Stopping the Spiral with Gratitude

We’ve all experienced being victims of circumstance—suffering negative consequences due to factors out of our control. Right now, the most obvious and universal example is dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. We’re lamenting all the things we’ve lost or struggling with new routines that we don’t want to accept—like starting school online, wearing masks, and following social distancing guidelines. It’s easy and natural to focus on the negative and slip into a victim mentality, bemoaning all the activities we can’t do the way we want. 

Although we justify feeling sorry for ourselves, we may be unintentionally signaling the enemy to lure us into a victim mentality.  Addressing this line of thinking, Jennie Allen explains, “I know. It’s not comfortable to talk about. Especially since there is so much injustice in the world, and there are real victims who experience real suffering…[but] I’m talking more here about spending so much time licking our wounds that we don’t allow them to heal.” (p. 90 & 91)

Nuggets of truth like this keep popping up in Allen’s Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians. The book identifies the primary enemies of our minds and the weapons God gives us to fight them. It’s been powerful using tools she identifies to stop my downward spirals and toxic thoughts.  (Check out my last five posts from this series if you haven’t read them yet.) The enemy of our minds we’ll explore today is victimhood. 

Jennie Allen explains the weapon to fight this kind of thinking: “We can choose gratefulness over victim mentality, because we are not victims of our circumstances; we are survivors, and held by God…We can center our thoughts on the certainty that, no matter what has happened to us, no matter what comes, we are upheld securely by God’s righteous right hand. And that will shift our minds toward gratitude.” (p. 91)

Paul wrote in Philippians: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (4:6, NIV) Usually we focus on the end of the verse that encourages us to offer our requests to God. We tend to skip over the first part that tells us to do this, “with thanksgiving.” Maybe it’s a good idea to thank the Lord for what He’s already done before we ask for something new.

Expressing gratitude to God changes our perspective. It reassures us of His faithfulness to us in the past, helping us to offer new requests with confidence. Thankfulness enables us to trust God is working for our good, even in difficult circumstances. It also reminds us of His unchanging character and directs us to notice His activity around us all the time, bringing unexpected joy. 

Thankfulness doesn’t gloss over hard circumstances, but it does help us to see them in a new light. For me, the past several weeks have abounded with opportunities to experience this. On a Friday evening recently, I sat huddled over a cell phone as a doctor delivered the unwelcome news that my mom has terminal cancer. Just two days later, I stood in the early morning light waving goodbye as my husband and older son began the long drive to Texas. Tears flowed uncontrollably for the next few hours as I began to inventory the losses in my life. I’ve been preparing for both my boys to leave for college and adjusting to having an empty nest for the first time. What I hadn’t anticipated was that their departures would coincide with the final chapter of my mom’s life. My personal world is changing in so many big ways right now that it’s hard to process.

Pausing to feel the weight of my emotions was healthy and good, but it could have easily led me into self-pity and feeling like a victim of circumstances. This overwhelming season has prompted me to lean into God for strength and to find encouragement in His Word. Mingled with the sadness are moments of deep gratitude for the ways I see the Lord working. Thankfulness has been an incredible tool to fight against the self-pity that threatens to consume me.

I’ll share just two of the many blessings that continue to fill me with gratitude lately. First is the knowledge that although my mom’s body is shutting down, her spirit is getting ready to soar. My mom knows and loves Jesus and accepted Him as her Savior many years ago. She’s getting ready to meet Him face to face and claiming the truth of one of her favorite passages in Scripture: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV)

In addition to this huge blessing, I’m also grateful for friends who have come alongside me during this sad and stressful time. God seems to prompt different people daily to reach out to me and remind me of His loving presence and care. I’ve experienced profound comfort and tangible support from a number of individuals. I am grateful to God for the blessing of Christian community and the gift of authentic, kind friends who love me well. I understand and identify with Paul’s words to the Philippians: ^“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:3-6, NIV)

If you’re in a hard season or struggling with COVID-related issues, you may be prone to sliding into self-pity or a victim mentality. Instead, stop and ask God to reveal Himself to you. Pray that He’ll show you one thing that can spark gratitude in you to stop your thoughts from spiraling downward. And if you want to discover hope in the Bible while experiencing Christian community, make time to join a group this fall. Invite someone else who could use encouragement too. Check out this link for a variety of online and in-person options available through CPC Danville.

Listen to “Yes I Will” by Vertical Worship and make it your prayer right now. Let it remind you to fight toxic thoughts by giving God praise.

Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians, Thomas Nelson Press, 2020.