Stopping the Spiral of Cynicism

I used to pride myself on being cynical. It made me feel smart because I saw past façades and was less likely to take things at face value. Like Toto the dog in The Wizard of Oz, I recognized there was a hidden truth behind the curtain that many people couldn’t see. What I didn’t realize was that cynicism also kept me from fully participating in life or experiencing a sense of belonging with others.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines a cynic as someone who “shows a disposition to disbelieve in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions.” Jennie Allen expands on this idea saying, “Cynicism erodes our ability to see God rightly. Cynicism at its root is a refusal to believe that God is in control and God is good. Cynicism is interpreting the world and God based on hurt you’ve experienced and the wounds that still lie gaping open. It forces you to look horizontally at people rather than vertically at God.”

So, here’s how cynicism causes us to spiral downward in our minds, “The enemy’s strategy is to flood our thoughts with visions of all that is wrong in this broken, fallen world to the point we don’t even think to look for the positive anymore. Cynicism just becomes the way we think, and we don’t even notice.” This was true of me until a Bible teacher I respected pointed out the dark side of cynicism many years ago. Since then, I’ve prayed regularly about how to keep it from being the filter for all my thoughts.

In case you missed my last two posts, I’ve been working through Jennie Allen’s Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians. The book identifies the primary enemies of our minds and the weapons God gives us to fight them. It’s been powerful using these tools to stop my downward spirals and toxic thoughts. So far, we’ve covered two of the six enemies of our minds: self-importance and noise. We learned how to fight them with humility and silence. (Check out my last two posts if you haven’t read them yet.)

As with the previous enemies we explored, God provides us with a weapon to fight cynicism in our thoughts: delight. It isn’t the antidote I was anticipating, but it does make perfect sense. Allen explains, “Cynicism is destroying our ability to delight in the world around us and fully engage with others. God has an abundance of joy and delight for us, and we’re missing it with arms crossed… Cynicism puts our minds on things of this earth, and we lose hope. Beauty points our gaze toward the heavens and reminds us of hope. Cynicism crumbles in the presence of beauty.” (p. 128 & 135) This is why Scripture encourages us to focus our thoughts in a specific direction:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9, NIV)

Consider the amount of time you spend on thoughts that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. It’s impossible to remain cynical when we delight in these things. Our focus changes and we spiral up instead of down.

In the opening words of Psalm 19 King David paints a picture of how noticing the Lord’s creation leads us to delight in Him: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.” (Psalm 19:1-4a, NIV)

Like David’s experience, nature spoke to me in a personal and profound way recently. For several weeks, every time I stepped outside in the morning a small bird would dart away from the topiary tree next to the front door. My presence seemed to alarm her, causing her to perch nearby watching me as I sat doing my Bible study. After a few days I noticed her pattern. Curious, I parted the tree’s branches and spied a nest with tiny blue eggs inside. A feeling of delight welled up in me as I peered at the speckled eggs and the miniature flowers woven into the nest. 

As the weeks progressed, I continued to peak between the branches. The blue eggs eventually hatched to reveal a squirming bundle of downy chicks. At first, they were quiet and sleepy, but within a few days, they woke up to the world. Each time I looked inside they would hold up their tiny beaks waiting for food as the mama hovered nearby.  And then, a few weeks later, I peaked in to discover they were gone. They’d flown away leaving behind a soiled nest and the fragment of one tiny blue egg in the dirt beneath it. It was sad, but sweet too.

I hadn’t just delighted in the birds, but in how God spoke to me through them. What I’d witnessed was an accelerated version of the journey of parenthood I’ve been on for the past 21 years. This fall, my nest will empty as my younger son leaves for college. Watching the life cycle of the baby birds comforted me—reminding me that it is good and right for grown chicks to leave the nest and fly out into the world. Even the mess they left behind showed me why they couldn’t stay there forever. (It also helped me to have a sense of humor about moments when my own child seems to “poop the nest” as he prepares to spread his wings and fly.)

Writing this helps me realize that I’ve used the first three weapons to stop negative spirals in my mind. Choosing humility enabled me to turn away from focusing on myself and my changing circumstances. Rather than grieving the end of my son’s childhood, I’m celebrating the beginning of a new chapter in our family. Choosing silence allowed me to spend those moments on my porch not only finding hope in God’s Word, but in His creation in the tree right beside me. And delighting in the eggs hatching turned me away from cynicism about some of the harder moments I’ve had with my son and reminded me that he’s ready to launch. 

Here’s what I’m realizing: putting these tools into practice works. When we humble ourselves, get quiet, and choose delight, God’s Word and His creation continually point us back to Him and we spiral up instead of down. 

Which tool will you try this week? Use what God has given you and experience the positive difference they make.

Celebrate God’s goodness with me by listening to Micah Tyler’s song “Amen”.

Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, Waterbrook Press, 2020, pages, 131, 127, 128, 135. (Quotes in this post are all from this book.)

Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians, Thomas Nelson Press, 2020. (This study is what has inspired this series of posts.)