Category: Christian Living

The Thrill of Letting God Disrupt Your Patterns

Are you letting the predictable patterns of your life keep you from something new Jesus wants to do in and through you?

IMG_0683 (1)
San Francisco’s Coit Tower stands 210 feet tall atop Telegraph Hill. As one of the city’s best-known landmarks, it was a regular stop for my parents with out of town guests during my childhood. I still remember tumbling out of our station wagon with my four siblings, my mom and whatever visitors happened to be getting the grand tour. My dad would patiently drive in circles through the packed parking lot as we took in the panoramic view. There was an elevator that went to the top of the tower, but we never made the ascent. With the size of our group and the number of tourists waiting in line, we never had the time to fit it in with all of the other sights. We figured the view from the bottom was good enough—even with the trees and bushes partially obstructing it.

Although I’ve lived in the Bay Area most of my life, it was not until a recent visit to San Francisco that I rode the elevator to the top of Coit Tower with my son.  The 360-degree view of the city and all the surrounding areas was worth the time and effort. In one direction, the tall buildings of the financial district rose up in front of the green waters of the bay. Moving a little further around, I could see the iconic towers of the Golden Gate Bridge and the red brick buildings of Ghiradelli Square. Just beyond that, Alcatraz Island stood sentinel in the waters just beyond Fisherman’s Wharf.   A little further to our right, the Bay Bridge intersected Yerba Buena Island before continuing across to the city. The view from the bottom paled in comparison.

Sometimes I wonder if we treat our faith like tourists hitting the highlights in a big city. We breeze through a lot of opportunities for growth without engaging them fully or delving deeply. We hear sermons or read devotionals and declare they are “good” but never make time to incorporate the truth we’re learning into our lives.  We’re content to make a loop through the parking lot and catch the view from below, not wanting to inconvenience ourselves with the time, effort and cost required to ascend the tower and see the view. We have routines that we follow and agendas to keep. We like what is predictable and manageable for our schedules and we get complacent.  Or we pack our weeks so full there isn’t time to engage in anything deeply and we’re hesitant to relinquish any of our precious “free time.”

Inviting God to do new things feels disruptive to our carefully ordered lives. We fear it will be messy and complicated to serve in new places with different people. Sometimes we’re afraid to let God use our gifts in new ways because the results are unpredictable. Although we know He wants to stretch us continually, it just doesn’t seem worth the cost. The time and effort we’d have to expend deter us from pressing on.

Even people who met Jesus face to face struggled with these issues. The gospel of Luke tells the story of three different people who encountered Jesus and claimed they wanted to follow Him. All three ended up turning away when they realized how disruptive it would be to their lives. You can read about them in Luke 9:57-62.

Contrasting that is the story of Jesus calling his first disciples, Peter, James and John. Luke’s gospel describes a day when Jesus preached to the people on the shore of the Lake of Gennesaret as He stood in the boat of a fisherman named Peter. After working all night and catching nothing, Peter and his fishing partners, James and John, sat and listened to Jesus’ teaching. Once He was finished teaching, Jesus directed them to push out from shore and cast their nets even though they’d been unsuccessful the night before. Instead of balking at instructions from a non-fisherman, the men listened to Jesus and caught so many fish their boats began to sink. Their willingness to obey Him brought amazing results and revealed Jesus was no ordinary man.   After the miraculous catch of fish, He invited the three to follow Him. They responded in a way that humbles and inspires me:

“So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.” (Luke 5:11, NIV)

Peter, James and John abandoned their predictable lives and began the adventure of walking with Jesus. Their willingness allowed Him to use them in powerful ways. Think what they would have missed if they’d declined when Jesus asked them to follow Him.

Are you letting the predictable patterns of your life keep you from something new Jesus wants to do in and through you? Summer is a good time to evaluate your schedule for the coming year and to consider new opportunities. Is it time to step out of your comfort zone and get involved in something different? Is it time to test out that spiritual gift that’s been simmering on the back burner? Maybe you need to relinquish some of your cherished free time to volunteer or meet a need. Maybe it’s time to evaluate your finances and consider how you can bless others and honor God in new ways.

Will you trust God enough to pray and invite Him to stretch you in a new way? Will you let Him break you out of your routine and discover more joy? The view from the parking lot is nice, but the view from the top is beyond compare. It’s just a matter of letting Him change your vantage point. Are you ready to let Him take you there?

IMG_0693 (1)

Old vs. New

For those abiding in God’s love, joy comes from growing deeper in our walks with Him and helping others to do the same. Conversely, when we don’t remain in His love, we’re not producing fruit–we’re trying to do things through our own effort to prove ourselves.

IMG_7910

There is a person in my life that causes me great angst at times. She’s critical of everything about me, always noticing my flaws and mistakes. When I don’t measure up to her standards, she’s ruthless in her criticism. No matter how many positive things I’m doing, she always notices what I’m not doing or what I could be doing more. She’s impatient, jealous and judgmental. She constantly compares me to others.

As much as I’d like to cut this person out of my life forever, I can’t seem to shake her completely. By now you’re probably wondering: who is this awful person?   Well, I call her “Old Me.” She’s the person I would be without God’s saving grace; she is my fleshly, worldly self.   Sadly, “Old Me” looks a lot like “New Me” on the outside, but her interior life is another story.

“Old Me” seems to show up when I haven’t been spending time with God consistently and renewing my mind in the truth of His Word. She deceives me into thinking I can perform for God to win His favor.   She focuses a lot on doing for God and not much on simply being with Him.

I was thinking about “Old Me” recently while reading Tim Chester’s book You Can Change. In it, he points out that many people change their behavior but are still not pleasing to God because their motives are impure.   When I think about the person I used to be (and that I can still be at times) I see that many of the things I did seemed good, but my reasons for doing them had more to do with proving myself or pleasing others than anything else. Chester explains: “We don’t do good works so we can be saved; we are saved so we can do good works. ‘For by grace you have been saved through faith…not a result of works… For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.’ (Ephesians 2:8-10).”

“New Me” experiences joy by doing good things God has prepared for me– it’s about responding to His love, not dutifully checking a box to feel good about myself or to gain approval from others.   In this frame of mind, my eyes are on God, not on myself. My desire is to please Him because I love Him, not because I’m trying to earn His favor.

One of the best passages that illustrates eliminating “Old Me” so that “New Me” can flourish comes from the gospel of John. In this passage, Jesus speaks to His disciples saying,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” (John 15:5-9, NIV)

Remaining in God’s love impacts our perspectives and enables us to grow and thrive in our faith. The fruit He produces in us blesses and benefits others. (One of my pastors recently pointed out that a tree produces fruit for others to consume, not for its own benefit). For those abiding in God’s love, joy comes from growing deeper in our walks with Him and helping others to do the same. Conversely, when we don’t remain in His love, we’re not producing fruit–we’re trying to do things through our own effort to prove ourselves. For me, this is when “Old Me” tends to rear her head. In Jesus’ analogy of the vine, the withered branches represent “Old Me” and the only thing they’re good for is kindling.

This battle between “Old Me” and “New Me” happens more often than I’d like to admit. Maybe you can relate. We have a choice every day to abide with Christ, to remain in His love and to let Him renew our minds. The alternative is to do things our way.   It boils down to a standoff between living in our flesh and living by the Spirit. Let’s not be deceived by our “Old Me’s” anymore. God has already won the battle and we can embrace the truth that we are living under His grace. We are holy, righteous and redeemed, no matter what our old selves may try to tell us.

Mercy Me has an amazing song that speaks this truth. Click on the link to be encouraged by “Greater.”

Chester, Time; You Can Change: God’s Transforming Power for Our Sinful Behavior and Negative Emotions; Crossway, 2010, p. 28

Living Inside the Guardrails

IMG_0678

His bags were packed with clean, neatly folded clothes. Including sunscreen was perhaps overly optimistic, but I did hope the toothbrush and toothpaste would see a little action throughout the week. My thirteen-year old son was leaving for camp with our church’s youth group. If last year’s trip was any indicator, he’d come home wearing the same clothes and not having opened his toiletry bag even once. Personal hygiene issues aside, I was excited about his week away. For me, youth camps had always been a significant time of spiritual growth and good, clean fun.

My husband and I sat on the couch with our son a few minutes before his departure and tried to plant seeds for the week. “So, what kinds of goals do you have for camp?” His dad asked. “I dunno,” he said with a shrug. Trying to prime the pump, I threw out a few suggestions, “Maybe there’s one new activity you can try that you didn’t do last year. Or maybe you could make a new friend.” He continued to sit without a glimmer of a response. I forged ahead, trying to sound casual. “I think it’s great to make spiritual goals when you go to camp. Like, maybe you could try reading your Bible or praying every day.” Still nothing. Finally, my husband told him we would just tell God about our goals for his week. He was fine with having us pray for him, but didn’t want to chime in. I wasn’t disappointed in the least. I couldn’t be more pleased that he attends youth group, gets excited to go to camp and likes the Christian music we listen to at home. I know a spiritual foundation is being laid in him and he’s heading in the right direction.  I certainly wasn’t mature in my faith at thirteen.

One thing I’m realizing about spiritual growth for people of any age is that it only happens when we position ourselves to receive God’s truth. This happens when we spend time in places and with people who value having a relationship with Jesus. Each decision we make brings us a step closer to God or a step farther away. The more we read the Bible and implement what we’re learning, the more we continue to mature spiritually and see the blessings of living aligned with God’s will.

It’s like driving on a winding road or over a bridge.   We know the guardrail on the side is there to protect us from harm and make us feel safe, not to limit our freedom.

Similarly, spending time in places and with people who value God gives us spiritual guardrails that keep us on track in our faith journeys. For my son, it’s youth group, summer camp and parents who pray for him often. For adults I know, it’s participating in Bible study consistently, attending church, enjoying Christian friendship and spending time alone with God. These things keep our hearts teachable and our minds open to the ways God wants to stretch us.

The apostle Paul explains it this way:

“At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.” (Titus 3:3-8, NIV)

Those who don’t know Christ live dangerously outside the guardrails that keep people pointed toward God. They are foolishly deceived by passions and pleasures, but think they are living ultimate freedom by giving in to their fleshly desires. Those in Christ, however, have become His heirs and have received the hope of eternal life. Because of this, followers of Christ devote themselves to doing what is good so that their lives bless others and honor God. The hindrances of sin no longer hold them back from living the abundant life God intends.

The ways we spend our time, the people we surround ourselves with, the things we watch, listen to and read all affect our view of God and His plans for us. How are you doing with living inside the protection of His guardrails? Are you pushing against them, enticed by the deceptions of our culture and its definition of “freedom”? What subtle influences pull you closer to Him? Which ones draw your attention away?

Every day the world bombards us with words and ideas that we can accept or reject in light of the truth of God’s Word. When we run towards Him, we remember we are beloved children of the King of Kings. Living inside the guardrails is exactly where I want to be.

Click on the link to hear the inspiring and upbeat song “Who I Am” by Blanca.

Trusting God with the Impossible

Throughout the pages of Scripture, we see examples that show these words are true. But sometimes we forget that the stories in the Bible are real situations that happened to real people. We boil down the spectacular into cute children’s stories and forget that God really did (and does) amazing things all the time.

IMG_0530

My mind has been swimming in words for the past week. For six days straight I’ve had books spread over my desk as I’ve been writing curriculum for a Bible study on the women in Jesus’ genealogy. Delving deeply into their lives, I’ve discovered connections I’d never noticed before.   For starters, Abraham’s wife, Sarah, and Jesus’ mother, Mary, have something pretty spectacular in common.

You might remember Sarah, from Genesis. At the age of sixty-five she agrees to leave the only home she’s ever known to follow God’s command and move hundreds of miles with Abraham to Canaan. Scripture tells us Sarah is barren. In spite of this, God promises Abraham he will father a great nation one day. After waiting ten years, Sarah begins to lose hope and decides to take matters into her own hands. Following a common practice for her time period, she suggests that Abraham conceive a child with her maid, Hagar. Although the union does produce a son, God makes it clear that the child, Ishmael, is not the one who will fulfill His promise.

Finally, when Sarah is eighty-nine and Abraham is ninety-nine, the LORD tells them the time has come for her to conceive. Sarah will bear a child at the age of ninety. When she laughs at the absurdity of the news, God says to Abraham:

“Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” (Genesis 18:14, NIV)

Sure enough, a year later, Sarah gives birth to Isaac, the child promised by God twenty-five years earlier.

In the New Testament, the story of Jesus’ birth shows another version of God doing the impossible. This time, His chosen instrument is not a ninety-year old woman but a young girl, barely in her teens. When an angel named Gabriel visits Mary proclaiming she will be the mother of the Messiah, she asks: “How will this be since I am a virgin?”

Gabriel tells her the child will be conceived by the Holy Spirit and ends his proclamation declaring: “For nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37, NIV)

I’ve been thinking about these two passages all week.   God asks the rhetorical question in the Old Testament: “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” and Gabriel answers it in the New Testament: “Nothing is impossible with God.”

Throughout the pages of Scripture, we see examples that show these words are true. But sometimes we forget that the stories in the Bible are real situations that happened to real people. We boil down the spectacular into cute children’s stories and forget that God really did (and does) amazing things all the time.

The same God who did impossible things in the Old and New Testaments is living and active today. When I forget this, I waste time worrying. For example, if I truly believe God has called me to write the Bible study I mentioned earlier, then why do I still lie awake at night fretting I won’t finish it by the deadline? Or, if I truly believe God changed a Christian-hater like Saul into one of His greatest evangelists, then why do I struggle to imagine Him softening the hearts of certain people I know who need Him desperately?

Reading these stories reminds me that God accomplishes His will in His timing according to His plans, not mine. I can try to manipulate circumstances like Sarah did, but I will never accomplish His purposes without Him.

How about you? Does something seem impossible in your life right now? Are you willing to consider whether it is what God wants for you or not? This might sound scary, but take a risk and ask God to align your will with His. Sometimes He’ll answer your prayer in the way you envision, but often He has a different, better plan. Many times He changes our characters or attitudes instead of our circumstances.

Jesus says, “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” (John 14:14, NIV)

Many of us use the phrase, “In Jesus name” in our prayers because it’s what He instructed us to do. In fact, Jesus says it six different times in the gospel of John alone. Although we may view this as a nice phrase to wrap up our prayers, it’s really meant as an acknowledgement of two things:

1) The only reason we can have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe is because His son paid the penalty for our sin by dying on the cross. We can approach God only because we’ve been washed in the blood of Christ.

2) We want to see His will accomplished, not ours. We affirm that the things we are asking for in prayer align with what Jesus would want for us.  Our wills are inconsequential.

So, think back to your “impossible” thing. Is it something that would please God?  Or are you trying to convince Him that your will is really the best plan?  Does it align with His Word? If you’re not sure, study the Bible, pray and ask Him to make it clear. Understanding God’s will allows you to pray with wild abandon and to celebrate that nothing is impossible for Him.

Click on the link to hear the upbeat encouragement of “Impossible” by Building 429.

Being Available for Transformation

Maybe your experience with God is like the night sky I’m accustomed to seeing at home: a few of the brightest stars are visible, but man-made lights and unclean air obscure the majority. We engage God at times, but fail to see the fullness of the life He has to offer because we’re so consumed with doing things on our terms.

IMG_0471

Crawling into my sleeping bag, I fluffed my pillow and lay down to gaze at the midnight sky.   With the velvety darkness of our remote location, it seemed the sky was ablaze with more stars than I’d ever seen. I immediately spotted the Milky Way and the Big Dipper and wished I knew the names and configurations of the other constellations that burned so brightly.

Each night as I climbed the ladder to the houseboat roof, I looked forward to settling in to enjoy God’s handiwork before drifting off to sleep. Surrounding me were fourteen teenage girls, away for a week of camp with our church youth group. We were one of the twenty-two boats staked on the shores of Lake Shasta to enjoy a week of growing in faith and friendships while participating in team competitions, water sports and nightly worship gatherings. It was a powerful week of experiencing community and basking in God’s love.

Throughout the five days,  I continued to be struck by the night sky and how it was a metaphor for the trip. Although the many twinkling stars I admired are always in the sky, it wasn’t until I got away from the lights and pollution of the city that I was able to see them. Similarly, the students and leaders on the trip were accustomed to leading busy lives full of activities, responsibilities and noise. But by removing themselves from the clutter and distraction of daily life, they were available for God’s transforming power to work in and through them.  They could see and feel Him consistently.

During the week we had time to discuss biblical truth, to reflect on where we were in our walks with Jesus, to struggle with difficult concepts, to be still before God and to read His Word. We also played hard, laughed often and sang praises to the One who created the beauty that surrounded us. We came home tired, but refreshed; depleted physically but filled spiritually.

Maybe your experience with God is like the night sky I’m accustomed to seeing at home: a few of the brightest stars are visible, but man-made lights and unclean air obscure the majority.   We engage God at times, but fail to see the fullness of the life He has to offer because we’re so consumed with doing things on our terms. We want to keep Him contained within our parameters so that life will remain safe and comfortable. When we do this, we forego the beauty of the brilliant night sky because we want security and predictability of a “normal” life. Sadly, this type of living is so focused on controlling our environment that it keeps us from seeing God fully.

In the book of Romans, the apostle Paul invites us to be transformed people that are living sacrifices to God. When we reject the world’s way of thinking and embrace God’s plans for us, we are renewed and transformed. We see Him clearly and allow Him to use us to further His kingdom on earth. Our perspective is changed and we experience the joy and fulfillment of living for Him instead of ourselves.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2, NIV)

Inviting God to transform you is a daily discipline, not a one-time transaction. Over time, He will reveal Himself to you and change you. Ultimately, it’s like getting to see the whole night sky in all of its brilliance. You’ll be left breathless in awe and wonder at the ways God moves and works.  You’ll experience the joy of being used by Him when you put your own agenda aside.  It isn’t always easy to live this way, but it’s definitely worth it.

Click on the link to hear Phil Wickham’s “This is Amazing Grace.” You’ll be reminded of the rich and abundant life available to us as we live for Jesus and let Him transform us.

Waiting Well

I don’t know anyone who likes waiting. In fact, our society seems consumed with finding ways to shorten or eliminate waiting altogether. Advertisements abound with promises of delivering goods and services faster. We are being conditioned to become a culture of impatient people. We want instant gratification and we want it now.

IMG_0461 (1)

Climbing into the driver’s seat, my sixteen-year-old son started the car and drove us out of the parking lot. Staring at the road ahead, he said, “No offense, Mom, but I can’t wait ‘till I can drive places by myself. It feels like I’m the only one in my grade who doesn’t have a license yet.” He still had a few weeks to go before his driving test and was itching for the freedom his classmates had.

I smiled, remembering my own impatience to take the drivers test on my sixteenth birthday. Much to my humiliation, I failed it not once, but twice. The ongoing waiting and practicing seemed endless to me. Finally, six months after I turned sixteen, I passed the test and could drive on my own. I was a much better driver than I’d been previously. Although I hadn’t liked being humbled and forced to wait, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I don’t know anyone who likes waiting. In fact, our society seems consumed with finding ways to shorten or eliminate waiting altogether. Advertisements abound with promises of delivering goods and services faster. We are being conditioned to become a culture of impatient people. We want instant gratification and we want it now.

There are some things, however, that just take time. We are forced to be patient as we wait for a pregnancy to come to term, a job offer to arrive, or a home to be remodeled. We must be patient waiting for physical or emotional healing. Sometimes we have to be patient while we wait for someone else to make a decision that impacts us. But while we wait, a process is unfolding and God is at work. I like to think of it as a flower blooming. A tightly closed bud that is forced to open early will be ruined. Only time and patience will reveal the beauty of the flower as its petals slowly unfurl.

The Bible is filled with characters that had to wait. And while they waited, God was at work in their hearts, minds and circumstances. He was preparing them for His plan and would not reveal it until the time was right.

One of my favorite examples is King David. We learn in 1 Samuel 16 that the God directed the prophet Samuel to anoint David as the next King of Israel at the age of twenty. However, David spent the following ten years of his life hiding in the desert, fleeing from the murderous threats of the current King of Israel, Saul. It was not until David was thirty that he finally took the throne of Israel (2 Samuel 5).

Were those years of waiting a waste? I think not. David had a lot of maturing to do. God used that time to teach him, to humble him and to develop his skills as a leader. David won over the hearts of the Israelites as they saw his character, his integrity and his devotion to God. Despite the people’s love for him, he refused to harm King Saul or usurp the throne, even when others goaded him to do it. He waited until Saul’s death to claim what had been promised to him. And during that time, he wrote many of the Psalms that people have been reading for thousands of years since. David poured out his emotions to God in the lines he wrote. Think what we would have missed if he hadn’t been forced to wait on God. We are blessed by his words because he waited well. Knowing this makes reading the psalms he wrote even more encouraging:

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14 NIV)

“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” (Psalm 130:5 NIV)

Waiting on God is not waiting in vain. We can live each day knowing that God has placed us where we are for a reason. He has things to teach us at every step of our journeys. Learning to wait well means looking to God to refine your character, to smooth out your rough edges and to build your trust in Him.

After months of waiting, the day of my son’s driving test finally arrived. By the time he pulled into the DMV, he had logged numerous hours behind the wheel practicing in a variety of situations– crossing bridges during rainstorms, navigating the streets of San Francisco at rush hour, crawling down a two lane country road behind painfully slow tractors, driving fast on freeways and slow in suburban neighborhoods. His wait for the freedom of driving alone had been filled with opportunities to learn and improve his skills.

He approached the test with cautious optimism. Being one of the last to turn sixteen, he knew friends who had passed and others who had failed. He was ready for the wait to end and hoped the DMV tester would agree.

The grin on his face when he returned from the driving test told me all I needed to know. It was a satisfying end to a wait that seemed like an eternity to him.

IMG_0460 (1)

Many of us have been waiting much longer for much bigger issues. If you are in a season of waiting, let me encourage you to spend your energy seeking God and learning to trust Him. If you endure a wait with your focus on your circumstances, you are likely to become anxious, impatient, or bitter. Instead, I encourage you to use the time to pursue God. You’ll find a deeper understanding of Him, an appreciation for His Word and a more thankful heart when your season of waiting comes to an end. Wait well and watch how He uses it to produce wisdom, maturity and faith in you.

The band Tenth Avenue North has a song called “Stars in the Night.” It uses the metaphor of sailors charting their course on the high seas by using the stars. It is an encouragement for Christians to use the promises of God as the “stars in the night” to light their paths and give them hope in dark and confusing times of waiting.

For additional encouragement on this topic, see my post from January 2014 “When Praying Expectantly Wears Thin.”

The Problem with People-Pleasing

For years I’ve jokingly referred to myself as a “recovering people-pleaser.” You may recognize the term “recovering” from Twelve Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. That’s because just like someone who struggles with addiction, I have to take one day at a time.

IMG_7823 My strained smile gave an answer before I even opened my mouth. My husband had spontaneously invited me to cancel my morning plans so we could spend time together. I wanted to say “yes,” I really did. But the hesitation in my response betrayed my thoughts. There were several friends I had plans with that would be disappointed by my last-minute cancellation. It was a true dilemma for a people-pleaser like me. No matter how I answered, I would be letting someone down.

Realizing the struggle I was facing, my husband stayed upbeat. “Sounds like the timing doesn’t work for today. We can do it another time.” He didn’t want me to feel bad, but I still did. He kissed me goodbye and left for the day as I stewed in guilt and frustration. How many times had I found myself in this situation? I hated saying “no” if it meant someone was going to be disappointed, even if it was the right choice to make.

For years I’ve jokingly referred to myself as a “recovering people-pleaser.” You may recognize the term “recovering” from Twelve Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. That’s because just like someone who struggles with addiction, I have to take one day at a time. I go through phases where I’m strong and confident and it’s less of an issue and other seasons when I’m racked with guilt anytime I think I’ve failed someone. People pleasers have been around for generations but just so we’re clear, here’s my definition (based on personal experience):

A people pleaser is constantly aware of the wants and needs of those around her. She feels overly responsible for others. She bases her sense of well being on the happiness of others in her presence. She rarely asserts her own wants for fear she will displease others. She often has no opinion because she wants to do whatever makes those in her presence most happy or comfortable. She has trouble receiving kind gestures from others because she constantly feels bad and assumes she is being an inconvenience or an annoyance.

The root of people pleasing is a fear of what others think and a desire for approval based on outward actions. Ultimately, it boils down to insecurity, not courtesy, kindness or love.

Self- Evaluation:

Does the definition make you squirm? Here are a few things to consider as you evaluate your people pleasing tendencies:

-How often do you say, “I feel bad” or “I feel guilty” when you don’t meet an expectation you think someone else has for you?

Before going any further, think about why you feel bad or guilty. Is it because you are worried about what someone will think of you? Is it because you see a need you are unable to meet? Is it because you are choosing to do nothing when you should be doing something? Try to determine the root cause and then either do something about it or stop feeling guilty (which isn’t biblical anyway). When we serve and help others, it needs to be out of love, not guilt.

-How often do you say “I should” or “I had to”?

This can be a sign that your motivation is external rather than internal. Sometimes there are things you genuinely “should” do such as helping someone in an emergency or meeting a need that is appropriate for you to fill. Sometimes we do things because the Bible says we should. They are the right things to do. Other times, however, people pleasers feel they must do certain things in order to meet someone else’s expectations. You don’t “have” to do something just because you’ve always done it or because someone thinks you would be good at it (especially if it’s a volunteer commitment.)

No Joy in Serving

One thing is sure, when you say “yes” because you feel guilty about letting someone down, there will be little joy in your act of kindness. The thrill of saying, “yes” to please another person fades quickly if that is your only motivation. If there is no joy behind your choice to serve, bitterness results. Plus, the person being served doesn’t feel especially loved if your actions are motivated purely by guilt or duty.

Pleasers Confuse Others

People pleasers are confusing or frustrating to others because you never know what they really want. It becomes a guessing game to figure out if their answers are genuine or simply said to please you (this is part of a pleaser’s inability to receive kind gestures from others.)

No- Win Situation

It’s no secret that people are fickle. Trying to please people is a losing battle because they change their minds regularly. It is impossible to please multiple people simultaneously when they have differing opinions. Trying to do it is like attempting to submerge a bunch of Ping-Pong balls in a bucket. There is no way to hold all of them under water at the same time, no matter how hard you try!  (I attempted it just to make sure).

IMG_7830

Please God, Bless People

The apostle Paul sums this up simply- our goal needs to be pleasing Christ, not others: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10, NIV) Make it your goal to please God. Doing this will honor Him and ultimately bless others.

Music to Encourage You

Sometimes people pleasers struggle with feelings of inadequacy. We try hard to measure up through earning favor with others. Yet in God’s eyes, we’re already made perfect through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Click on the link to hear Mercy Me’s inspiring new song “Flawless.”

Recommended Reading

If people-pleasing is an issue for you or someone you love, here are two books you will find helpful:

Speaking the Truth in Love: How To Be an Assertive Christian by Ruth N. Koch & Kenneth C. Haugk

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands by Lysa TerKeurst

God in Your Photo Albums

When I look back on my mental photo album, I want God to appear on every page. I hope it will be obvious He was there because I was intentional about including Him. I don’t want Him to be an invisible presence hovering in the background– I want Him there beside me.

IMG_7820

Turning the pages of the photo album, my nephew looked up grinning. “This is an awesome graduation gift, Aunt Marybeth. Thanks so much for making it.” The snapshots inside revealed fun times my family shared with him during his four years attending a college not far from our town.

Because he spent his childhood in Southern California, we mainly saw him during holidays and at family gatherings. As much as we loved seeing our numerous nieces and nephews, big group settings rarely offered the chance to get to know them individually. When he’d chosen to come to Northern California for college, we were thrilled. As I made our nephew’s photo album I realized how much closer we’d become to him while he was in college.

His four years at Berkeley flew by, but as I looked at the many pictures of him with our family, it was evident he’d become part of our regular lives. He’d been there as my kids grew from little boys to gangly teenagers. We’d shared meals, birthdays, and other fun times waterskiing and mountain biking. He had even recuperated on our couch after knee surgery three different times. We’d met his friends, had been to his apartment and knew about the activities he was involved with at school. We’d talked about challenges he’d faced, prayed for him and watched him grow into a godly man.

My husband and I love our nieces and nephews, but circumstances have not always allowed us to get to know all of them this well. If I could, I would make a photo album for each of them, but I can’t create pictures from thin air. The only way I can do it is if they’ve been in close proximity and have allowed us the privilege of getting to know them.

There are some clear parallels between my story and the relationship each of us has with God. Like our big family gatherings, many of us enjoy God in the presence of others at church, Bible study or small group. However we may not think to include Him in the more intimate and personal parts of our lives. Yet when we choose to draw near to Him, He reciprocates with enthusiasm because He loves us individually and intimately. He longs to be part of our lives. Scripture tells us “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” (James 4:2, NIV) Like the relationship we developed with our nephew, our intimacy with God deepens by having more points of contact with Him. As you look back on different moments of your life, can you see where you’ve welcomed His presence and how it’s blessed you?

You probably remember the poem “Footprints in the Sand.” In it, a person looks back on scenes in his life and sees two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him and the other to the Lord. But he also notices that during the most difficult times in his life, there is only one set of footprints. Distressed, he questions why God abandoned him during his darkest times. God replies, “During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

As much as I like this poem, it’s not the way I want my life to be. When I look back on my mental photo album, I want God to appear on every page. I hope it will be obvious He was there because I was intentional about including Him. I don’t want Him to be an invisible presence hovering in the background– I want Him there beside me.

When I need strength, wisdom, encouragement or peace, it’s good to remember how God was there for me in the past. In the photo album of my mind, I see Him comforting me as I cried into my pillow my freshman year in college. I picture Him sitting at the dining room table as I prayed with my boyfriend (now husband) for the right timing to get engaged. He was an obvious presence at our wedding and later in the hospital when each of our boys was born. He met us in the early mornings as we pleaded for wisdom about whether I should return to work after the birth of our son.  When a mortgage broker tried to convince us to buy a house we couldn’t afford, God was there whispering “no” and averting disaster. He was with us when we wept for family members who died and when we celebrated the miraculous healing of others. In joy, sorrow and everything in between, He has been present.   The snapshots that include Him have become more numerous with every passing year. Each situation has strengthened our relationship with Him and only made me want more of Him in my life.

I realize that many people may not have this same experience. There are some who came to faith later in life. Others saw God as a distant figure to be revered or feared, but did not understand they could have a personal relationship with Him until they were much older. That’s why the “Footprints in the Sand” poem is so reassuring.   It reminds us that He was there, even when we didn’t realize it (which is awesome). This is a great starting place, but hopefully it will spur us on to want more of Him in all circumstances.

Maybe you accepted Christ as your Savior long ago but you haven’t included God in your life much since then.  Maybe you haven’t ever asked Jesus to be your Lord.  In either case, it’s not too late. Let today be the start of a new focus. Include Jesus in your days. Invite Him to speak to you and to be present in the events of your life, both large and small. He’s ready and waiting, all He needs is an invitation from you.

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Revelation 3:20, NLT)

The song below is the musical version of what I’ve just described. Click on the link to hear “Through All of It” by Colton Dixon.  (If you follow this blog and receive this post in your e-mail inbox, you will need to go to www.lifeinfocusblog.com to click on the link and view the song.  It’s worth it!)

Click here to read the three different versions and authors of the “Footprints in the Sand” poem:

http://www.wowzone.com/fprints.htm

Frenzy is Not Your Friend

When we take time to be still, God reminds us He is Lord of all and we are not. Our striving is a vain attempt to be in control of our lives. Ultimately, it makes us exhausted and depleted. However, when we quiet our souls, we are we reminded to put God in His proper place as the main focus and priority in our lives.

IMG_7818

Snuggling up next to me on the couch, my son settled in for a good story. He was home sick from school and thoroughly enjoying a little quiet time with my undivided attention. After a hectic week, both of us enjoyed slowing down to read a favorite illustrated book from his childhood: Jennifer and Josephine by Bill Peet.

Told from the perspective of a stray cat named Josephine, the story describes her days spent living in the back seat of an old touring car. The opening scene depicts a junkyard with the rusted out car, named Jennifer, slowly falling apart. Much to Josephine’s surprise, however, a traveling salesman buys the old car planning to drive her hard until she dies.

After riding in the backseat for a few miles, Josephine nicknames the salesman “Mr. Frenzy,” highlighting his constant rush to get from one place to the next. She describes him as a pushy, rude bully who drives Jennifer quickly and carelessly over winding country roads. Mr. Frenzy takes one risk after another, with no heed for other drivers or the property that he destroys along the way.

Reading the story made me think of times when I could be nicknamed “Mrs. Frenzy.” The busier I become and the more I cram into my schedule, the less sensitive I become to those around me. There is an illusion of control that comes with packing my schedule full. However, when I leave no margin in my time, I become thoughtless, impatient and irritable. Anything that stands in the way of accomplishing my agenda becomes an obstacle to be removed.

Usually, when I’m behaving like “Mrs. Frenzy,” I leave a wake of destruction in my path, much like the traveling salesman in the Bill Peet story. For starters, my frantic pace causes me to ignore basic household tasks: piles of clean laundry sit for days waiting to be folded and unopened mail clutters the counter. As I let the urgent overshadow the important, I become insensitive to people and don’t tend to relationships the way I should. In my frenzied state, I’m not open to being interrupted by people who need my help or attention. And most important of all, my frantic pace causes me to feel impatient even when I’m trying to spend time with God.

It’s funny how the Lord sends the same message in different ways until we finally receive it. The same week I read the story about Mr. Frenzy to my son, I’d read a devotion entitled “Silencing My Soul” that convicted me in a similar way. Using a psalm as her inspiration, the author challenges readers to spend five minutes daily being still before God, just listening for His voice and enjoying His presence: “But I have stilled and quieted my soul.” (Psalm 131:2, NIV)

The day I read it, I was already heading toward “Mrs. Frenzy” mode and had been rushing through my quiet time so I could get on with my day. Reading the printed prayer at the end of the entry convicted me: “Dear Lord, my soul is having a hard time being still. I lay down my resistance to silence, and commit to five minutes of daily silence with You for the next month. I praise You in advance for what You are going to say to me in the silence. Thank You for the rest only You can give. In Jesus’ name, amen.” (Wendy Pope, Encouragement for Today, p. 26)

It was no coincidence that I read that devotional on a day when I was in a rush. It was yet another reminder that I need to focus on God’s agenda for my day instead of trying to maintain a frenzied pace attempting to get everything done. It’s amazing how trusting Him allows me to accomplish exactly what I need to do. I guess that’s a picture of Jesus’ words:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)

The “yoke” described here is a tool used for plowing a field. It is a curved piece of wood with two slots fitted over a pair of oxen. Imagine how unbalanced it would be to have one animal trying to carry a yoke meant for two. Similarly, when we try to carry our burdens on our own, we feel weary and beaten down. For someone like me, the added weight causes me to feel frenzied and overwhelmed. However, when we yoke ourselves to Jesus, He gives us the strength we need because we are walking in step with Him. There is no need to be frantic when the Maker of the earth and stars walks beside us and shares the load.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10, “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’” (NIV)

Another translation says: “Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (NASB)

When we take time to be still, God reminds us He is Lord of all and we are not. Our striving is a vain attempt to be in control of our lives. Ultimately, it makes us exhausted and depleted. However, when we quiet our souls, we are reminded to put God in His proper place as the main focus and priority in our lives.

When I’m “Mrs. Frenzy,” my priorities are based on my agenda. I’m wild-eyed, impatient and definitely not someone who is restful to be around (just ask my family). In conquer mode, I usually do a lot more harm than good. However, when I’ve taken time to be still and have spent time being filled up by the Holy Spirit, I give God room to bless others through me. I’m at peace, which allows others to be restful in my presence.

Will you join me in taking the challenge to spend five minutes being still before God every day for a month?   You might be surprised at how long it feels as you try to empty your mind and focus solely on resting in Him.   I’ll give you a little boost for your first time– just click on the link and listen to “Be Still and Know” by Stephen Curtis Chapman. If you can be still for 3 minutes and 16 seconds to listen to this song then you only have another minute and 44 seconds to go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgaHaioAjyg

Peet, Bill: Jennifer and Josephine; Houghton Mifflin; 1967.

Swope, Renee; TerKeurst, Lysa; Evilsizer, Samantha and the Proverbs 31 Ministries Teams; Encouragement for Today; Zondervan; 2013.

Receiving God’s Gifts Requires Action

Do you ever glance at the Bible like a travel brochure–dreaming about the places God could take you but never actually letting Him show you first hand?

IMG_0423

Rolling over on my side, I looked at the clock and groaned. It was three in the morning and I was wide-awake–my mind churning through a series of “what ifs” and unfinished items on my “to do” list. I had one more day to make preparations before my husband and I would be leaving on a trip, but instead of being excited, my stomach was tangled in a knot of stress. Months earlier he came home from work with a glossy brochure depicting white sand beaches and swaying palm trees on the sunny shores of Florida. It looked enticing and wouldn’t cost us a thing, but all of the preparations necessary seemed daunting. As our departure date drew nearer, I felt bad about being away from our kids and worried about all of the responsibilities I was leaving behind. For a fleeting moment, we even considered cancelling the trip, wondering if the stress it was causing was worth it.

Fortunately, wisdom prevailed and we realized our boys would be fine and our responsibilities would still be waiting for us when we returned. I boarded the plane with a backpack full of books, ready to tackle some projects that needed to be accomplished. I’d been putting them off for a while and figured I could be productive while my husband attended morning meetings.

On our first day there I propped my feet on a chair overlooking the ocean and sat with my Bible and journal on my lap.

IMG_0419

As the warm breeze soothed me and I listened to the waves crash on the shore, I prayed and asked God to forgive me.  For months my life had been moving at a frantic pace and I’d been craving rest and refreshment, yet when He provided something far greater than my hopes, I’d almost rejected it. I needed some time to let my soul catch up with me. Instead of jumping in to tackle my projects, I prayed and offered God my precious hours of free time.   I sat and enjoyed His presence, letting His peace wash over me.

Later, as my husband and I relaxed on the beach I realized our trip was a great illustration for our spiritual lives. The Bible makes it clear that God has so much to offer us through His free gift of grace. Still, we have to make the choice to accept it and to invite Him to transform every aspect of our lives. He doesn’t just want us to look at the enticing brochure with pictures of a tropical paradise. He wants us to accept the gift and experience swimming in the warm water of His love and digging our toes into the sand of His grace.

IMG_0425Do you ever glance at the Bible like a travel brochure–dreaming about the places God could take you but never actually letting Him show you first hand? It’s great to study about concepts like love, grace, faith and forgiveness. However, until we begin putting them into practice, they aren’t really affecting us. Take a look at the “Hall of Faith” in Hebrews 11 and you’ll see what I mean. The revered Bible characters listed there showed their faith in God through believing His words and then taking action. There are a lot of verbs in that passage. Heroes of the faith like Abraham, Noah, Moses and Rahab demonstrated that they believed God’s words by following His instructions.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in light of a passage God keeps bringing to mind. In Ephesians 3:20 the apostle Paul reminds us that God is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (NIV) I can imagine some pretty big things, so if God’s power can do even more than what I can think of, then I want access to it. I don’t want to just know it’s there– I want to see how He can use it in my life. I don’t want to let the worries of my daily life choke out the opportunities to see God at work. Instead, I want to give my challenges, fears and dreams to Him and trust that He can work through them.

I almost let my worries keep me from an amazing trip with my husband. There is so much I would have missed if we hadn’t gone, and I never would have known it. And the thing that makes me smile most is that God did provide time for me to open every book I brought in my backpack. But instead of being in a frenzy of productivity, I found time to read and study when God prompted me. After being refreshed by Him, I enjoyed working on my projects instead of seeing them as a chore.

It’s funny how often I need to be reminded that when I invite God into my circumstances He makes everything fall into place. He even fills me with joy and peace in the process.

To hear more about this idea, click on the link to hear Jamie Grace’s song “It’s a Beautiful Day.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p79ESf5vDSw