the feet of Jesus instead of growing weary and giving up. Let’s not ignore  baggage that will only weigh us down or hold us back. Let’s trust him to use ongoing challenges to refine our faith and make us more like him. With each day, let’s make it a priority to spend time aligning with God through praying and reading his Word before jumping into the day.

One of the best ways to labor and strive in your faith is to commit to studying the Bible regularly.  During the summer months, it’s easy to let this discipline slide. As you prepare for the busyness of fall, why not prioritize time for a weekly study? If your schedule feels overloaded, this is not the activity to jettison in an attempt to simplify your life. Don’t settle for “good enough”  by keeping your walk with Jesus on the back burner. Press on and see what new things God has in store for you. Discover deeper truth in the Bible as you delve into it with others. Then strive to apply it to your life. Yes, some days it will feel like hard work and other days you will not follow through. But setting a goal to be consistent will give you a clear focus and over time you’ll begin seeing results.

I imagine I could function for the rest of my life with a right arm that doesn’t extend fully, but I don’t want to settle for that. I don’t want my daily life to be less than it could be and I certainly don’t want to set myself up for even bigger problems in the future. In a similar way, I don’t want to be stunted spiritually. I don’t want to settle for a lukewarm faith. I want to keep moving forward and discovering new things about God, his Word and how he wants to work in and through me to impact the world and further his kingdom. Will you labor and strive with me to do this? Will you commit to doing the hard work for your sake and the sake of those around you? I guarantee, it’s worth the effort.

Click on the link and make Third Day’s song “Soul on Fire” your prayer today.

Continue reading “When “Good Enough” Isn’t”

Confident and Unashamed- What Love Is, Week 3

In the verses spanning from 1 John 2:28 to 3:38, John lays out three clear explanations for children of God to understand how they can remain confident and unashamed in their faith. Applying John’s teaching would enable them to stand firm in the truth of God’s love. It will do the same for us as we contend with today’s culture.

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And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.  1 John 2:28 (NIV)

 Writing to the disciples of Jesus, the apostle John speaks tenderly, reminding them how much their Father in heaven lavishes his love upon them. He calls them “children of God” and gives them clear explanations for how their lives can reflect this profound truth. John writes passionately to believers that were being thrown into confusion by false teaching and ungodly influences in their culture. It doesn’t sound all that different from our current times.

In the verses spanning from 1 John 2:28 to 3:38, John lays out three clear explanations for children of God to understand how they can remain confident and unashamed in their faith. Applying John’s teaching would enable them to stand firm in the truth of God’s love. It will do the same for us as we contend with today’s culture.

Dealing with Sin

John repeats the same topic several times in this chapter: No one who lives in Christ keeps on sinning. Obviously we don’t become permanently sinless after we confess our sin and accept Jesus into our lives. But, as Kelly Minter puts it, we are “free of the dominant power of sin…our not sinning is not about how much harder we try. It’s about our relationship with our Father and His Son.” (What Love Is p. 89)

Just flipping through channels on TV, popular magazines, websites and books, it’s clear that our world celebrates sin and promotes self-gratification above all else. We’re rarely called to consider the consequences of our choices on others or ourselves. And we’re certainly not encouraged to think about how they affect our faith journeys.

However, as we grow in our relationship with God and understand the life he calls us to live, we’re drawn toward him and away from sin. Sin no longer entices us the same way because we know it’s going to hurt God and us. And when we do slip into sin, we’re quick to confess it because we know God will forgive us and we want to restore our relationship with him.

Don’t be Led Astray

John makes a point to say, “Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous.” (1 John 3:7, NIV) He admonishes us to look at the lifestyles and choices of the people that we trust for wisdom and advice.

There are countless places we go for these things: family, friends, magazines, blogs, websites, books, and personalities on TV, to name a few. It’s crucial that we consider the sources we’re allowing to influence us and that we ensure they hold to the same biblical truths we do. It’s not uncommon for followers of Jesus to embrace views in popular culture without a second thought, never realizing they are contrary to God’s Word.

Before reading articles, logging onto blogs or watching favorite shows, think about the messages you consistently receive from them. Compelling plots and interesting characters can get us hooked on books or shows that are shaping our views in ways that don’t honor God.  And just because a person looks appealing or speaks with authority doesn’t make their opinion worth adopting. Stop and think about how their words and actions measure up with the gospel. If they’re out of sync, you might be opening yourself up to being led astray.  Once you recognize the discrepancy, you can decide if they are still worth your time or if you would be better off without them.

 Love One Another

In the last portion of the chapter, John moves on to explain that loving one another is a powerful witness to our relationship with God. Over and over John tells us that we should love one another, regardless of whether we’re treated well or not. He says, “let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18, NIV)

I’m amazed by how often in our culture we’re encouraged to withhold forgiveness, hold grudges, seek revenge and let our negative emotions dictate our actions and attitudes. Some of today’s most popular songs and shows regularly espouse messages of hate. It seems that being angry and vengeful equates with being powerful in today’s culture. God’s Word tells us nothing could be further from the truth.

 Tying All Three Together

I used to have a favorite magazine that I only bought on vacations. I thought it was harmless looking at pictures of famous people, catching up on the “scoop” in their lives and learning about the latest trends. However, once I had kids, I realized that I was exposing them and myself to lifestyles and ideas that were totally contrary to God’s ways. What seemed like a “guilty pleasure” was subtly influencing me. The magazine celebrated people who were confident and unashamed of their poor choices, desensitizing me to sins so prevalent in popular culture. At the same time, it was causing me to view the lives of the people in the pictures and articles as fodder for gossip.   I didn’t see them as real people loved by God, I was only interested in the entertainment their colorful lives provided for me. As the Holy Spirit worked in my life, the magazine not only lost its appeal, it sickened me. The allure was gone.

Dealing with sin, avoiding being led astray and loving others aren’t the source of our salvation, but evidence that we follow the one true God. Following John’s advice makes us confident and unashamed in God’s presence and provides light and hope for a world wallowing in darkness.

Click on the link and be reminded of theses tremendous truths by listening to “Children of God” by Third Day.

Continue reading “Confident and Unashamed- What Love Is, Week 3”

Live Like You Believe It- What Love Is Week 1

True fellowship flows naturally when people connected with God engage with one another.

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Reading through the opening chapter of First John makes my mind dart from one topic to the next. I sense John’s urgency as he writes, his passion for his readers to embrace a relationship with Jesus and to let their lives reflect the difference knowing Him makes. John’s approach is direct not because he is harsh, but because he cares too much to risk having someone miss the point.

He starts by emphasizing that he knew Jesus personally saying, “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.” (1 John 1:3 NIV)

The word “fellowship” comes from the Greek word “koinonia.” It includes both a spiritual and a practical component. Those who believe in Jesus and his resurrection are united in the Holy Spirit through the Son to the Father. Put simply, they have a personal relationship with God. And this means they also have a relationship with others who are connected with God. “Perhaps the clearest theological use of koinonia [fellowship] is in 1 John 1:3-6, where we read that when we walk in the light truly our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ and that this relation of grace has profound implications for daily living. For if we say that we have fellowship with God and walk in darkness, we lie! Here the basic meaning of ‘fellowship’ is a real and practical sharing in eternal life with the Father and the Son.” (Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology)

In essence, when we are walking closely with God, we connect easily with others who are doing the same, whether we’ve known them for years or are meeting them for the first time. I had the privilege of seeing this dynamic recently as I gathered with a group of women for a special lunch. All of us were believers, but some had never met.   Despite this, the talk around the table was rich and deep. An outside observer would have thought we’d all been close friends for years. The reason for this was our common love for and relationship with Jesus. Through many encounters like this one, I’ve learned it doesn’t take long for the Holy Spirit living in me to recognize himself in someone else I meet.   True fellowship flows naturally when people connected with God engage with one another.

Conversely, we don’t experience deep fellowship with people who have a façade of faith, but no substance behind it. John describes them as people who “claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness” (1 John 1:6a, NIV). John doesn’t mince words– he says people doing this “Do not live out the truth.” (1 John 1:6b, NIV) This reminds me of the years I spent volunteering with the high school group at my church. I could always tell how the girls in my small group were doing spiritually by how closely they wanted to connect with me. Those who rode the fence between faith and worldliness often remained at a distance from me, no matter how much I lovingly pursued them. They were lying to themselves, believing they could live by worldly and godly standards simultaneously. They wanted the warmth and reassurance of the light, but were lured by the lies lurking in the darkness. As long as they remained divided, true fellowship couldn’t happen.

John continues his teaching in the next section by explaining the importance of being honest about our sins. Again, not mincing words he says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8, NIV) As our world continues to eliminate moral standards, the line between right and wrong is slowly being erased. Our culture has moved from excusing sin to embracing it and calling it good.  When we determine our own versions of right and wrong, then we can convince ourselves that there is no such thing as sin. And if sin no longer exists, nothing is off-limits. Ultimately, this mentality eliminates the need for Jesus, the one who gave his life to forgive our sins.

For Christians, it is vitally important to recognize sin in our lives and to confess it. This means we need to study God’s Word consistently so that we can know the standards he calls us to maintain. We do this not because we want to follow a list of rules, but because we love God and don’t want anything to impede our fellowship with him or with others. Admitting our sins is an act of humility that honors God and reminds us how much we need him. When we ask for forgiveness it reminds us that we’re not perfect and that we need to show God’s grace to others. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NIV)  Doing this deepens fellowship with God and with other believers.

I’d sum up John’s teaching in this passage by saying that if we claim to know Jesus and to walk in the light, it will be evident in our lives. We’ll have meaningful relationships with fellow believers and we’ll have a deep love for God and the truth of His Word. We will admit that we are sinners, humbly confess sin and seek forgiveness regularly. Doing these things enables us to live with authenticity and to invite others to do the same.

Jeremy Camp’s song “Christ in Me” describes the tension between getting stuck in the dark of worldliness versus embracing the light of Christ. Click on the link and make it your prayer as you listen.

Continue reading “Live Like You Believe It- What Love Is Week 1”

Godly Sorrow- Women of the Word Part 8

It’s easy to get swept up in the attitude of our culture—to want to avoid responsibility for wrongdoing or to explain it away. We receive this message subtly, but constantly. If we follow Jesus, we must be on our guards lest we get lured into this way of thinking.

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It was a brisk fall evening when the sport utility vehicle sped down our street, careened around an unexpected curve, lost control and mowed down our neighbors’ mailbox. Despite flattening the sturdy wooden post, it was going fast enough to plow through our front hedge and hit our parked SUV, spinning it backwards before slamming it into the corner of our house. The speeding car finally came to a stop on our front lawn. Despite the sturdiness of the vehicle, its front end was a crumpled mass of metal. The sixteen-year-old driver emerged from the mangled car without a scratch. He had been racing his buddies down our street and misjudged the turn in the dark.

As the teenage boys sat on the curb waiting for the driver’s parents and the police, they discussed the incident with great enthusiasm, seeming to revel in the excitement of having totaled not one, but two, eight passenger vehicles. Although this incident happened many years ago, I’ll never forget the behavior of the driver and his friends. At the time of the accident, my own boys were only six and four. I can remember making them study the smashed cars carefully so that they’d remember it when they were old enough to drive (one of them now is).

A few minutes after the accident, the driver’s father arrived on the scene. We exchanged insurance information and he muttered, “I’m sorry this happened.” He never had his son look us in the eye and apologize. The boy didn’t return the next day to help clean up the mess in our yard or to replace our neighbor’s mailbox. I’m not sure if he learned any valuable lessons from that incident, but I know my boys did.

I was reminded of that accident this week as I studied the concept of repentance and godly sorrow. These aren’t very popular topics in today’s culture. It seems we’ve become a society averse to accepting responsibility for our mistakes, let alone labeling them as sin and seeking forgiveness. We shift blame whenever possible. Or even worse, we try to rationalize why the wrong things we’re doing are actually justified.  Many in our culture want to excuse or even condone sinful behavior altogether.

No one likes to admit they’re wrong, but for those who call themselves followers of Jesus, this needs to be something we do regularly. When we humble ourselves, admit our sins and seek God’s forgiveness, He offers it freely. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NIV) Here’s the catch: we can’t be forgiven if we don’t acknowledge our sin.

King David provides a great example of one who tried to avoid responsibility for his sins.  You might remember when he committed adultery with Bathsheba, got her pregnant and then tried to avoid the the truth by ensuring her husband would be killed in battle (see 1 Samuel 11 & 12 for the story). When the prophet Nathan confronted him, he finally admitted his sin and sought forgiveness, prompting him to write Psalm 51.

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17, NIV)

David finally accepted responsibility for his actions and admitted he was broken by his sin. He acknowledged that what he had done was wrong. He approached God with humility and sorrow over his grievous behavior. And God forgave him.

We see a similar theme of the “contrite heart” in the apostle Paul’s writing:

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV)

Godly sorrow involves repenting–literally and figuratively turning away from our sins and going a different direction.   It is sorrow over the wickedness of our sins. It expresses grief, understanding the hurt we cause our heavenly Father when we engage in sin. Coming to God with a contrite heart enables us to experience the tremendous grace and forgiveness He offers us through the blood of Jesus.

Conversely, worldly sorrow is self-centered. It is focused on the painful consequences of sin, not on the offense it is to God.   It is sorry the situation happened, but accepts no blame and has no intention of changing. (Sounds like my opening story, doesn’t it?) Worldly sorrow is an apology with words, but with no heart behind it.

It’s easy to get swept up in the attitude of our culture—to want to avoid responsibility for wrongdoing or to explain it away. We receive this message subtly, but constantly.  If we follow Jesus, we must be on our guards lest we get lured into this way of thinking.

When was the last time you came before God with a contrite heart, deeply troubled by the hurt you’d caused Him through your sin? It’s never too late to get down on your knees and humbly ask for forgiveness. God has so much more to offer us than the world does. The first step to discovering that is our humble repentance.

Casting Crowns wrote a song based on David’s words in Psalm 103 that describe how God sees our sins once we confess them. Click on the link and be encouraged by “East to West.”
Continue reading “Godly Sorrow- Women of the Word Part 8”

An Outsider’s View of Judgment and Hypocrisy- Sermon on the Mount Part 8

The next time you’re tempted to make a quick judgment on someone, take a moment to stop and think first.

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Bobbing on the ocean’s surface, I listened as the surf instructor reminded me what to do. Together we squinted towards the horizon, scanning for the next set of waves to roll in. Standing waist-deep in the water, he prepared me for my first ride before shouting with glee, “Ok, here we go!” With a shove of the board, he pushed me in front of the swell and began shouting “Paddle! Paddle! Now stand up!” With one swift motion I pushed myself from my chest to my feet and steadied myself as the board moved towards the shore. After years of wanting to learn, it was a thrill to surf in the warm waters of Kauai that day. The long board, low waves and encouragement from a knowledgeable teacher were key ingredients for success.

As much as I loved the experience, you won’t find me riding the waves off the California coast anytime soon. There are many aspects of the sport that intimidate me, but the main one is that I’m not an “insider.” I’ve learned through listening to family members and friends that there is a whole culture and code of conduct in the world of surfing. There are unwritten rules about who surfs what beaches and who has first dibs to drop in on a wave. A newbie who doesn’t know better is sure to get a tongue-lashing from locals who don’t appreciate a “kook” messing up their surf session. (Yes, surfers have their own brand of slang and terminology too.)

For me, the act of riding the waves was hard enough. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my instructor.  Adding the unwritten rules within surf culture makes it far too intimidating to be enjoyable for me. If you’ve never surfed before, you’re probably nodding your head in agreement. But if you know the thrill of riding a wave, you might think I’m crazy for letting surf etiquette keep me from continuing to learn.

What if I told you that many people outside of the church view Christian culture the same way? There are aspects of it that attract them (that whole promise of eternal life isn’t so bad, after all). But there are so many parts that intimidate them that they aren’t willing to risk engaging in Christian community.

For the past few years I’ve had a unique opportunity to spend time weekly with a group of women who considered themselves “newbies” to exploring faith. Some had a church background but lacked Biblical knowledge while others were discovering the Christian faith for the first time. Regardless of their levels of experience, two things held them back from seeking answers to their spiritual questions: hypocrisy and judgment. Most had at least one negative experience with a “churchy” person that had tainted their perspective of God and the Church as a whole.

I’ve learned a lot from this group of women as we’ve continued to meet and study the Bible together. They have given me an “outsider’s” view into the Christian sub-culture. For most of them, our group was the first time they felt safe to ask questions without fearing judgment or criticism. That is why Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount are so striking to me:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5, NIV)

Judging people labels and categorizes them, diminishing their value and dismissing them based on outward flaws. Many Christians are quick to let the sinful behaviors and attitudes of non-believers deter them from engaging in relationships. It’s so much easier to judge a person for things we see on the surface than to take time to develop a friendship and to discover what influences and worldviews have impacted their perspectives.

Judging people creates a barrier that prevents opportunity for deeper relationships. It intimidates others and often causes us to appear self-righteous. Judging others also puts us in a position of superiority that stands in opposition to humility. It causes us to hide our sins and weaknesses for the sake of pride, making us hypocrites in the process.

Jesus gave us the perfect model for engaging others with love. He took time to get people in all stations in life–even the worst sinners. His harshest words were directed not towards “sinners” but toward the most self-righteous and superior people He encountered, the Pharisees.

The next time you’re tempted to make a quick judgment on someone, take a moment to stop and think first. What factors might be contributing to their actions and attitudes? Examine your heart and ask God to help you see the person as He sees them. Make time to understand them before being so quick to dismiss them.

There is a place for using discernment to hold people accountable for their sins, once we’ve made things right within ourselves and with God. However, this needs to be done in the context of a loving caring relationship, not as a snap judgment. (See James 5:19-20 for more on this.)

Let’s strive to be more like my surf instructor– coming alongside people patiently and helping them to discover the tremendous joy found through a relationship with Jesus.   When we begin with love and encouragement, they may eventually trust us enough to let us address the areas in their lives that need transformation. And there won’t be any need to judge.

Let’s never forget that God gave us grace when we deserved judgment. May the song “Call it Grace” by Unspoken remind you of this foundational truth and motivate you to share it with others.

Continue reading “An Outsider’s View of Judgment and Hypocrisy- Sermon on the Mount Part 8”

Yes, No, Maybe So- Sermon on the Mount Part 5

The Sermon on the Mount emphasizes that all people matter to God, one way to show this is by giving a clear “yes” or “no” answer.

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The invitation has been sitting in my e-mail inbox for a few weeks now. Every time I see it there, it reminds me I haven’t given an answer. Ironically, I haven’t even responded with a “maybe,” although it’s an option the designers of the website include with every invitation.

Reading Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount about saying “yes” and “no” has gotten me thinking about our commitment-phobic, over-scheduled culture. He says:

 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37, NIV)

Jesus’ teaching in this passage is not to deter us from saying the Pledge of Allegiance or taking an oath in court. His point is if you are a person of integrity, then your word is your bond. As a follower of Jesus, any oath or vow you make should be considered redundant because you’ll keep your word anyway.

It seems people struggle to give clear answers to simple questions in today’s culture. Finding individuals who give a definitive “yes” or “no” is refreshing, but unusual. I think it’s because we have too many demands on our time and we procrastinate in making decisions (my lack of response to the invitation mentioned earlier is a case in point).

People in my life who keep their word are rare gems. When I started writing my blog three years ago, I asked a godly woman to be part of my prayer team. After the first year, she told me she needed to step away from my team to focus on a leadership position in another ministry. I was impressed with her integrity and touched by how seriously she had taken her commitment to pray for me. Later, when her other responsibility ended, she re-joined my team and has continued to cover me in prayer faithfully ever since. That is someone who understands the value of letting a “yes” be “yes” and a “no” be “no.”

Her example is a good reminder to think carefully before we say “yes” or “no.” It’s important to be sure we can follow through or to acknowledge that we are unable to do what is being asked of us. But whatever we do, we shouldn’t leave someone hanging with no response at all.

Many of us habitually avoid or put off giving answers to requests or invitations. When we do this, we unintentionally communicate that the other person doesn’t matter enough to merit a response. This often leads to feelings of hurt or frustration from the one who is awaiting your answer.  When it happens over and over again, it creates bitter feelings and strained relationships. Ultimately, it’s just plain unloving and not exemplifying the life of integrity that should characterize a follower of Jesus. The Sermon on the Mount emphasizes that all people matter to God, one way to show this is by giving a clear “yes” or “no” answer.

Another related issue is the problem of over-committing. Some Christians assume every request made of them must be answered with a “yes” and feel compelled to meet every need they see. However, saying “yes” when you can’t follow through on a commitment does a lot more harm than being honest and saying “no.” There is nothing worse than working alongside someone who doesn’t have time to be serving or who is over-committed, stressed out or not really excited about what they’re doing.

Scripture tells us “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV) This means we need to seek His wisdom and prayerfully determine which specific things He’s calling us to do or not do. A good practice before saying “yes” to something new is to think about how the other commitments you already have will be affected. If you have the time and desire to say “yes,” you also need to consider how it will impact the rest of your life. Our families often bear the brunt of too many “yes” answers to others.

Sometimes we’re tempted to say “yes” to several events happening at the same time and hope to make an appearance at each one for a little while. This can be incredibly unloving when the people who have invited you realize they’ve been squeezed in among many obligations. Doing this makes them feel like they’re part of a checklist rather than people you truly value and want to spend time with.

If you’re in the habit of being unresponsive or giving unclear answers to others, can I encourage you to consider things from their perspective? Do you think they’re feeling respected and appreciated by you? Are they sensing the love of Jesus flowing from you? Our actions usually speak more loudly than our words. This includes our failure to act.

If you’re frequently saying “yes” and then bailing out, maybe it’s time to try a new tactic. Next time an opportunity or invitation comes your way, be sure to pray first and evaluate whether you have the time and inclination to give it your all. Then, be confident in delivering a clear “yes” or “no” answer.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to circle back to that invitation waiting in my inbox. My response is long overdue.

Investing Wisely

There’s a big difference between spending and investing. Once something is spent, it’s gone for good: like spending money on something that will eventually lose its value or become obsolete. Investing, on the other hand, gives a return. When we invest in things that are worthwhile, they return greater rewards.

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My heart hammered in my chest as butterflies danced in my belly. Although my only physical activity was the darting of my eyes and the nervous shaking of my knee, I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I’d spent the past four days waking up several hours before dawn, driving long distances to remote locations and nursing an aching back from sitting on hard, metal bleachers. It was the tenth and final game of my son’s biggest water polo tournament of the year. And although I was only a spectator as the drama unfolded in the pool each day, it often felt like a full body experience. The last game kept the crowd in suspense until the final moments. In the end, my son’s team clawed its way from behind to claim a hard fought victory.

As the teams lined up on the pool deck to shake hands, I asked myself why my family willingly submitted to such a costly experience.  Were the “bronze” medals my son’s team wore worth all of the effort? We’d spent a fair amount of money on travel, food, tournament fees, and accommodations. Beyond that, we’d spent our precious vacation time cramming into stands to cheer for our son’s team as it battled for victory in the pool. With each game we experienced a range of emotions from disappointment and frustration to pride and jubilation. Watching the gleeful team celebrate its third-place medal was satisfying, but not the real motivation behind our effort.

My husband and I viewed the time we took and the financial and emotional costs associated with the tournament (and the whole sport for that matter) as an investment in our son. It’s not that we have grand illusions that he’ll get a full ride to college or earn a spot on the Olympic team—it’s more about the life experience and opportunities for character development. Over the years, he’s learned much more than how to play the game of water polo. He’s discovered how to show respect for his coaches and the officials, how to work with a team, how to win graciously and how to handle disappointment maturely. He’s learned a lot about discipline, commitment and hard work.  He’s had fun making friends but has also learned how to deal with difficult people and situations. The dollars, time and emotions we’ve spent have been an investment in his character and in his growth toward manhood.

There’s a big difference between spending and investing. Once something is spent, it’s gone for good: like spending money on something that will eventually lose its value or become obsolete. Investing, on the other hand, gives a return. When we invest in things that are worthwhile, they return greater rewards.

Jesus told this story about the value of investing wisely:

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

 19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

 21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

 22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

 23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

 24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

 26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

 28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’” (Matthew 25:14-30, NIV)

The bags of gold (translated as “talents” in other versions) represent the many resources God gives us to use during our lives. Every day we have a choice to invest them wisely, to squander them thoughtlessly or to keep them to ourselves, as the “wicked, lazy” servant did in the parable.

Thinking about the resources God has entrusted to me causes me to do a bit of soul-searching. It’s good to stop and consider if I’m as intentional with other areas as I’ve have been with my son’s involvement in sports. I try to ask myself periodically if I’m making worthwhile investments with the things listed below:

-My time (Am I following my own agenda? Am I generous or stingy with my time? Am I intentional about managing it wisely?)

-My relationships (Am I reaching out to people who need love and encouragement or focusing only on people who are part of my usual circle?)

-My finances (Am I generous? Do I tithe? Do I give sacrificially?)

-My natural abilities (Do I use them for my own benefit or to bless others and honor God?)

-My spiritual gifts (Do I know what they are? Am I using them regularly?)

-My intellect (What kinds of things do I put into my brain? Am I developing my mind and continually stretching myself to learn new things?  Am I using what I know to bless and benefit others?)

-My body (Am I exercising and sleeping enough so I can stay healthy? Do I put too much emphasis on my appearance? Do I have habits with food, alcohol or other substances that are unhealthy?)

-My tangible resources (Am I willing to open my home? Am I willing to help people with needs such as making meals, babysitting, doing extra carpool duty?)

-My spiritual life (Am I committed to growing in my relationship with God and my knowledge of His Word? Can I see signs of growth as I look back over the last few years?)

If one of the categories or questions causes you to stop and think, take some time to pray about it. Ask God to reveal whether or not you are making a wise investment with that particular topic. Let the Holy Spirit guide you and, above all, don’t try to tackle the entire list at once! Invest wisely one step at a time and know that God is saying to you “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

I suspect a few people who read the list above are going to focus on the areas they need to grow and will react by feeling like failures.  If you’re tempted to beat yourself up, please don’t.  Instead, click on the link below and be encouraged by Casting Crowns’ song “Just Be Held.”

Staying Spiritually Sharp

Our faith journeys always involve sharpening one another with spiritual truth. Sometimes we do this through sharing and encouraging, other times we do it through challenging others to reach higher or to confront a hard truth they’ve been avoiding.

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Clutching the packet of paper-wrapped knives, I walked to my car. It felt good to get them sharpened—a task that had been on my “to do” list for far too long. As I’d chatted with the man who had done the work for me, I asked, “How often do you suggest getting knives sharpened?”

“Oh, I’d say every six months or so, depending on how much you use them and how well you care for them.” I smiled to myself realizing I hadn’t been quite that diligent. The last time I had my knives sharpened was sometime during George W. Bush’s Administration.

I’d heard for years that a dull knife was dangerous. With a little research I found out why this is true from the folks at America’s Test Kitchen. In a short demonstration video, kitchen tester Bridget Lancaster explains that a dull knife is “an accident waiting to happen.” She goes on to say, “A dull blade will require more force to do the job. That will increase the chances of slipping and missing the mark.”

Her use of the phrase “missing the mark” caught my attention since it is one of the definitions used for sin (taken from a term used in archery). The experience with my dull knives also reminded me of a favorite verse: Continue reading “Staying Spiritually Sharp”