Category: Comparison

Your Mind Matters to God

Wiggling my toes in the sand, I settled into my chair and turned the page on a book I’d brought on vacation. Although it was a fun “beach read,” I found myself evaluating the events in the story against my own life. The relationships between the characters inspired me, but also stirred up some unhealthy comparisons. I could feel myself sinking into discouragement even though I was sitting in an idyllic location.

Many of us don’t stop to consider what we’re thinking about or why certain thoughts are running through our minds. For me, I didn’t realize how the book was affecting me until my husband asked why I was so preoccupied. As soon as I started sharing my negative thoughts, I realized I’d been comparing myself to fictional characters and events. Once I saw how silly that was, I put the thoughts aside and moved on. Without my husband’s prompting, I would’ve continued stewing on those negative thoughts for hours.

At that moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me that our thoughts matter to God. What we think about affects how we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Our thoughts dictate our actions and our attitudes. Everyone we encounter and everything we watch, read, and listen to affects the way our characters and identities are shaped, for better or for worse. Our thoughts color our perspectives, causing us to be positive or negative, enthusiastic or cynical, hopeful or discouraged. 

Not surprisingly, the Bible has much to say about our minds and how we regulate our thoughts. In fact, one of the most important aspects of studying Scripture is that it informs our thoughts so we can make wise choices: “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” (Joshua 1:8, NIV)

In a similar vein Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30, NIV) Loving the Lord with our minds means focusing our attention and our thoughts on subjects that honor God and draw us closer to Him. The Lord perceives our thoughts (Psalm 139:2), so whether we honor Him or not, He knows what we’re thinking. This is both alarming and comforting. It means that God knows when we’re distancing ourselves from Him or choosing mental inputs that are drawing us away from Him. Since He already knows, we might as well come clean and ask for help to re-direct our thoughts.

There are two passages in Scripture that I return to regularly when my mind gravitates towards negative topics that I know are dishonoring to God. The first one says: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor 10:5, NIV) Often, I’ll turn this verse into a prayer confessing destructive thoughts I’m having about myself or others. Then, I’ll ask the Lord to help me take the thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. 

The Message translation for 2 Corinthians 10:5-6 says, “We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.”*

Think for a moment about the many “warped philosophies” and “barriers erected against the truth of God” in our culture. This distorted thinking affects how we see God and ourselves. For example, worldly thinking often leads us to believe our worth and identity are dependent upon our appearance, our accomplishments, our wealth, our possessions, our social connections, our education, our sexuality, or whatever the dominant culture around us values most. We might also be drawn into thinking that leads to viewpoints that contradict the Bible. And if we’re not reading our Bibles, we won’t even know it. 

This brings me to the other verse I look to when I need to re-set my thoughts: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2, NIV) Unfortunately, our default mode is to conform to the pattern of the world. So, when my thoughts start leading me astray, I use this verse as a prayer, asking God to renew my mind and to remind me to align my will with His. We’re formed by our culture and constantly influenced by it. It is only through God’s transforming power that our minds can be renewed, and we can see that God’s will is not only good, but pleasing and perfect.

How often do you think about what you’re thinking? How do the people around you and the inputs you receive affect your mind? Consider praying and asking God to show you any thoughts you need to take captive. Ask Him to renew your mind and to give you a greater desire to love Him with all of it. Don’t let the world have the last word on what goes into your mind. 

*Eugene Peterson, The Message, NavPress, 2002.

Pitfalls of Comparing

I remember friends encouraging me to join different social media platforms when they first launched. Although my curiosity was sometimes piqued, I was hesitant about wading into those waters. Truth be told, the main reason was an acute understanding of my weaknesses. I’ve always been prone to compare myself to others and I have a competitive streak that isn’t always positive. I knew scrolling through pictures and commentary might stir up envy, insecurity, or a critical spirit in me. 

I avoided joining for several years. But once I started posting blogs, a few savvy friends convinced me that if I wasn’t on social media, my writing would be hard to find. So, with reluctance, I joined. Scrolling through posts, I saw the allure and the pitfalls of social networking. Just as I’d suspected, I had to limit my exposure and log out as soon as negative feelings surfaced—whether it was feeling left out, not good enough, judgmental, or annoyed. Now that I’ve been on it a while, I also get reminders of older photos that make me wistful comparing past memories with current realities. Have you noticed that comparisons often seem to trigger strong emotions in us?

Social networking has heightened an issue that’s existed since long before the advent of computers. The tendency to compare and compete is part of the human condition. It has quite a history in Scripture, starting with Cain, who let it consume him to the point of murdering his brother, Abel (Genesis 4). Sisters Leah and Rachel also let competition and comparison taint their relationship. For them, it spurred a baby-producing frenzy that led their husband, Jacob, to father twelve sons and one daughter with four different women. (Genesis 29 & 30)

We see another danger of comparison when the Jews in Haggai’s time compare the smaller temple they’re rebuilding with the grander one from Solomon’s era: “Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing?” (Haggai 2:3, NIV) Looking back to compare their rebuilding efforts with the larger temple of the past could’ve squelched any motivation they had to keep working. Jennifer Rothschild explains, “The real danger of comparing is possibly missing the real glory. Looking at our lives, callings, and work with eyes of comparison means we can’t see with eyes of faith. It was true that Zerubbabel’s temple was not as outwardly impressive as Solomon’s.” However, a few verses later we read: “‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty.” (Haggai 2:9a, NIV)

Jennifer Rothschild encourages us to be wary of comparison:
“We can’t always see the full potential of something while we’re in the middle of it. We can’t see how the seeds planted by one small act may grow. We fall into the comparison trap and end up stuck in discouragement because we compare what we see to the wrong things.”

So, what’s our response if we want to get a healthy handle on comparison and competition? Let’s look at three New Testament examples and see what we can learn.

God’s Work in Your Life vs. Someone Else’s: After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples several times. In one instance, He told Peter about some difficult circumstances that would unfold in his future. At that point, “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” (John 21:20-22, NIV)

Jesus confronts Peter’s quickness to compare by redirecting his attention back to Him. His swiftness with refocusing Peter reminds us that when we’re tempted to compare what’s happening in our lives with someone else’s, we’re heading into unhealthy territory– especially in matters of faith. The best response when we’re starting to compare is to turn our attention back to Jesus.

Different Gifts, Strengths & Ministries: Apollos was a gifted teacher who captivated the early Christians with his eloquence. Paul, on the other hand, was less articulate but taught with an incredible knowledge of Scripture. Unfortunately, some believers began dividing into factions, with one group rallying behind Paul and another behind Apollos. Paul addressed this unhealthy competition saying, “When one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere human beings? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)

Comparison caused these believers to confuse their priorities. They were making the giftedness and speaking style of their preferred teachers into a competition, completely overlooking the consistent message of the gospel both were preaching. They had lost sight of what was truly important. When we lose perspective and begin comparing different teachers, ministries, or churches it’s time to step back, look at the big picture, and re-focus on how they are each playing a part in accomplishing God’s plans.

The Past vs. The Present: If you’re prone to romanticize the past, take Paul’s words to heart: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13b-14, NIV) God may have done amazing things in your past, but remember that He is always on the move doing new things. Don’t get stuck reveling in what once was and miss out on what He’s doing now.

One of my favorite quotes is: “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt). This phrase realigns me when I’m veering into a negative mindset. Ask the Lord to help you remember this the next time you’re tempted to compete and compare in unhealthy ways.

If, like me, you want to stop the cycle of comparison, let this song give words to your prayers. Click here and listen to Micah Tyler’s “Different.”

Jennifer Rothschild, Take Courage: A Study of Haggai, Lifeway Press 2020, 98 & 99.

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Small Beginnings

Tearing out the sheet of binder paper, I wrote a bullet-pointed list of discussion questions based on a Bible passage I’d been studying. Each week I’d take my hand-written questions and photocopy them in my sorority’s study lounge, known as “The Pit” because of its location in the basement of our house. Climbing the steps to the expansive living room, I’d sit on the floor near the fireplace glancing regularly at my watch, waiting to see if anyone would come.

Inviting girls in my house to join a Bible study had been a stunning leap of faith for me as a sophomore in college. Before God had emboldened me, I’d always been someone that craved approval and validation from others. I liked fitting in, not creating a stir. This venture launched me way past the limits of my comfort zone. Not everyone cheered on my efforts. As you might imagine, Bible study veered beyond the typical activities for girls at my secular university. Some weeks ten of my sorority sisters would show up, others no one would come. 

I didn’t know that God was preparing me for many other opportunities to write, lead, teach, mentor, and serve. Looking back, I see how the Lord used that time to equip and prepare me to walk alongside others growing in faith. Since then, I’ve had the privilege of pouring into a variety of women at different seasons in my life. Usually it’s only a few, but over time this has added up to a lot of lives.

That’s what I thought of when I read this passage: “Do not despise these small beginnings for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.” (Zechariah 4:10a, NLT)

So often when God prompts us to act, we expect big, splashy results immediately. When we don’t get them, we become discouraged and want to quit. Or, we get distracted and lose our focus, as the Jews re-building the temple did in the book of Haggai.

Jennifer Rothschild encourages us saying, “You may feel small, insignificant, thinking who you are or where you are is unimportant compared to the seemingly big significance of others’ lives and situations. But no one and nothing is really small and insignificant. The big impact of small things can be overlooked if we aren’t careful… God does know your name. He doesn’t overlook you just because somebody has a bigger problem, a bigger project, or a bigger personality. No matter how big the world is and no matter how small you may feel, God has called you to take courage and finish the work He has called you to…Let His voice be louder than the outside voice of opposition and that nagging inner voice that tries to convince you that you are too small for your call.”1 

Recently, I returned from IF:Gathering—a conference attended by thousands of women in person and online all over the world. Sitting in the audience with 4000 other women, I watched as one gifted speaker after another took the stage. Their teaching energized me and spurred on my faith. But, if I’m honest, there were moments that I also felt a little angsty and cynical. I’m not proud to admit that I slipped into comparison mode a few times. As soon as I did this, joy drained out of me. Listening to accomplished speakers with multiple published books and thousands of followers made my own efforts to impact others for Jesus seem small by comparison.  For a few moments I bounced between envy and self-doubt, until the Holy Spirit reminded me of truth. 

I couldn’t stay in a negative mindset for long when I remembered the good things God has done in and through me. The fact that friends had accepted my invitation to spend time and money flying 1500 miles to attend IF:Gathering was cause for celebration. My “small beginning” with my traveling companions started almost 9 years ago when I invited them to join a Bible study to explore the Christian faith. Seeing how much they’ve grown is a testament to the way God uses small beginnings to bring big results. But this takes time; typically we don’t get the instant gratification we crave when it comes to matters of faith.

I wonder if you can relate to my feelings. Are you ever tempted to dismiss or discount a work of the Lord in your life? Do you ever feel like the part you play isn’t big or important enough? Some small beginnings lead to big things that are large in size—like Jennie Allen’s vision to start IF:Gathering. But other small beginnings lead to things that are big in value—like journeying alongside a few people consistently and helping them to grow spiritually over time. Taking the step of faith to respond to God’s prompting matters more than the size of what He’s calling you to do.

Is there something you’ve begun that’s stalling right now? Do you need to re-engage with that small group Bible study you’ve stopped attending? Or, is it time to reach out again to that neighbor you’ve been meaning to invite for coffee? Do you sense God stirring in you to mentor someone? Or is it time to ask a more mature believer to mentor you? What about starting that Bible study with your neighbors that you’ve been talking about for years? Or is it time to say “yes” to that invitation into leadership that seems like a big stretch for you?

Let this song we sang at IF:Gathering inspire you. Click here to listen to “God of Revival” by Phil Wickham.

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  1. Jennifer Rothschild, Take Courage: A Study of Haggai, Lifeway Press 2020, 60-61.

Not Limitless

Strapping the new watch on my wrist, I tap the screen and scroll through the different functions it performs. Besides telling time, it tracks my heart rate, my physical activity, the number of steps I take daily, the number of calories I burn, and the quality of my sleep. By linking it to an app on my phone, I’m able to see detailed statistics complete with bar graphs, line graphs, and circle graphs measuring each of these things. Some days I find it interesting, other days it feels like another critic reminding me when I’m not measuring up.

I score points for every minute my band senses I’m moving. The harder I push myself, the more points I score. (I can also get negative points for being sedentary for too long, so that’s fun). The watch automatically sets the goal of 150 points per week. When I meet that goal, it vibrates on my wrist and flashes a message: “You met your goal, way to go!” Here’s the part that’s maddening, though. Once I “earn” all of the points towards my goal, the watch establishes a new goal for me that’s higher. So instead of feeling satisfied with what I’ve accomplished, I focus on the corner of the screen that tells me what my next goal is and how many points I’ll need to get there.

As long as I keep a healthy perspective, the watch serves as a useful tool. But, at times, I’ve found myself getting sucked into the stats a bit too much—especially when I’m obsessing over meeting the goals it sets for me.  It’s a great example of the direction our culture has been moving for the past few years. We’ve become captivated by measuring, quantifying, and assigning value to so many things—whether it’s how many steps we take each day or how many likes we get on a social media post. In every realm, we’re pushed to reject limitations and to see how much more we can accomplish. We’re programmed to want “all the things” and to feel serious FOMO if we’re not keeping up with everyone else.* We are fed the lie that it’s possible to be amazing in every category: having a successful career, a thriving family, a vibrant marriage, a robust social life, a deep faith, a fit body, a beautiful home, and time to serve others with sincere hearts. We’re led to believe there’s no limit to what we can do.

And that’s why I love that the Bible includes what happens to Elijah after his miraculous showdown with the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel. After calling down fire from heaven and proving God is the ultimate power and authority, Elijah transitions into a season of despair and discouragement. This begins when he receives word that Queen Jezebel plans to kill him for making fools of her prophets before ending their lives. “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’’’ (1 Kings 19:3-4, NIV)

Stop and think about all that Elijah has experienced leading up to this: he lived by the brook Cherith for eighteen months while God sent ravens to feed him; he stayed with a widow in Zarephath where the Lord rescued them from starvation by replenishing their food supplies daily; he prayed for the widow’s son to be raised from death and God granted his request; at Mt. Carmel he poured water over an altar and then prayed God would set the sacrifice on fire and the Lord consumed not only the sacrifice, but the rocks and dirt as well. Yet now, when he hears Jezebel plans to kill him, he loses heart. He runs away, tells the Lord he’s ready to die, lays down under a bush, and falls asleep. Recognizing Elijah’s deep exhaustion, the Lord sends an angel to minister to him: “All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’ He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.” (1 Kings 19:5b-6, NIV)

Elijah had been faithful and obedient to God through so many incredible challenges. At Horeb, he reached his physical, spiritual, and emotional limits. Utterly depleted, he needed rest. I wonder, though, in our current culture how this would’ve played out. Would Elijah’s watch have said something like this: “Great job slaying the prophets of Baal! Your next goal is….”? 

Friends, it’s time for us to realize we have limits. We can’t do it all because God didn’t design us that way. Even when the Lord does great works through us by the power of the Holy Spirit, we still need rest and replenishment. “God is not mad at you because your body is tired or your mind is frayed or your soul is unusually heavy—not after the kind of project you’ve just finished, or the difficulties you’ve just endured, or the emotional marathon you’ve just run. He isn’t agitated by the limitations of your flesh. Instead, He stands patiently ready to minister to you, to work through those deficiencies, and to nourish you as you recover from them.”1

This is a message I’m writing for myself as much as for you. We have to stop believing the lies fed to us by our culture and by the enemy that we need to push ourselves to the limits of our capabilities in all realms. There is so much pressure to do more and to be more. We’re wearing ourselves out trying to prove it’s true. “With all the busyness, legalism, strictness, and tension that may be an ongoing part of your daily life, take a moment to breathe deeply, enjoying the gracious and sincere affection of your Father today. He sees. He knows. Sister, rest.”2

By all means, allow yourself to be stretched. Accept challenges and celebrate growth. Let the Holy Spirit use your gifts to build the Church and expand God’s kingdom. Don’t shy away from opportunities for refinement. But realize, also, that you’re only human, and that’s exactly how God made you.

Click here and be encouraged by Jordan St. Cyr’s song “Weary Traveler.”

  1. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 193  
  2. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 193.

*FOMO is “fear of missing out.”

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The Challenge of Comparing and Competing

I remember hearing people talk about Facebook when it opened to the public in 2006, but I had no real interest in joining it. Although my curiosity was sometimes piqued, I was hesitant about wading into the waters of social media. Truth be told, the main reason was an acute understanding of my weaknesses. I’ve always been prone to compare myself to others and have a competitive streak that isn’t always positive. I knew scrolling through pictures and commentary on Facebook might stir up envy, jealousy, insecurity, and hurt. 

I avoided joining for 7 years. But once I started posting blogs, a few savvy friends convinced me that if I wasn’t on Facebook, my writing would be hard to find. So, with reluctance, I joined. Scrolling through posts, I saw the allure and the pitfalls of social networking. Just as I’d suspected, I had to limit my exposure and log out as soon as negative feelings surfaced—whether it was a sense of feeling left out, not good enough, or annoyed by someone’s braggy post. Much later I learned that “Facebook Depression” is a real thing.

Social networking has heightened an issue that’s existed since long before the advent of computers. The tendency to compete and compare is part of the human condition. It has quite a history in Scripture, starting with Cain, who let it consume him to the point of murdering his brother, Abel. Another set of siblings that show us the ugliness of comparing and competing is Leah and Rachel. Thanks to their devious father, both sisters ended up sharing the same husband, Jacob. The trio was troubled from the start since Jacob clearly preferred Rachel to Leah. 

God saw that Leah was unloved by her husband, so He opened her womb and allowed her to conceive four sons with Jacob in quick succession. With each birth, Leah hoped that her husband would become more attached to her, but nothing seemed to change. Meanwhile, her beautiful younger sister had a different problem:

“When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I’ll die!’ Jacob became angry with her and said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?’ Then she said, ‘Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.’” (Genesis 30:1-3, NIV)

Rachel’s feelings of discontentment and inadequacy probably became unbearable when she compared herself to her sister. In hopes of evening the score, she decided to produce children through her maidservant (that might sound familiar if you’ve studied Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar in Genesis 16.)

Not wanting to be outdone by Rachel, Leah joined in the competition: “When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.  Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, ‘What good fortune!’ So she named him Gad.” (Genesis 30:9-11, NIV) The competing and comparing continued until Jacob had twelve sons and at least one daughter from four different women. 

Jacob’s family provides numerous examples about the dangers of letting comparison goad us into a frenzied state of unhealthy competition.  So, what’s our response if we want to handle this issue with the right perspective? Let’s look at some New Testament examples and see what we can learn.

Jesus, Peter, and John: After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples several times. In one instance, He told Peter about some difficult circumstances that would unfold in his future. At that point, “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’” (John 21:20-22, NIV)

Jesus confronts Peter’s quickness to compare by redirecting his attention back to Him. His swiftness with refocusing Peter reminds me that when we’re tempted to compare what’s happening in our lives with someone else’s, we’re heading into unhealthy territory- especially in matters of faith. The best response when we’re starting to compare is to turn our attention back to Jesus.

Paul and Apollos: Apollos was a gifted teacher who captivated the early Christians with his eloquence. Unfortunately, some believers began dividing into factions, with one group rallying behind Paul and another behind Apollos. Paul addressed this unhealthy competition saying, “When one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere human beings? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-6, NIV)

Comparison caused these believers to confuse their priorities. They were making the giftedness and speaking style of their preferred teachers into a competition for popularity, completely overlooking the consistent message of the gospel both were preaching. When we become more personally focused on winning or being the best, we quickly lose sight of what’s truly important. 

One of my favorite quotes is: “Comparison is the thief of joy” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt). It jolts me when I’m veering off course and becoming consumed by an unhealthy mindset. If it resonates with you, remember it next time you’re tempted to make an unwise or unkind comparison.

Rachel and Leah compared their fertility, competed for their husband’s attention, and used their children as pawns to win his favor. Amazingly, God still worked through their dysfunctional family for His good purposes. We see this through Jesus, the Messiah, who came out of the family line of Leah’s fourth son, Judah. Listen to “The Lion and the Lamb” to celebrate God’s triumph despite this difficult family.

Image by TeroVaesalainen from Pixabay.com