Category: Encouragement

Daughters and Sons

Surfers have the reputation of being laid back and relaxed, but don’t let their bare feet and board shorts fool you. Surf culture contains many unwritten rules and subtle shades of etiquette as hopeful riders get in position to catch the perfect wave. Knowing when it’s your turn to paddle hard or to yield to another takes time to learn.  There is a pecking order in the water–those with the greatest skill earn the highest respect and beginners must learn their place or find a new beach.

My friend, Joe, has been surfing the waters of Southern California for several decades. His expertise riding the waves gives him credibility and status with other surfers. A few years ago, it also meant that no one messed with his young sons when they were learning to ride waves. All the locals knew who their dad was, so the boys had the freedom to make mistakes, learn, and improve. Joe’s boys jockeyed for waves under his watchful eye. They confidently waited for swells among seasoned surfers not because of their savvy and skills, but because they were under the protection of their dad.

Recently, Joe shared this story about his boys while speaking to several hundred high school students at our church’s annual summer camp. Using his sons as an example, he explained how people who have accepted Jesus as their Savior are under the protection of their Father in heaven. Scripture explains it this way: “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has become a child of God.” (1 John 5:1, NLT)

Like Joe’s boys surfing the waves of SoCal, believers can walk with confidence because they are the sons and daughters of the Living God–the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. When we live like we believe this is true, everything changes. Our identity doesn’t come from how others perceive us or how we see ourselves, but from our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Labels assigned to us simply don’t matter in comparison with knowing that we are sons and daughters of God Almighty.

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1, NLT)

Among the many benefits that come with being a child of God, there are two that stand out to me in Scripture: our freedom from sin and our connection to the Spirit.

Freedom from Sin:  Between the time of Adam and Eve’s first sin in the garden and Jesus’ death and resurrection, the world was held captive by sin: “But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.” (Gal 4:4-5, NLT)

Although we aren’t perfect after we accept Christ, sin and the devil no longer have the hold over us that they once did. “We know that God’s children do not make a practice of sinning, for God’s Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them.” (1 John 5:18, NLT)

Connection to the Holy Spirit:  As God’s children, the Holy Spirit lives inside us. He guides us, empowers us, and affirms our worth as His beloved children. He reminds us of our identity as sons and daughters and enables us to demonstrate this in the way we live.

“So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, `Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” (Romans 8:15-16, NLT)

Remembering WHO we are and WHOSE we are changes everything. It frees us to stop looking for affirmation and validation from other people. It liberates us from seeking our worth from accomplishments and possessions.

Living under the protection of our Father gives us the confidence to become the unique people He made us to be. When we believe we’re loved, we behave differently. We can take our eyes off ourselves and stop worrying what others think because we trust our loving Father. Our identity is rooted in knowing that the One who created the universe calls us “daughter” or “son.” And that is enough.

If you’re like me, you may need a visual reminder of your true identity in Christ. Write the word “daughter” or “son” on a sign and place it somewhere that will remind you daily of this foundational truth. You are His child from now through eternity, no matter what.

Enjoy a reminder of this important truth with Ryan Stevenson’s song “No Matter What.”

Light of the World

The little condo wasn’t fancy, but it seemed to have everything we wanted: two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a small living room and a basic kitchen. It even had covered parking and was within walking distance of downtown. My husband and I were newly married and having fun setting up our home together. However, soon after moving in, we began to discover issues that hadn’t been apparent when we’d toured it with the rental agent. Some problems could be changed, but others were beyond our control. The one that bothered me most was the darkness. Surrounded by towering redwood trees, the condo never got direct sunlight. Over the months, this wore on me and I wanted to be away from home as much as possible.

It wasn’t until we moved a few years later that I realized how much I needed light in my surroundings. I’ll never forget unpacking boxes on the day we moved into our house. Feeling the sun warming my back as I worked in the kitchen filled me with a joyful contentment that I hadn’t experienced at home in quite a while.

So, it’s no surprise when Scripture tells us that the source of all light is God: “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5, NIV)

The theme of light and darkness threads throughout the Bible, starting in Genesis: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.” (Genesis 1:1-4, NIV)

John’s gospel opens by describing God’s choice to send His son to earth: “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” (John 1:4, NIV) Jesus took this a step further by making a bold statement followed by a promise: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12b)

When we believe in Jesus and accept Him as our savior, He gives us joyful contentment. God’s light not only shines on us with His blessings, it also shines through us. Jesus explains this in the Sermon on the Mount when He says: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16, NIV)

As followers of Jesus, we are conduits of His light to a world that is mired in spiritual darkness. We are like sacred solar panels, basking in God’s love, grace, and power. Once we soak it in, we’re called to pass it on to others who need it too. Most of them just don’t know it yet.

When we moved to our home many years ago, I began praying that God would use us as lights in our neighborhood. Over time, that prayer has grown in its scope to include any place where my family encounters other people: school, work, sports teams, community events, volunteer commitments, social gatherings, etc. As I pray, I often envision what a gathering of people looks like from a spiritual perspective. I picture myself with the light of Christ glowing from within me. At those times, I can choose to keep the light to myself or to let it shine so that it can bless others.

Imagine a sunset over the ocean. The rays of light affect everything they touch so that the glow of the sun shines on the water and reflects off the wet sand, creating vibrant hues and stunning scenery. In the same way, the warmth and light of the Lord’s love impacts everyone who encounters it. He intends for it to spread from one individual to another. God’s love changes people and colors the atmosphere around us with His grace and peace.

If you’ve never thought about it before, start inviting God to let His light shine through you. Pray that He’ll give you spiritual eyes whenever you encounter other people. Ask Him to give you the strength and courage to shine brightly when you’re the only Christian at a gathering. Pray that He’ll connect you with other believers so you can radiate the warmth of God’s love together. Draw strength and confidence from Christ’s light within you and let it bless others wherever you go.

Christy Nockels’ song “Life Light Up” made a significant impact on my understanding of being a light to the world. Listen to it and let the lyrics become your prayer today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNZ6L6qGR7s

Josh Wilson’s song “Pushing Back the Dark” gave me the courage to ask God to shine His light through me. Listen to the lyrics if you need a little inspiration too.

Lysa TerKeurst, Finding I Am: How Jesus Fully Satisfies the Cry of Your Heart, Lifeway Press, 2016.

My Weakness, His Strength

Turning my head for the briefest moment, I realized my carelessness just in time to see my front wheel colliding with the curb. The pavement seemed to rise up to meet my face as I crashed in a heap. Before I’d had a chance to react, I was sprawled on the side of the road, tangled in my bike and still clipped into the pedals. Rushing back to help me, my husband gently pulled the bike off me and surveyed my injuries.

The road rash on my swollen cheek and shoulder looked bad, but were minor injuries compared to the pain radiating down my right arm. A trip to the ER confirmed I’d fractured my right elbow and wrist. The bones took twelve weeks to mend, but it was an entire year before I regained the full range of motion in my arm. It’s now been almost two years since my accident, but there are times when twinges of pain and stiffness still remind me of it.

A few days after my crash, I began asking God what I could learn from that season of physical weakness and forced rest. As is often the case, He started speaking to me through His Word. One of the first passages that gave me comfort came from Paul’s second letter to the church at Corinth:

 ”Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, NIV)

God’s grace was sufficient for Paul, so I prayed the same would be true for me. With every task I was unable to accomplish with one hand, I asked God to let His power be made perfect in my weakness. I began to realize that my physical brokenness had many parallels to humankind’s spiritual brokenness. We want so badly to believe we’re strong and in control, but it’s when we finally surrender to God that we access true and lasting power and strength. It’s not until we admit that we can’t do it on our own that He can really work in our lives.

The twinges of pain I still feel in my arm from time to time provide a physical reminder of my frailty and weakness. But I’ve also learned to seek God’s strength when my weakness reveals itself in more subtle ways. Times when I’m feeling insecure or lacking in confidence or overlooked or unappreciated provide ample opportunities to tap into God’s strength. Days when I don’t have the energy to deal with a challenging person or feel fearful about what the future holds, I lean into Him. The more I recognize and admit my weaknesses, the more I can access the Lord’s strength. This is incredibly humbling, but infinitely reassuring.

Matthew West’s song “Broken Things” captures this idea beautifully. Click on the link and let it encourage you if you’re feeling weak today.

Kelly Minter, All Things New: A Study on 2 Corinthians, Lifeway Press, 2016, Session 7.

The God of All Comfort

Stepping into line, I clutched my son’s tiny hand and kept my head down as we inched toward his classroom door. The preschool check-in process always took a while, but was usually a fun time to catch up with other moms. Normally I would have been chatting with friends and acquaintances or smiling at people walking by. But on that day, it took every ounce of energy just to walk into the building. Participating in such a “normal” activity felt surreal when I felt so raw, exposed, and vulnerable.

It had been only a few days earlier that I’d sat at my dad’s bedside as he exhaled his final breath surrounded by family. For the two weeks prior to that I’d been consumed with making arrangements, communicating with family, and trekking back and forth to the facility where he was receiving hospice care. I’d been so removed from regular life that it felt overwhelming just being out in public to drop off my son at school. My sagging shoulders and red-rimmed eyes told everyone all was not well with me. It was almost like I had stickers all over my clothes that said, “Fragile: Handle with Care.”

I assumed most of the moms I was standing with knew I’d just lost my dad since one of them had sent flowers from the class. Despite that kind gesture, not one of them acknowledged my loss in person. Some smiled sympathetically while others avoided eye contact. I didn’t fault them for it—most of my peers hadn’t yet experienced the death of a parent and didn’t know what to say, so they took the safest route and decided to say nothing.

After a few awkward minutes, I felt someone’s arms wrap around me from behind. As I turned to see who it was, a mom I barely knew pulled me closer. Hugging me tightly, she said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died a few years ago– I totally get what you’re going through.” She went on to describe the range of emotions she’d experienced, mirroring mine exactly. What a relief it was to encounter someone who understood my pain. She didn’t try to fix it, she just identified with it.  Her presence and willingness to revisit her own hurt were a tremendous comfort to me.

In the years since then, I’ve tried to be intentional about reaching out to others who have experienced loss. God has regularly prompted me to offer comfort in different ways, whether it is writing a card, providing a listening ear, delivering a meal, or sharing music that has brought me comfort and hope.  It wasn’t until later that I realized that doing these things has been in God’s plan from the start:

 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

Every person on the planet experiences painful situations at different points in life, whether they are visited upon us or self-inflicted. No matter what the circumstances are, we have a choice in how we respond. We can seize the opportunity to let God teach us through hardships, or we can wallow in self-pity and risk becoming disillusioned and bitter. Challenging experiences are conduits for learning and growing spiritually. They also provide fertile ground for receiving God’s comfort. When we lean into Him through them, we also inspire and impact others through the faith we demonstrate.

Difficulties are an opportunity to grow in our empathy for others who will experience similar situations. Our pain can equip us to show God’s comfort to people who desperately need it. We can even be intentional about praying for God to lead us to people we can bless with His comfort.

Sometimes when you’re in a season of pain it may feel like God is distant. However, Scripture promises: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV)  Ask Him to help you feel His presence and to be open to His comfort. Sometimes He does this through Scripture, a song, or written words from someone with godly wisdom.  Other times, He blesses us with people who can walk with us through our struggles.

Occasionally painful chapters in our lives tempt us to pull back from people and to isolate ourselves. While a little alone time can help to ground you, too much can cause you to spiral into unhealthy places emotionally. Even though it’s difficult, try to let others listen and encourage you. Some may have had similar experiences and can be a source of support for you.  In time, you’ll receive comfort and wisdom and you’ll be able to do the same for someone else.

In God’s economy, nothing is wasted, even our pain. All of it can be used for good when we allow Him to speak to us through it.

If you’re in a difficult season or know someone else who is, be encouraged by Jason Gray’s song “Nothing is Wasted.”

Kelly Minter, All Things New: A Study on 2 Corinthians, Lifeway Press, 2016.

Offloading Your Christmas Baggage

I remember the first time my husband and I traveled with our eldest son as a baby. He was only ten months old, but required so much gear that we had to rent a cart at the airport to carry it all. I’ll never forget seeing him perched in his car seat atop a mountain of luggage. Wrangling and monitoring our baggage throughout the day’s travel took a lot of effort. Once we arrived at our destination, fitting the stroller, backpack, diaper bag, portable crib, and suitcases into the rental car’s tiny trunk was another challenge.

Baggage is unwieldy. It takes up a lot of space and makes traveling cumbersome, especially when it is oversized. And yet, most of us carry invisible baggage with us all the time—unresolved issues, emotional pain, insecurity, control issues, fears, and brokenness, to name a few. And somehow, at Christmas time, that baggage gets unpacked at some of the worst moments.

As much as we love it, the Christmas season is filled with stress for many people. Perhaps when I say that you’re envisioning to do lists that include decorating, shopping, cooking, entertaining, traveling, and attending events. But underneath these surface stressors lurk deeper issues. Some of us dread the awkward or painful interactions we’ll have with people in relationships that are strained. Others will feel the sting of being alone when it seems everyone else has somewhere to go and someone to celebrate with. Others will feel anxious about meeting hidden expectations of family, friends, co-workers, or clients. Some will struggle as they are the sole followers of Jesus gathering with others who really don’t care about the true meaning of Christmas. Others won’t be able to enjoy the festivities because all they can see is the empty place at the table where a loved one used to sit.

Whatever baggage we carry, it seems to get heavier and larger during the Christmas season. Hard relationships become magnified and often eclipse the purpose of the holidays. The enemy loves nothing more than stealing our joy as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ. So, here are a few thoughts on how to stop him in his tracks by not letting your baggage get the best of you.

-Label Your Baggage: When something triggers a negative emotion, take a moment to stop and figure out where things went wrong. Take stock of the baggage you usually carry. Being aware of what tends to hurt you or what throws you into a tailspin can help you to head it off before you’ve spiraled too far. Spend some time praying about the things you struggle with, especially before you’re entering a situation that you know might be challenging. “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” (Psalm 68:19, NIV)

-Give Grace to Others with Baggage: We all have it, but not everyone wants to acknowledge it. And sometimes our baggage doesn’t fit well with the baggage of others– sort of like trying to cram too much luggage into a small trunk doesn’t work very well. We can’t fix other people or force them to deal with their issues, but we can do our part to show them God’s love and grace. Sometimes this means being flexible, sometimes it means biting your tongue when you want to lash out, sometimes it means offering a word of affirmation even when you’re annoyed. When you encounter people with a lot of baggage, do what you can in the moment to ease their burden without compromising your own emotional health. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14, NIV)

-Lean into God: Often prayer and Scripture reading are the first things we abandon during this busy season. Yet, when we make the time to draw near to God and to let His Word realign our hearts and renew our minds, we’re off-loading our baggage onto Him instead of letting it weigh us down. When we take time to let Him fill us with His love, strength and wisdom, we’ll have so much more to give others. Spending time in God’s presence refreshes us. It enables us to be less likely to get our feelings hurt, helps us to stop nursing personal grudges, and allows us to give an RSVP of “no” to our personal pity parties. When we start our day with a vertical focus, we’re more equipped to make a horizontal impact on those we encounter. “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:1-2, NIV)

It took many years before we could travel lighter with our two boys. I’ll never forget the first time we walked briskly through the airport with each of us wheeling our own bag. My husband looked at me with a triumphant grin and declared, “This is awesome!”

It feels good to travel light, but it does take effort and forethought to make it happen. God is ready and willing to help offload our baggage. He wants us to entrust it to Him.  He also provides wise and godly friends, family members, and counselors to help us along the way. All we need to do is ask. “Trust in him at all times, you people;  pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. (Psalm 62:8, NIV)

May your days be merry and bright… and may all your Christmas baggage be light.

Click on the link and enjoy some Christmas cheer with Sidewalk Prophets and Francesca Battistelli singing “White Christmas” (without my creative lyric change!)

 

The Weary World Rejoices

 

The familiar words stuck in my throat, unable to get past the lump that had formed there suddenly. Music played and people in church sang all around me as I dabbed my eyes and took a deep breath. How many times had I heard and sung “O Holy Night”? The words of the of the first verse were familiar, but somehow struck me in a new way:

O holy night the stars are brightly shining/ It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth/ Long lay the world in sin and error pining/ Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth/ A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices/ For yonder breaks/ A new and glorious morn

The lyrics share the truth of the gospel so clearly: Jesus came to save the world from sin. But it was that fifth line that did me in: “A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.” Acknowledging our weariness hit a nerve. It’s been a rough year and our world and nation are weary. People seem more angry and afraid than they’ve been in a long time. It’s impossible to glance at the headlines without reading one ugly piece of news after another. And yet, hope remains. The very reason we celebrate Christmas is that Jesus pierced this dark world with the light of His presence. The entire season is meant to point us back to Him.

Fall on your knees/ O hear the angel voices/ O night divine/ O night when Christ was born

As we turn our attention to Jesus, He changes our hearts. The light of His love within us shines into the darkness and changes the world around us for the better.

Truly He taught us to love one another/ His law is love and His gospel is peace/ Chains He shall break/ For the slave is our brother/ And in His Name/ All oppression shall cease/ Sweet hymns of joy/ In grateful chorus raise we/ Let all within us praise His holy Name

 Acknowledging Christ’s sovereignty in our lives opens the door for God’s kingdom on earth to be furthered through us. As we love one another and pursue peace, He uses us to bring people out of oppression and into freedom, whether it is spiritually, emotionally, or physically. Seeing Him change lives causes us to praise Him further. All of these things lead us to celebrate Christ’s birth and to fall at His feet in wonder, awe and humility.

Christ is the Lord/ O praise His Name forever/ His power and glory/ Evermore proclaim/ His power and glory/ Evermore proclaim

Fall on your knees/ O hear the angel voices/ O night divine/ O night when Christ was born/ O night divine/ O night divine

Our world is weary and many of us are also weary on a personal level, so let’s listen to the old Christmas carols with an attentive ear this season. “O Holy Night” isn’t the only song that proclaims the gospel or points us to the hope found in Jesus. Let the familiar words of favorite carols encourage you this December. Focus your attention on the heart of the season and the love of God will naturally flow from you to bless others.

Click on the link to hear Lauren Daigle’s version of “O Holy Night.”

(Note, the lyrics above are the arrangement written by Michael Guy Chislett & Dylan Thomas from Hillsong United)

When Fellowship Fractures

As hard as it is to believe, even deep and godly friendships sometimes fracture. Paul and Barnabas are a case in point. The friendship between them may have begun when Barnabas stood up for Paul when the others were skeptical about the authenticity of his conversion in Acts 9. Later, the Holy Spirit ordained their ministry in Acts 13 and they traveled together sharing the gospel until a disagreement tore them apart. Despite their deep love for God and their history of meaningful fellowship, Acts 15 explains that these two pillars of the faith couldn’t reconcile in their opposite opinions over John Mark accompanying them on their next missionary journey. Barnabas wanted to give him a second chance after a past failure, Paul didn’t. This caused them to split up and to continue sharing the gospel in different places with new ministry partners.

Beth Moore writes about this situation, “One ministry turned into two. You and I both know it doesn’t always happen that way. It takes cooperation. We can stunt God’s redemptive work in our midst with our bitterness, unforgiveness, slander, blame, chronic regret, and unresolved guilt. Or we can go face down and beg God in our fractures to do something bigger with the broken pieces than He might have done with the whole.” (Entrusted, page 36)

Reading her words, I couldn’t help but think of how God used the broken pieces of a former relationship to make me into something better. The friendship I shared with this woman arose from our mutual desire to study God’s Word. We were the only two from our congregation that joined an in-depth Bible study at a neighboring church. After class, we’d stand in the parking lot talking enthusiastically about what we’d learned long after the rest of the cars had pulled away. My son, a toddler at the time, would fuss and squirm in his car seat once his Cheerios ran out or the sippy cup was empty. Finally, I’d have to interrupt her animated sharing with an apology and a promise to continue the conversation later. I could usually feel her disappointment as I pulled away.

A year later, our enthusiasm to study God’s Word with others led us to start a new Bible study for our own church with the help of a seasoned teacher. It was an exciting time of spiritual growth and meaningful fellowship centered on God’s Word. So much so, that I ignored the subtle warning signs that would lead to future problems between us.

Early in our friendship, I’d given her a card expressing my gratitude to God for her. I wrote about how thankful I was that the Lord was using us in each other’s lives and told her I believed He had much more in store for our friendship. I couldn’t wait to see how things would unfold. Although God did use her in my life, what I envisioned when I wrote that card was not at all how things turned out.

Without belaboring the details, over the course of 9 months, our friendship went into a downward spiral because of some boundaries I had to put in place. Although she said she understood, she retreated with hurt and anger. I continued to pursue her to no avail. Soon I found that the groups we’d enjoyed spending time with together were having gatherings without me. Over the months, my heart sank lower and lower as many of our mutual friends backed away from me with little or no explanation. I felt cut off from the fellowship I had once enjoyed so much. This began a dark and lonely season in my life that ultimately led me to counseling.

With the help of a wise and godly therapist, I began to see where things had gone wrong and could take ownership over the unhealthy contributions I’d made to our friendship. I could also identify the things that were solely her issues and not my responsibility. Over the course of more than a year in counseling, I started to understand how the implosion of that friendship was a flash point for some deeper issues that I needed to sort through.

Without that fractured relationship, I never would have recognized the unhealthy perspectives and patterns I’d maintained for many years. I would have stunted God’s redemptive work and prevented Him from refining me through the longstanding struggles in my life. In that difficult season, I learned how to be authentic and vulnerable, how to have safe and healthy relationships, and how to function more wisely with people. Confronting my issues equipped me for opportunities to come alongside others who were struggling in different ways. It has also allowed me to navigate through the inevitable challenges that come whenever people work, serve, study, socialize, or live together (whether they are Christians or not).

I’ve thought many times about that card I wrote to my old friend early in our relationship. God did, indeed, use her in my life. He peeled back some issues that I needed to deal with so that I could reach a healthier place. And although it’s still painful to remember that season, I am ultimately grateful that it became a catalyst for heathy change in my life.

Before my former friend moved away, I tried one last time to reach out by leaving a card on her doorstep.  Although she never responded, I’m glad I told her about how God used our struggles for good in my life. I pray that the same is true for her.

If you’re struggling with a fractured relationship, don’t muddle through it alone. Let the song “Brother” by NEEDTOBREATHE be an encouragement to you today (and if you’re a woman, substitute the word “sister” if it makes you feel better.)

Beth Moore, Entrusted: A Study of 2 Timothy, Lifeway Press 2016.

Joyfully Sad

It’s the little things that catch me by surprise—the lone toothbrush on the counter where there used to be two, the neatly made bed that wasn’t slept in the night before, or the empty hamper that used to be overflowing no matter how often I did the laundry. From my description, it almost sounds as if we’ve had a death in the family. And although we are grieving the absence of our first born, he’s not only alive and well, but thriving as a freshman in college. I wasn’t prepared for the conflicting feelings that would accompany his departure: the deep ache of knowing that our family will never be quite the same contrasted by the profound joy of watching our son launch into adulthood.

I braced myself for his departure during his senior year. Tears flowed at different milestones: making his last school lunch, waving as he and his brother drove off together on the final day of school, watching him cross the stage at graduation. The intensity of emotions increased at the end of the summer when we flew 1500 miles from home to get him settled at college.  Toggling between the joy of watching him embrace his new surroundings and the sadness of leaving him felt like a wild ride on a wobbly see-saw.

Since returning, we’re slowly adjusting to setting three places at the table instead of four. I miss swapping sections of the newspaper with him at breakfast and the camaraderie of working side by side at computers in our office. It doesn’t take much for a lump to form in my throat these days. I could easily wallow in sadness thinking about the magnitude of this change in our family. Lamenting about how things will never be the same can feel like swimming in an overcoat—I could easily drown in sorrow. Letting the tears flow is healthy and good, but lingering too long in sadness is not. It will only wear a groove in my brain that leads me down the same negative path over and over again.

With my son’s departure, I’ve been reflecting on my own college years. My parents laid a solid foundation for me in the first eighteen years of my life, but I had to launch from home to continue building on that foundation. They had to take a lesser role for me to mature fully. I wouldn’t want to deny my son that same experience. And really, isn’t that the whole point of parenting?

Our children arrive in our lives as tiny, needy little people. They start out relying on us for everything. But with each stage of development, they take one step closer to independence. We cheer for them when they first crawl and later walk. We’re relieved when they begin to eat, dress and bathe on their own. They start school and we coach them toward taking responsibility and doing homework without being reminded. At each stage of parenting, we’re teaching them a little more about how to navigate the world without us.

A friend recently coined the term “joyfully sad” to describe the paradox of this season. It perfectly describes the tangle of emotions that arise when grown children are finally ready to launch. They will always be our kids, but that hands-on parenting of their first eighteen years is no longer needed. And this is good and right.

Part of what makes childhood something to savor is that it doesn’t last. There is beauty in things that are fleeting—whether it is a delicate flower, a vibrant sunrise, or a newborn baby. There’s no time to take them for granted because they fade and change so quickly. Instead we enjoy them while we can.

My husband and I soaked in every moment with our son during our last few days with him at his new school. Before the dreaded time came to meet him on campus to say goodbye, we clasped hands to pray in our hotel room. Amidst the tears of joy and sadness, we thanked God for entrusting him to us and giving us the privilege of raising him for eighteen years.  And then we gave him back to the God who knew him, loved him, and chose him especially for us before time began. Our son was entrusted to us for a season and we relished every moment of his childhood. He will always be our precious boy. We know we have many milestones yet to share with him. And as the next leg of his journey begins, we are learning to adapt to our changing role.  Although we no longer see him daily, we rest in the knowledge that God remains at his side for this season and all the others that lie ahead.

Take Time to Reflect

Logging onto my Facebook page, my emotions caught me by surprise as an old picture I’d posted appeared on the screen. Written above it was a heading saying, “Three years ago on this day…”Most of the time those memory prompts bring a smile to my face, but sometimes they make me sad. Last year on this day if I’d posted a picture on Facebook, it would have been one of me crumpled on the pavement after a bike crash. Or it could have been one of me sitting in the emergency room later the same day hearing from a doctor that I’d broken my elbow and wrist. (Thankfully, no one took photos to post of those two glorious events).

Although my memory of last May is not a happy one, it evokes tremendous thankfulness in me. First and foremost, I revel in the fact that I’m not in pain or hampered by having my right arm in a sling.  As I made my kids’ lunches today, I thought back to last year and remembered how little I could do on those first days after my crash. I felt weak and helpless and had no choice but to let others step in to support me with even the simplest tasks. I’m thankful not to be in that position now.

Yet with a year’s worth of perspective, I am also grateful for the ways God used that difficult time to teach me. Days before my crash, I had begun a new volunteer position as coordinator for a large women’s Bible study at church. I was adjusting to working with a team after several years serving in a solo role blogging for the ministry.  As coordinator, I knew I had to depend my team, but putting that into practice didn’t come easily to me.

Looking back, I see that God used my injury last year to prepare me for my new role leading the team. I think He wanted to remind me of the importance of the Body of Christ that is manifested through followers of Jesus:

“Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.” (1 Corinthians 12:12-14, NIV)

During the time I was recovering from my injury, God used many people to help me. They didn’t always do the things the way I did but I learned to appreciate the differences instead of being frustrated by them.  This prepared me to serve on a team with a variety of women who had a multitude of gifts and perspectives. I learned to trust them and to give them room to use their gifts and to follow God’s leading in their specific roles. Many times they thought of things that enhanced our ministry that had never crossed my mind.  Everyone would have missed out on what they had to offer if I had stifled their gifts or tried to do everything on my own.

During my recovery, I also discovered that trying to behave like a superhero is not a good idea. I learned to let people help me and to share my burdens instead of muscling through things on my own strength. I began to accept my weaknesses and to trust God to provide others that would compensate for them: “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10, NIV)

During this past year serving as coordinator I’ve realized that I have to trust God and let others help me. When I’m confronted with a problem or challenge, I recognize my limitations and seek wisdom from Him and insight from those serving alongside me.

I’ve also learned the value of trying “softer.” When I’m tempted to push through something difficult and force a solution, I’ve learned to step back and pause. Sometimes the wisest thing to do is nothing– to rest and wait for God’s timing instead of trying to force things on my time table. Pulling back creates space for rest, rejuvenation, and perspective.

We live in a culture that prizes self-sufficiency.  The value we place on individualism causes us to forsake community and to try and do it all on our own. Self-sufficiency often leads to pride and a false sense that we don’t need others or God. We gain an unrealistic view of ourselves and a lack trust for others. Sometimes, it takes a difficult circumstance to remind us that we need each other.

So what strikes you from my reflections?

  • Is there a past painful experience in your life that God wants to use to teach you?
  • Do you recognize the different gifts God gives to others?
  • Do you celebrate opportunities to see the ways the Body of Christ works as a whole?
  • Do you hold so tightly to individualism and self-sufficiency that you’re missing out on being in community?
  • Do you have weaknesses or hardships in your life right now that could be springboards for growth?

Summer provides a good opportunity to take a break from life’s hectic pace and to reflect on the places God is trying to teach you that you’ve been too busy to see. Why not take some time to be still and consider what God is doing in your life? Use Hillary Scott’s song “Still” to inspire you. And if you’d like to read more about what I learned last year, go to the “Archives” field on the right side of this page and select May 2016 and June 2016 from the drop down menu. The posts about this incident are entitled:

  • “When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong”
  • “The Myth of Self-Sufficiency”
  • “Productive Pain”
  • “Making Room for Margin”
  • “With Every Broken Bone, I Lived”

“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’” (Psalm 46:10, NIV)

 

 

 

Staying Engaged with God

Pedaling my bike up the steep trail, I wiped the sweat running down my face. My lungs heaved and my heart pounded.  Lush green grass and colorful wildflowers bordered the trail, a testimony to the heavy rains that had kept me off my bike for most of the winter and spring. Being my first ride of the season, I could feel the full effects of my time off. There is no better cardio workout than a good mountain bike ride, but the first few times out can be a little rough. Still, I knew the temporary pain of getting back in shape was worth the pay-off. If I stuck with it my mind, body and spirit would all be healthier.

As I rode, I thought about the parallels between the physical and spiritual realms. And then I remembered Paul’s words:

“Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance.” (1 Timothy 4:7-9, NIV)

Most of us would agree that pursuing and maintaining physical fitness improves our health and quality of life.  There is so much more we can do and accomplish when our bodies are working properly. Daily maintenance has positive effects that benefit us now and in the future. Although it’s hard work to get in shape, once exercise becomes a part of our routine, it’s easier to stay physically fit and worth it over the long haul.

Paul’s words in 1 Timothy remind us that pursuing and maintaining spiritual fitness is even more important because it affects both our present lives and our eternal lives. Yet maturing spiritually doesn’t happen automatically, it requires effort and intentionality, just like physical training.

As we move toward the summer months, many of us fantasize about the freedom that comes with a less regular schedule. Vacations and spontaneous outings call out to us. We look forward to reading books for pleasure, spending time with friends and family, or traveling to different places. But lurking within that haphazard schedule is the danger of getting lax in our spiritual disciplines.  Looking forward to the ease and comfort of a day on vacation doesn’t bring us to our knees in prayer the way daily challenges do. And having unscheduled days often means a lack of accountability. We get complacent about staying in God’s Word when we’re left on our own too long.  After all, if your Bible study group is on a break, there isn’t any homework to guide you, is there?

So right now, before summer starts, let me ask you a question.  How will you train yourself to be godly this summer? How will you stay engaged in God’s Word and in prayer during lazy days with less structure and accountability? Summer is a fun time to deviate from your normal routine, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon the practices that keep you spiritually in tune.  Need some ideas of things to keep you engaged? Here are a few you can try:

  • Choose a new devotional to read daily. Take the time to do the suggested activities and to read and study the Scriptures included. Instead of rushing through it, make the time to absorb what it says.  Here are two I’ve enjoyed this year:
  • Whispers of Hope by Beth Moore
  • Draw the Circle: The Forty Day Prayer Challenge by Mark Batterson
  • Choose a Bible study to go through and invite a friend or two to do it with you. Schedule times when you can meet during the summer to discuss what you’re learning. Text or e-mail each other in between so you can hold one another accountable.  Here are two I’d recommend:
  • Breathe by Priscilla Shirer
  • Women of the Word: The Family Tree of Jesus by Marybeth McCullum (I’ve revised and updated this since it was done at Focused Living in 2015-16) Click here for more information
  • Read a book to gain deeper insight on a topic you want to learn about. Get some biblical perspective from a trusted Christian author.  Here are a few I’d recommend:
  • The Peacemaker by Ken Sande
  • Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist
  • Forgive and Forget by Lewis Smedes
  • I Give You Authority by Charles Kraft
  • Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
  • Boundaries and/or Boundaries with Kids by Cloud and Townsend
  • Go back and finish a Bible study workbook that you didn’t complete or that you rushed through during the year.  Take the time to let the lessons sink in and then apply them to your life.
  • Subscribe to an online study or devotional from one of your favorite Christian authors. (You can start by subscribing to this blog if you don’t already.) Or check out the offerings at Proverbs31.org.
  • Join a summer Bible study at a local church. If you want information about options at CPC Danville, click here.
  • Wherever you find yourself this summer, I pray that you will use the slower pace and the less predictable schedule to draw near to God, to savor His Word, and to grow deeper in your faith.
  • Let Micah Tyler’s song “Never Been a Moment” remind you of God’s constant loving presence and His longing to connect with you in every season of life.