Tag: Acts 15

The Upside of Conflict

One of my favorite things about the Bible is that it includes messy, complicated stories. We’ve already seen that Acts doesn’t sugar coat walking with Jesus or hide the challenges that accompany our faith journey. The end of chapter 15 provides a perfect example of one of these uncomfortable situations:

“Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, ‘Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.’ Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.”  (Acts 15:36-41, NIV)

Even people in deep, godly friendships sometimes part ways. From Acts 9 to Acts 15 we’ve watched as Barnabas champions Paul—vouching for him with the other believers when Paul first converts, seeking him out in Tarsus so they can teach together in Antioch, and traveling with him on the first missionary journey. Their partnership seems unstoppable until the disagreement about John Mark causes their paths to diverge. Despite their shared passion for teaching and spreading the gospel, these two pillars of the faith can’t reconcile their opposite opinions over John Mark accompanying them on their next missionary journey. Barnabas wants to give him a second chance to prove himself, Paul thinks it’s unwise since he bailed out early on their first trip. Ultimately, this causes them to split up and continue teaching about Jesus in different places with new ministry partners.

In this instance, neither one had the moral high ground– they had a difference of opinion that didn’t have a right or wrong side. “It wouldn’t have been productive for Paul to take Mark when he didn’t trust him, but Barnabas saw the long-term potential in Mark and gave him another chance.”1 So, they agreed to disagree and parted company, holding no ill will towards one another.

John Mark didn’t let Paul’s rejection define him, however. He must have continued growing in maturity as he traveled with Barnabas, shared the gospel, and rubbed shoulders with other believers. After all, he later authored the Gospel of Mark. Additionally, he appears in several places in the New Testament that reveal he eventually became close to both Peter (1 Peter 5:13) and, surprisingly, Paul (Colossians 4:10). 

“Perhaps the most touching of Paul’s references to Mark comes in 2 Timothy…Towards the end of the book Paul gives a list of personal instructions–mainly comprised of several people to greet and one person in particular to dodge. Among the names listed, we find a final reference to Mark by Paul in verse 4.11. Paul writes, ‘Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.’ In Paul’s final hour he requested only five things: for Timothy to come soon (v 9), for him to bring Mark with him (v 11), and to bring his cloak, his books, and the parchments (v 13)….Mark must have undergone significant character enhancement since he had last been with Paul, and Paul had grown in his capacity to forgive and recognize the sanctification process in others. It is a beautiful picture of love, grace, perseverance, and restoration.”2

The growth that occurs in both men and their eventual restoration of relationship reminds us that healthy conflict can have a positive outcome. Here are a few reasons for that:

–Conflict reveals underlying tension: We’ve all been in situations where tension is palpable and resentment simmers just beneath the surface. Addressing the root of the conflict brings clarity and diffuses tension. It moves us from avoidance to acknowledgement, eliminating uncertainty and helping chart the path forward. For Paul and Barnabas, conflict changed their trajectory but didn’t derail their calling. (Paul refers to Barnabas as an equal in his later writings in 1 Corinthians 9:6).

-Conflict exposes personal growth areas: It’s rare for one person to be entirely at fault in a disagreement. So, considering why we’re at odds with another person gives us a chance to do some self-reflection and to determine where we may have sinned or played a part in causing hurt or frustration. Rather than pointing the finger at all the ways the other person wronged us, we have a chance to consider what we can do differently. Perhaps John Mark began to see the importance of keeping his commitments after deserting Paul and Barnabas on their first journey; maybe Paul learned the value of releasing past resentment and giving second chances.

-Conflict teaches us to consider other perspectives: Disagreements often arise when people have divergent approaches or assumptions. When we’re able to share differing views with each other, it helps us to see the situation from an alternate angle. This leads to a broader understanding that can soothe hurt feelings or deep frustration. Perhaps Barnabas’ willingness to give John Mark another chance enabled Paul to see how God could work. John Mark grew in maturity; simultaneously the Lord smoothed out some of Paul’s sharp edges until he reached the point where he could see John Mark in a more gracious light.

-Conflict creates new partnerships: Paul and Barnabas made a powerful and effective team, but their decision to part ways opened the opportunity for them to mentor new ministry partners, Silas and John Mark. With the split of the dynamic duo, two teams could cover more ground sharing the gospel and nurturing new leaders.

In our current cultural moment, conflict has become a catalyst for deep division, finger-pointing, and even “canceling” those with whom we disagree. Even in personal and ministry relationships, many of us avoid conflict at all costs and miss tremendous opportunities for growth. Conflict is a tool that we can use for good and a catalyst for deeper understanding. Let’s stop giving the enemy a foothold by fearing conflict or approaching it with immaturity. Instead, let’s allow God to use it to refine our characters and mature our faith, just as He did with Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark.

Want to learn more about what the Bible says about dealing with frustration in relationships? Click here to read my post “Stoking the Spirit.”

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  1. Kevin Laymon, “Paul and Barnabas Split: The Progression of John Mark.” Article link.
  2. Ibid

Jesus Plus

Creating benchmarks and requirements that make faith more complicated than it needs to be seems to be part of the human condition. For some reason, we struggle to believe the completed work of Jesus is enough. This has been happening since the early days of the Christian faith, as we see in the book of Acts when the young church begins adding people from all different backgrounds to its ranks.

Returning from their first missionary journey, Paul and Barnabas go back to the original church they planted in Antioch to share incredible news: “And when they arrived and gathered the church together, they declared all that God had done with them, and how he had opened a door of faith to the Gentiles.” (Acts 14:27, ESV)

While believers rejoice hearing that the gospel has spread throughout Galatia (and beyond), the merging of Jews and Gentiles into one faith also includes challenges. The apostles must take decisive action to prevent division among the followers of Jesus from eclectic backgrounds. They gather to consider conflicting teaching from different factions to determine once and for all whether new believers must become Jews and observe the laws of Moses as part of their newfound faith in Christ.

In Acts 15, the Jerusalem Council meets so the apostles and other key church leaders can debate, discuss, and decide if Gentiles must follow Jewish practices for their faith to be complete. During their meeting, Peter addresses the group: “Brothers, you know that in the early days God made a choice among you, that by my mouth the Gentiles should hear the word of the gospel and believe. And God, who knows the heart, bore witness to them, by giving them the Holy Spirit just as he did to us, and he made no distinction between us and them, having cleansed their hearts by faith. Now, therefore, why are you putting God to the test by placing a yoke on the neck of the disciples that neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? But we believed that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.” (Acts 15: 7-11, ESV)

Peter is likely recalling his first interaction with Cornelius from ten years earlier when the Roman centurion received the Holy Spirit along with all in his household (Acts 10). He reminds the Council that the Holy Spirit was poured out on the Gentiles through the grace of Jesus and says that nothing else needs to be added to make them acceptable in God’s eyes. 

Later, in Galatians, Paul affirms this when he writes to the churches he planted previously, emphasizing the power Jesus has to erase dividing lines between different people groups: “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” (Gal 3:26-29, NIV)

One commentary explains, “Conflict between ‘grace’ and the ‘Law’ can arise when someone 1) misunderstands the purpose of the Law; 2) redefines grace as something other than ‘God’s benevolence on the undeserving’ (see Romans 11:6); 3) tries to earn his own salvation or ‘supplement’ Christ’s sacrifice; 4) follows the error of the Pharisees in tacking manmade rituals and traditions onto his doctrine; or 5) fails to focus on the ‘whole counsel of God’ (Acts 20:27).”1

Our modern eyes may read this and wonder what the fuss is all about. However, many different branches of our faith can have a subtle “Jesus Plus” mentality. Without realizing it, we layer on additional steps that we consider essential for being a “true” Christian. Following a certain set of social norms in a group of believers can dictate whether someone is in the fold or out in the cold—whether it’s voting practices, expectations around dancing or alcohol consumption, views on women in leadership, stances on divisive topics in our nation today, or any other doctrinal issue with varying perspectives. When people begin to set rules for how everyone should act or think, the focus shifts from God’s grace to self-righteousness, seeking approval of others, or judging those who don’t follow the agreed upon set of norms established by a specific group of believers.

I’ve experienced both sides of this human tendency to seek uniformity—I’ve been the one judging those who don’t live out their faith the way I do, and I’ve been judged by others for not falling in line with their practices. Neither mindset honors God; both turn our eyes from the unity found in Christ to seeking uniformity in how we conduct our lives.

Where are you prone to having a “Jesus Plus” mentality? Do you need to cross deeds off a checklist to feel acceptable to God? Do you feel pressure to follow certain social rules to be in the fold with other believers? Are you so focused on one issue that you’re ignoring other things you need to learn in Scripture? Are you threatened by others’ expressions of faith in Christ that differ from yours?

My church denomination has a motto “In Essentials Unity, In Non-Essentials Liberty, In All Things Charity” (originally coined by Rupertus Meldenius, a German Lutheran theologian of the early seventeenth century). “It calls for unity on the essential things, the core of truth in our union with Christ. In non-essentials (not the unimportant, but those things that if lacking do not prevent our union with Christ), it calls for liberty so that all might follow their consciences under the Word and Spirit. In all things, however, there must be love (‘charity’ from the Latin caritas, or ‘love’), ‘which binds everything together in perfect harmony’ (Col. 3:14).”2 Paul’s words in Galatians sum it up well: “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” (Gal 5:1 & 6b, NIV)

After the Jerusalem Council determines it is unnecessary for the Gentile converts to adopt Jewish practices, the members provide further instructions: “For it has seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay on you no greater burden than these requirements: that you abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what has been strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well.” (Acts 15:28-29, ESV)

While new believers aren’t required to become Jewish, they are admonished to forsake their former pagan practices related to idolatry. (This echoes commands given in Leviticus 17-18.) Avoiding these four things wasn’t necessary for salvation but promoted peace between Jewish and Gentile followers of Jesus.3 It also empowered the new believers to turn away from practices that would dishonor the Lord and hinder them from continued spiritual growth. 

Lots of us carry baggage from our pasts that impacts how we interact with God and others. To understand more about how to recognize and eliminate the “Jesus Plus” mentality, consider reading one of these books:

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When Fellowship Fractures

As hard as it is to believe, even deep and godly friendships sometimes fracture. Paul and Barnabas are a case in point. The friendship between them may have begun when Barnabas stood up for Paul when the others were skeptical about the authenticity of his conversion in Acts 9. Later, the Holy Spirit ordained their ministry in Acts 13 and they traveled together sharing the gospel until a disagreement tore them apart. Despite their deep love for God and their history of meaningful fellowship, Acts 15 explains that these two pillars of the faith couldn’t reconcile in their opposite opinions over John Mark accompanying them on their next missionary journey. Barnabas wanted to give him a second chance after a past failure, Paul didn’t. This caused them to split up and to continue sharing the gospel in different places with new ministry partners.

Beth Moore writes about this situation, “One ministry turned into two. You and I both know it doesn’t always happen that way. It takes cooperation. We can stunt God’s redemptive work in our midst with our bitterness, unforgiveness, slander, blame, chronic regret, and unresolved guilt. Or we can go face down and beg God in our fractures to do something bigger with the broken pieces than He might have done with the whole.” (Entrusted, page 36)

Reading her words, I couldn’t help but think of how God used the broken pieces of a former relationship to make me into something better. The friendship I shared with this woman arose from our mutual desire to study God’s Word. We were the only two from our congregation that joined an in-depth Bible study at a neighboring church. After class, we’d stand in the parking lot talking enthusiastically about what we’d learned long after the rest of the cars had pulled away. My son, a toddler at the time, would fuss and squirm in his car seat once his Cheerios ran out or the sippy cup was empty. Finally, I’d have to interrupt her animated sharing with an apology and a promise to continue the conversation later. I could usually feel her disappointment as I pulled away.

A year later, our enthusiasm to study God’s Word with others led us to start a new Bible study for our own church with the help of a seasoned teacher. It was an exciting time of spiritual growth and meaningful fellowship centered on God’s Word. So much so, that I ignored the subtle warning signs that would lead to future problems between us.

Early in our friendship, I’d given her a card expressing my gratitude to God for her. I wrote about how thankful I was that the Lord was using us in each other’s lives and told her I believed He had much more in store for our friendship. I couldn’t wait to see how things would unfold. Although God did use her in my life, what I envisioned when I wrote that card was not at all how things turned out.

Without belaboring the details, over the course of 9 months, our friendship went into a downward spiral because of some boundaries I had to put in place. Although she said she understood, she retreated with hurt and anger. I continued to pursue her to no avail. Soon I found that the groups we’d enjoyed spending time with together were having gatherings without me. Over the months, my heart sank lower and lower as many of our mutual friends backed away from me with little or no explanation. I felt cut off from the fellowship I had once enjoyed so much. This began a dark and lonely season in my life that ultimately led me to counseling.

With the help of a wise and godly therapist, I began to see where things had gone wrong and could take ownership over the unhealthy contributions I’d made to our friendship. I could also identify the things that were solely her issues and not my responsibility. Over the course of more than a year in counseling, I started to understand how the implosion of that friendship was a flash point for some deeper issues that I needed to sort through.

Without that fractured relationship, I never would have recognized the unhealthy perspectives and patterns I’d maintained for many years. I would have stunted God’s redemptive work and prevented Him from refining me through the longstanding struggles in my life. In that difficult season, I learned how to be authentic and vulnerable, how to have safe and healthy relationships, and how to function more wisely with people. Confronting my issues equipped me for opportunities to come alongside others who were struggling in different ways. It has also allowed me to navigate through the inevitable challenges that come whenever people work, serve, study, socialize, or live together (whether they are Christians or not).

I’ve thought many times about that card I wrote to my old friend early in our relationship. God did, indeed, use her in my life. He peeled back some issues that I needed to deal with so that I could reach a healthier place. And although it’s still painful to remember that season, I am ultimately grateful that it became a catalyst for heathy change in my life.

Before my former friend moved away, I tried one last time to reach out by leaving a card on her doorstep.  Although she never responded, I’m glad I told her about how God used our struggles for good in my life. I pray that the same is true for her.

If you’re struggling with a fractured relationship, don’t muddle through it alone. Let the song “Brother” by NEEDTOBREATHE be an encouragement to you today (and if you’re a woman, substitute the word “sister” if it makes you feel better.)

Beth Moore, Entrusted: A Study of 2 Timothy, Lifeway Press 2016.