Category: Lying

Grieving the Spirit

Isn’t there something magical about a campfire under the stars? Wood crackles and pops as flames dance on a cool, dark night. The light draws people to gather and enjoy the warmth. It creates a sense of connectedness among those who savor the glow together—especially on a chilly evening. 

For the past few years I’ve enjoyed participating in this nightly ritual on our church’s annual mission to Mexico. One year the temperatures were especially cold, so gathering around the campfire was even more enticing. At the end of each evening, the only way to encourage the students to return to their tents was to douse the flames. As buckets of water poured out, steam hissed, rising with plumes of smoke from the quenched fire. Once the water extinguished the flames, everyone scattered to seek warmth zipped inside tents and nestled in sleeping bags.

This image brings to mind the Holy Spirit, often characterized as fire in the pages of Scripture. Acts 2 provides the most obvious example of this: “When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.” (Acts 2:1-4, NIV)

Although we no longer see actual flames on our heads, followers of Jesus still have the fire of the Holy Spirit living within us. And just like a campfire, we can stoke the flame of the Spirit, or squelch it. That’s why Paul includes such specific and clear instructions in Ephesians 4 for how to walk worthy of our calling. He says: “And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption.” (Ephesians 4:30, CSB) Paul makes a similar statement in another one of his letters: “Do not quench the Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 5:19, NIV)

These statements astound me– as frail humans, we have the capacity to sadden or squelch God’s Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us. When we walk aligned with the world, the flesh, and the devil instead of in a manner worthy of our calling, we make Him sorrowful, distressed, and heavy-hearted. Author and pastor Megan Fate Marshman explains “Grief is the recognition that something is not as it should be.” It is an “appropriate response to things being out of alignment with God’s plan.”1

Ephesians is a book about unity—first between God and humans, then between Jews and Gentiles—all made possible through Christ’s sacrifice. So, we grieve the Spirit when we choose to break that unity with God and others by sinning. This is why Paul lays out many specific instructions for walking worthy of our calling. 

So, how do we do we avoid grieving or quenching the Spirit? “Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” (Ephesians 4:31-32, CSB)

Honoring or grieving the Lord has everything to do with how we live—our mindsets, the choices we make, and the way we treat others. That’s why Paul covers so many topics in Ephesians 4 including our sexual practices, our choice to be truthful and trustworthy, and how we speak to one another. The passage above shows that bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander, and contempt have no place in the lives of authentic followers of Jesus. Instead, we’re called to be kind, tender hearted, and forgiving.  We’re urged to reject evil and embrace good. 

While I could list many examples and scenarios to illustrate these principles, I think your time would be more wisely spent inviting the Lord to search your heart to make this personal. Consider re-reading Ephesians 4 slowly and asking Him to show you if there are ways you’re grieving or quenching His Spirit. Give God permission to reveal any attitudes or perspectives you’ve adopted from the world that dishonor Him. Let Him shine a light on your behavior toward others that grieves His heart. 

As the Lord brings specific sins to mind, confess them to Him and cancel permission for the enemy to use them as an access point in your life any longer. Command any darkness or evil to leave and invite the Holy Spirit to come and expand His presence in your life.2

 There’s no way to succeed in walking worthy of Christ by trying harder on our own; we were never meant to do that. Thankfully, with the Holy Spirit dwelling in our hearts through faith, we have unlimited access to all the help we need. 

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  • 1. Megan Fate Marshman, Relaxed: Walking with the One Who Is Not Worried about a Thing, Zondervan, 2024.
  • 2. Inspired by Tim Hughes’ sermon, “Are You Hungry?” Park Hill Church Podcast, August 6, 2023. Available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Inspired by Ephesians: A Study of Faith and Practice by Jackie Hill Perry, Jasmine Holmes and Melissa Kruger, Lifeway Press, 2024

Talking Our Walk

Do you remember the Bangles’ 1986 hit song “Walk Like an Egyptian”? It’s a fun, catchy, and slightly silly tune referencing ancient Egyptian tomb paintings. Most people who grew up in the 80’s will automatically strike a pose when they hear the song. No one has to tell them to put one arm in front of them bent at 90 degrees with a palm down and the other arm behind them bent at 90 degrees with the palm facing up. 

For followers of Jesus, learning to walk like Him takes a bit more practice. As the Holy Spirit guides us and we study Scripture, believers continually learn the nuances of walking in the ways of our Lord and Savior. That’s why we’ve been marching through Ephesians 4 this summer–to discover how Jesus calls His followers to live. Inspired by Paul’s urging for believers to live worthy of their calling (Ephesians 4:1), we’ve spent time examining specific ways we can honor God with our thoughts, actions, and words. Paul covers a range of topics in a few pithy sentences. His brevity makes the weight of his words even more powerful.

Let’s continue our journey through Ephesians by examining the next few verses: “So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil…Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:25-27 & 29, NLT)

Three of the topics involve how we communicate verbally. They seem especially relevant in our culture today.

1) Lies: It seems obvious to point out that believers shouldn’t lie, but there are many socially acceptable ways that we rationalize being untruthful. For example, lying seems like a quick and easy way to make an excuse declining a request or an invitation. It’s also tempting to lie if it will save a few dollars (like getting a discount when there’s an age limit or requirement). Sometimes we avoid the truth because it’s uncomfortable to admit and telling a lie just feels safer and easier in the moment. Lying has become so expected in our culture that people are often surprised when they encounter someone who is honest. So, being truthful sets us apart from the world. And even if no one notices, it honors the Lord by demonstrating obedience to Him and respect for His Word.

2) Anger: Feeling angry isn’t a sin, it’s what we do with it that matters. Jesus displayed righteous anger when he cleared the temple (see Mark 11:15-17). Many other godly people focused their anger for good– leading them to bring justice or to eradicate sinful practices. The problem with anger comes when we use it to justify destructive and hateful behavior. While anger may feel merited when we’ve been wronged, an emotionally charged reaction escalates the situation and gives the enemy an opening to magnify negativity and wreak havoc. Pausing before reacting in the moment allows time to take a breath and pray for wisdom. Instead of embroiling us in heated emotion and making the situation worse, a godly response diffuses tension and brings peace.

The directive not to let the sun go down while we’re still angry means that we don’t allow it to take control of our minds and amplify hateful thoughts. Simmering anger becomes like yeast in bread—it grows with time. Nursing our anger leads us to retaliation, bitterness, and withholding forgiveness–actions that are the opposite of Jesus’ teaching.

3) Language: The words that flow from our mouths reveal the state of our hearts (Matthew 15:17-19). This passage explains what language believers should avoid (foul and abusive) and what language they should use instead (helpful and encouraging).  Paul provides additional clarification on this later in Ephesians: “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.” (Ephesians 5:4, NIV) 

Foul language has become pervasive in our culture. We’ve been desensitized by hearing it used frequently in media and by public figures. Because humans are prone to social contagion, we unconsciously mirror what we see and hear. The prevalence of swear words and harsh language used in casual conversation has become commonplace, even among followers of Jesus. Choosing to be intentional about preventing obscene and foul language from polluting our vocabularies sets us apart from the world. Being deliberate about speaking words of encouragement, kindness, and gratitude differentiates us and shows we’re walking in a manner worthy of our calling as followers of Jesus.

Have you allowed the world to influence the way you talk? Consider spending time with the Lord and inviting Him to search your heart and show you any behaviors, tendencies, or vocabulary that you need to confess. Let His cleansing mercy free you to walk unfettered by sin and to live worthy of your calling. 

Embrace Paul’s wisdom in Ephesians: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” (Ephesians 5:15-17, NIV)  Walking like Jesus means talking in ways that honor Him and differ from the world. Let’s commit to speaking in a way that reflects who we are in Christ.

Now, just for fun, here’s the song that inspired the idea of walking in a distinct manner. Click here and enjoy “Walk Like an Egyptian” by the Bangles.

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