Category: Empathy

When Interruptions Become Opportunities

Before the time of streaming entertainment on demand, I remember watching good old-fashioned network TV as a child. My family would crowd onto the couch together on specific nights to enjoy a few shows. Once in a while the broadcast would cut to a somber news anchor announcing: “We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special report.” The information often detailed a major event like a natural disaster, an emergency situation, or the death of someone important. After delivering the news, the anchor would say, “And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.” 

As I’ve thought about serving in various ministries over the past few years, I’ve been pondering times when there have been interruptions to my “regularly scheduled programming.” I’m not proud to admit it, but for a long time, I viewed these interruptions as irritants that were getting in the way of “real” ministry. They felt like distractions hindering me from accomplishing the tasks needed to put on programs. 

At some point, the Lord helped me to recognize that those interruptions were actually part of His plan. They were opportunities to walk alongside others and help them grow as followers of Jesus. At the same time, they provided experiences that softened some of my sharp edges and helped me to have more compassion and empathy. I started to see that prioritizing people over programs actually led to healthier relationships and meaningful spiritual growth. Interruptions were opportunities to mentor people and care for them. They were chances to guide them toward wisdom found in God’s Word and to recognize its relevance in their situations. Instead of rushing past interruptions, I began realizing the value of pausing to engage them. Here are a few ways God has used them with me:

-Circling Back: Sometimes in a meeting or small group issues arise that need one-on-one attention. When I’ve sensed that someone seems to be struggling, I’ve tried to follow up and connect outside our group or team meetings. Sometimes people just need to feel seen and heard. At other times they need encouragement, affirmation, or clarification. Heeding the Holy Spirit’s prompting and making time to check in with someone separately opens the door for God to work in and through us.

-Discipling through Conflict: Anytime we work or serve with people, conflicts arise at some point. Pretending they don’t exist usually just creates awkward interactions that lack authenticity. Addressing conflict through healthy communication opens opportunities for everyone to unpack misunderstandings and identify false assumptions. Perhaps someone needs to learn an applicable truth in Scripture. Maybe there’s an opportunity for spiritual refining or character development. Perhaps there’s a chance for someone to be convicted by sin or to recognize a blind spot. If we lean into awkward situations and seek better understanding, we’re creating opportunities to help ourselves and others mature spiritually and personally.

-Giving Permission to Pause: There are times when someone’s personal struggles may interrupt ministry programming. When a key member of a team I led lost her husband, we rallied around her to provide support. We were in the throes of launching into a new year and she didn’t want to leave us hanging, but we knew the best way to love her was to give her time away from serving. When personal hardship strikes a team member, the first priority needs to be showing love and compassion before worrying about how program logistics will be impacted. The interruption provides a beautiful opportunity to love someone when they’re hurting by giving them the time they need to heal.

There’s a story in Matthew’s gospel when an interruption leads to a powerful moment of ministry. Jesus travels by boat with His disciples to a solitary place. They are grieving the death of John the Baptist and seeking respite. However, “When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Concerned about practical matters, the disciples approach Jesus as evening draws near and say, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.” Instead of agreeing with their suggestion, Jesus replies, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” (Matt 14:14,15b,16, NIV)

Maybe you remember what happens next: Jesus takes five small loaves of bread and two fish, gives thanks to God and then feeds five thousand men, plus women and children. Not only does everyone eat their fill, but the disciples collect twelve baskets filled with leftovers.

Consider how differently Jesus and His disciples view interruptions. He seems to be the master of pivoting and adapting to new situations. Rather than being annoyed by the crowds greeting His boat, Jesus has compassion on them. Instead of dismissing them and sticking with His original plan, He ministers to them. When the disciples urge Him to send people away to find food, Jesus uses it as an opportunity to grow their trust in Him as the ultimate Provider. The interruptions become moments of ministry and revelation.

When we slow down and engage them, interruptions can become significant catalysts for ministering to others. What’s your usual response when they occur in your “regularly scheduled program”? Whether it’s in ministry, at home, at work, or somewhere else, there’s always an opportunity to grow in how you handle them. If you’re prone to anger, annoyance, impatience, or irritability when interruptions occur, consider praying and inviting the Lord to show how you can honor Him more in your response. You’ll discover joy on the journey and will bless others in the process.

Was this forwarded to you? You can receive new posts automatically in your inbox by going to www.marybethmccullum.com, entering your e-mail address and clicking “subscribe.”

No Partiality

Continuing to break new ground in the early church, the Holy Spirit reveals the next stage of God’s unfolding plan in Acts 10.  This chapter pivots from Saul back to Peter, who has an unusual meeting with a Roman Centurion named Cornelius that heralds a significant shift in the early Church. When the Jewish apostle and the God-fearing Gentile meet face to face, there’s no doubt it’s been divinely ordained. Recognizing God’s hand at work, Peter explains what the Lord has shown him: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right.” (Acts 10:34b-35, NIV)

Luke’s narrative continues, “While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God.” (Acts 10:44-46, NIV)

“With one simple act, by the power of the Holy Spirit, Peter shows that in the kingdom of God there is no favoritism—the gospel is for everyone.”1 While we may see this story as a significant turning point in our Church history, it also has relevant application for believers today. Jesus’ brother James writes: “If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.” (James 2:8-9, NIV)

The call to love our neighbors as ourselves appears nine times in Scripture. However, there are moments when we opt out of this command and rationalize our choice to do so. While we may not like admitting it, none of us is without blind spots and unconscious biases. Rather than denying this, we can honor the Lord by asking Him to show us attitudes that dishonor Him and discount others. 

If we’re honest, there are certain people we avoid because of behaviors, attitudes, and lifestyles that we dislike, disagree with, or find distasteful. Beyond obvious differences in race, socioeconomic status, or education, we also make more subtle judgements about others.

It’s natural for people to be drawn to those who are similar and to keep their distance from individuals who cause them to feel awkward, threatened, or uncomfortable. But when partiality shows up in those who follow Jesus, we must admit it and invite the Spirit’s guidance on making healthy changes. While it differs from person to person, here are a few examples that come to mind:

-People who hold different political views. That person who proudly supports a candidate, party, or issue that makes your blood boil is still worthy of God’s love. Jesus’ original twelve disciples included two who were polar opposites politically: “Jesus chose Simon the Zealot, a man who likely desired to forcibly remove the Roman government, and He also chose Matthew, a tax collector working for the Roman government. Both Simon and Matthew, though natural enemies, were part of the Twelve.”2 Two men with opposite political stances put aside their differences through a shared love of Jesus. Like them, we must keep our strong opinions in check and love people regardless of their political affiliations.

-People contending with issues that you don’t understand or haven’t experienced. Maybe it’s the parent of a child with a severe disability. Perhaps it’s a parent with a child struggling with sexual identity or gender dysphoria. Maybe it’s someone with an addiction or mental illness. Often people who are anxious, depressed, or in distress don’t have the energy for good social skills. Sometimes we find it easier to avoid those who have struggles that make us uncomfortable rather than listening, showing kindness, and seeking understanding. 

-People who seem shallow or disinterested in spiritual life. Perhaps there’s someone in your circle of acquaintances who prioritizes fun and socializing above all else. Maybe it’s a person who is always the life of the party or seems to lack depth of character. They hide their hurts and needs behind a broad smile, a boisterous laugh, and deflecting humor. When we judge and dismiss them, we’re keeping the Lord from using us to show them His love. 

-People who have made choices we don’t understand. Maybe it’s someone who leaves a spouse. Rather than reaching out to offer support, we hold back with subtle disapproval. Without knowing the story, we’ve already decided they are doing wrong. Instead of showing compassion or seeking understanding, our avoidance compounds feelings of loneliness or rejection they’re already experiencing; we alienate them from the supportive community of faith they need most.

When we’re quick to judge and draw conclusions based on what we see on the outside of another person, we’re displaying partiality. Maybe, like me, you fear that showing support communicates approval of sins. Perhaps you think withholding affection and warmth equates with maintaining high moral standards. Doing this means missing the opportunity to show God’s love when a person is struggling and feeling alone.

Although not everything described above equates with sin, most of us find certain sins more acceptable than others. But it’s important to remember that God sees all sin as worthy of death (Romans 6:23). We magnify other’s shortcomings and forget that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23, NIV). This makes us prideful, condescending, and judgmental, overlooking Scripture’s assertion that “mercy triumphs over judgment.” (James 2:13b, NIV) We must humbly remember “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, NIV) So, we’d be wise to take off the judge’s robes and leave that job to the Lord (Luke 6:37). God’s kindness leads to repentance (Romans 2:4) so, our passion should be to share His kindness without partiality. He doesn’t show favoritism, so let’s pray for eyes to see those we may be discounting that the Lord is calling us to love.

  • 1. Acts Part One: The Gospel Goes Out, The Village Church, 2019, 92.
  • 2. https://www.gotquestions.org/Zealots-Bible.html

Was this forwarded to you? Want to receive new posts automatically in your inbox? Go to www.marybethmccullum.com, enter your e-mail address and click “subscribe.”

Walking Worthy

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.”
Ephesians 4:1 ESV

Summer kicked off with some challenging situations for me. Instead of feeling relaxed and carefree, I’ve struggled with angst and confusion over how to handle several relational difficulties. It seems that I’ve had a steady drip of interactions that require prayer for clear wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit. 

My prayers often include two requests of the Lord: “Show me what You want me to know and show me what You want me to do.” Ephesians often gives me answers to both questions. As I’ve been studying it, I keep coming back to chapter four. It includes so much practical wisdom for how God calls us to live. I keep thinking of phrases Paul wrote to the believers in Ephesus each time I tiptoe into a conversation that feels like an emotional minefield. Since all of us go through challenges in relationships, it seems like unpacking some portions of Ephesians 4 that have spoken to me might be worth sharing. 

Here’s some quick context on Ephesians before we dive into the middle of this weighty book: The first three chapters include some important theology–evidence of God’s nature and character. These chapters also include doctrine—the beliefs that are foundational to our faith:

  • Paul emphasizes the inclusion of Gentiles into God’s family through accepting Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” (Ephesians 1:7, NIV)
  • Paul also highlights that we cannot earn our way into God’s family through good behavior: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9, NIV)
  • Additionally, Paul explains how all followers of Jesus are part of a unified body meant to work together for God’s purposes: “This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 3:6, NIV)

In chapter 4, the topic shifts from explaining doctrine about God and our standing with Him to describing what it looks like to practice our faith in daily living. Paul starts by saying: “Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.” (Ephesians 4:1-4, NLT)

Let’s break down Paul’s wisdom here and explore how we can apply it.

Lead a Life Worthy of Your Calling:  With lives rooted in Christ, we’re meant to bear fruit that reveals the presence of the Holy Spirit. We don’t react in the flesh and let our emotions get the best of us. Instead, we let God’s Word guide us to wise responses that honor Him. When we’re tempted to think another person is the problem, we stop first and examine ourselves. We seek to respond in a way that’s worthy of our calling in Christ so we can reveal His presence in our lives.

Always be Humble and Gentle: Being humble means setting aside pride and not viewing ourselves as superior to others. As followers of Christ, we never forget we are sinners saved only by grace. Because we’ve received God’s forgiveness, we’re aware of our pitiful state without Him. Remembering this keeps us from becoming superior and condescending. Humility causes us to be gentle—mild, moderate, and kind rather than harsh or severe in our demeanor and actions. Humility and gentleness stand in opposition to the brash and strident ways the world calls us to react.

Be Patient, Making Allowance for Faults Because of Your Love: As followers of Jesus, we’re called to remain calm and understanding when faced with frustrating behavior in others. Instead of focusing on their faults, we stop and remember how much God loves us despite our shortcomings. This makes us more apt to be patient. Additionally, choosing to love them prevents us from rooting ourselves in stubbornness or the desire to magnify their faults. Patience allows us to remain calm and loving instead of short-tempered and harsh.

Keep United in the Spirit, Bound Together with Peace: Through the bond of the Holy Spirit, believers seek to stay united with one another. Because we have peace with God and ourselves through Christ, we’re more equipped to seek peace with one another. This reflects Jesus’ heart for us: “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.” (John 17:20-21, NLT) God’s intention is for the unity of Christ-followers to prompt others to believe in Jesus. Believers who strive for peace and unity with one another reveal Christ to a cynical world. 

Any time people interact, there’s the possibility that miscommunication, hurt feelings, or offenses will occur. Without the wisdom of the Holy Spirit we’re prone to place blame on the choices of others. In the midst of frustration and hurt, we default to feeling superior and prideful. Our flesh tells us we’re justified in having harsh thoughts or lashing out in anger. While it’s easy to focus on faults of others, this certainly doesn’t increase our love for them, bring peace to the relationship, or point them toward Jesus.

When we walk worthy of Christ, we reveal an understanding of God’s deep love for us. This humility opens us to being gentle and patient with others, providing mutual blessing and giving glory to the Lord. Let Andrew Ripp’s “For the Love of God” remind you of this important truth today. Click here to listen.

Was this forwarded to you? Click here and receive future posts directly in your inbox.

Bold and Gentle

Weaving through the crowd on my way to class was always an adventure in college. As I walked through the heart of campus, people milling on the main pathway peppered passersby with a barrage of requests. They called out asking us to sign petitions, offering tickets to movie screenings, and handing out pamphlets espousing political agendas. Some of them were annoying or aggressive, others were intriguing. But there was one person that always made my heart hammer with anger and embarrassment when he visited campus. He would stand on a stairway to the side of the walkway holding a hand-made sign that read: “Sinners: Repent or burn in hell!” As if that wasn’t jarring enough, he would shout harsh judgements at us based on Bible verses taken out of context. There was never a trace of love in his words.

Sometimes students would stop and engage in animated conversations with him; often they escalated into shouting matches. For me, as a follower of Jesus trying to be a light on my dark campus, this man’s presence was devastating. I feared people who knew I was a believer would lump me in the same bucket with him and that any chance of sharing the gospel would be ruined. His boldness and passion to share his faith lacked the balance of love and grace.

I thought of the importance of that symmetry when I read Priscilla Shirer’s words this week: “BE UNASHAMED—public and bold in your allegiance to Him.”1 Being bold, public, and unashamed doesn’t imply that we have license to be rude or aggressive as we show allegiance to Jesus. Peter explains: “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” (1 Peter 3:15-16, NIV italics added) We need to engage others with respect no matter how strongly we disagree with their stances, especially in matters of faith. If we bait others or lash out with hurtful words, it’s unlikely they’ll be open to hearing anything we say. How we treat people matters as much as the words we say.

Imagine throwing a rubber ball against a wall. The harder you throw it, the more forcefully it bounces back at you. The same is true with our words. When our passionate feelings lead us to speak with anger, judgement, or harshness, it’s likely that’s what we’ll get in return. In the book of Romans, Paul tells us that God’s kindness is intended to lead to repentance (Romans 2:4). When we’re bold with our kindness to others, it’s more likely to soften the tone of their responses to us. It might even open the door for more genuine conversations about our faith.

In another one of his letters Paul says, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:5-6, NIV) We need to think carefully before we speak, text, or post comments about sensitive topics. “Our words should impact our conversations for the better as we bring a different ‘flavor’ to our interactions, build others up, and share as well as defend the gospel.”2 The world already has an atmosphere that’s divisive and contentious. It doesn’t need harsh words from Christians making things worse. It’s important to consider others’ perspectives and not to stoke bitterness or animosity on purpose. Sarcasm and insensitive humor often alienate and marginalize. So, let’s demonstrate allegiance to Christ in a manner that is empathetic and filled with grace. 

Strong opinions and feelings often stem from personal experiences. If someone riles you with a viewpoint that you know opposes Scripture, take a deep breath and pray instead of reacting immediately. Anger and harshness often cover pain and hurt. Instead of responding with indignation, take the wisdom of James to heart: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20, NIV) 

Our world gravitates toward quick reactions and sharp retorts, but meaningful conversations that explore differing viewpoints rarely occur in this environment. It takes love, patience, and perseverance to show allegiance to Jesus in a way that will draw others to Him. 

If we want to be bold, we need to start by cultivating our relationship with the Holy Spirit “until His presence overflows in our actions, attitudes, and ambitions. His fruit and His gifts become outworked through our lives…His fire is what we need if we expect to live up to our calling and experience the freedom of serving others with selfless joy and real power.”3

What do others experience when they interact with you? What tone do you project as you speak, text, or post online? How do you treat people as you go about your day? Click here and listen to “Relate” by For King and Country and let it inspire you to be bold with your love but gentle and empathetic as you encounter those who think differently.

  1. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 175   
  2. GotQuestions.org, “Why are we told to ‘let your words be seasoned with salt’ (Colossians 4:6)?”
  3. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 183

Photo Credit: pixabay.com

Was this forwarded to you? Click here to submit your e-mail and subscribe. You’ll receive future posts automatically in your inbox.

Sharing Hope

Feeling the vibration of my phone in my purse, I pulled it out and checked my texts. A long-time friend was reaching out to ask for prayer as her father neared the end of his life. Feeling weary and discouraged from months of dealing with doctors, caregivers, and grim diagnoses, she’d dashed off a text to a small group of us who had been supporting her. Empathizing with her grief, I replied with words of encouragement and a few verses that had sustained me in similar situations. Other friends chimed in with additional support, prayers, and Bible verses. Later, she replied to tell us how grateful she was to be reminded of the hope found in Jesus. 

In the past few years I’ve had many opportunities like this one. It’s a privilege to help someone reframe hard circumstances by looking at them from an eternal perspective. Experiences like this affirm Priscilla Shirer’s words in her Elijah Bible study: “What God says pinpoints the hinge that separates hope from hopelessness, possibility from impossibility…Elijah’s time in Cherith is what enabled his faith reflex to be so easily ignited during his interaction with the widow. He seemed almost to jump at the chance to introduce God’s provision and promise to her. He didn’t minimize her lack or pretend it wasn’t real…[but] he emphasized the word of the Lord that applied to her specific circumstance.”1

Elijah had experienced God’s miraculous provision first-hand during the eighteen months ravens fed him while living by the brook Cherith (1 Kings 17:2-6). So, when he left Cherith and encountered a starving widow in Zarephath preparing to make her final meal “Elijah said to her, ‘Don’t be afraid….For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’ She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah.” (1 Kings 17:13a, 14-16, NIV)

Elijah’s experience in Cherith enabled him to offer life-giving hope to the widow in Zarephath. But this story isn’t meant to stay tucked in the pages of Scripture. Priscilla Shirer challenges us, “Listen to me: Zarephath strategically brings you face to face with someone else’s impossibility—the terminal diagnosis, the unreachable child, the failing marriage, the crippling depression. Hear them and sincerely empathize when they tell you what they see, but don’t leave the conversation without inserting what their omniscient, omnipresent, sovereign, promise-keeping God says.”2

Of course, being able to give hope to someone else implies you’re pursuing God on your own—investing time in His Word, claiming His promises, and trusting that He’s going to come through for you. Our ability to encourage others and point them toward hope depends largely on how well we know God for ourselves. A firm foundation of faith is laid one day at a time. Intimacy with the Lord builds trust and provides hope when the world tells us all is lost. Priscilla Shirer describes the benefit of doing this: “As God matures and refines us, life’s crises won’t be capable of flipping the switch inside us that rams us into fear and anxiety mode. Instead, they will trigger and innate reaction within us to call out, to cry out, to the Lord. To trust Him. To rely on His sovereignty.”3

As we learn to lean into the Lord and let Him speak to us in trials and difficulties, He’ll use those experiences to give us “Zarephath moments” to encourage others. In the New Testament, Paul affirms this saying “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

It’s a privilege to come along side others in their pain and struggles; it’s a joy to point them toward hope found only through Jesus. To do this effectively, here are a few suggestions to keep in mind:

1) Don’t rush your own healing process in your zeal to help others. If you’re enduring a trial or hardship, be tender and patient with yourself. Recognize your own limitations. Helping others while you’re still in the midst of your own hard situation can short-circuit your healing and be detrimental to them. You need the benefit of perspective before you’re ready to offer support. Elijah couldn’t attest to the Lord’s provision until he’d completed his tenure by the brook Cherith. 

2) Remember that others’ struggles aren’t exactly like yours. While there may be parallels between the difficulty you’ve had and the one someone else is facing, there are also differences. There’s usually not a one-size-fits-all approach to trials and challenges each of us face. And no one needs to hear how much worse your situation was in comparison with the one they’re enduring. Be honest about what you’ve experienced, but be sensitive and listen well.

3) If you’re going to share a Bible verse, take time to explain why it impacted you. Don’t make Scripture trite by throwing random verses at a hard situation and hoping they’ll stick. It’s meaningful to share promises from the Bible, books, songs, and articles that God used to encourage you, so be sure to tell your struggling friend how you benefited from them.

As you expand in your knowledge of Scripture and experience personal encouragement from it, the Lord will give you opportunities to share His truth with others who need hope too. Why not take a moment to pray about it right now? Try something like this: Lord, help me commit to studying your Word and applying it to my circumstances. Show me where I need personal healing before I can help others. Prompt me with the right words when you’re calling me to be a spokesperson for Your promises, as Elijah was for the widow in Zarephath. Help me to be sensitive and listen well. Please continue to encourage me in my struggles and lead me to opportunities to share hope with others who need it too. 

Let Mike Doheny’s song “All Together” inspire you to be authentic in your personal hardships and empathetic with others. Click here to listen.

  1. Priscilla Shirer, Elijah, Lifeway Press, 2020, 104.
  2. Ibid, 104
  3. Ibid, 109 

Was this forwarded to you? Click here to submit your e-mail and subscribe. You’ll receive future posts automatically in your inbox.

Seeing with New Eyes

Handing me an envelope at the Kindergarten gate, my son scampered off to join his friends on the playground. The letter inside detailed the results of the annual vision screening conducted every fall. To my dismay, it recommended making an appointment for him to see an optometrist. Within a few weeks, he’d been fitted for glasses to correct surprisingly poor vision for someone so young. 

Our six-year-old adapted quickly and seemed unfazed by the addition of wire rimmed specs to his cute little face. The only glitch was on the soccer field, where metal frames were a safety hazard. Attempting to find a solution, my husband and I invested in an expensive set of bulky prescription sports goggles. However, our son ended up wearing them exactly one time. With all of the running and sweating he did during games, they slid around on his face and slowed him down. So, for the next six years he played soccer without glasses, preferring the challenge of poor vision to the annoyance of the goggles.

By middle school, our boy was mature enough to handle the responsibility of contact lenses and ready for the greater freedom they promised. I’ll never forget the first soccer game he played wearing them. His confidence and intensity on the field had skyrocketed. With his vision corrected, he dominated his opponents and ended up scoring two goals in that game. His coach marveled at how dramatically his play had improved as he dribbled, passed, and shot the ball. (And yes, we did feel a little guilty.)

No doubt, our physical vision impacts the way we interact with the world around us. The same is true of our emotional and spiritual vision. The lens through which we view ourselves affects everything about us: Our self-esteem, attitudes, outlooks, and relationships. Bible teacher Christine Caine explains, “When we are confident in knowing we are fully seen and fully known by God, we can see others and help them feel fully seen and fully known. When we aren’t confident in knowing He sees us, we can be tempted to behave in a way that begs attention—whether negative or positive—hoping someone else will notice us.”  I’m excited to dive into Caine’s new Bible study: 20/20: Seen. Chosen. Sent. Exploring how Jesus sees us and learning to look at others as He does will be both challenging and inspiring. 

I remember when I began understanding the impact of seeing myself as God does. It was years ago, when I was struggling with underlying depression and insecurity that had been magnified by an unhealthy relationship. A wise friend admonished me to remember that I was the beloved daughter of the King of Kings. Choosing to believe her words and let them change my outlook took time, intentionality, and even some counseling. Understanding this truth also freed me from expecting others to love and fulfill me in a way that only the Lord truly could. 

To be honest, this is an ongoing process for me–there are still days when I forget to see myself through God’s lenses and let people throw me off-kilter. Caine emphasizes, “How essential it is, then, that we come before Jesus daily and ask Him to keep the eyes of our hearts open so we can see those closest to us in the same way He does. When we feel rejected or taken for granted by our husbands, children, friends, or colleagues, we can easily default to a defensive posture and harden our hearts to shield us from being hurt. But if we allow our hearts to harden, then we will lose compassion and, therefore, lack what is required to see others as Jesus does. If we focus on protecting ourselves, we will miss others.”

If you’re ready to improve your spiritual and emotional vision, please join me through this series of posts on Caine’s book. You’ll find new focus using the Bible as your lens. Let’s start right now with a few Scriptures that remind us how God intends for us to see ourselves and others:

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him…God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” (1 John 3:1 & 4:9-10, NLT)

As we open ourselves to receive the Lord’s lavish love, we’ll learn to let it overflow from us to bless others:

“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.” (1 John 4:11-12, NLT)

Seeing people through God’s eyes makes it easier to look past what divides us and enables us approach them with humility, grace, and kindness. This happens when we remember:

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:8-10, NLT)

Viewing ourselves as God’s masterpieces spurs us on to do the good things He’s planned for us. Acts of kindness and service aren’t done out of obligation, but as expressions of our love for the Lord. This is all part of His plan. It’s a circular process: God’s love pours into us. We receive it and pass it on to others. As people experience His love demonstrated through us, they discover they, too, are beloved children of the King of Kings.

The song, “God So Loved” by We the Kingdom beautifully communicates God’s tremendous love for us. Enjoy this inspiring music video that captures an array of people and cultures from around the world.

Christine Caine, 20/20: Seen. Chosen. Sent., Lifeway Press, 2020, p. 13 & 26.

Learn with a Humble Heart

Sitting in front of the TV, I watched in dismay as footage of angry mobs rioting and looting flashed across the screen. It was April of 1992 and I was finishing my last quarter at UCLA. Four police officers had just been acquitted for usage of excessive force in the arrest and beating of an African American man named Rodney King. Although the riots were several miles away, the smell of smoke from burning buildings wafted into the window on that warm, spring evening. Living in huge, multi-ethnic city like Los Angeles had been an eye-opening experience for a suburban girl like me. It had been both exhilarating and exhausting. 

Less than a year later, I found myself driving into one of the neighborhoods where the looting and rioting had been severe. Charred buildings and boarded up storefronts still punctuated the city blocks as the neighborhood struggled to rebuild. Now in graduate school, I’d been assigned to do my student teaching at a large high school in the heart of this neighborhood. Pulling in that first day, a guard at the school’s entrance rolled back the chain-link fence to let me into the parking lot. As I walked on campus, the color of my light skin seemed to draw the attention of many eyes.  A few of the other student teachers, faculty and staff members shared my ethnicity, but not a single student on campus did.

My semester teaching at that high school was one of the most intense seasons in my life. Not only was I learning how to manage classrooms of students while teaching 10th grade English and 12th grade Writing Composition, I was also encountering hard truths about racial tension and inequality. Issues that had created shocking news stories on TV a few months earlier became personally relevant as I got to know my students and saw the reality of their lives.

After mornings of teaching, afternoons of graduate classes, and evenings of lesson planning, I would lie in bed at night with a clenched jaw. I wrestled with feelings of frustration, helplessness, and discouragement. It was a struggle to find ways to get students to come to class consistently, let alone do their assignments. The more I got to know them, the more I began to see how tangled and complicated their situations were. I felt powerless in the face of the broader social issues that plagued my students, but I did my best to connect with them and teach them how to read critically and to write thoughtfully. Some students warmed up to me, others remained at a cool distance. In those months, I learned how to teach, but I also gained a new understanding and sensitivity for people of color with struggles and challenges that I’d never experienced personally.

Memories of that time have been at the forefront of my mind as protests and riots fueled by racial injustice and senseless deaths have dominated the news recently. Those old feelings of frustration, helplessness, and discouragement have resurfaced. The tangled and complicated situations I saw as a student teacher haven’t gotten any better. It’s so overwhelming and exhausting, I’m tempted to disengage. However, as a committed follower of Jesus, I don’t have the luxury of tuning out.

This week I’ve been studying Philippians 2:3-4, which includes these challenging words: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (NIV) I don’t see anything in there that gives permission to turn a blind eye to the racial injustices that have plagued our nation and reached a boiling point. It’s a delicate and uncomfortable topic that can no longer be avoided. This isn’t a Black problem, it’s an issue we need to care about as a nation, and especially as followers of Jesus.

I wish I had a simple solution or action point, but I don’t. Here’s what I do know: Jesus is the answer to every problem we face. He is the cure to the sin that is manifesting itself in so many ugly ways in our nation right now. I keep coming back to a quote by A.W. Tozer: “As God is exalted to the right place in our lives, a thousand problems are solved all at once.” And that leads me to the two greatest commandments in Scripture: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27, NIV) Imagine what our world would look like if loving God was our highest priority and loving our neighbors (which means all people) was how we showed this. 

If, like me, you’re struggling with how to respond in this time of unrest and tension, may I humbly and respectfully offer some starting points?

  • Seek wisdom from godly, biblical leaders rather than relying on news headlines (see my suggestions at the end of this post). Commit to listening and learning before reacting. And keep pursuing knowledge and understanding even when upsetting headlines no longer dominate the news cycle.
  • Ask trustworthy people to dialogue with you about what you’re learning and how you’re being challenged.
  • Process your thoughts and feelings with God. Share with Him honestly. Invite Him to speak to you through His Word to show you how to respond in your attitude and actions.

Here are passages from Scripture that have been shaping my prayers recently:

Psalm 139: 23-24: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” We can tell God what is on our hearts and identify anxious thoughts in our minds related to current events. Be bold and ask Him to show you any blind spots you have that are hurtful towards others– especially regarding race. Confess anything He shows you. Thank Him for helping you to see what needs changing so that you can grow closer to Him and be an agent of reconciliation with others.

2 Chronicles 7:14: “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” Once we’ve humbled ourselves and confessed our sin, we’re ready to pray for our community, our nation, and our world. Pray for others who need to humble themselves, seek God’s face, and turn from evil. Pray that people will desire to surrender their sin to God and that they will look to Him to heal the hurts in our nation and world. Whenenver you see gut-wrenching headlines, let them prompt you to pray for the people involved.

Luke 6:37, 41-42:“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven…Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Ask God to show you where you’re judging others and magnifying their faults—especially those who have differing opinions and reactions. Pray for a forgiving heart. Pray that God would be at work in others to help them examine themselves and turn from sinful attitudes and behaviors. Pray for people in our nation to have hearts willing to forgive and heal.

 Daniel 9:18-19 “Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your Name.” Let’s pray for God to show His mercy and to intervene in the midst of racial strife. Our real enemy isn’t social injustice, police brutality, racism, poverty, or violence. Those are merely tools the devil uses to cause chaos, hatred, division, and distress in our world. Let’s ask the Lord to forgive us and to bring hope, peace, healing, and reconciliation to our hurting nation for the sake of His glory.

Invite the Lord to speak to you through these passages and to show you how to respond. Consider using some of the resources below to help you listen and learn. Just start with one. Praying, educating yourself, and sharing with others are simple actions that have powerful consequences.

Watch or Listen: 

  • Pause. Listen. Pray. CPC Pastor Tyler Scott, Earl Smith & Miles McPherson. Click here to watch now.
  • IF:TV. Jennie Allen’s conversation about racial reconciliation with LaTasha Morrison and Mike Kelsey on Wed. June 10. Click here for more information and to find additional resources.
  • Fuller Seminary President, Mark Labberton’s candid conversation with Dr. Dwight Radcliff. Click here to watch now.

Read:

  • The Third Option: Hope for a Racially Divided Nation by Miles McPherson and Drew Brees
  • Under Our Skin: Getting Real about Race. Getting Free from the Fears and Frustrations that Divide Us. by Benjamin Watson and Ken Petersen

The Gift of Empathy

Stepping into line, I clutched my son’s tiny hand and kept my head down as we inched toward his classroom door. The preschool check-in process took a while, but usually created a welcome opportunity to chat with other moms. On that day, however, just walking into the building required excruciating effort. Participating in such a “normal” activity seemed surreal when I felt so raw, exposed, and vulnerable.

Just a few days earlier, I’d sat at my dad’s bedside as he exhaled his final breath. For the two weeks prior to that I’d been consumed with trekking back and forth to see him as he’d received hospice care. I’d been so removed from regular life that it felt overwhelming just dropping off my son at school. 

I assumed most of the moms in line knew I was grieving since I’d received flowers from the class. My sagging shoulders and red-rimmed eyes hinted at my fragile state, yet not one of them acknowledged my loss. I didn’t fault them for it—most of my peers hadn’t yet experienced the death of a parent and didn’t know what to say.

After a few awkward minutes, I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder. Looking up, a mom I barely knew pulled me in close and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died a few years ago– I totally get what you’re going through.” She described the range of emotions she’d experienced, mirroring mine exactly. What a relief to encounter someone who understood my pain.  

In the years since then, I’ve been blessed by other compassionate people who have reached out to empathize with me through different struggles. None of them tried to fix my problems, but they all showed me compassion and understanding. They made me feel seen, heard, and loved. These kind acts beautifully illustrate Paul’s words in the New Testament:

 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

Painful experiences are fertile ground for receiving God’s comfort. They also enable us to grow in our compassion for people. When we’re going through hardships, we can find hope knowing God will use them to bless others in the future.

Once you’ve experienced true empathy, you’re able to recognize how it differs from sympathy. Empathizing with others means we identify with their pain and connect with them in it. It’s when we say, “I get it, I know how you feel.” Sympathy, however, is like saying “I feel bad for you.” Instead of being a participant in the pain, a person offering sympathy remains a passive observer feeling pity for the hardships of another. While the intentions are kind, it can make a struggling person feel emotionally isolated. If you’ve ever gone through a hard time, you probably know that receiving a person’s empathy comforts so much more than the clichéd words of sympathy.

Sometimes we encounter people in pain and we have no frame of reference to empathize with them. It’s tempting to hold back and say nothing for fear of getting it wrong. However, there are simple tools we can use to respond in caring and sensitive ways that promote connection and understanding. Here are a few I’ve learned:

-Listen to understand, not to respond. Don’t get distracted thinking about what you’ll say next– you’ll miss what the person is telling you.

-Listen for feelings, not facts. Validate their emotions and don’t judge them as bad or good. Focus on the person, not on the details of their situation.

-Be present and patient. Let the struggling person have room to share the tangle of emotions they’re feeling. Get comfortable sitting in silence too. Remember your presence will communicate your support more than any helpful suggestions you might be tempted to offer. People may forget what you say, but they remember the way you made them feel.

-Avoid sharing stories about yourself. This may seem like empathy, but it’s really turning the attention to yourself. Saying “I’ve been there” or “I feel you” is enough. If they want to know more, they’ll ask.

-Don’t offer advice, quick assurances, or comparisons that minimize what they’re going through (ie: “At least….” Or “It could be worse…”). Don’t offer the “bright side” of the situation they aren’t ready to hear.

-Remember it’s not your job to speak for God or to make conjectures about why He’s letting a hard thing happen. Don’t over-spiritualize, preach, or quote a verse attempting to make them feel better. Instead, offer to pray with and for the person.

-Circle back later and see how they’re doing. Ask if there are any specific ways you can be praying. Sometimes after the initial conversation, we check off the “reach out to my struggling friend” box and move on. Difficult seasons can last a long time and most people appreciate ongoing support (to whatever degree you have the bandwidth to offer it.)

Want to learn more about the difference between sympathy and empathy? Watch this two minute video by Dr. Brené Brown.

Singer/ songwriter Toby Mac gives us an intimate glimpse into the pain of losing his son, Truett, in his song “21 Years.” Let it remind you to look at others with empathy and to invite God to use you to comfort them.