Stepping into line, I clutched my son’s tiny hand and kept my head down as we inched toward his classroom door. The preschool check-in process always took a while, but was usually a fun time to catch up with other moms. Normally I would have been chatting with friends and acquaintances or smiling at people walking by. But on that day, it took every ounce of energy just to walk into the building. Participating in such a “normal” activity felt surreal when I felt so raw, exposed, and vulnerable.
It had been only a few days earlier that I’d sat at my dad’s bedside as he exhaled his final breath surrounded by family. For the two weeks prior to that I’d been consumed with making arrangements, communicating with family, and trekking back and forth to the facility where he was receiving hospice care. I’d been so removed from regular life that it felt overwhelming just being out in public to drop off my son at school. My sagging shoulders and red-rimmed eyes told everyone all was not well with me. It was almost like I had stickers all over my clothes that said, “Fragile: Handle with Care.”
I assumed most of the moms I was standing with knew I’d just lost my dad since one of them had sent flowers from the class. Despite that kind gesture, not one of them acknowledged my loss in person. Some smiled sympathetically while others avoided eye contact. I didn’t fault them for it—most of my peers hadn’t yet experienced the death of a parent and didn’t know what to say, so they took the safest route and decided to say nothing.
After a few awkward minutes, I felt someone’s arms wrap around me from behind. As I turned to see who it was, a mom I barely knew pulled me closer. Hugging me tightly, she said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died a few years ago– I totally get what you’re going through.” She went on to describe the range of emotions she’d experienced, mirroring mine exactly. What a relief it was to encounter someone who understood my pain. She didn’t try to fix it, she just identified with it. Her presence and willingness to revisit her own hurt were a tremendous comfort to me.
In the years since then, I’ve tried to be intentional about reaching out to others who have experienced loss. God has regularly prompted me to offer comfort in different ways, whether it is writing a card, providing a listening ear, delivering a meal, or sharing music that has brought me comfort and hope. It wasn’t until later that I realized that doing these things has been in God’s plan from the start:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)
Every person on the planet experiences painful situations at different points in life, whether they are visited upon us or self-inflicted. No matter what the circumstances are, we have a choice in how we respond. We can seize the opportunity to let God teach us through hardships, or we can wallow in self-pity and risk becoming disillusioned and bitter. Challenging experiences are conduits for learning and growing spiritually. They also provide fertile ground for receiving God’s comfort. When we lean into Him through them, we also inspire and impact others through the faith we demonstrate.
Difficulties are an opportunity to grow in our empathy for others who will experience similar situations. Our pain can equip us to show God’s comfort to people who desperately need it. We can even be intentional about praying for God to lead us to people we can bless with His comfort.
Sometimes when you’re in a season of pain it may feel like God is distant. However, Scripture promises: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV) Ask Him to help you feel His presence and to be open to His comfort. Sometimes He does this through Scripture, a song, or written words from someone with godly wisdom. Other times, He blesses us with people who can walk with us through our struggles.
Occasionally painful chapters in our lives tempt us to pull back from people and to isolate ourselves. While a little alone time can help to ground you, too much can cause you to spiral into unhealthy places emotionally. Even though it’s difficult, try to let others listen and encourage you. Some may have had similar experiences and can be a source of support for you. In time, you’ll receive comfort and wisdom and you’ll be able to do the same for someone else.
In God’s economy, nothing is wasted, even our pain. All of it can be used for good when we allow Him to speak to us through it.
If you’re in a difficult season or know someone else who is, be encouraged by Jason Gray’s song “Nothing is Wasted.”
Kelly Minter, All Things New: A Study on 2 Corinthians, Lifeway Press, 2016.