I’ve called it many things over the years—feeling down, being in a funk, getting triggered, having my buttons pushed, riding the rollercoaster. Now, thanks to Jennie Allen’s book Get Out of Your Head, I have a new name for it: spiraling. Let me paint a picture of it for you.
Imagine you have an interaction with another person that sparks an emotion. Let’s say you feel hurt, which leads to a thought like, “I’m worthless, no one cares about me.” Your emotions spiral downward, affecting your behavior. Attempting to shield yourself from further hurt, you withdraw not only from this person, but from others as well. This behavior, in turn, affects your relationships. People you know feel ignored or rejected by your withdrawal. Your connection with them weakens, causing strained relationships as a consequence. You find yourself isolated and wallowing in hurt, validating your feelings of worthlessness.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Allen explains that spirals can progress in one of two directions, they can go “up toward God, or downward toward the thing we’re fixating on.”1 The progression follows a predictable pattern: emotions trigger thoughts which lead to behaviors that affect relationships that lead to consequences. However, we can learn “to choose thoughts that conform to the mind of Christ”2 and when we do this, “we start seeing better behaviors, better relationships, and better consequences.”3 So, our downward spirals begin to flip upward when we choose to focus on God.
For the past few weeks I’ve been working through Jennie Allen’s Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians. The book identifies the primary enemies of our minds and the weapons God gives us to fight them. I’ve been able to practice what I’m learning with real-life challenges on a regular basis. It’s been powerful using these tools to stop my downward spirals before they go too far. Because it’s been beneficial to me, I’d love to share it with you. If you’re intrigued, consider picking up a copy of the study to do on your own, or with friends.
Self-Importance vs. Humility
The first enemy of our minds highlighted in the book is self-importance. It’s the sense of entitlement that makes us think we deserve special treatment. Allen explains, “We’re fed a continuous message of how much we matter, how very important we are—but in the long run, our urge to protect ourselves and promote our own awesomeness leads to more separation, more disillusionment with each other, and more insecurity and fruitless comparison.”4 Allen explains, “lasting joy will come only when God is in the center.”5 When we put God where He belongs, we rest in His power, not our own. The weapon we use to fight self-importance is humility. Consider this wisdom from Scripture:
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Self-importance is rooted in selfish ambition and conceit. So, when we value others above ourselves and look to their interests, this diffuses the inflated view of self that sent us spiraling downward in the first place.
Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” It’s impossible to be harsh and gentle at the same time. When someone hurts us and we choose to bear with them in love, we recognize their value, in spite of their offensive behavior. Patience keeps us from making a rash judgement, overreacting, or lashing out in our pain.
1 Peter 5:5b-7 “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When we’re anxious, worried, or upset, the wise choice is to cast those negative emotions at the foot of the cross. Entrusting them to God keeps us from striking back pridefully and assuming we’re right and the other person is wrong. If God opposes the proud, the wise response is to choose humility. This stops the negative spiral and shows the Lord we trust Him to work out the situation in whatever way He deems best.
Psalm 25:9 “He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” When we’re experiencing negative emotions and we decide to share them with the Lord, we leave room for Him to show us the healthiest response. A humble heart is a teachable heart.
Imagine how the scenario I described earlier would look if we used the weapon of humility: You have an interaction with another person that sparks an emotion. You feel hurt. You decide to respond with humility. Choosing humility leads to a thought like, “Wow, that person must be having a bad day. Sometimes I say hurtful things that I don’t mean when I’m in a foul mood too. I’m not going to take that personally.” The emotion spirals upward, affecting your behavior. You give the person grace by assuming the best rather than nursing hurt feelings. This behavior, in turn, affects your relationships. Those you know appreciate your tendency to give the most generous explanation for others’ behavior. Your connection to people strengthens, which leads to positive consequences. Your relationships become healthier and you find yourself feeling grateful for the people in your life. You thank God for humbling you enough to see you’re as prone to sin as the one who offended you. Like the psalmist, you pray, “O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.” (Psalm 69:5, ESV)
If you find your emotions taking the lead and causing you to spin downward, remember you have a choice. Stop the spiral by using the weapon of humility. Spend time focusing on the wisdom of the verses above. Then, pray and ask God to give you the humility you need to focus on Him instead of your feelings.
Let Natalie Grant’s song “My Weapon” empower and inspire you today.
Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: A Study in Philippians, Thomas Nelson Press, 2020. 1. Page 40 2. Page 42 3. Page 42 4. Page 60 5. Page 60