Category: Transformation

Stopping the Spiral with Humility

I’ve called it many things over the years—feeling down, being in a funk, getting triggered, having my buttons pushed, riding the rollercoaster. Now, thanks to Jennie Allen’s book Get Out of Your Head, I have a new name for it: spiraling. Let me paint a picture of it for you.

Imagine you have an interaction with another person that sparks an emotion. Let’s say you feel hurt, which leads to a thought like, “I’m worthless, no one cares about me.” Your emotions spiral downward, affecting your behavior. Attempting to shield yourself from further hurt, you withdraw not only from this person, but from others as well. This behavior, in turn, affects your relationships. People you know feel ignored or rejected by your withdrawal. Your connection with them weakens, causing strained relationships as a consequence. You find yourself isolated and wallowing in hurt, validating your feelings of worthlessness.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Allen explains that spirals can progress in one of two directions, they can go “up toward God, or downward toward the thing we’re fixating on.”1 The progression follows a predictable pattern: emotions trigger thoughts which lead to behaviors that affect relationships that lead to consequences. However, we can learn “to choose thoughts that conform to the mind of Christ”2 and when we do this, “we start seeing better behaviors, better relationships, and better consequences.”3 So, our downward spirals begin to flip upward when we choose to focus on God.

For the past few weeks I’ve been working through Jennie Allen’s Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians. The book identifies the primary enemies of our minds and the weapons God gives us to fight them. I’ve been able to practice what I’m learning with real-life challenges on a regular basis. It’s been powerful using these tools to stop my downward spirals before they go too far. Because it’s been beneficial to me, I’d love to share it with you. If you’re intrigued, consider picking up a copy of the study to do on your own, or with friends.

Self-Importance vs. Humility

The first enemy of our minds highlighted in the book is self-importance. It’s the sense of entitlement that makes us think we deserve special treatment. Allen explains, “We’re fed a continuous message of how much we matter, how very important we are—but in the long run, our urge to protect ourselves and promote our own awesomeness leads to more separation, more disillusionment with each other, and more insecurity and fruitless comparison.”4 Allen explains, “lasting joy will come only when God is in the center.”5 When we put God where He belongs, we rest in His power, not our own. The weapon we use to fight self-importance is humility. Consider this wisdom from Scripture:

Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Self-importance is rooted in selfish ambition and conceit. So, when we value others above ourselves and look to their interests, this diffuses the inflated view of self that sent us spiraling downward in the first place. 

Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” It’s impossible to be harsh and gentle at the same time. When someone hurts us and we choose to bear with them in love, we recognize their value, in spite of their offensive behavior. Patience keeps us from making a rash judgement, overreacting, or lashing out in our pain.

1 Peter 5:5b-7 “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When we’re anxious, worried, or upset, the wise choice is to cast those negative emotions at the foot of the cross. Entrusting them to God keeps us from striking back pridefully and assuming we’re right and the other person is wrong. If God opposes the proud, the wise response is to choose humility. This stops the negative spiral and shows the Lord we trust Him to work out the situation in whatever way He deems best. 

Psalm 25:9 “He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” When we’re experiencing negative emotions and we decide to share them with the Lord, we leave room for Him to show us the healthiest response. A humble heart is a teachable heart.

Imagine how the scenario I described earlier would look if we used the weapon of humility: You have an interaction with another person that sparks an emotion. You feel hurt. You decide to respond with humility. Choosing humility leads to a thought like, “Wow, that person must be having a bad day. Sometimes I say hurtful things that I don’t mean when I’m in a foul mood too. I’m not going to take that personally.” The emotion spirals upward, affecting your behavior. You give the person grace by assuming the best rather than nursing hurt feelings. This behavior, in turn, affects your relationships. Those you know appreciate your tendency to give the most generous explanation for others’ behavior. Your connection to people strengthens, which leads to positive consequences. Your relationships become healthier and you find yourself feeling grateful for the people in your life. You thank God for humbling you enough to see you’re as prone to sin as the one who offended you. Like the psalmist, you pray, “O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.” (Psalm 69:5, ESV)

If you find your emotions taking the lead and causing you to spin downward, remember you have a choice. Stop the spiral by using the weapon of humility. Spend time focusing on the wisdom of the verses above. Then, pray and ask God to give you the humility you need to focus on Him instead of your feelings.

Let Natalie Grant’s song “My Weapon” empower and inspire you today.

Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians, Thomas Nelson Press, 2020. 1. Page 40 2. Page 42 3. Page 42 4. Page 60 5. Page 60

Re-route Your Thoughts

Rolling my bike to a stop, I surveyed the trail. Just ahead of me, a large tree limb had fallen across it, blocking my way forward. It would have been awkward to scramble over, especially with my bike getting tangled in the foliage. The best option seemed to be going around it, which meant trudging through knee-high weeds and over rocky ground to forge a new path. 

On my next ride a few weeks later, the tree was still stretched across the main trail, but the long weeds I’d pushed through were now trodden down. Clearly, others had made the same choice to navigate around the obstacle in the path. Each time I took the trail in subsequent months, I noticed how the new route began replacing the old one. Matted grass gave way to bare patches of dirt; rocks were kicked aside. Over time, the rough trail was smoothed by a multitude of feet and bikes. Within months, the path around the fallen tree had become the main route. It had just taken repeated and consistent use.

Recently, I envisioned that re-routed trail because it illustrates changes I’m making to my thought patterns. I’m not proud to admit that my default mode of thinking tends to be critical, negative, and cynical. Rarely do my natural inclinations lead me to assume the best or to feel confident that circumstances will turn out well. Can you relate? Unsatisfied with my negative tendencies, I’ve been focused on building new neural paths that will point me in a more positive direction.

The desire to change my thinking isn’t futile, there is research that supports what I’m trying to do. It turns out our brains are more pliable than we realize. In her book Get Out of Your Head, Jennie Allen explains the work of Dr. Dan Siegel, a professor of clinical psychiatry. “’Where attention goes,’ he wrote, ‘neural firing flows and neural connection grows…Patterns you thought were fixed are actually things that with mental effort can indeed be changed…We are not passive in all this activity of mind and awareness.’ What we think about, our brains become. What we fixate on is neurologically who we will be.”1 So, the more we think certain thoughts, the wider those paths become and the more we’re inclined to travel on them mentally.  

Allen goes on to explain, “Good things happen when we train our attention on that which is beautiful, on that which is authentic and compelling and good. What’s more, beyond the obvious emotional experience, those good things from the hand of God can point us to the One who creates beauty, who is beautiful. Cynicism puts our minds on things of this earth, and we lose hope. Beauty points our gaze toward the heavens and reminds us of hope.”1

The Bible provides the roadmap we need to change our thoughts. Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians show us how to build a new web of trails in our minds: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV) We can ask the Lord to re-route our thinking onto more positive paths that honor Him. Allen explains, “The spiraling, chaotic thoughts that have so long keep us trapped will give way to the peace and beauty and abundant life Jesus died to give us.”2 This brings hope to us and to others. And when we venture back down negative roads, we can trust the Holy Spirit to show us we’re off track before we’ve traveled too far.

Paul’s words to the Romans describe this process of shifting from old and unhealthy thought patterns to new ones: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2, NIV) When we realize we’re letting the world influence us more than the Lord, let’s make it a regular practice to ask Him to renew our minds. Jennie Allen explains, “We renew our minds by filling our minds with truth, with who God says we are, and then holding every other thought up to those truths. Those truths are our weapons, and they stop the spirals in our minds.”2

As we focus on forging new mental paths, we’re learning to keep our thoughts in check. Our mindsets change as we trust the Holy Spirit, apply the wisdom of Scripture, and surrender our thoughts to God consistently. Every day provides a new opportunity to invite the Lord to continue widening new and better paths in our minds.

For some musical inspiration, listen to “Burn the Ships” by the band For King and Country. It invites us to walk away from the negative elements of our pasts and start fresh. As you listen, ask God what unhealthy practices you need to turn from today so you can let Him help you forge new and better paths.

  1. Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, Waterbrook, 2020, pages 42 & 135.
  2. Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head Study, Thomas Nelson, 2020, pages 54 & 59.

Becoming Real

As Lisa Harper sums up final thoughts on the book of Job, she writes, “Perusing Job’s story for more than a year now has taught me how to better rest in God’s sovereign goodness regardless of what’s going on in my little corner of the world. Job’s well-lived life has helped soften some of my sharpest edges in a spiritual Velveteen Rabbit kind of way.” (p. 155)

If you’re not familiar with Margery Williams’ classic story The Velveteen Rabbit, the significance of that reference may be lost on you, which would be a shame. Rather than summarizing it, here are several excerpts that capture its essence:  

THERE was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid. He was fat and bunchy, as a rabbit should be; his coat was spotted brown and white, he had real thread whiskers, and his ears were lined with pink sateen. On Christmas morning, when he sat wedged in the top of the Boy’s stocking, with a sprig of holly between his paws, the effect was charming…

For a long time he lived in the toy cupboard or on the nursery floor, and no one thought very much about him. He was naturally shy, and being only made of velveteen, some of the more expensive toys quite snubbed him. The mechanical toys were very superior, and looked down upon every one else; they were full of modern ideas, and pretended they were real…

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

As the story unfolds, the Velveteen Rabbit experiences the joy of becoming “Real” as he receives the love and affection of the Boy. His shabby fur, missing whiskers, and tattered ears become badges of honor revealing his position as the Boy’s most beloved toy. But, after comforting him through a bout with scarlet fever, the Rabbit finds himself thrown in a trash heap with all the other germ-infested toys. Devastated, he laments his situation:

He thought of those long sunlit hours in the garden–how happy they were–and a great sadness came over him….Of what use was it to be loved and lose one’s beauty and become Real if it all ended like this? And a tear, a real tear, trickled down his little shabby velvet nose and fell to the ground.

And then a strange thing happened. For where the tear had fallen a flower grew out of the ground, a mysterious flower, not at all like any that grew in the garden…. And presently the blossom opened, and out of it there stepped a fairy…

“Little Rabbit,” she said, “don’t you know who I am?”

The Rabbit looked up at her, and it seemed to him that he had seen her face before, but he couldn’t think where.

“I am the nursery magic Fairy,” she said. “I take care of all the playthings that the children have loved. When they are old and worn out and the children don’t need them any more, then I come and take them away with me and turn them into Real.”

“Wasn’t I Real before?” asked the little Rabbit.

“You were Real to the Boy,” the Fairy said, “because he loved you. Now you shall be Real to every one...And he found that he actually had hind legs! Instead of dingy velveteen he had brown fur, soft and shiny…He gave one leap and the joy of using those hind legs was so great that he went springing about the turf on them, jumping sideways and whirling round as the others did.”

There is beautiful, biblical truth woven in the fabric of that sweet story that echoes what we see in the book of Job. Suffering, hardships, and trials are the tools God uses to build our character, to give us depth, and to help us experience Him in deeper ways. They help us to become more authentic and empathetic. Job concludes the book saying, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5, NIV) Trials create a special kind of beauty and connection to God that only come through first-hand experience.

Much like the Velveteen Rabbit, Job’s story shows us that suffering is an honor and a privilege. And just as the Rabbit receives new life at the end, a similar thing happens to Job:

“The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. And he also had seven sons and three daughters.”(Job 42:12-13, NIV)

Suffering may not be our favorite item in God’s toolbox, but these stories remind us that it has a purpose. We’re going to face it, but it’s our choice to let it make us “Real.” And, like the Velveteen Rabbit, one day we’ll experience the amazing reality of new life in eternity with Christ. 

Lisa Harper quotes Barbara Johnson, who says, “We are Easter people living in a Good Friday world.” So, for now “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  (James 1:2-4, NIV)

Michael Ketterer’s song “Spirit Lead Me” exemplifies the beauty of surrendering and trusting God through trials. Listen and make it your prayer today.

To read The Velveteen Rabbit in its entirety, click on this link.

Lisa Harper, Job: A Story of Unlikely Joy, Lifeway Press, 2018.

A Spacious Place

Sitting in the driver’s seat as my husband backed the boat into the water, my heart pounded with apprehension. The launch ramp was short and the levee across the narrow slough was only a few feet away. The tight space to maneuver made me nervous, especially with other boats in the water nearby. I breathed a sigh of relief once I tied up at the miniscule dock to wait for my husband.

Only a few hundred yards away, a much wider channel on the Delta beckoned us, promising a day of boating in the summer sun. I had to remind myself of the fun that awaited us every time I felt dread about launching the boat.

It may seem funny that I imagined that scene as I read Elihu’s words of wisdom to Job:

“He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.” (Job 36:16 NIV)

He encourages Job that his season of hardship will draw him out of dire straits and into a broad place. It’s a surprising use of the word “wooing.” Why would he need to be wooed from distress? Wouldn’t he run from it on his own? After researching the meaning of “woo” in the original language, I discovered it’s defined as “to stimulate, seduce, move, persuade, or provoke.” Elihu’s metaphor shows that it is only by passing through the jaws of distress that we can enter the fullness of the “spacious place.” It’s not so different from labor contractions that help with delivering a baby.

Bible commentator W.F. Adene provides a deeper understanding of the contrasting metaphors depicting a life in narrow straits and one in spacious places. He explains that various influences combine to make life “narrow” for us. These things include:

Selfishness: The tendency to think about ourselves overshadows the world around us. If we’re living “chiefly for our own ends, we are shut into a small circle of personal, private interests, and, the great world being ignored, we ourselves shrink into littleness.”

Worldliness: When we’re consumed by the things of this world and overlook the eternal, we become short-sighted. Our thoughts and interests are “shut in to the domain of the visible and temporal.”

Conventionality: Our worldview narrows when we lose the courage of personal conviction and “fall back on the ideas and practices” of the world around us. 

Routine: When all goes smoothly in our lives, “the mill grinds on in a dreamy atmosphere of changeless indifference.” We grow apathetic if nothing rouses us to see beyond ourselves.

Consequently, there are times when “God delivers us from narrowness by means of affliction.” The Lord sees how hurtful and limiting narrowness is to us, so He uses difficulties to spur us onward and out of our rigid, stunted ways of thinking. Like the birthing process, the pressure of our hardships awakens us and goads us to move forward. “Then, as it cures our errors, it leads us out of its own constraints.”

Adene goes on to explain that God’s deliverance takes us to a more spacious place in three ways:

Liberty of Action: Jesus tells us in John’s gospel “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:38, NIV) Freedom of the soul comes when we look beyond ourselves. “There is a large place with great scope for work, which can only be enjoyed in unselfishness and unworldliness.”

Breadth of View: Our vision is broadened and deepened through experiencing sorrow. “Although at first it may be cramped and confined to the immediate present by the absorbing influence of pain, when deliverance comes, this is followed by a wonderful mental expansion. No one knows the depth and breadth of life who has not been through the waters of affliction.”

Largeness of Joy: Emerging from the confines of a painful season, we discover a new sense of freedom. As we grow out of stunted and limited ways of thinking, our ability to experience the deep joy of the Lord grows. Our minds become spacious places as we become more accepting of the variety of ways God works.

Seasons of suffering and hardship open our eyes and give us new perspective on ourselves, our circumstances, our relationships, and God. They teach us in ways that good times can’t.

Lisa Harper explains, “Whether the genesis of the pain and hardship you’ve had to walk through was caused through no fault of your own, like Job’s agony, was the consequence of bad, perhaps even sinful, decisions, or was the result of God’s sovereign, albeit mysterious pruning, we all have a choice in how we respond after we’ve been injured. We can choose to isolate in shame, become prickly and accusatory because of guilt, or move toward God in the tenderhearted posture of humility, trust, and repentance—the only path to healing and restoration.” (p. 116)

Perhaps God is using difficult circumstances to woo you into a more spacious place where the richness of a broader perspective awaits. Consider how He might be urging you toward freedom as you enjoy Austin French’s “Freedom Hymn.”

This post is primarily an adaptation of a sermon entitled “A Broad Place” by W.F. Adene. You can read the original outline by clicking here.

Lisa Harper, Job: A Story of Unlikely Joy, Lifeway Press 2018.

Forging a New Path

Rolling my bike to a stop, I surveyed the trail. Just ahead of me, a large tree had fallen across it, blocking my way forward. The thick trunk and spiny branches would have been awkward to scramble over with my bike. The best option seemed to be going around it, which meant trudging through knee-high weeds and over rocky ground to forge a new path. 

A few weeks later, the tree was still stretched across the main trail, but the long weeds I’d pushed through were now trodden down. Clearly, others had made the same choice to navigate around the obstacle in the road. Each time I took the trail in subsequent months, I noticed how the new route began replacing the old one. Matted grass gave way to bare patches of dirt, rocks were kicked aside and, over time, the rough trail was smoothed by a multitude of feet and bikes. Within months, the path around the fallen tree had become the main route. It had just taken repeated and consistent use over time.

I imagined this trail as I began thinking of my hopes for the new year: I want to build some new paths—not on dirt trails, but in my mind. I’ve been learning there is science to support this goal, it’s not just wishful thinking on my part. In her book Get Out of Your Head, Jennie Allen explains the work of Dr. Dan Siegel, a professor of clinical psychiatry. “’Where attention goes,’ he wrote, ‘neural firing flows and neural connection grows…Patterns you thought were fixed are actually things that with mental effort can indeed be changed…We are not passive in all this activity of mind and awareness.’ What we think about, our brains become. What we fixate on is neurologically who we will be.” (p.42) So, the more we think certain thoughts, the wider those paths become and the more we’re inclined to travel on them mentally.  

Allen goes on to explain, “Good things happen when we train our attention on that which is beautiful, on that which is authentic and compelling and good. What’s more, beyond the obvious emotional experience, those good things from the hand of God can point us to the One who creates beauty, who is beautiful. Cynicism puts our minds on things of this earth, and we lose hope. Beauty points our gaze toward the heavens and reminds us of hope.” (p.135)

I’m not proud to admit that many of my neural pathways take me to negative places. It requires intentional effort for me to look on the positive side, to assume the best, and to be confident there will be a favorable outcome. My default modes of thinking tend to be critical, negative, and cynical. But I hope to change that this year.

Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians fuel my desire for a new web of trails in my mind: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV) I want to re-route my thoughts onto more positive paths that honor Jesus and bring life to myself and others. And when I venture back down negative roads, I want the Holy Spirit to stop me before I’ve traveled too far. That way, I’ll develop a reflex of asking for God’s help to renew my mind so I can continue establishing new routes. Paul’s words to the Romans describe the process of shifting from old and unhealthy thought patterns to new ones: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”(Romans 12:2, NIV)

This year, I’m focusing on developing mental paths that are positive and hopeful. I want to assume the best and see the good from the start rather than having to talk myself into it. This can only be done through the power of the Holy Spirit and the consistency of prayer.

Maybe, like me, you’re ready to step into a new day and forge a fresh path in the year ahead. The band For King and Country has an inspiring song called “Burn the Ships” that invites us to walk away from the negative things of our pasts and start new. Singer/songwriter Luke Smallbone explains, “The analogy of burning the ships came to me: the story of the sailors not wanting to explore the new world, wanting the comforts of their boats. Their leader calls them out and says, ‘We’ve got to burn the ships. This is a new world.’”

As you listen, ask God what ships you need to burn today so you can travel down new paths He has planned for you.

Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, Waterbrook, 2020.

Luke Smallbone quoted from: ccmmagazine.com

Bad Story, Good Lessons

She was a young teenager, the only daughter among a crowd of sons. Living in a new place, she was curious about clothes, customs, and social events that were different from her family’s. Most likely she was also a little naïve, not considering the harm that could come to her by sneaking away to mix with new friends at a local festival.

He was accustomed to getting his way. As a young man of privilege, he probably carried a sense of entitlement. When he saw something he wanted, he took it and dealt with the consequences later. Maybe he knew his powerful father would follow behind him to clean up the mess. So when he saw the new girl in town, he didn’t think twice about pursuing her. Maybe it started out as a friendly flirtation, but it quickly escalated into something entirely different. No one had any idea how the collision of these two lives would forever change the city and the family who had come to live on its outskirts.

Sounds like the makings of a modern movie, doesn’t it? Actually, it’s the story of Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, and the prince of Shechem, as told in the book of Genesis (with a bit of creative license based on commentaries). It’s a sordid tale that makes us uncomfortable, but there are things we can learn if we’re willing to move past our squeamishness. Finding personal application in it reminds us that times have changed, but human nature has remained the same.

Dinah’s Downfall: “Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the women of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, the prince of the land, saw her, he seized her and lay with her and humiliated her. And his soul was drawn to Dinah the daughter of Jacob. He loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her. So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor, saying, ‘Get me this girl for my wife.’” (Genesis 34:1-3, NIV)

Scholars believe Dinah was a young adolescent, somewhere between the ages of 12 and 16. Naturally, she was curious and interested in developing her social life, as most teens would be. But her parents hadn’t equipped her with the wisdom to recognize the dangers of the outside world. No one explained how vulnerable she would be out on her own, even in a place that looked so inviting. In fact, no one seemed to be paying much attention to her until it was too late. 

It’s tempting to point the finger of blame at the family members who didn’t seem to value Dinah enough to watch out for her. But how often can we be guilty of the same today? Teenagers may look like adults who eagerly exert their independence, but we’re fooling ourselves if we think they know how to navigate the world entirely on their own (both online and in real life). Sheltering adolescents seems like a quick fix, but isn’t realistic or beneficial to them. Leaving them to their own devices isn’t the answer either. We need to find middle ground where we’re engaged in their lives and connecting with them consistently so we can earn their trust. Only then will they be open to receiving the truth and wisdom they need from adults to make wise choices. If you’re not parenting a teen, you still have opportunities to connect and pour into them in many ways—whether it’s as a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a neighbor, a youth leader, a co-worker, a work supervisor, a teacher, a mentor, a coach, a tutor, or any other role that puts you in contact with this precious and vulnerable age group. (See below for helpful resources on understanding teens and their world).

Dinah’s Brothers Misuse God’s Covenant: “The sons of Jacob answered Shechem and his father Hamor deceitfully, because he had defiled their sister Dinah. They said to them, ‘We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised, for that would be a disgrace to us. Only on this condition will we agree with you—that you will become as we are by every male among you being circumcised.  Then we will give our daughters to you, and we will take your daughters to ourselves, and we will dwell with you and become one people. But if you will not listen to us and be circumcised, then we will take our daughter, and we will be gone.’” (Genesis 34:13-17, NIV)

Jacob’s sons used the sacred sign of God’s covenant as a tool of manipulation. Insisting that all the men of the town be circumcised was a ruse for making them vulnerable to attack. Using anything God has given us to inflict harm on others has no place in the life of a believer. It’s dishonoring to Him and defiles the sacred things He’s given us. The Church has had many shameful seasons in history when hateful acts were committed in the name of the Lord. We shouldn’t use pressure or manipulation to force people into God’s ways. Our role is to plant seeds of faith, it’s the Holy Spirit who makes them grow and brings true life transformation.

Dinah’s Brothers Take Revenge: “And all who went out of the gate of his city listened to Hamor and his son Shechem, and every male was circumcised, all who went out of the gate of his city. On the third day, when they were sore, two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, took their swords and came against the city while it felt secure and killed all the males. They killed Hamor and his son Shechem with the sword and took Dinah out of Shechem’s house and went away. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain and plundered the city, because they had defiled their sister.” (Genesis 34:24-27, NIV)

Simeon and Levi decided to stand up for their sister and take their revenge to a gruesome extreme. In the process, they ruined the lives of everyone in Shechem and made their family a stench in the land. What they did was so detestable that their father cursed them on his deathbed:

“Simeon and Levi are brothers—  their swords   are weapons of violence. Let me not enter their council, let me not join their assembly, for they have killed men in their anger and hamstrung oxen as they pleased. Cursed be their anger, so fierce, and their fury, so cruel! I will scatter them in Jacob and disperse them in Israel.” (Genesis 49:5-7, NIV)

Dinah’s brothers probably imagined how satisfying it would be to get revenge, but it backfired on them in the end.  When we’ve been wronged, Scripture instructs us not to give in to our thirst for revenge: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21, NIV) Rather than bringing peace and contentment, revenge only escalates painful situations and perpetuates hate and violence. Trust God to handle vengeance and do your best to live at peace with everyone.

How I wish Dinah could have heard the words of “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle. Let the song comfort you and remind you of God’s attentiveness in whatever difficulties you’re facing. (Once you click below, a new window will open, then click “Watch on YouTube”).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgkNB4939YM

Want more info on how to understand teens and their culture? Check out these resources:

Axis.org

Teenesteem.org

Chapclark.com

Jesus: Our Kinsman Redeemer

Sometimes things we encounter in the Bible are hard to understand without a bit of historical or cultural context. Reading through the Old Testament book of Ruth, we learn that Boaz is identified as a kinsman-redeemer of Naomi and Ruth. Although this isn’t a term we use in current times, understanding it will help us see how the idea of a kinsman-redeemer relates to us.

You may remember that Ruth, the impoverished Moabite, gleaned in Boaz’ fields to provide food for herself and her mother in law, Naomi. After Ruth reported how kindly she was treated by Boaz, Naomi encouraged her daughter in law to make a bold move, saying:

“Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.”

Ruth willingly followed along with Naomi’s somewhat risky plan. Here’s what happened next:

“When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. In the middle of the night something startled the man; he turned—and there was a woman lying at his feet! ‘Who are you?’ he asked.‘I am your servant Ruth,’ she said. ‘Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a guardian-redeemer of our family.’” (Ruth 3:2-4, 7-9, NIV)

Uncovering Boaz’ feet was an act of humility and submission for Ruth. By asking him to spread his garment over her, she was requesting his protection over her through marriage. While all of this may sound like ancient history, there is significant personal application for us today because as a kinsman redeemer, Boaz stands as precursor or “type” of Jesus. 

“Through his actions, Boaz communicates Christ. His person and character illustrate the incredible hesed [love, goodness, kindness] that Christ possesses for his people, as well as, the great measures he is willing to take to redeem his bride. Though Ruth arrives at Boaz’s bed, empty-handed and humbled to the core, Boaz treats her with respect and kindness (3:10-13). Disgraced by her position and despised for her ethnicity, the young Moabite woman appears to have little to offer. Yet, despite all this, Boaz views her as a worthy woman (3:11). Though Ruth comes from a family that has turned their backs on the Lord, the Lord turns his face towards Ruth and reveals himself to her through Boaz. Boaz foreshadows Jesus Christ, the ultimate kinsman redeemer who will redeem a bride for himself—the church…Though Boaz redeemed the line of Elimelek, Jesus would come to redeem all the people of God. It was him to whom Boaz’s position pointed to, for in the person and work of Christ was found the true definition of kinsman-redeemer.”1  

Boaz paid a high price financially and socially to redeem Ruth, bring her into his family, and make her his bride. In a similar but greater way, Jesus paid the ultimate price to redeem us from sin and death and to reconcile us with the Father by cleansing us of our sin: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” (Romans 5:8-11, NIV)

Just as Boaz redeemed Ruth and Naomi, Jesus redeems those who place their faith in Him and lavishes them with His love and grace: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding,” (Ephesians 1:3-7, NIV)

Through Christ, we gain direct access to God and all the blessings that come with it. We transition from being outsiders to members of God’s family:“Remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”  (Ephesians 2:12-13, NIV)

Because of Boaz, Ruth’s status changed dramatically–she ascended from being a poverty-stricken outcast to a beloved wife. She was grafted into the most esteemed family tree among the Israelites–the line that would produce Jesus, the Messiah and King of Kings. Like Ruth, our status changes dramatically when we accept Christ. Let’s rejoice in having a kinsman-redeemer who delivers us from a life of spiritual poverty and gives us a new identity as chosen, accepted, and beloved members of God’s family.

Listen to the lyrics of “My Story” by Big Daddy Weave and praise God for how they fit both the story of Ruth and Boaz and the story of Jesus and those who put their faith in Him. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIHmYBKkGa8

1. Stephanie van Eyk, “The Ultimate Kinsman Redeemer” https://www.ligonier.org/blog/ultimate-kinsman-redeemer/

Nicki Koziarz, A Woman Who Doesn’t Quit, Lifeway Press, 2018.

Daughters and Sons

Surfers have the reputation of being laid back and relaxed, but don’t let their bare feet and board shorts fool you. Surf culture contains many unwritten rules and subtle shades of etiquette as hopeful riders get in position to catch the perfect wave. Knowing when it’s your turn to paddle hard or to yield to another takes time to learn.  There is a pecking order in the water–those with the greatest skill earn the highest respect and beginners must learn their place or find a new beach.

My friend, Joe, has been surfing the waters of Southern California for several decades. His expertise riding the waves gives him credibility and status with other surfers. A few years ago, it also meant that no one messed with his young sons when they were learning to ride waves. All the locals knew who their dad was, so the boys had the freedom to make mistakes, learn, and improve. Joe’s boys jockeyed for waves under his watchful eye. They confidently waited for swells among seasoned surfers not because of their savvy and skills, but because they were under the protection of their dad.

Recently, Joe shared this story about his boys while speaking to several hundred high school students at our church’s annual summer camp. Using his sons as an example, he explained how people who have accepted Jesus as their Savior are under the protection of their Father in heaven. Scripture explains it this way: “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has become a child of God.” (1 John 5:1, NLT)

Like Joe’s boys surfing the waves of SoCal, believers can walk with confidence because they are the sons and daughters of the Living God–the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. When we live like we believe this is true, everything changes. Our identity doesn’t come from how others perceive us or how we see ourselves, but from our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Labels assigned to us simply don’t matter in comparison with knowing that we are sons and daughters of God Almighty.

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1, NLT)

Among the many benefits that come with being a child of God, there are two that stand out to me in Scripture: our freedom from sin and our connection to the Spirit.

Freedom from Sin:  Between the time of Adam and Eve’s first sin in the garden and Jesus’ death and resurrection, the world was held captive by sin: “But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.” (Gal 4:4-5, NLT)

Although we aren’t perfect after we accept Christ, sin and the devil no longer have the hold over us that they once did. “We know that God’s children do not make a practice of sinning, for God’s Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them.” (1 John 5:18, NLT)

Connection to the Holy Spirit:  As God’s children, the Holy Spirit lives inside us. He guides us, empowers us, and affirms our worth as His beloved children. He reminds us of our identity as sons and daughters and enables us to demonstrate this in the way we live.

“So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, `Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” (Romans 8:15-16, NLT)

Remembering WHO we are and WHOSE we are changes everything. It frees us to stop looking for affirmation and validation from other people. It liberates us from seeking our worth from accomplishments and possessions.

Living under the protection of our Father gives us the confidence to become the unique people He made us to be. When we believe we’re loved, we behave differently. We can take our eyes off ourselves and stop worrying what others think because we trust our loving Father. Our identity is rooted in knowing that the One who created the universe calls us “daughter” or “son.” And that is enough.

If you’re like me, you may need a visual reminder of your true identity in Christ. Write the word “daughter” or “son” on a sign and place it somewhere that will remind you daily of this foundational truth. You are His child from now through eternity, no matter what.

Enjoy a reminder of this important truth with Ryan Stevenson’s song “No Matter What.”

Thoroughly Equipped

I remember the first time my family went to the snow when our kids were very young. Taking a toddler and a pre-schooler on a trip to Tahoe in the dead of winter wasn’t something we could have done without significant advance preparation. Not wanting to invest a lot of funds in gear our boys would outgrow quickly, we devoted our energy to borrowing anything friends would lend us: mittens, boots, jackets, snow suits, socks, long underwear, hats, goggles, and sleds (of course). We knew that forgetting just one of these items would have put a damper on enjoying outdoor activities in the frigid conditions. We had to be thoroughly equipped to create a positive experience. Forgetting even one mitten or boot would have ruined the whole adventure.

In much the same way, God knows that we need to be thoroughly equipped to carry out His will. His Word promises us He’ll give us everything we need for spiritual impact: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV)

Just as my husband and I did the work to provide our boys with the gear they needed for the snow, God does all that’s required to equip us for every good work. He doesn’t miss a single detail. Our responsibility is to study His Word so that we can put on the spiritual equipment He’s prepared for us there. We simply receive what He provides and allow His Spirit to work through us. Scripture reminds us of this several times:

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3, NIV)

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV)

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13, NIV)

Beth Moore explains, “We are equipped and made capable by Scripture even for good works that don’t necessitate sharing the Word. Scripture is just as strategic for equipping the man or woman of God who works in government, stays home with the kids, or fixes car engines. That’s the power of it. The Word of God works wherever the person of God works.” (p. 142)

None of us is exempt from being used by God, no matter what station in life we hold. Looking back over my past, I can see how the Lord used me whenever I made myself available to Him. From college onward, I recognize God’s handiwork–sometimes it was through my actions and quiet influence, other times it was through my words. Each season of my life has afforded new ways to impact others with God’s love and truth. The opportunities to be used by Him have changed with every chapter, but they’ve never ceased.

We’re headed into the home stretch of studying 2 Timothy so it’s time to take stock of what we’ve been learning. “If we get to the end of this study with a good look over our shoulder at the journeys of Paul and Timothy but no clear gaze ahead at the path we’re called to walk with equal tenacity, we will have missed the mission in 2 Timothy’s message. We—common people with common problems–get to carry on the uncommon legacies of Paul and Timothy. To do so deliberately will be to do so most effectively.” (p. 133)

It’s time to pray about how we’ll let this study change us. If we walk away with more head knowledge but no real plan to act on what we’ve learned, we’ll have missed the point. So I’ll ask a few questions to help you clarify your thoughts: How is God stirring in you as you study 2 Timothy? What are you learning about how to turn your vertical focus into a horizontal impact? If you’ve been following Jesus for a while, can you look back and see how God has equipped you previously? Is there anywhere new you sense Him calling you to step outside of your comfort zone? These may be scary questions to answer, but don’t let them intimidate you. Remember that God is trustworthy and He has good things in store for you. All you have to do is let Him equip you. He’s already prepared everything, you just need to tell Him you’re available to receive it.

“Do Everything” by Steven Curtis Chapman gives some good encouragement on this topic. Click on the link to enjoy the song.

Beth Moore, Entrusted: A Study of 2 Timothy, Lifeway Press, 2016.

The Value of a Vertical Focus

The blank wall in our backyard was unremarkable for years. We had ideas for how to spruce it up, but never seemed to find the time. And then one spring afternoon, my husband got inspired. Returning from a trip to the hardware store, he set to work installing small bolts up the wall at evenly spaced intervals. Once he finished, he uncoiled a spool of wire and wound it around each bolt. By the time he was finished, we had a perfect grid ready for a vine.

Strategically digging holes at the base of the latticework, we nestled tiny plants into them. After a few months, they began to grow tall enough for my husband to wind the small tendrils around the wire, training them to attach to it and grow upwards. At first the latticework looked a little lonely and bare, but over time the lush foliage filled in. Now, five years later, the once bare wall is the most noteworthy aspect of our yard. Getting it to look that way took time, patience, and discipline (for which I can take no credit whatsoever).

Every few weeks, new growth and foliage need to be pulled from the wall and either trimmed off or wound around the wire to continue the upward growth. Without human intervention, the wall would be a messy jumble of shoots and leaves with no pattern. It would be unruly and undisciplined.

For some reason, a picture of our latticework wall came to mind as I read a question in Beth Moore’s Entrusted Bible study this week. At the close of Week 1, Day 1, she asks readers “What brings you to your side of this page”?  In other words, why are you doing this study?

If my life was that vine growing up our wall, then God’s Word is what keeps me tethered to the wire when I want to stray out on my own. It helps me to keep a vertical focus so that my worldview, actions and attitudes come from God and not from the standards of our ever-changing culture. Consistently engaging in Bible study for most of my life has allowed healthy patterns to emerge and God’s handiwork to show in my life. His Word grounds me in truth when the world bombards me with lies. It is a firm foundation in unsteady times. It is a plumb line that keeps my thoughts and perspectives aligned with God’s ways instead of the world’s. It is the mirror that shows me my true identity as God’s beloved child when I’m tempted to measure myself by the fickle standards of the world.

When I’m not fighting against Him; when I’m patient over the long haul; when I trust Him even when I don’t understand why He’s allowing a certain hardship– He can do beautiful things in and through me. He sees the whole picture where I see only a small part. He has laid out plans for me, intentionally going before me to stretch out the wires on the wall that beckon me to grow to heights I could never achieve on my own. As I allow His loving hands to wind the tendrils of my life around His latticework, I see that His ways are higher and better than mine.

For me, completing a study guide isn’t a task to be checked off a to do list. We call it “homework” at Bible study, but in reality it’s the gateway to life transformation and the thing that continually keeps my focus exactly where it belongs: on God. And that is what brings me back year after year.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:1-2 (NIV)

“Word of Life” by Jeremy Camp is a song that celebrates Jesus as the Word that became flesh and the truth found in God’s Word. Click on the link to hear it.