If there’s one thing we learn from King David, it’s that we can be completely honest with the Lord about everything. Intimacy with God comes through authenticity. Once we’ve dropped our façades in prayer, our relationships with Him grow deeper. The Book of Psalms is filled with examples of this as David and other writers grapple with their frustrations in the presence of God.
One of my favorite invitations to be honest before the Lord is Psalm 62:8: “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (NIV) Our honest laments are a significant part of extraordinary prayers.
My most vivid memory of pouring out my heart started with a seemingly “unspiritual” situation—a home remodel. God used that hard season in the life of my family to refine us and draw us near to Him in ways we’d never imagined. In fact, He taught us so much that I wrote a book manuscript about it (as yet, unpublished). Below is an excerpt that I hope will give you an idea of how it looks to approach God with raw and honest emotions and questions. This part begins just after my husband and I learned that the plans we’d so carefully designed had been rejected by the city.
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The contractor left and my husband closed the door and disappeared into the office without saying a word. An overwhelming combination of disappointment, anger and defeat felt like a wave crashing down on me. Neither one of us seemed able to talk about how we were feeling without making things worse.
I retreated to our bedroom, closed the door and lay face down on the floor with my arms spread wide. The coarse carpet fibers pressed into my forehead and the faint smell of dusty shoes filled my nostrils. My emotions were so raw I could hardly formulate words to pray. The room was quiet and warm as rain drummed on the roof. I was too tense to let the tears flow. For the first few minutes, all I could do was breathe deeply. With each exhale I tried to release all of the negative things I was feeling. Bitterness. Anger. Confusion. Mistrust. With each inhale a different word would come to mind. Peace. Wisdom. Clarity. Direction. Eventually more words came and with my face to the floor, I wrestled silently with God in a one-sided conversation.
Why did you say ‘yes’ to the remodel and then allow this roadblock? Should we keep moving forward, or are you telling us to stop? Why did you let me get excited if this whole thing is going to fall apart like all the other times? What are we supposed to be learning from this?
Despite the physical discomfort, I remained face down in total surrender. Slowly I began to remember God’s faithfulness to us over the years. He usually didn’t do things the way we dictated, and they always ended up turning out better than we could have imagined. I thought of job searches, strained relationships, and challenging moments serving at church. God came through for us every single time. Fragments of different verses that had strengthened us through the hard times in the past came to mind.
I will never leave you or forsake you… I know the plans I have for you…You will find me when you seek me with all your heart…I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living…Be still and know that I am God.
As the promises flooded my mind, God gently pried open my tight fists of control and I held my hands palms up. I was ready to receive whatever the Lord wanted to give and trusted that He still had a plan. I knew there was a purpose for this setback, something we needed to work through before we could come out the other side. I got up from the floor and reached for my journal in the bedside table. Writing prayers had always been a way for me to connect with God.
God, I pray you would help us to trust in you even when things seem to make no sense. Please help us not to fret and to trust that you will make a way. I look forward with anticipation to how you will sort out this frustrating situation. God, please help us to conduct ourselves and treat others in a way that honors you through this process. Please give us wisdom, creativity and tenacity. I trust you even though I can’t see the way forward through this. God, please help us to keep a healthy perspective and to keep our eyes on you.
As I finished writing in my journal, inexplicable peace washed over me. I had no idea how this situation was going to work out, but I trusted that it would. God already knew the outcome and I could thank Him for that.
I emerged from the bedroom and found my husband sitting in our home office with his legs propped up on the desk and leaning back in his chair. His opened Bible rested on his lap. It was a relief to see that even though we retreated from each other, we’d both pursued God for wisdom and answers. (From Our Mess to God’s Best manuscript).
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Looking back now, I see God knew our struggles and waited patiently until we were desperate enough to wrestle through our frustrations with Him. We had no idea He was preparing us to lean on Him for bigger challenges yet to unfold. Our growing dependence on the Lord was vital for giving us the strength we would need in the months and years that followed.
Through my experience with our disastrous remodel, I stopped asking God, “Why?” and started asking: “What do You want me to learn? How are You revealing Yourself to me?” When I relinquished my illusion of control and surrendered my sense of entitlement, God enabled me to find deeper intimacy with Him than I’d ever had before.
I pray you’ll find the same thing to be true as you pray with honesty and authenticity like David did. Instead of just seeking answers or solutions, pursue greater intimacy with Him. Regardless of how your circumstances unfold, you won’t be disappointed.
Casting Crowns’ “God of All My Days” beautifully captures my prayers and the idea of seeking God with honesty and authenticity. Click here to listen.