Category: Christian Living

Trying Softer

My younger son’s birthday is right around the corner. Every year as the thermometers rise and we turn the page to August, I think of the summer I was pregnant with him. We had some extreme heat that year and when I was almost full-term, there were days I felt I was being crowded out of my own body. The heat and physical discomfort made me determined to go into labor, so I started taking brisk walks in hopes of kicking my body into gear. I’ll never forget leaving the house one evening while my husband stayed back to put our two-year-old to bed. Sitting beside our pajama-clad son as they waved goodbye at the window, my husband called out “Remember, you’re not going to walk that baby out! He’ll come when he’s ready.” I was determined to prove him wrong, but labor ended up starting days later at a time and place that was not what I would have chosen.

Trying hard makes us feel powerful—like we can force a specific outcome and make circumstances unfold in the timing want. Unfortunately, though, it often causes us to think our effort is the most important factor.

In both parenting and ministry, I’ve learned that trying softer leaves more room for God to work and enables relationships to stay healthier. Taking this posture looks more passive but actually diverts our energy towards prayer and reliance on the Holy Spirit. It invites God to work in His timing and according to His plans. Trying softer means trusting Him to produce the fruit of patience, gentleness, and self-control when we’re tempted to take matters into our own hands and act with impatience, harshness, and impulsivity (see Galatians 5:22). Let’s explore a couple of real life examples to see how this looks

One of the most humbling places I’ve learned about trying softer has been in my role as a mom. My husband and I had always assumed our kids would go to college. As a former high school teacher, I looked forward to helping my boys chart a path that would open opportunities for higher education. However, at the start of his sophomore year, one of my sons began balking at my suggestions. He wanted nothing to do with building a resumé of experiences to showcase on college applications. Positioning himself to earn academic and extracurricular honors wasn’t compelling to him. No matter how I much I reasoned with him, he refused to listen.

Underlying tension simmered between us for months until it boiled over one day when I was peppering him with yet another helpful, albeit unsolicited, suggestion. In exasperation, my son cut me off mid-sentence and snapped: “College is stupid and a waste of money.” Offended and frustrated, I held back from spewing out an emotional reaction. In that moment, I realized trying harder to persuade him would have divided us even further.

Later, after much prayer and discussion, my husband and I agreed to let our son chart his path forward; all talk of college ceased in our household. We held our tongues but continued to pray that God would lead him to discover his passions and pursue the path that was best for him. Although it was difficult, we let go of the notion that college was his only option and waited to see how his plans would unfold.

Two years later, as our son prepared to start his senior year, I summoned the courage to ask about his post-high school plans. To my surprise, he told me he was interested in college and asked if I would help him with the application process. He later admitted to me that the pressure I had put on him to build his resumé felt inauthentic—like I was trying to make him “show well” to impress others instead of letting his genuine interests reveal who he was. He felt like a commodity to which I was trying to add value. It was sobering and convicting to hear his perspective. That fall he applied to four schools, received acceptances to all of them, and ended up choosing a small Christian college I never would have considered for him. 

This past May, my son graduated from that school after four incredible years. He thrived and grew there intellectually, spiritually, and relationally. Never once did I see a grade he received, but we often talked about what he was learning there. He gained valuable insights studying abroad in far flung places like Egypt, Israel, and India. At graduation he wore a cord around his neck signifying he’d completed his degree cum laude. He hadn’t even bothered to tell my husband and me. By easing off, we’d let him navigate decisions, make mistakes, and take ownership of his education. Better still, the change in our approach improved our relationship in ways we hadn’t anticipated.

The wisdom I’ve gleaned about trying softer has also benefitted me in ministry. I love serving and leading, but sometimes my enthusiasm creates a false sense of urgency. My desire to implement a vision and move plans forward can be on a timetable that’s a bit too aggressive. Trying harder to push my agenda or timeline often leads to hasty decisions, hard feelings, and frustrating interactions. 

After several missteps, I’ve learned the value of trying softer by pausing to pray and to give others time to do the same. Planning, serving, and leading in ministry without seeking God first is the opposite of abiding with Jesus. We can do nothing of spiritual significance on our own wisdom and strength. That’s what Jesus means when He says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, NIV)

Just like with my son, patience, gentleness and self-control have helped me to try softer and have given the Lord room to work. Instead of pressuring people to make a decision, say yes to serving, or provide information I need, I’ve learned to give them time to respond thoughtfully. Treating others gently frees them to say “yes” or “no” with joy instead of guilt. Relying on the Holy Spirit’s guidance as I lead has created meaningful ministry bonds, lasting friendships, and zero drama.

Where are you tempted to try harder to force your agenda? How might trying softer increase your trust in God and improve your relationships? Consider praying and asking the Lord to show you one place in your life where you need more patience, gentleness, and self-control. Abide in Him and watch the fruit He bears through you.

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Balance and Blind Spots

Have you ever driven a car with unbalanced wheels? If so, you’ve probably experienced a vibrating, bumpy ride. Ignoring the warning signs means wearing your tires unevenly and having to buy new ones sooner than you’d like. Or, have you ever driven a car with a huge blind spot? You glance over your shoulder before changing lanes but still miss the car coming up beside you until you nearly collide with it. While balance issues and blind spots are problematic out on the road, they also have detrimental effects in our personal lives—especially when it comes to serving others.

Discovering and using our spiritual gifts feels energizing and inspiring. Doing the good things God has “prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10) brings deep joy and fulfillment. What can be challenging, though, is learning to balance that satisfying sense of purpose with other responsibilities in our lives that require our ongoing attention. Sometimes we’re passionate about opportunities to use our time and gifts, but we must also be discerning about maintaining healthy margin. I’ve learned this (sometimes the hard way) through situations with my immediate and extended family over the past decade.

Seeking the Spirit’s discernment for setting priorities and managing time commitments has become a regular practice for me. I don’t want my household to dread every time I agree to teach, lead, mentor, or serve. So, maintaining a healthy balance between ministering to others, caring for myself, and spending time with my family keeps me from getting burnt out and them from getting bitter.

Our time and energy are finite, so with every “yes” we are inadvertently saying “no” to something else. It’s taken a while to realize the value of having margin and not cramming my schedule completely full. If I give all of my effort, energy, and attention to serving others, I don’t have much left for my family or other personal relationships. We live in a world that leads us to believe we can operate at full capacity 24/7– that we can “have it all” and “do it all” with no fallout or negative consequences. In reality though, we are not limitless. Relationships suffer when we go on autopilot and stop nurturing them.

God gave me perspective on this when I took on a significant leadership role at church just as my mom’s declining health forced her to stop driving. Although others also stepped in to help, I became responsible for accompanying her on most appointments. Some days it felt like I knew my mom’s doctors, medications, and health issues more intimately than my own. I took care of her needs efficiently, but often felt distracted and anxious to move on to the next responsibility in my day.  My mom was keenly aware of how busy life was for me. Time spent with her revolved around accomplishing tasks. Adding time to do enjoyable things together was a luxury I didn’t feel I could afford.

During that season, the Lord revealed a huge blind spot in my attitude. I realized that rushing through time spent with my mom was both hypocritical and unloving. Through the gentle but firm conviction of the Holy Spirit, I stopped treating her like a task to check off on my to-do list. Inspired by Colossians 1:11, I started praying before I’d pick her up, asking for endurance and patience. I wanted God to help me serve her with a spirit of love instead of obligation. When she felt self-conscious about taking time from my other “important” responsibilities, I began reassuring her that she wasn’t an inconvenience or an interruption from “real” ministry. Not only did this improve our relationship, it brought both of us more joy and peace.

If we serve people at church or out in the world, but find the needs of our own families irritating, there’s a blind spot that needs to be addressed. Using all of our energy to pour into others means giving our families a depleted, exhausted version of ourselves. And overlooking them also means we’re missing out on some beautiful ways God can use us and forge meaningful family relationships. First Corinthians 13 describes what love looks like: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV) Is there something in this description that convicts you? Will you commit to asking the Lord to help you with it? Let’s strive to show this kind of love to people we serve in ministry, as well as our families and those we encounter out in the world.

If you’re like me and struggle with wanting to say “yes” to all the things, consider where you might be out of balance. Before agreeing to the next exciting ministry endeavor, pause to pray for God’s clear leading. Ask your family and/or wise friends if they think it’s the right fit and timing; humbly allow them to identify any blind spots you may be missing. Consider your season of life and the other responsibilities you already have. Taking time to evaluate before diving in allows you to say “yes” or “no” with confidence. Serving with balance and without blind spots brings joy to you and blessing to everyone else in your life.

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Want to learn more about healthy balance? Check out Lisa Terkeurst’s book: The Best Yes.

When Interruptions Become Opportunities

Before the time of streaming entertainment on demand, I remember watching good old-fashioned network TV as a child. My family would crowd onto the couch together on specific nights to enjoy a few shows. Once in a while the broadcast would cut to a somber news anchor announcing: “We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special report.” The information often detailed a major event like a natural disaster, an emergency situation, or the death of someone important. After delivering the news, the anchor would say, “And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.” 

As I’ve thought about serving in various ministries over the past few years, I’ve been pondering times when there have been interruptions to my “regularly scheduled programming.” I’m not proud to admit it, but for a long time, I viewed these interruptions as irritants that were getting in the way of “real” ministry. They felt like distractions hindering me from accomplishing the tasks needed to put on programs. 

At some point, the Lord helped me to recognize that those interruptions were actually part of His plan. They were opportunities to walk alongside others and help them grow as followers of Jesus. At the same time, they provided experiences that softened some of my sharp edges and helped me to have more compassion and empathy. I started to see that prioritizing people over programs actually led to healthier relationships and meaningful spiritual growth. Interruptions were opportunities to mentor people and care for them. They were chances to guide them toward wisdom found in God’s Word and to recognize its relevance in their situations. Instead of rushing past interruptions, I began realizing the value of pausing to engage them. Here are a few ways God has used them with me:

-Circling Back: Sometimes in a meeting or small group issues arise that need one-on-one attention. When I’ve sensed that someone seems to be struggling, I’ve tried to follow up and connect outside our group or team meetings. Sometimes people just need to feel seen and heard. At other times they need encouragement, affirmation, or clarification. Heeding the Holy Spirit’s prompting and making time to check in with someone separately opens the door for God to work in and through us.

-Discipling through Conflict: Anytime we work or serve with people, conflicts arise at some point. Pretending they don’t exist usually just creates awkward interactions that lack authenticity. Addressing conflict through healthy communication opens opportunities for everyone to unpack misunderstandings and identify false assumptions. Perhaps someone needs to learn an applicable truth in Scripture. Maybe there’s an opportunity for spiritual refining or character development. Perhaps there’s a chance for someone to be convicted by sin or to recognize a blind spot. If we lean into awkward situations and seek better understanding, we’re creating opportunities to help ourselves and others mature spiritually and personally.

-Giving Permission to Pause: There are times when someone’s personal struggles may interrupt ministry programming. When a key member of a team I led lost her husband, we rallied around her to provide support. We were in the throes of launching into a new year and she didn’t want to leave us hanging, but we knew the best way to love her was to give her time away from serving. When personal hardship strikes a team member, the first priority needs to be showing love and compassion before worrying about how program logistics will be impacted. The interruption provides a beautiful opportunity to love someone when they’re hurting by giving them the time they need to heal.

There’s a story in Matthew’s gospel when an interruption leads to a powerful moment of ministry. Jesus travels by boat with His disciples to a solitary place. They are grieving the death of John the Baptist and seeking respite. However, “When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Concerned about practical matters, the disciples approach Jesus as evening draws near and say, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.” Instead of agreeing with their suggestion, Jesus replies, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” (Matt 14:14,15b,16, NIV)

Maybe you remember what happens next: Jesus takes five small loaves of bread and two fish, gives thanks to God and then feeds five thousand men, plus women and children. Not only does everyone eat their fill, but the disciples collect twelve baskets filled with leftovers.

Consider how differently Jesus and His disciples view interruptions. He seems to be the master of pivoting and adapting to new situations. Rather than being annoyed by the crowds greeting His boat, Jesus has compassion on them. Instead of dismissing them and sticking with His original plan, He ministers to them. When the disciples urge Him to send people away to find food, Jesus uses it as an opportunity to grow their trust in Him as the ultimate Provider. The interruptions become moments of ministry and revelation.

When we slow down and engage them, interruptions can become significant catalysts for ministering to others. What’s your usual response when they occur in your “regularly scheduled program”? Whether it’s in ministry, at home, at work, or somewhere else, there’s always an opportunity to grow in how you handle them. If you’re prone to anger, annoyance, impatience, or irritability when interruptions occur, consider praying and inviting the Lord to show how you can honor Him more in your response. You’ll discover joy on the journey and will bless others in the process.

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Let it Unfold

It’s been almost a year since God answered an angsty prayer by speaking to me in a dream. I’d found myself in a familiar situation—coordinating logistics for my family’s schedule and feeling frustrated that everyone wasn’t in sync. A tense conversation with one of my kids hadn’t ended well and I’d gone to bed discouraged. After tossing and turning for several hours, I fell into a fitful sleep while my brain continued to process a solution to our stalemate. 

My son’s lack of willingness to adjust to my plan was going to cost time and money as well as causing great inconvenience. Before falling asleep, I’d been weighing the different approaches I could use to get him to see the situation from my perspective. Exhausted, I eventually drifted off to sleep when, just before waking, calming words in a dream filled me with peace. I don’t think I heard the Lord audibly, but His message was clear: “Let it unfold.”

Pulling back the covers in the dawn light, I chose to trust God’s gentle voice as I anticipated the day ahead. Instead of trying to convince my son to get on board with my logistically “superior” plan, I held off and opted to let events unfold without intervening. A few months later, when the plans came to fruition, I understood what the Lord had been doing. The plan that, in my mind, had seemed illogical and inconvenient actually turned out to be God’s provision—a needed respite in an unexpected season of intensity in our family.

I view time as a precious commodity and see efficiency as the key to prevent wasting it. There’s nothing I love more than a well-crafted plan that works out exactly as I expect. But in the past year, the Lord has reminded me again and again of that phrase He gave me last summer: “Let it unfold.” When I’m tempted to speak up and step in to fix, suggest, or point out a better way to do something, I’m learning to pause and pray first. In my attempts to help others or improve situations, my proactivity can short-circuit the learning process for someone else. Worse still, it can squelch the Holy Spirit from moving or speaking.

We live in a fast-paced world and most of us don’t believe we have time to slow down and let things unfold, but that’s not the way of Jesus. When I’m tempted to rush or to force my plan on someone else, I’m reminded that Jesus was never in a hurry. He never rushed. Likewise, God never forces Himself or His plans on us. He waits patiently and delights when we choose to follow His ways instead of ours. I love how Jesus says this in The Message (a contemporary language paraphrase of the Bible): 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Learning to “let it unfold” has been an exercise in restraint for the past year. But as I’ve held back and waited longer than I would have preferred, I’ve watched the Lord move and have witnessed His “unforced rhythms of grace” more times than I can count. Sometimes it’s with one of my adult kids, other times, it’s been with extended family, or people I serve with or lead in ministry. Letting things unfold has helped me avoid unneeded tension with others that often comes with unsolicited advice, unwelcome opinions, and forced decisions. The Lord has shed light on pride that leads me to see my way of doing things as “best.” He’s humbled me and helped me to recognize the beauty of letting others learn through experience instead of being subjected to my “helpful” suggestions. I’m still growing in patience but am seeing the positive results of trusting His timing instead of acting on my impulses. 

What about you? Are you ever tempted to intervene and fast track the learning process for someone else? Do you sometimes want to help others see the value of your perspectives or opinions whether they’re ready to listen or not? Are you quick to offer a suggestion or observation before inviting the Holy Spirit to intercede? Letting things unfold doesn’t mean doing nothing, but it does mean pausing to pray. Sometimes the Lord may prompt you to speak up or step in; at other times He’ll guide you to hold off and wait. Seeking His guidance enables you to be confident that you’re relying on God’s wisdom instead of your knee-jerk response.

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Ebenezer Stones

This spring marked the culmination of two significant seasons in my life: my youngest child graduated from college and I completed my fourth and final year serving as Women’s Ministries Director at my church. It’s been a poignant time as I’ve looked back at God’s faithfulness over the past four years. New and exciting ministry endeavors await, but before I dive into them, I’d like to pause and reflect on what I’ve learned. This summer’s posts will stand as stones of remembrance that mark where the Lord revealed Himself to me–my prayer is that they glorify Him and provide practical wisdom that will bless others and build His kingdom.

One of my favorite stories about stones of remembrance comes from the book of Joshua. After fleeing from slavery in Egypt and wandering in the desert for forty years, the Israelites enter the promised land at long last. Moses has passed away and they are now under the leadership of Joshua. In a miraculous set of events, the Lord holds back the rushing waters of the Jordan River at flood stage so that His people can move safely into the promised land. Once they cross, Joshua instructs them to set up a monument using twelve large stones from the riverbed.  “He said to the Israelites, ‘In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’  tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The Lord your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over.  He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.” (Joshua 4:21-24, NIV)

Later in Scripture, symbols of remembrance are called Ebenezer stones. This label appears in the book of First Samuel when Israel’s army musters for an attack by the Philistines. As they prepare for battle, “They said to Samuel, ‘Do not stop crying out to the LORD our God for us, that he may rescue us from the hand of the Philistines.’ Then Samuel took a suckling lamb and sacrificed it as a whole burnt offering to the LORD. He cried out to the LORD on Israel’s behalf, and the LORD answered him. While Samuel was sacrificing the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to engage Israel in battle. But that day the LORD thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such a panic that they were routed before the Israelites…Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the LORD has helped us.’” (1 Samuel 7:8-10, 12, NIV)

So, Ebenezer stones commemorate the Lord’s help and faithfulness at specific points in time. Anything we lay eyes on can become an Ebenezer stone that symbolizes of our gratitude to God, whether it’s written or visual. These tangible reminders give us reassurance and hope for the future and prompt us to tell others about what the Lord has done in our lives.

Maybe this slower-paced season is a good time for you to do some reflecting too. Whether you’re flying to a faraway place, relaxing on a beach, lounging by a pool, or hiking a mountain trail, why not take some time to consider where the Lord has been at work in your life over the past year? What have you learned about Him and about yourself? How have you grown spiritually? What stones of remembrance will mark this season in your life as a testimony of God’s faithfulness? Who will you tell so that you can give glory to the Lord?

Want to learn more about Ebenezer stones and the hymn that made them famous? Click here.

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Strengthened with God’s Power

Recently I returned from a mission trip in Mexico. The week away from the normal comforts of home was both exhausting and inspiring. Our group adapted to riding on bumpy local buses to and from our worksites, doing manual labor without power tools, camping in tents, bathing with solar showers, and even using port-a-potties with a rather pungent aroma. But there was one comfort of home that most people couldn’t do without: cell phones. While they were used mostly for taking photos and communicating with family back home, they appeared to be the one convenience that was indispensable.

My first year on the trip, I was fortunate enough to be on a worksite with a foreman who had a truck and a phone charger. I never had to jockey for position at a power strip in camp during the few hours the generators were running. I remember scurrying to his truck one evening to plug in my phone. When I returned later, I was disappointed to discover that it hadn’t charged at all. A quick investigation revealed that the cord had been unplugged to make room for a different type of charger. I just hadn’t noticed in my haste. No matter how long my phone remained plugged into that cord, it was worthless without a power source.

And what is true for our all-important technology is even more essential in our spiritual lives. We simply can’t function well when we’re not consistently connected with our power source, God. Jesus describes this in John 15: ““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, NIV) Maybe the twenty-first century version would sound like this: “I am the power source, you are the device. If you remain plugged into me, you will have the everything you need to fulfill my purposes; apart from me you can do nothing of spiritual significance.”

Paul writes a prayer about this very idea in the book of Colossians: “We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” (Colossians 1:9b-12, NIV, italics added)

The prayers offered in this passage show the value and necessity of staying plugged into God. As we do that, we receive wisdom and understanding from the Spirit so that we bear fruit and grow, continually strengthened with His power so that we have endurance, patience, and joy.

As summer approaches, most of us look forward to a break from our regular routines. We anticipate the ease of a relaxing vacation at the beach, hiking mountain trails, or experiencing new cultures traveling abroad. Leisurely days with family, reading a book, or finally tackling projects on our to-do lists sound inviting after the rigors of the year.

What is unfortunate, however, is that for many of us a break from gathering for a large-group Bible study also equates with a break from our spiritual lives altogether. This is like hoping the charge on your phone will last throughout the summer without bothering to plug it in. It won’t.

So before you kick up your feet and revel in the newly opened spaces in your schedule, why not plan how you’ll stay connected to your power source during the break from your usual Bible study? Need some suggestions? Well, I’m glad you asked. Read all the way to the bottom before clicking on any of the links for more info. (Clicking on colored and underlined words will link you to more information about the specific titles or websites suggested below.)

  1. Choose a new devotional to read daily. Read and study the Scriptures referenced in it. Take the time to absorb and apply what it says.  Here are several I’d recommend:

2. Choose a book of the Bible and keep a journal. ESV Illuminated Scripture Journals work well for this. Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 & 2 Peter, 1,2 & 3 John would all be great options. After each chapter, stop and answer these four questions:

  • What does this teach me about God
  • What does this teach me about myself?
  • What do I need to do as a result of reading this passage?
  • What character qualities do I see in God displayed in this passage? (Questions adapted from Finding I Am by Lysa TerKeurst)

3. Choose a Bible study to go through or finish a Bible study workbook that you didn’t complete during the year. Invite a few friends to do it with you and schedule times when you can meet during the summer to discuss what you’re learning. Text or e-mail each other in between meetings so you can spur each other on.  Here are several I’d recommend:

4. Read a book to gain deeper insight and biblical perspective from a trusted Christian author.  Here are a few I’d recommend:

5. Listen to podcasts filled with biblical truth, wisdom, and inspiration. Here are a few I’d recommend:

6. Subscribe to an online study or devotional from one of your favorite Christian authors. You can start by subscribing to this blog if you don’t already. I’ll be posting throughout the summer. Log onto my website www.marybethmccullum.com, look at the right side of the screen and you’ll see the heading “Subscribe to Blog Via E-mail.” Fill in your e-mail address and click the “subscribe” button. Be sure to confirm your subscription the first time you receive an e-mail from my website. 

Whatever ideas you decide to try, make it a priority to continue engaging your faith. My prayer is that you’ll stay plugged into Jesus and Scripture during the summer months with the same consistency that you charge your electronic devices. Happy summer!

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Yearning for Unity

Scrolling through my news feed, I’m surprised at how frequently there are articles having to do with the Church or faith-related issues. Sadly, most of the time the articles describe behaviors and attitudes of people who label themselves as “Christian” but have no resemblance to Jesus. I was saddened by a recent one I read that detailed two factions with wildly divergent views whose differences led to a tragic death. It’s no secret that tension and divisiveness have become the norm in our culture today, even in the body of Christ. 

So how do we arrive at the unity that Jesus prayed for in John 17?  How do we respond when others who worship beside us hold different views? Do we reject them and retreat, only associating with those who share the same viewpoints? Do we avoid any subject that might elicit discomfort or a strong reaction?

A good starting place for answering these questions is understanding Jesus’ prayer for unity: “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:20-23, NIV)

First, it’s important to note that unity and uniformity are not the same thing. Uniformity happens when we already think alike. Conversely, unity only comes when we work hard to find ways to agree with others who have differing views. Unity is something we must grapple with as believers. Ultimately, a stronger bond comes when we acknowledge our differing views and demonstrate willingness to listen and find common ground. So, let’s explore three ways we can align with the heart of Jesus and pursue unity as His followers.1

1) Commit to the Mission of the Church (with a capital “C”): Christian churches across the world use different language to convey a common mission: To know Christ and make Him known. Jesus says it this way in His prayer: “I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:23, NIV) Obedience to God includes gathering with others to worship, connect, and serve. We’re meant to do this together to honor the Lord and realign ourselves with His will. As we’re reminded of God’s love, mercy, and grace, we band together to share what we’ve received from Him with the world around us. When we stop gathering and divide into factions, we prize uniformity and become suspicious of others. This inward focus causes us to become critical of anyone not in our closed system. We zero in on other believers who do things differently instead of looking outward to the world that desperately needs to hear the hope of the gospel. “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Galatians 5:14-15, NIV)

2) Commit to Being Humble and Others-centric: Our personal opinions feel important and can spark strong emotions, especially in the divisive times we’re living in right now. No one agrees with every decision made by leaders or individuals. But we need to prioritize respecting one another as people and followers of Christ more than we care about being right or airing our opinions. Consider Paul’s wise counsel: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Ephesians 4:2-6, NIV)

3) Commit to Sacrificing Your Will:  Jesus prayed for the unity of all believers knowing it would be difficult. He prayed this only hours before He was betrayed, abandoned, arrested, tortured, and killed. This is what He was agreeing to when He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39, NIV) Jesus gave up His will for our sake. Are we willing to do that for His Church? 

Pursuing unity as a body of believers requires an unwavering focus on Jesus. Consider the wisdom of A.W. Tozer: “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So, one hundred worshipers meeting together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become ‘unity’ conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship.”

Author and Bible teacher Kristi McClellan emphasizes: “Oneness is the way of the kingdom of God in the world. Gospel-centered kingdom-oriented unity has always been a unity within diversity. Unity does not occur when we become the same. True, robust, healthy, and vibrant unity happens within our unique and diverse expressions…Jesus prayed we would be one. Let’s do all we can to honor Him as followers of Jesus seeking oneness, unity, harmony, wholeness, flourishing, and delight. The church is best expressed as a bouquet of unique flowers rather than twelve red roses. We are better together…pray our oneness and unity will give the world an ancient taste of Eden and a future taste of the new heaven and the new earth fully realized.”2

As followers of Jesus, let’s commit to pursuing unity and praying for oneness among our fellow believers. Instead of being quick to notice differences that irk us, let’s ask the Lord to reveal where we may be prioritizing our personal agendas. With humility, let’s invite Him to reveal where we’ve gotten in the habit of finding fault, taking offense, or creating division. Let’s ask Him to show the power of His infinite love and grace through us to every person we encounter.

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1. The definition of unity vs. uniformity and the three points below it are based on Sean Morgan’s Leaders in Living Rooms podcast episode “Ugly Bride- Three Essential for Church Unity” from Sept. 13, 2021.

2. Kristi McClellan, When You Pray, Session 7, Lifeway Press, 2023, 200.

Expanding Intercession

“Does anyone have prayer requests?” I couldn’t begin to count how many times I’ve heard that question while sitting in a circle with other believers. Usually people share about the circumstances of people they love—whether it’s asking for physical healing, emotional support, relational peace, or something else that will affect life in the natural world.

After studying intercessions of many faithful people in Scripture, I’ve been surprised to discover they have a very different emphasis. Take Paul’s opening prayer in Ephesians for example: “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” (Ephesians 1:17-19, NIV) Paul’s prayer centers on the spiritual realm. He prays for those he loves to receive wisdom and revelation so they can know the Lord better. He prays their spiritual eyes will be opened and they’ll have greater understanding of the power they have through the Spirit.

Inspired by this prayer a few years ago, I started interceding less about circumstances of those I love and more about the eyes of their hearts being opened. While I care about their health, safety, and relationships, I now see that praying for their hearts and minds to be aligned with the Lord will have a more lasting impact (and will actually affect their health, safety, and relationships positively too.) More than anything, I want them to know God deeply and understand the riches they have in Him. It’s been encouraging, gratifying, and sometimes surprising to recognize how God has responded to my prayers over time.

When we intercede for ourselves and others, we have access to a limitless source of spiritual power. Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3 illustrates this: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:16-19, NIV) The answer to this prayer changes how believers see themselves and others. Once we grasp the depth of God’s love for us and root ourselves in it, we overflow with Jesus’ love. Instead of looking for people to fill us, we’re able to pour out God’s love on them.

Jada Edwards explains, “When Christ dwells in our hearts, we are so grounded in love that we are able to see people in the image of God. This type of love should be something we daily ask God to manifest in us and something we daily pray for others in the Spirit of Paul’s prayer.”1 Edwards invites us to stretch our faith and pray for God’s power to be more evident in ourselves, others, and among all believers. Consider these ideas to expand your prayers of intercession:

-In our personal lives: We can ask the Lord to fill us and satisfy us so completely each day that we’re not tempted to look for any lesser thing or person to quench our spiritual thirst. We can also pray for God to give us His power in practical ways—whether it’s enabling us to offer forgiveness and mend a relationship, to give us contentment while a longing remains unfulfilled, or to experience joy that is rooted in knowing Christ instead of circumstances being the way we want. We can ask God to align our hearts and minds to His will and to let the fruit of the Spirit be evident and bountiful in our lives: “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23a NLT)

-In the lives of others: We can ask God to reveal Himself in ways they can see and feel; to help them persevere and trust Him through trials; to encourage them when they’re struggling; to heal and comfort physical and emotional pain; to provide for tangible needs; to convict them when they’re mired in sin; or to give them wisdom and guidance in making decisions. We can pray for the Lord to help them remain closely connected to Him and to bear fruit that reveals His presence in their lives. “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” (John 15:7-8, NIV)

-In the church (local and global): We can ask God to empower us collectively to show His love to the world; to equip us to serve others with wisdom and grace; to bring unity among all believers in our divided world; to meet physical and emotional needs of the hurting through the church; to keep us humble and pure in heart; and to bring the light of hope into the darkness. “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16, NIV)

Every suggestion here has been inspired by Scripture. When we let the Bible inform our prayers, we can be confident that they align with God’s will. Consider expanding your prayers of intercession—look beyond circumstances and pray for hearts and minds to be more attuned to the Kingdom of God. Try using Paul’s prayers when you’re interceding for others. Ask the Lord to open the eyes of your heart and to fill you with His love that surpasses knowledge, then watch the way it overflows from your life.

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1. Jada Edwards, When You Pray, Lifeway Press 2023, 157.

Learning to Lament

“Life often hurts, and we need to know how to pray when it does,” Jennifer Rothschild declares in When You Pray. Maybe prayers of lament aren’t a regular part of your times with the Lord; expressing passionate grief or sorrow isn’t something we do well as a culture. Rather than feeling the depth of our emotions, we expend tremendous energy trying to avoid them. 

We’ve learned to sidestep pain in many creative ways. Here are a few strategies that have become common in our culture:

Numbing: Physical pain in our bodies signals to us that something needs attention. However, if we numb the pain of a toothache without addressing the root issue, the problem grows bigger. Yet many of us do this with our emotions—we feel the unpleasant sensation of pain and we rush to numb it with alcohol, pills, binge watching Netflix, shopping, or something else. Anesthetizing may lessen the pain for a while, but it brings only short-term relief.

Busyness & Distraction: Like waving a toy in front of a toddler crying for his mother, we occupy ourselves with distractions that make us forget emotional pain, at least for a little while. Maybe it’s keeping a full social calendar, scrolling social media, flooding our minds with mental inputs like podcasts or audio books, or throwing ourselves into serving others or working. We often use busyness and distractions to avoid feeling our emotions.

Denial & Avoidance: Sometimes we like to pretend the pain isn’t there. We think that if we don’t acknowledge its existence, it can’t take us under. Like getting caught in a forceful ocean current, we try to resist its power and exhaust ourselves fighting against it. But as a wise pastor once told me, grief waits for us for as long as it takes for us to reckon with it.

Pursuing Pleasure: Taking a vacation, looking for laughs, or deciding we “deserve” to eat with abandon can be coping mechanisms we use trying to counterbalance the pain we’re feeling. Wanting to feel good for just a moment, we justify spending money or consuming calories in an effort to soothe the hurt gnawing inside of us. Often, we end up feeling worse than we did before.

Negative Comparisons: I’ll never forget risking to lament about a painful situation I was experiencing. My confidante responded by saying, “Well, at least…” and then proceeded to share something similar she’d gone through that was much worse. Instead of listening with empathy, she minimized my sadness. I felt foolish and guilty for letting my “lesser” problem affect me so deeply. Trying to make ourselves (or others) feel better through negative comparisons just makes the burden heavier.

Positive Spin: Sometimes we take a hard situation and, instead of processing our painful emotions, we try looking at the bright side. I’ve often tried to console myself and others by focusing only on the benefits emotional hardship could bring. But failing to acknowledge the pain is like covering a wound before cleaning it out—it festers and prevents healing.

Spiritual Bypassing: For a lover of Scripture like me, another way I’ve avoided feeling my sadness is by veering around it. Before even allowing my emotions to surface fully, I’m already trying to find ways to explain away the pain or learn spiritual truth from it. It’s short-sighted to think we can “skip over our pain and just have Jesus ‘fix’ us.”1

We can stave off painful emotions, but ultimately if we don’t deal with them, they leak out of us at times we don’t anticipate. Unacknowledged pain morphs into impatience, anger, irritability, apathy, discouragement, and a host of other negative emotions and behaviors that ripple out to affect others around us.

Rather than avoiding our pain, we need to face it head on and let ourselves feel it deeply. Learning to lament in prayer with total honesty brings great relief and freedom. Try using these steppingstones on the path to comfort and healing.2

1. Address God: Focus your prayer on the One who knows you intimately and listens to you attentively. “Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.” (Psalm 5:1-2, NIV)

2. Pour out your heart: Bring Him your complaints and concerns. Share your raw emotions without holding back. “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8, NIV)

3. Request help: Ask God for what you need, but also remain open to His perspective on your situation. “But you, Sovereign Lord, help me for your name’s sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.”(Psalm 109:21, NIV)

4. Express trust. Affirm your faith in God’s character and His Word. (Or ask Him to build your trust in Him if you’re not quite there yet.) “Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (Psalm 62:1-2, NIV)

5. Praise Him. No matter how terrible you feel, God is still good. Remind yourself of this by expressing adoration for His wisdom, strength, and faithfulness (or whatever qualities of His you appreciate.) Use the Bible to help you if you can’t come up with anything on your own. “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails  and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength;  he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19, NIV)

Lament gives us time and space to identify our feelings and process them in the safe, loving, patient presence of our Heavenly Father. Laying out our emotions allows the Lord to comfort us and guide us, freeing us to move forward instead of being continually weighed down. It’s hard work, but so worth it. The next time you’re hurting emotionally, consider making time to practice lament and let the Lord refresh your spirit.

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1. John Mark Comer quoting John Welwood, Praciticing the Way, Waterbrook, 2024, 88.

2. Jennifer Rothschild, When You Pray session 5, Lifeway Press 2023, 119.

Petitioning God

Most of us think of prayer as an opportunity to ask the Lord for what we need or want. In Session 3 of When You Pray, contributing author Jackie Hill Perry opens by inviting us to read several Scriptures about making requests of God. By cherry picking verses from these passages, we could make some inaccurate assumptions about prayers of petition, especially in our culture that values instant gratification. Consider these phrases:

  • “Ask and it will be given to you.” (Matt 7:7a)
  • “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matt 21:22)
  • “Whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (1 John 5:15b)

Without context, we could misinterpret these passages and see God as a spiritual wish-granter. Prayer could seem transactional like a vending machine–we insert a prayer; God gives the answer. We might come to Scripture focusing on what sounds good to us while filtering out what’s uncomfortable or difficult to understand. Jackie Hill Perry suggests examining a list of verses that help us to understand the importance of seeking the will of God in our petitions (When You Pray page 51). Let’s see what we can learn from them:

Psalm 145:18 “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Regardless of how or when He answers our prayers, we can rest assured that the Lord is present when we cry out to Him with authenticity. We don’t need to use fancy words—we can be honest and vulnerable in our prayers and take comfort in God’s nearness to us.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” One commentary explains, “When we allow God to make our paths straight, we are aligning our will with His. This requires humility and a willingness to surrender our plans and desires to the sovereign will of God. It is also a recognition that our finite understanding cannot lead us in the right direction and that true fulfillment comes from following the path that God sets for us.”1

Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” The Lord values justice, mercy, and humility. When our prayers focus on bringing more of these three things to our lives and the world, we know they are within the parameters of His will.

John 15:7 “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” When we walk closely with Jesus, our hearts are drawn to what He wants. When we pray about things that align with what He teaches, we can trust that He will respond.

John 16:23-24 “In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” When we pray “in Jesus name” we are declaring that our requests align with what He would want. Praying in His name isn’t a way to sign off on our prayers before saying “amen” but to affirm that we’re seeking what we know He would desire. Abiding closely with Jesus enables us to experience deep joy when we see His will accomplished through our prayers.

Romans 8:27-28 “And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” The Holy Spirit searches our hearts and prays on our behalf to the Father (which is great news when we don’t know what to pray!) God works for our good according to His purposes, not our plans.

Hebrews 13:20-21 “Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”  God equips us with everything good for carrying out His will so that we can do what is pleasing to Him. All of this is not for our comfort or convenience but His glory.

James 4:2-3 “You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” God knows our motives and does not grant selfish desires or give what is not in accordance with His will.

2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” We live in a culture that demands instant gratification, but God rarely answers according to our timelines. We need to pray for patience and let God’s plans unfold in His perfect timing.

God wants us to ask for things, but Scripture also calls us to align with His will. So, let’s strive to be more concerned with His glory than our personal gain. Jackie Hill Perry closes by asking “How can we cultivate a heart that loves the Giver more than the gift?” Here are a few ideas:

  • Each time you pray, consider previous requests you’ve made. Thank God for the prayers He has answered and notice the ways He may have responded differently (or better) than you anticipated.
  • Thank God for things you might take for granted normally: your health, your home, your relationships, your community of faith, etc.
  • Thank God for the gifts He’s given you and the opportunities you’ve had to use them to bless others, build His church, and advance His kingdom on earth.
  • Ask the Lord to help you want His will more than yours. Ask Him to change your heart and to show where you’re clinging to your personal agenda instead of trusting Him.

Want to learn more about aligning with God’s will in your life and prayers? Consider reading Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer.

Was this forwarded to you? You can receive new posts automatically in your inbox by going to www.marybethmccullum.com, entering your e-mail address and clicking “subscribe.”

Inspired by When You Pray: A Study of Six Prayers in the Bible, Kelly Minter, Jackie Hill Perry, Jen Wilkin, Jennifer Rothschild, Jada Edwards, Kristi McClelland, Lifeway Press, 2023.

  1. GotQuestions.org “What does it mean that He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:6)?”