Category: Failure

Naming Shame

She’d been divorced by five different men and left alone and vulnerable in a patriarchal culture. The man she was with at the moment made no promises of lasting commitment. People likely speculated about why she couldn’t keep a husband, if they didn’t already know the reason. Ashamed, she avoided joining the other women drawing water from the well in the cool of the morning or the waning heat of the evening. Instead, she trudged there at noon, lugging her water jar alone with the sun beating down on her back and sweat beading on her brow. Looking up one day, she squinted and rubbed her eyes as the outline of a man seated at the well came into view. 

In the moments that followed, this Samaritan woman who’d lived under a cloud of shame met a man who changed everything. “He told her, ‘Go, call your husband and come back.’ ‘I have no husband,’ she replied. Jesus said to her, ‘You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true… The woman said, ‘I know that Messiah’ (called Christ) ‘is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.’ Then Jesus declared, ‘I, the one speaking to you—I am he.’” (John 4:17-18, 25-26, NIV)

Jesus saw the woman’s shame, named it, and then revealed Himself as the long-awaited Savior of the world. “He reached all the way into her story, saw into her soul, and likely named the hardest and most shameful thing she had ever lived through. He entered into her world with compassion and empathy.”1 Kristi McClellan then turns this story to make it personal. She says “Jesus seeks to enter into your world with compassion and empathy too. Ordinary days become extraordinary when you let Jesus in to generously lift you up.”2

Shame. It’s not a topic we like to discuss. Author, psychologist, and speaker Dr. Curt Thompson sheds light on why we avoid admitting we feel it. He explains that shame becomes part of our identity, instead of thinking we’ve done something bad or wrong, we think, “I am bad and wrong.” Thompson says that shame causes people to turn away from God and others. It cuts us off internally and externally. Shame goads us to cower in the dark, berating ourselves instead of seeking healing and hope through connecting with God and others.

 Isn’t that what we see with the woman at the well as Jesus engages her in conversation? She moves from being alone and isolated to being seen and loved. In response, she shares her amazement with the community that shunned her: “Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ‘Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?’  They came out of the town and made their way toward him.” (John 4:28-30, NIV)

Once Jesus brings her shame to light, He frees her from it. And He can do the same for us. Using Scripture as our guide, Dr. Curt Thompson explains how we can name our shame and break free of its hold on us.3 Using his insights, let’s look at Hebrews 12:1 & 2 to understand the process: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

-A Cloud of Witnesses: Shame makes us believe we have to fix ourselves before we can let God or others know us. But Jesus accepts us right where we are and then moves us out of our shame, just as He did with the woman at the well. We need others to tell us what’s true about who we are. Who are the people bearing witness to your life and speaking truth to you? 

-Throwing Off Sin that Entangles: The enemy tries to trip us up and undermine our attempts to make wise and God-honoring choices. He uses our sins and the sins of others as tools to shame us. Recognizing this is the first step toward breaking their hold on you. Are sin and shame currently entangling you? Will you ask Jesus to help you cast them aside so you can walk freely with Him? 

-Run with Perseverance: Being vulnerable and honest isn’t easy. If it’s a struggle for you, start by practicing it in small moments. Be honest with yourself about the shame you feel and what’s causing it. Then seek a safe person with whom you can share it–whether it’s a wise friend or a trained counselor. Being vulnerable might feel awkward and uncomfortable, but with practice, you’ll begin to enjoy the freedom of being honest with yourself, others, and God. Who can you invite to help you persevere?

-Fixing Our Eyes on Jesus: As we look to Jesus, we’ll discover He’s been looking at us and waiting patiently for us to notice. Once we’re released from the weight of shame, we’re postured to receive His gentle healing. Then we can look outward to encourage others who also need to hear His message of hope, love, and truth. This is what He did with the woman at the well. And He’s willing to do it for you too, whenever you’re ready.

Being vulnerable and open doesn’t come naturally to me, so I empathize if these ideas scare you. I still remember the first time I admitted my shame to someone aloud. It was on the roof of a houseboat at a summer camp I worked at after high school graduation. I’d applied to serve there for the fun of being in Christian community, meeting new friends, and having easy access to waterskiing. What I hadn’t anticipated was being convicted that the double life I’d been leading was preventing my spiritual growth. The other leaders there had a passion for Jesus that I lacked. Feeling like a fraud, I admitted my struggles with sin and acknowledged my shame to a fellow staff member. Rather than chastising or condemning me, my new friend received what I shared with compassion and kindness. Jesus used him to speak truth and love to me in a way I’d never experienced. He was the first witness who helped me to see that vulnerably naming my shame was the beginning of being transformed by God and finding true freedom in Christ. (In fact, the bond between us grew so strong that we got married a few years later.)

Will you risk being vulnerable and naming your shame so you can throw off the entanglement of sin and fix your eyes on Jesus? If this feels terrifying, pray and ask the Lord to bring you a safe person who can listen and love you well. This is a heavy topic you may need to explore further with additional resources listed below. Don’t let shame isolate you any longer. 

Let Olivia Lane’s song “Woman at the Well” inspire you and give you courage today. Click here to listen.

  • 1. Kristi McClelland, Jesus and Women in the First Century and Now, Lifeway Press, 2019, 62.
  • 2. ibid
  • 3. Dr. Curt Thompson, IF:Lead 2019 breakout session notes. For more resources on shame from Dr. Thompson, click here.

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Tying a Bow on Genesis

The book of Hebrews tells us that God’s Word is alive and active. Having just finished studying Genesis for the third time, I can attest to the truth of this statement. I’ve delved into the stories of Abraham & Sarah, Isaac & Rebekah, Jacob, Leah, Rachel, Joseph, Judah, and Tamar at different seasons in my life; although the tales remain the same, the truth I glean from them continues to expand.

Here are a few of the things that stood out to me in my most recent journey through Genesis:

  1. God is sovereign.  He possesses supreme and ultimate power. He gives us free will and doesn’t force us to follow His ways, but He is still the One who is ultimately in control. Because of this, I’m better off trusting Him than trying to do things my own way.
  2. God keeps His promises. It may take a long time, but He does come through in the end. (Think of Sarah, who waited 25 years to get pregnant with the child promised by God.) This means He’s trustworthy and I can rest in that knowledge even when I don’t see how He’s working in the moment.
  3. God is faithful. He remains true to us even when we doubt Him, make poor choices, or disobey. Seeing the Lord’s faithfulness to Abraham and his descendants despite their many blunders encourages me. Even when we fail, God’s plans prevail. We are fickle, but He is faithful.
  4. God is worthy. He deserves our honor, praise, and obedience. Seeing how He accomplishes His plans despite the ways people try thwart them (intentionally or unintentionally) inspires me to yield to Him as Lord of my life.

Knowing these truths, I’d be wiser to exert my energy trusting God than trying to control things using my own strength and wisdom. I’m striving to be less anxious when I don’t see or understand what the Lord is doing. My goal is to trust Him as I wait for answers, clarity, or direction. Rather than concerning myself with how events unfold, I want to focus more on what God is teaching me and how He wants to use me with the people and circumstances I encounter. I want to be less focused on why He’s allowed certain things in my life and more attuned to how He can use them to deepen my faith and impact others.

Reading the stories of Sarah and Rebekah has convicted me of my tendency to take matters into my own hands instead of trusting God. I overthink many things and try to play out scenarios multiple steps ahead of where I am. Rather than trusting God with how a situation will unfold, I try to anticipate each option and make contingency plans for it. My knack for being capable and productive doesn’t always leave room for God to work in His way and His timing. Realizing this is humbling and convicting.

The story of Joseph provides powerful examples for training me in righteousness. Seeing his faithfulness to God in difficult times while surrounded by unbelievers inspires me to be true to God and His ways. Like Joseph, I want to be honest and authentic about the Lord’s presence in my life instead of downplaying it in certain company. I’m also inspired to follow Joseph’s example by using my gifts to bless others in every setting, not just ones where people already love and honor God. I don’t want to be timid about pointing others to the solid foundation He provides.

Studying Genesis also bolsters my faith in the consistency of God’s Word from Old Testament to New. It always delights me to recognize the many elements that point us toward Christ. The lives of Joseph and Judah include many examples that I’ve discussed in other posts. During this season of studying Genesis, I was also struck by Jacob’s dream in Genesis 28:

“He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. There above it stood the Lord, and he said: ‘I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring.  I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.’” (Genesis 28:12-15, NIV)

Until Jen Wilkin’s teaching in God of Covenant, I’d never understood that the stairway between heaven and earth is Christ Himself. When we reach toward Jesus to intercede for us, we stand at the gate of heaven. He is the mediator between God and humans—the One who makes it possible for us to access the Almighty.

The ten weeks of studying the book of beginnings have come to an end. The “seed plot of the Bible” has provided rich soil for digging into relevant topics for our lives today. The stories and people in Genesis are messy and complicated, but God used them for His redemptive purposes, just as He does with us. Some situations make us scratch our heads in confusion or blush at sordid details; we wonder how a sacred book could be filled with such broken and sinful people. And yet, it’s these unsanitized stories and flawed characters that show Scripture’s authenticity. They give us hope that no one is disqualified from being accepted by God or used to advance His kingdom.

Understanding these truths prompts me to pause for a moment of worship. “King of Kings” by Hillsong Worship beautifully shares the story of the gospel. Listen now and be in awe of our sovereign, faithful God who keeps His promises and is worthy of our praise.

Jen Wilkin, God of Covenant: A Study of Genesis 12-50, Lifeway Press 2018.

The phrase “seed plot of the Bible” was originally coined by Arthur W. Pink in Gleanings in Genesis.

A Clean Heart

Playing alone quietly, I accidentally ruined the small toy I’d found to occupy myself. I couldn’t have been more than five, but I still remember the horror of realizing I had broken something that didn’t belong to me. We’d been visiting the home of family friends and, since their kids were the ages of my three oldest siblings, I’d been left to my own devices. On that day, I’d found an old mobile with a dangling yellow bird in a back bedroom. I hadn’t meant to ruin it, I’d only been testing to see how far I could stretch the spring before it would recoil again. But my experiment backfired when I stretched it so far that the spring’s metal bent and stayed extended for good. Realizing my mistake, I decided to hide it and pretend nothing had happened.

Not long after, one of the older kids discovered the mobile and accused me of ruining it. Stammering to cover my mistake, I blurted out the only thing I could think to say, “I, I, just found it that way, it was already broken!”

Everyone knew I was lying, but I wouldn’t admit the truth (until now). I’ll never forgot that moment–it’s the earliest memory I have of not confessing a wrongdoing. Of course, my behavior was simply human nature. It started in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, hid from God, and then tried to shift blame when their sin was uncovered.

None of us likes to admit we’re wrong, but confessing our sins to God regularly needs to be a part of our ongoing communication with Him. Unconfessed sin separates us from the Lord and hinders our relationship with Him. It also prevents spiritual growth and hardens our hearts, closing us off to the things God wants to teach us. Confessing our sins consistently helps us to keep short accounts with the Lord and stops us from traveling too far down roads that will lead us away from Him.

One of the best examples of this kind of prayer comes from King David in Psalm 51. It was written in the later days of David’s rule over Israel when he had become powerful, prosperous, and revered. Although he was a wise and godly king, he was far from perfect. In fact, he wrote this Psalm to confess and repent after committing adultery with Bathsheba, getting her pregnant, and trying to cover his wrongdoing by having her husband killed in battle. If you need your memory refreshed, you can read the story in 1 Samuel 11 & 12. This is probably the best-known example of a prayer of confession and repentance in Scripture. David uses several different words for sins in this Psalm including “iniquities” and “transgressions.” These words can be used interchangeably. Here’s how it starts:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.” (Psalm 51:1-4, NIV)

Using the metaphor of being physically washed, David describes the need for spiritual cleansing from sin. Think about times when you’ve been physically unclean- covered in dirt, sweat, and grime. It feels amazing to shed grubby clothes, step in a hot shower, and rinse off all the filth. But have you ever thought about the ways sin makes you spiritually dirty? Confessing to God allows us to “come clean” and gives that same feeling of refreshment and renewal on a spiritual level. 

Reviewing recent events in your life and confessing specific times that you’ve dishonored God in thought, attitude, or behavior stops sinful ways from getting deeply ingrained in your life. The more quickly you recognize sin and let the Lord root it out, the less hold it has over you. The metaphor of physical washing illustrates this so clearly. The longer we go without bathing, the more effort it takes to get clean. The same is true of our spiritual lives, but the consequences have much higher stakes.

Sometimes we feel bad about having our sin discovered or about the consequences it causes, but how often do we recognize that our sins hurt God? David’s prayer acknowledges this when he says, “Against you, you only, have I sinned.” (Psalm 51:4, NIV). Jesus paid for our sins by choosing to die on a cross. He experienced unthinkable pain to free us from the bondage of sin, yet so often we hold onto behaviors and thoughts that hurt Him deeply.

David understands the severity of his sins and takes full ownership over them. He recognizes that only God’s mercy can save him and cleanse him. He also knows that he needs a clean heart to be restored into a right relationship with God: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10, NIV) 

David’s request for God to purify his heart exemplifies the second part of confession: repentance. This happens when we recognize we’ve been headed in the wrong direction (away from God) and ask Him to turn us back around. Repentance invites the Lord to realign us with His ways, because confession with no intent to change is hollow and meaningless. 

There is a tension to this, I know. We’ve been saved from sin, yet we continue to struggle with it. Scripture understands this paradox and urges us to press on: “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:8-9, NIV) 

Instead of feeling dread at the thought of owning up to your sins, think of it like you would a daily shower. Our bodies don’t stay clean permanently, so we wash them regularly. We don’t see this as futile, but necessary. In the same way, sin happens in our lives daily, even if we try to avoid it. Confessing it is our chance to reconnect with God and to renew our efforts to follow Him wholeheartedly.  When we lay it before the Lord and let Him cleanse us, we get to start new again. 

In another psalm, David tells us “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12, NIV) Why not stop now and confess to the Lord? Then thank Him that He doesn’t keep a running tally of your sins.

Confession isn’t a popular topic in the world of music, but For King and Country does have a good song about it. Listen here.

Spiritual Spring Cleaning

Opening the closet door, I recoiled at what I found on the other side. In the six months since we’d stowed our summer gear, a few critters had taken up residence in the dry, dark space. Thick spider webs laden with dust hung in the corners and mouse droppings were strewn across the plywood floor. Before we could enjoy a day of fun at the lake, we would have to clean out our storage locker and wipe down all of our gear.

It hadn’t taken long for the elements to have their way over the winter months. Armed with a broom and a bucket of water, we got to work killing spiders, removing webs, sweeping out droppings and dirt. The season of fun couldn’t start until we cleaned the grime off our summer toys.

As we worked, I thought about how the gradual decline into disorder had occurred. It was a perfect example of entropy. Without our regular presence there to keep things tidy, nature had taken its course. It was our responsibility to get things back in order.

The more I cleaned, the more I saw the parallel to our spiritual lives. We have great intentions and set plans in place. We commit to people and activities that will help us to grow consistently in our relationship with God. We resolve to do a variety of things to stay on track, whether it’s reading our Bibles more, saying “yes” to serving or using our spiritual gifts. We have noble intentions about being held accountable by others or eliminating behaviors and activities that don’t honor God. But somewhere along the way, we just can’t tend to all of the things we want to do and spiritual entropy sets in. Our lives default to old behaviors and thought patterns when we’re not paying attention. 

Is it time for you to do some spiritual spring cleaning? Have some of those commitments you made in September or January been pushed aside? Are you having trouble remembering the “one word” you chose to focus on this year? Take a look at the questions below and see if any of them resonate. Use the corresponding verses for encouragement to get back on track.

-How are you doing with making Bible reading a regular discipline in your day? “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” (Joshua 1:8, NIV)

-Are you making it a priority to gather consistently with other believers at church, Bible study and/or small group? “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25, NIV)

-Is it time to clean out some unhealthy thought patterns that are influencing what comes out of your mouth? Have cynicism, negativity, gossip, foul language or criticism slipped into your conversations with more regularity? “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)

-Are other negative thought patterns affecting your perspective consistently? Are you holding onto bitterness, anger or malicious thoughts and letting them color your outlook? Are you withholding forgiveness from those who have hurt or offended you? “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV)

-Have you stopped trying? Maybe apathy and complacency have a hold on you. Perhaps you’ve gotten comfortable with the way things are and don’t want to put yourself in situations that require effort or change. “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” (James 1:22-24, NIV)

-Have you let busyness force you to replace the important with the urgent? “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'” (Luke 10: 38-42, NIV)

-Are you fighting against your natural inclination to critique and judge others? “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12, NIV)

-Do you need to clean the cobwebs of worry out of your mind? “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” (Luke 12:25-26, NIV)

If you’re feeling convicted, why not pray and ask God to help clear out the grime? Invite Him to partner with you in your spiritual spring cleaning. “Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV)

Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve defaulted to some thoughts and habits that have sidetracked you spiritually. Instead, embrace the powerful truth of “Maybe It’s Ok” by We Are Messengers.

Lost Tempers, Lost Keys and Crumpled Creations: Sermon on the Mount Part 4

The more we let anger simmer in our minds, the more it taints our perspectives. And in the process, we hurt the God who loved us enough to sacrifice His son for us.

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Pushing the re-dial button on my cell phone for the tenth time, I listened to the familiar sound of the voicemail greeting, yet again. I paced the sidelines as my frustration mounted toward the person I was trying to reach. She’d left me a message only seconds earlier trying to find out the location of my son’s soccer game, but now she wasn’t answering my return calls. By the time we finally made contact, it was nearly half-time and my frustration had boiled over into full-blown anger.

It turns out that unbeknownst to her, the phone had been on silent mode the whole time. When she realized her mistake and confessed it, I had no grace to offer. Harsh words flew out of my mouth without restraint. Although my anger felt justified, I realized at once that unleashing it had been the wrong choice. Even the sincerest apology couldn’t erase the hurtful words I’d spewed.

As the game ended, I dug in my purse for my car keys and discovered they were nowhere to be found. Trying to re-trace my steps, my husband and I spent an hour combing the soccer fields, the parking lot and the trail I’d hiked during pre-game warm ups. As we looked, I silently berated myself in anger, wondering how I could have been so stupid and irresponsible.  Throughout our search, my mind was filled with hurtful words to describe myself. After over an hour of looking, we gave up and headed home using a set of spare keys.

Later that evening, my family stood at a church service, participating in the opening set of worship songs before leading the elementary kids off to class. As the music played and the lyrics appeared on screen, my throat suddenly constricted and shame washed over me. How could I sing about God’s grace and love when only a few hours earlier I’d chosen to withhold them? My eyes welled up as I thought about how I’d let my anger lead me into sin.  I began to see that the harshness of my thoughts and words had done a great deal of damage.

At the pastor’s cue, my family headed out of the church service corralling a pack of enthusiastic elementary kids to a classroom nearby. As we led them through a lesson, small groups, crafts and games, God continued to work in my heart, gently opening my eyes to the ways my anger earlier that day had affected Him too.

An hour later, class ended and as parents arrived to retrieve their kids, one little girl searched the room frantically looking for a picture she’d made during class.  She wanted to show her father, but it had gone missing. It was clear she wasn’t going to leave without it, so we scoured the room until we finally found it crumpled in a ball and sitting under a chair. I smoothed out the paper before handing it to her with a reassuring smile. At first she was distressed that her beautiful creation had been so mistreated, but as soon as it was in her hands, she beamed with pride and presented it to her father.  He was quick to point out the specific qualities that made the picture special and a smile lit up her sweet face.

To anyone else, it was a colorful mess of felt tip markings and fingerprints, but to her father and her, it was precious.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that the events of the day came into focus for me. My angry thoughts and words toward myself and another person were the equivalent of taking that little girl’s picture and crumpling it up in front of her. Of course, I would never do something so cruel and hurtful, yet that is what I did to God.  That’s why I’d had a hard time singing worship songs–my anger earlier in the day had shown a blatant disregard for His most valued creations: people. This realization gave me a deeper understanding of Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount:

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:21-24, NIV)

Our thoughts and our words matter to God. They affect how we view and treat others, as well as how we view and treat ourselves. The more we let anger simmer in our minds, the more it taints our perspectives. And in the process, we hurt the God who loved us enough to sacrifice His son for us.

Jesus’ half-brother, James, expands on this when he explains:

 “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” (James 3:9-10, NIV)

Being angry isn’t a sin, but it quickly leads to sin when not surrendered to God. Anger tears the fabric that weaves relationships together, and it injures the heart of the One who created each of us. We are precious in His eyes and He wants us to view one another in the same way.

The next time I’m tempted to lash out in anger at myself or someone else, I’ll think about how that little girl lovingly smoothed out her wrinkled picture and I’ll remember just how precious we are to God.  Can I encourage you to do the same?

Click on the link to hear the song that was too hard for me to sing after my day of anger: “This is Amazing Grace” by Phil Wickham. After listening, thank God that His grace is sufficient to cover over even our ugliest sins. (And while you’re praying, I’d be grateful if you asked for my keys to be found and returned too!)

Continue reading “Lost Tempers, Lost Keys and Crumpled Creations: Sermon on the Mount Part 4”

Godly Sorrow

No one likes to admit they’re wrong, but for those who call themselves followers of Jesus, this needs to be something we do regularly. When we humble ourselves, admit our sins and seek God’s forgiveness, He offers it freely. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NIV) Here’s the catch: we can’t be forgiven if we don’t acknowledge our sin.

Release Form

It was a brisk fall evening when the sport utility vehicle sped down our street, careened around an unexpected curve, lost control and mowed down our neighbors’ mailbox. Despite flattening the sturdy wooden post, it was going fast enough to plow through our front hedge and hit our parked SUV, spinning it backwards before slamming it into the corner of our house. The speeding car finally came to a stop on our front lawn. Despite the sturdiness of the vehicle, its front end was a crumpled mass of metal. The sixteen-year-old driver emerged from the mangled car without a scratch. He had been racing his buddies down our street and misjudged the turn in the dark.

As the teenage boys sat on the curb waiting for the driver’s parents and the police, they discussed the incident with great enthusiasm, seeming to revel in the excitement of having totaled not one, but two, eight passenger vehicles. Although this incident happened ten years ago, I’ll never forget the behavior of the driver and his friends. At the time of the accident, my own boys were only six and four. I can remember making them study the smashed cars carefully so that they’d remember it when they were old enough to drive (one of them now is).

A few minutes after the accident, the driver’s father arrived on the scene. We exchanged insurance information and he muttered, “I’m sorry this happened.” He never had his son look us in the eye and apologize. The boy didn’t return the next day to help clean up the mess in our yard or to replace our neighbor’s mailbox. I’m not sure if he learned any valuable lessons from that incident, but I know my boys did.

I was reminded of that accident this week as I studied the concept of repentance and godly sorrow. These aren’t very popular topics in today’s culture. It seems we’ve become a society averse to accepting responsibility for our mistakes, let alone labeling them as sin and seeking forgiveness. We shift blame whenever possible. Or even worse, we try to rationalize why the wrong things we’re doing are actually justified.  Many in our culture want to excuse or even condone sinful behavior altogether.

No one likes to admit they’re wrong, but for those who call themselves followers of Jesus, this needs to be something we do regularly. When we humble ourselves, admit our sins and seek God’s forgiveness, He offers it freely. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NIV) Here’s the catch: we can’t be forgiven if we don’t acknowledge our sin.

King David provides a great example of one who tried to avoid responsibility for his sins.  You might remember when he committed adultery with Bathsheba, got her pregnant and then tried to avoid the the truth by ensuring her husband would be killed in battle (see 1 Samuel 11 & 12 for the story). When the prophet Nathan confronted him, he finally admitted his sin and sought forgiveness, prompting him to write Psalm 51.

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17, NIV)

David finally accepted responsibility for his actions and admitted he was broken by his sin. He acknowledged that what he had done was wrong. He approached God with humility and sorrow over his grievous behavior. And God forgave him.

We see a similar theme of the “contrite heart” in the apostle Paul’s writing:

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV)

Godly sorrow involves repenting–literally and figuratively turning away from our sins and going a different direction.   It is sorrow over the wickedness of our sins. It expresses grief, understanding the hurt we cause our heavenly Father when we engage in sin. Coming to God with a contrite heart enables us to experience the tremendous grace and forgiveness He offers us through the blood of Jesus.

Conversely, worldly sorrow is self-centered. It is focused on the painful consequences of sin, not on the offense it is to God.   It is sorry the situation happened, but accepts no blame and has no intention of changing. (Sounds like my opening story, doesn’t it?) Worldly sorrow is an apology with words, but with no heart behind it.

It’s easy to get swept up in the attitude of our culture—to want to avoid responsibility for wrongdoing or to explain it away. We receive this message subtly, but constantly.  If we follow Jesus, we must be on our guards lest we get lured into this way of thinking.

When was the last time you came before God with a contrite heart, deeply troubled by the hurt you’d caused Him through your sin? It’s never too late to get down on your knees and humbly ask for forgiveness. God has so much more to offer us than the world does. The first step to discovering that is our humble repentance.

Casting Crowns wrote a song based on David’s words in Psalm 103 that describe how God sees our sins once we confess them. Click on the link and be encouraged by “East to West.”

 

Old vs. New

For those abiding in God’s love, joy comes from growing deeper in our walks with Him and helping others to do the same. Conversely, when we don’t remain in His love, we’re not producing fruit–we’re trying to do things through our own effort to prove ourselves.

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There is a person in my life that causes me great angst at times. She’s critical of everything about me, always noticing my flaws and mistakes. When I don’t measure up to her standards, she’s ruthless in her criticism. No matter how many positive things I’m doing, she always notices what I’m not doing or what I could be doing more. She’s impatient, jealous and judgmental. She constantly compares me to others.

As much as I’d like to cut this person out of my life forever, I can’t seem to shake her completely. By now you’re probably wondering: who is this awful person?   Well, I call her “Old Me.” She’s the person I would be without God’s saving grace; she is my fleshly, worldly self.   Sadly, “Old Me” looks a lot like “New Me” on the outside, but her interior life is another story.

“Old Me” seems to show up when I haven’t been spending time with God consistently and renewing my mind in the truth of His Word. She deceives me into thinking I can perform for God to win His favor.   She focuses a lot on doing for God and not much on simply being with Him.

I was thinking about “Old Me” recently while reading Tim Chester’s book You Can Change. In it, he points out that many people change their behavior but are still not pleasing to God because their motives are impure.   When I think about the person I used to be (and that I can still be at times) I see that many of the things I did seemed good, but my reasons for doing them had more to do with proving myself or pleasing others than anything else. Chester explains: “We don’t do good works so we can be saved; we are saved so we can do good works. ‘For by grace you have been saved through faith…not a result of works… For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.’ (Ephesians 2:8-10).”

“New Me” experiences joy by doing good things God has prepared for me– it’s about responding to His love, not dutifully checking a box to feel good about myself or to gain approval from others.   In this frame of mind, my eyes are on God, not on myself. My desire is to please Him because I love Him, not because I’m trying to earn His favor.

One of the best passages that illustrates eliminating “Old Me” so that “New Me” can flourish comes from the gospel of John. In this passage, Jesus speaks to His disciples saying,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” (John 15:5-9, NIV)

Remaining in God’s love impacts our perspectives and enables us to grow and thrive in our faith. The fruit He produces in us blesses and benefits others. (One of my pastors recently pointed out that a tree produces fruit for others to consume, not for its own benefit). For those abiding in God’s love, joy comes from growing deeper in our walks with Him and helping others to do the same. Conversely, when we don’t remain in His love, we’re not producing fruit–we’re trying to do things through our own effort to prove ourselves. For me, this is when “Old Me” tends to rear her head. In Jesus’ analogy of the vine, the withered branches represent “Old Me” and the only thing they’re good for is kindling.

This battle between “Old Me” and “New Me” happens more often than I’d like to admit. Maybe you can relate. We have a choice every day to abide with Christ, to remain in His love and to let Him renew our minds. The alternative is to do things our way.   It boils down to a standoff between living in our flesh and living by the Spirit. Let’s not be deceived by our “Old Me’s” anymore. God has already won the battle and we can embrace the truth that we are living under His grace. We are holy, righteous and redeemed, no matter what our old selves may try to tell us.

Mercy Me has an amazing song that speaks this truth. Click on the link to be encouraged by “Greater.”

Chester, Time; You Can Change: God’s Transforming Power for Our Sinful Behavior and Negative Emotions; Crossway, 2010, p. 28

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Looking at the story of the rock from Numbers 20, God’s punishment to Moses may seem harsh. However, the stark reality is that we are all sinners in a fallen world who deserve to be barred from entrance into the Promised Land of heaven. In the same way God’s grace provided water in spite of Moses’ sin, His grace provided Jesus to pay for our sins when we didn’t deserve it.

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Thirty-nine years into their desert wanderings Moses and the Israelites were on the brink of entering the Promised Land. Just when it was finally within their grasp, Moses and his brother, Aaron, committed a sin so grievous that God barred them from leading the people into Canaan. They were doomed to die in the desert. It all started with a familiar problem: the Israelites were grumbling because they had no water. Once again, Moses and Aaron sought help from the Lord:

“Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the tent of meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the Lord appeared to them. The Lord said to Moses, ‘Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.’

So Moses took the staff from the Lord’s presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, ‘Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?’ Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank. But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, ‘Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.’” (Numbers 20:6-12, NIV)

In this week’s study Priscilla Shirer asks: “How did Moses offend the Lord? Why do you think the Lord withheld entry into Canaan rather than assigning a lesser punishment?” (One in a Million p. 116)  For me, these weren’t easy questions to answer. If you’re feeling the same, continue reading to see what I learned from consulting different teachers and commentaries.   It may help you understand the reason for God’s severe punishment of Moses and Aaron in spite of their prominent positions.

Disobedience to God’s Clear Instructions

God gave a simple direction to Moses and Aaron. They were to speak to a specific rock while the community watched. God promised that water would pour from the rock as a result. However, Moses chose to respond to the people’s grumbling with exaggerated anger.   Instead of simply speaking to the rock, he struck it twice with his staff. Psalm 106:32-33 provides some commentary on this:

“By the waters of Meribah they angered the Lord, and trouble came to Moses because of them; for they rebelled against the Spirit of God, and rash words came from Moses’ lips.” (NIV)

Pinpointing What Went Wrong

In his anger, Moses over reacted to the Israelites’ complaints about having no water. He let his emotions take control and spoke rashly to the people. “It was not God but Moses who was angry at the people. Therefore, the pronoun we was a form of blasphemy… If Moses had merely spoken to the rock, as the Lord had directed, the miracle would have pointed to the power of God. As it was, Moses took God’s place both in word and deed. Moses’ sin was a willful refusal to point away from himself to God’s power and thus sanctify the Lord in the eyes of the people. Moses and Aaron shared the chastisement for this sin.” (Wycliffe Bible Commentary, p. 138)

Several things stand out to me in this explanation:

1) Moses let his emotions get the best of him–his anger led him to sin

2) Moses characterized God inaccurately to the people

3) Moses spoke for God when he was not instructed to do so (the commentary labels this as a form of blasphemy)

4) Moses demonstrated pride in his “willful refusal to point away from himself”

The truth is, we’re not much different from Moses:

-There are times when we let our emotions take control and lead us into sin.

-We all have moments of inaccurately portraying God to others. It’s called hypocrisy. (Have you ever encountered someone who wants nothing to do with God because they’ve previously had a negative experience with a hypocritical Christian?)

-There are times when we’re tempted to speak for God or to bend His Word to fit our agendas.

-All of us also struggle with pride. It’s human nature to place us in the center of the universe and to want everything to revolve around our personal wants and needs.

God’s Grace

One thing that is easy to overlook in this story is that despite Moses and Aaron’s sin, God still provided water from the rock to meet the people’s needs that day. In fact, the fingerprints of God’s grace are smeared all over the Israelites’ story. Jesus is present throughout their wanderings even though He’s never mentioned by name. Consider this: God’s daily provision of manna and water give tangible examples of what Jesus does for us spiritually as the Bread of Life (John 6) and the Living Water (John 4 & 7).

The apostle Paul links Jesus directly to the Israelites:

 “For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers and sisters, that our ancestors were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. They all ate the same spiritual food and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ.” (1 Corinthians 10:1-4, NIV)

One commentary explains the rock mentioned in Numbers “was the visible means of the supply of water which came ultimately from Christ. Since people of Israel obtained this water in the opening years of their wilderness wandering (Exodus 17:1-9) and in the closing years (Numbers 20:1-13), it is only natural to infer that he, Christ, the Supplier of the water, was with them all along the way.” (Wycliffe Bible Commentary, p. 1245) Sometimes we forget that as a member of the Trinity, Jesus was with God from the beginning:

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning… The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth…. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” (John 1:1,2,14,17 NIV)

Looking at the story of the rock from Numbers 20, God’s punishment to Moses may seem harsh. However, the stark reality is that we are all sinners in a fallen world who deserve to be barred from entrance into the Promised Land of heaven. In the same way God’s grace provided water in spite of Moses’ sin, His grace provided Jesus to pay for our sins when we didn’t deserve it. Because of this, we’re freed to receive God’s grace so that we can enjoy His abundance in our present lives and spend eternity with Him.

Moses first encountered God in the burning bush at the foot of Mount Sinai. He returned with the Israelites to worship there later. From the heights of Mount Nebo, he had sweeping views of the Promised Land that he would never enter. Because of this, it seemed fitting to include a song describing the spiritual moments that happen in our mountain top experiences. Click on the link to hear Crowder’s “This I Know.”

Pfeiffer, Charles F. and Harrison, Everett F.; Wycliffe Bible Commentary, Editors; Moody Press, 1962, 1990.

Shirer, Priscilla; One in a Million: Journey to Your Promised Land; Lifeway Press; 2010, 2014.

A Fresh Start

One thing I’ve learned is that it’s never futile to begin anew. Each time, we learn and grow in new ways.

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Our car gleamed in the early morning light as we pointed it north and drove up the freeway. Freshly washed and waxed, the sun’s first rays reflected off the sleek surface as we began our ten-hour trek. It’s become a ritual in our family to begin a driving trip with a clean car. We even have a saying for it: “Clean cars run better.” It seems best to start a long road trip keeping this practice in mind. It’s never failed us yet.

Crossing the border from California into Oregon, a light dusting of snow began to fall. By the time we reached Portland, the grime of the road and the wet weather had dulled the sheen of the once-clean car. It was bound to happen, so why did we bother? Maybe it’s because there is something that feels good about starting fresh.

It could be the reason these words resonate with me:

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV)

Yes, the car got dirty after we washed it, but it was much easier to clean when we got home because the layers of dirt weren’t thick and hadn’t been there long. The same thing is true of our spiritual lives: every morning we get a new day to start again. God’s compassion for us is renewed and He shows His faithfulness. No matter how messy the day before was or how much we messed up, God lets us push the re-start button.

Maybe that’s why we celebrate a New Year. It’s why January First marks the day people resolve to start over and try again. One thing I’ve learned is that it’s never futile to begin anew. Each time, we learn and grow in new ways. Plus, it’s a chance to clear off the grime of past sins before they consume us. When we take time to do spiritual spring-cleaning, to examine our hearts and to receive God’s compassion afresh, we stay more closely aligned with His Spirit. The longer and further we stray, the harder it is to re-engage.

The beginning of a New Year is a great chance to regain lost ground and claim new territory in our walks with God. It’s the time to open a new devotional or to begin reading our Bibles daily. It’s a blank page, just waiting to be filled with new possibilities. If you’re a part of CPC’s Focused Living, you’ll be hearing much more about that as we begin our new study by Priscilla Shirer called One in a Million: Journey to Your Promised Land. If you’re a regular reader from beyond the group, I’ll be sure to keep it relevant for you.

I can’t wait to start fresh, and I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

Click on the link to be inspired by Lincoln Brewster’s song: “Made New.”

The Fallacy of the “Epic Fail”

Don’t let Satan deceive you with the sting of a past “failure” or the fear of a future one. Instead, adopt Paul’s attitude and reject the idea of the “epic fail.” If your motivation is pure and your goal is to please God, you will be a success every time, regardless of what the world sees.

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From the moment I heard the phrase “epic fail,” I chose not to make it part of my vocabulary.   It seemed like everywhere I turned, I would hear people jokingly say “epic fail” to describe anything from burnt toast to a catastrophic train accident. This type of phrase, known as a “meme” (rhymes with “team”), is a cultural symbol or social idea that transmits quickly from person to person and becomes part of the fabric of our language and culture.

The first time my husband and I heard our boys say it, we added it to the list of “banned words” for our household. We didn’t want our boys over-using such a negative and exaggerated phrase to label mistakes, whether they were theirs or someone else’s. If they viewed every mistake as an “epic fail,” we thought they’d be less likely to stretch themselves to try new things.   Failure and mistakes are valuable tools for learning and we didn’t want them emphasized in such a negative way. Over-inflated descriptions like that have a way of defining us, even when they’re said in a joking manner.

When I read Beth Moore’s comments about the word “failure” in Children of the Day, the choice we’d made to ban the term was reaffirmed. She says: “Satan loves to fuel our feelings of failure. Just when we finally muster the courage to act or take a stand for the gospel, he prompts us to believe we blew it. Our feelings of failure can start an ongoing cycle of inadequacy: If we feel like failures, we’ll act like failures and, if we let that condemnation go unchecked, we’ll make our next decision out of the same perceived defeat” (Children of the Day, p. 41).

The Apostle Paul rejected the idea of failure and encouraged the Thessalonians to do the same. Acts 17:1-9 describes his visit to Thessalonica with Silas and Timothy and the riot that started as a result of his teaching. Their visit to Thessalonica ended with the three men fleeing the city at nightfall, leaving the new believers behind to deal with the mess. Still, in his letter to the Thessalonians, Paul says:

“You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure.   We had previously suffered and been insulted in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition. For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else” (1 Thessalonians 2:1-6a, NIV).

Paul did not view their efforts in Thessalonica as a failure because regardless of the outcome, he knew that he, Silas and Timothy pleased God by sharing the gospel with pure motives. They didn’t try to put a positive spin on a bad situation; they simply didn’t see it as a failure in any way.

How I wish I could say the same of myself. I’ve often let my perceived failures hinder me from moving forward with something that God is calling me to do. Once my feelings get hurt or my ego is injured, I’m tempted to sit on the sidelines and nurse my injuries instead of getting back into the game and trying again.

I’ve dealt with this repeatedly over the last few years as I’ve been growing and learning as a writer. It can be frightening to share a piece I’ve written and to ask for constructive feedback. Sometimes the observations people make sting. A few times I’ve even been brought to tears and have wanted to give up. However, I’ve begun to embrace those constructive comments and harsh words as opportunities to continue improving. I’m beginning to see my mistakes as tools to teach me. Since the ultimate goal of my writing is to encourage, inspire and challenge people in their faith, I want it to be the best it can be. This means learning from my mistakes and pressing on rather than letting them define me. My prayer is that, like Paul, my focus is not on pleasing my readers, but pleasing God.

When our efforts don’t look successful from a worldly perspective, it’s important to remember that: “Christ’s economy completely redefines failure…We can’t let Satan shut us in or he wins the battle. He’s trying to make wound-lickers out of warriors. When God opens the door again, let’s stand back up, brush ourselves off, and step through it” (Children of the Day, p. 42).

Paul reminds us of the power we can access through Jesus: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NIV). Don’t let Satan deceive you with the sting of a past “failure” or the fear of a future one. Instead, adopt Paul’s attitude and reject the idea of the “epic fail.” If your motivation is pure and your goal is to please God, you will be a success every time, regardless of what the world sees.

The band MercyMe has a fantastic song out right now about rejecting the label of “failure.” Click on the link and be inspired by the catchy tune of “Greater.”

(Moore, Beth; Children of the Day; 2014; Lifeway Press; http://www.lifeway.com)

(For more information about memes, you can visit: http://netforbeginners.about.com/od/weirdwebculture/f/What-Is-an-Internet-Meme.htm)