Category: Suffering

The God of All Comfort

Stepping into line, I clutched my son’s tiny hand and kept my head down as we inched toward his classroom door. The preschool check-in process always took a while, but was usually a fun time to catch up with other moms. Normally I would have been chatting with friends and acquaintances or smiling at people walking by. But on that day, it took every ounce of energy just to walk into the building. Participating in such a “normal” activity felt surreal when I felt so raw, exposed, and vulnerable.

It had been only a few days earlier that I’d sat at my dad’s bedside as he exhaled his final breath surrounded by family. For the two weeks prior to that I’d been consumed with making arrangements, communicating with family, and trekking back and forth to the facility where he was receiving hospice care. I’d been so removed from regular life that it felt overwhelming just being out in public to drop off my son at school. My sagging shoulders and red-rimmed eyes told everyone all was not well with me. It was almost like I had stickers all over my clothes that said, “Fragile: Handle with Care.”

I assumed most of the moms I was standing with knew I’d just lost my dad since one of them had sent flowers from the class. Despite that kind gesture, not one of them acknowledged my loss in person. Some smiled sympathetically while others avoided eye contact. I didn’t fault them for it—most of my peers hadn’t yet experienced the death of a parent and didn’t know what to say, so they took the safest route and decided to say nothing.

After a few awkward minutes, I felt someone’s arms wrap around me from behind. As I turned to see who it was, a mom I barely knew pulled me closer. Hugging me tightly, she said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died a few years ago– I totally get what you’re going through.” She went on to describe the range of emotions she’d experienced, mirroring mine exactly. What a relief it was to encounter someone who understood my pain. She didn’t try to fix it, she just identified with it.  Her presence and willingness to revisit her own hurt were a tremendous comfort to me.

In the years since then, I’ve tried to be intentional about reaching out to others who have experienced loss. God has regularly prompted me to offer comfort in different ways, whether it is writing a card, providing a listening ear, delivering a meal, or sharing music that has brought me comfort and hope.  It wasn’t until later that I realized that doing these things has been in God’s plan from the start:

 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

Every person on the planet experiences painful situations at different points in life, whether they are visited upon us or self-inflicted. No matter what the circumstances are, we have a choice in how we respond. We can seize the opportunity to let God teach us through hardships, or we can wallow in self-pity and risk becoming disillusioned and bitter. Challenging experiences are conduits for learning and growing spiritually. They also provide fertile ground for receiving God’s comfort. When we lean into Him through them, we also inspire and impact others through the faith we demonstrate.

Difficulties are an opportunity to grow in our empathy for others who will experience similar situations. Our pain can equip us to show God’s comfort to people who desperately need it. We can even be intentional about praying for God to lead us to people we can bless with His comfort.

Sometimes when you’re in a season of pain it may feel like God is distant. However, Scripture promises: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV)  Ask Him to help you feel His presence and to be open to His comfort. Sometimes He does this through Scripture, a song, or written words from someone with godly wisdom.  Other times, He blesses us with people who can walk with us through our struggles.

Occasionally painful chapters in our lives tempt us to pull back from people and to isolate ourselves. While a little alone time can help to ground you, too much can cause you to spiral into unhealthy places emotionally. Even though it’s difficult, try to let others listen and encourage you. Some may have had similar experiences and can be a source of support for you.  In time, you’ll receive comfort and wisdom and you’ll be able to do the same for someone else.

In God’s economy, nothing is wasted, even our pain. All of it can be used for good when we allow Him to speak to us through it.

If you’re in a difficult season or know someone else who is, be encouraged by Jason Gray’s song “Nothing is Wasted.”

Kelly Minter, All Things New: A Study on 2 Corinthians, Lifeway Press, 2016.

When Fellowship Fractures

As hard as it is to believe, even deep and godly friendships sometimes fracture. Paul and Barnabas are a case in point. The friendship between them may have begun when Barnabas stood up for Paul when the others were skeptical about the authenticity of his conversion in Acts 9. Later, the Holy Spirit ordained their ministry in Acts 13 and they traveled together sharing the gospel until a disagreement tore them apart. Despite their deep love for God and their history of meaningful fellowship, Acts 15 explains that these two pillars of the faith couldn’t reconcile in their opposite opinions over John Mark accompanying them on their next missionary journey. Barnabas wanted to give him a second chance after a past failure, Paul didn’t. This caused them to split up and to continue sharing the gospel in different places with new ministry partners.

Beth Moore writes about this situation, “One ministry turned into two. You and I both know it doesn’t always happen that way. It takes cooperation. We can stunt God’s redemptive work in our midst with our bitterness, unforgiveness, slander, blame, chronic regret, and unresolved guilt. Or we can go face down and beg God in our fractures to do something bigger with the broken pieces than He might have done with the whole.” (Entrusted, page 36)

Reading her words, I couldn’t help but think of how God used the broken pieces of a former relationship to make me into something better. The friendship I shared with this woman arose from our mutual desire to study God’s Word. We were the only two from our congregation that joined an in-depth Bible study at a neighboring church. After class, we’d stand in the parking lot talking enthusiastically about what we’d learned long after the rest of the cars had pulled away. My son, a toddler at the time, would fuss and squirm in his car seat once his Cheerios ran out or the sippy cup was empty. Finally, I’d have to interrupt her animated sharing with an apology and a promise to continue the conversation later. I could usually feel her disappointment as I pulled away.

A year later, our enthusiasm to study God’s Word with others led us to start a new Bible study for our own church with the help of a seasoned teacher. It was an exciting time of spiritual growth and meaningful fellowship centered on God’s Word. So much so, that I ignored the subtle warning signs that would lead to future problems between us.

Early in our friendship, I’d given her a card expressing my gratitude to God for her. I wrote about how thankful I was that the Lord was using us in each other’s lives and told her I believed He had much more in store for our friendship. I couldn’t wait to see how things would unfold. Although God did use her in my life, what I envisioned when I wrote that card was not at all how things turned out.

Without belaboring the details, over the course of 9 months, our friendship went into a downward spiral because of some boundaries I had to put in place. Although she said she understood, she retreated with hurt and anger. I continued to pursue her to no avail. Soon I found that the groups we’d enjoyed spending time with together were having gatherings without me. Over the months, my heart sank lower and lower as many of our mutual friends backed away from me with little or no explanation. I felt cut off from the fellowship I had once enjoyed so much. This began a dark and lonely season in my life that ultimately led me to counseling.

With the help of a wise and godly therapist, I began to see where things had gone wrong and could take ownership over the unhealthy contributions I’d made to our friendship. I could also identify the things that were solely her issues and not my responsibility. Over the course of more than a year in counseling, I started to understand how the implosion of that friendship was a flash point for some deeper issues that I needed to sort through.

Without that fractured relationship, I never would have recognized the unhealthy perspectives and patterns I’d maintained for many years. I would have stunted God’s redemptive work and prevented Him from refining me through the longstanding struggles in my life. In that difficult season, I learned how to be authentic and vulnerable, how to have safe and healthy relationships, and how to function more wisely with people. Confronting my issues equipped me for opportunities to come alongside others who were struggling in different ways. It has also allowed me to navigate through the inevitable challenges that come whenever people work, serve, study, socialize, or live together (whether they are Christians or not).

I’ve thought many times about that card I wrote to my old friend early in our relationship. God did, indeed, use her in my life. He peeled back some issues that I needed to deal with so that I could reach a healthier place. And although it’s still painful to remember that season, I am ultimately grateful that it became a catalyst for heathy change in my life.

Before my former friend moved away, I tried one last time to reach out by leaving a card on her doorstep.  Although she never responded, I’m glad I told her about how God used our struggles for good in my life. I pray that the same is true for her.

If you’re struggling with a fractured relationship, don’t muddle through it alone. Let the song “Brother” by NEEDTOBREATHE be an encouragement to you today (and if you’re a woman, substitute the word “sister” if it makes you feel better.)

Beth Moore, Entrusted: A Study of 2 Timothy, Lifeway Press 2016.

A “Half Full” View of Suffering: 1 Peter 3:13-22

A friend of mine wears a necklace that has a flat, rectangular charm with a drawing stamped onto it. A simple sketch depicts a drinking glass with a line running horizontally through the middle of it. Beneath the glass are the words “Half Full.”  It’s only a two-word statement, but it communicates volumes about how she views life. Think for a minute.  If you see a glass that has equal amounts of air and water in it, is it half empty or half full?  The way you answer says something about whether you see life through a positive or a negative lens. It’s all a matter of perspective: a glass is simultaneously half full and half empty. It just depends on the viewpoint of the person describing it.

The same holds true with the topic of suffering– our perspective on it can lead us to deep spiritual growth or debilitating self-pity and bitterness. Since suffering is mentioned in every chapter of the book of First Peter, it’s clear God has a few things to say about it:

“Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed…For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.” (1 Peter 3:13, 14a, 17,18, NIV)

So how can we consider ourselves blessed when we experience suffering, especially when it comes as a result of doing what is right?  Scripture gives us some clear answers about its purpose.  And while suffering isn’t an enjoyable thing for anyone, good can result from experiencing it. Here are four reasons you can consider yourself blessed when you suffer:

Refinement: Hebrews 2:10 tells us that Jesus was “made perfect through what he suffered.” Suffering was part of the process He had to endure to bring us to salvation.  So, when He died on the cross, He accomplished one of His primary reasons for coming to earth. In the same way, suffering is a process that accomplishes something in us. Peter explains this in 1 Peter 1:6-7 when he says we suffer trials so that our faith may be proved genuine. Just as fire refines gold and removes the impurities, suffering refines us, causing us to turn toward God when we recognize everything else is worthless by comparison.

Humility: Suffering removes the illusion of control that so many of us cling to unconsciously. No matter how wealthy, powerful, or accomplished we are, no matter how closely we walk with God, no matter how much we may try to avoid it, all of us will experience suffering at different times.  It reminds us that we aren’t in charge, God is. The apostle Paul learned to rejoice in suffering when he realized it kept him from becoming conceited.  After pleading with God to remove an unnamed and ongoing struggle he had, he says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

Paul then explains why God’s choice not to end his suffering brings him joy instead of causing him to become angry or bitter: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV)

Character: A life of ease may feel good, but it is through suffering that our characters are shaped.  Paul explains the qualities we gain through suffering when he says: “Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:2-5, ESV) Suffering builds our endurance and when we persevere through it, we gain character and hope. These qualities become part of a firm foundation that sustains us through future challenges we’re bound to face.

Comfort: Suffering is a jumping off place for showing the love of God to others. When we lean into the Lord and allow Him to speak into our suffering, He gives us hope, help, and comfort. Seasons of suffering become the times when seeds of faith sprout and grow stronger in us. And when we recognize that our suffering can be used for good, we begin to look beyond ourselves, becoming a conduit for God to impact others. Through us, He blesses people struggling through similar issues: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (1 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

Looking back, I see different times of suffering in my life with a strange sense of fondness. Of course, I didn’t enjoy the difficult things I’ve had to endure, but I see how God used them to reveal Himself to me, to make His Word relevant in my life, and to connect me with others in ways I never would have experienced in good times.  So, while I don’t look forward to future seasons of suffering, I know they will come.  And when they do, I will choose to view them through the “half-full” lens and to look expectantly for how God wants to use them in my life.

If you are in a time of suffering, imagine Jesus is singing to you as you listen to “Brother” by NEEDTOBREATHE. And if you’re on the other side of a season of suffering, consider who you could reach out to with the sentiments in this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRSLz_KgUsM

*Inspired by Week 7 in 1 Peter: A Living Hope in Christ by Jen Wilkin, Lifeway   Press, 2016.