Category: Prayer

Why Prayer Matters

What is the purpose of prayer? I know, that’s a big question with a lot of different answers. Many of us see it as a way to ask God for what we want or need: healing for a loved one, a solution to a big problem, or a positive outcome for a challenging circumstance. So, when we get what the desired result, we say our prayers “worked” and that God is good. The challenge comes when God keeps us waiting or gives us a different answer–which can lead us to become confused, angry, or disillusioned. 

Megan Fate Marshman offers a different perspective on prayer. She describes it as “connecting with the one who loves you most.” (page 79) I agree with her– prayer isn’t only about asking God for what we want but about cultivating a relationship with Him. This is also what Jeremiah describes when he writes from God’s perspective saying: “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13, NIV)

Prayer is so much more than just a tool for making requests of God or a last resort when we’ve run out of all other options. Over the years, I’ve discovered many truths about it through consistent practice and study. It’s changed me and caused my faith in God to grow deeper and wider.  Prayer is more powerful than most of us realize. Today I’ll share just three of the many reasons why:

Prayer Invites God Into our Circumstances: Psalm 139 tells us that God perceives our thoughts and knows what we’re going to say before we speak. Some would argue that there’s no reason to talk to the Lord since He already knows everything about us. However, the purpose of prayer isn’t to inform God of our circumstances; it’s to invite Him into them. Prayer opens the lines of communication between God and you, just as you talk regularly with people you love. It gives the Lord permission to speak into our lives and to share His wisdom. Often, prayer changes our hearts more than it changes our circumstances. 

That’s exactly what we see at the end of Psalm 139 when David says: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV)

Prayer is the Healthiest Way to Manage Fear and Worry: Anxiety is on the rise in our culture. Many of us feel a constant undercurrent of fear and worry at all times. We try to control our surroundings, our circumstances, our plans, and our relationships as a way to stave off those panicky feelings. Our minds churn over worst-case scenarios and “what-ifs” that fill us with dread. The irony is, all the time we spend worrying and fretting does nothing to change our circumstances. It wastes our energy, overwhelms our thoughts, and steals our joy–preventing us from living life to the fullest. In contrast, taking all that angst and laying it before God frees us to trust Him and to expend mental energy in more meaningful and productive ways. No one says it better than the Apostle Paul:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:6-9, NIV)

Prayer Lets Us Take Action When We Feel Powerless: When circumstances unfold the way we want or expect, we have the illusion that we’re in control, which makes us feel powerful. But here’s the harsh truth: There are few things we can actually control beyond our reactions. When we realize this and accept our humble position, we give God more opportunity to work in our lives. As we recognize that only the Lord is sovereign and in control, we can trust His power.

One of my favorite examples of this is the prayer of a lesser-known king in the Bible named Jehoshaphat. When he learns that three enemy armies have combined forces to invade Israel, he gathers his people and prays humbly before the Lord: 

“Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12, NIV)

Isn’t it amazing that the most powerful man in Israel admitted that he didn’t know what to do in front of all his subjects? The Lord answered Jehoshaphat’s prayers by delivering their nation from enemy attack. Through miraculous circumstances, they faced their opponents and experienced victory without spilling a drop of Israelite blood.

How freeing it is to accept our frailty and weakness and to recognize humbly that we have no power on our own. Acknowledging we don’t have control and looking to God to rescue us gives us access to true power from the One who loves us most of all.

Truth be told, I have so many thoughts about prayer that it was hard to write so little in this post. In fact, I’ve spent the last year studying and writing about it. So, if this is a practice you’d like to explore further, I’d be honored to have you consider my new Bible study Extraordinary Prayer: Using God’s Word to Expand Your Prayer Life. (The story of Jehoshaphat is just one of the many you’ll discover in it.) You can find it on my website under the “Book Table” tab or on Amazon.

Phil Wickham’s “Battle Belongs” is an incredible song filled with Scripture that reveals the power we have through prayer. Listen and celebrate this incredible truth today.

Megan Fate Marshman, Meant for Good: The Adventure of Trusting God and His Plans for You, Zondervan, 2020.

More Like Jesus

Opening Megan Fate Marshman’s book Meant for Good: The Adventure of Trusting God & His Plans for You made me curious, but also skeptical. The cynical side of me wondered what more we could learn from two Bible passages that most Christians have heard many times: Jeremiah 29:11-13 and Romans 8:28-9. But as I delved further, I realized these Scriptures overflow with spiritual truth that we may miss at first glance.

You may be familiar with Jeremiah 29:11 since it’s often used to reassure people in times of uncertainty: “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’” (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV) 

This passage was originally written to Jewish people who had been living as exiles in Babylon. The Lord had allowed them to be carried into captivity as a consequence for their worship of idols and rebellion against Him. The hope-filled future this passage promises ties directly to the state of their hearts. As they turned back to the Lord, He would listen to them and they would be able to renew a genuine relationship with Him.

In the original Hebrew, the word “heart” describes “the most interior organ” and encompasses our minds and our inner being. Strong’s Concordance explains that the heart is the seat of desire, inclination, or will. It is also the well of emotions, knowledge, and wisdom. All of our thoughts, desires, words, and actions flow from the heart.  So, when we’re seeking God with all our hearts, our gaze is fixed steadily on Him. This is what the Lord wanted for His people when they were captives in Babylon, and it’s what He wants for us today.

Another oft-quoted verse that Megan covers in her book is Romans 8:28-9:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” (Romans 8:28-29, NIV)

Most of us know verse 28 well, however, reading verse 29 is essential to understanding the definition for “good” in this context. We often interpret it to mean easy, comfortable, pleasant, or favorable. For many of us, “good” is synonymous with getting what we want, when we want—or having events unfold according to our desires. However, in the original Greek, the word “good” describes that which is beneficial in its effect. One commentary explains “The things themselves may not be good, but God harmonizes them together for believers’ ultimate good, because His goal is to bring them to perfection in His presence. Even adversities and afflictions contribute to that end…this is a continuing activity of God. And His working is on behalf of ‘those who love Him,’ who are further identified as the ones who have been called according to His purpose.” 

According to Romans 8:29, the ultimate “good” in God’s purpose is for us to be more like Jesus. So, when we seek Him with all of our hearts, we trust that whatever events unfold will be used to transform us to be more like Jesus—not to make us comfortable or to make our lives easier or happier. 

At this point, you may be thinking this definition of “good” doesn’t sound very enticing. So, let me share a personal example to show how hard things can be good and can make us more like Jesus.

Three years ago, my eighty-three-year-old mom was living on her own in the house where I grew up. Her health was starting to slip, but she was stubborn and independent and had no interest in moving. Unfortunately, a series of medical issues landed her in the hospital. When she was released, she decided to move into an assisted living community near my home where she could maintain her freedom but have more support when she needed it.

Over the next two years, my mom and I found a rhythm. I managed her bills, her house, her medical appointments, and her care. I got to know her friends, her schedule, her habits, and her needs more intimately than I ever had before. My four siblings helped when they could, but the responsibility for my mom rested mostly on me. This made sense since I lived much closer than all of them. I tried hard to be gracious and understanding about my siblings’ busy lives and the many valid things that kept them from being involved more consistently. As time progressed, I even preferred handling most of my mom’s affairs on my own. It was easier and less complicated than having them opt in where and when they could. I didn’t see it at the time, but in hindsight I recognize that pride and resentment were beginning to build in me.

Two years later, when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given months to live, my siblings all jumped to action, wanting to be involved and informed about every detail. They came to town often to be supportive and to spend as much time with our mom as possible. I welcomed and encouraged their involvement, but also felt some underlying anger. Suddenly I was managing my mom’s care while coordinating visiting schedules and trying to keep her house in order for them. I was feeling territorial and grasping for control amidst many disruptions in my life, but I didn’t see it at the time. Resentment was lurking beneath the surface, but I ignored it and acted like everything was fine. Still, my unacknowledged anger leaked out of me, robbing me of sleep and making me irritable and impatient with others. When I finally recognized what I was feeling, I started praying daily, asking God to take my thoughts captive and to make them obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Over time, He answered those prayers, helping me to release my bitterness and resentment and to find grace and gratitude for my siblings’ presence and involvement.

 God worked through that hard season to refine me and to help me understand myself better. He conformed me to be just a bit more like Christ by exposing my pride and resentment and covering it with His grace. His goodness softened my heart and fostered healthier relationships in my family. There’s no doubt I’ll continue to grapple with those negative emotions at times. But I also know that as I seek Him, He will bring about His good purposes and continue making me more like Jesus.

The verses from Jeremiah and Romans highlighted in Meant for Good contain powerful and transformative truth. I’m excited to study them with you over the next six weeks. Let’s start by listening to Fernando Ortega’s “Lord, I Want to Be Like Jesus” and making it our prayer throughout this study.

  • Megan Fate Marshman, Meant for Good: The Adventure of Trusting God & His Plans for You, Zondervan, 2020.
  • Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2001.
  • John F. Walvoord and Roy B. Zuck, The Bible Knowledge Commentary, Victor Books, 1983, page 474.

Finding Your Blind Spots

Driving down the freeway, I put on my blinker and glanced into the sideview mirror before changing lanes. To my surprise the steering wheel began vibrating as a small warning signal illuminated on the mirror. Looking over my shoulder, I noticed a truck speeding up beside me. The cameras on my car had alerted me to the potential collision before I even realized what was happening.

Unfortunately, it’s not just on the road that our view may be obstructed. We can also have significant blind spots when looking at others. However, Christine Caine explains: “If we are to reach our world, then we need to see that everyone is our neighbor. Every person is worthy of love regardless of their beliefs, actions, or attitudes, because God sees them as lovable and redeemable by His grace. They are all people made in His image.” (20/20, p. 101)

There’s no denying that our nation is more divided than ever right now. People seem prone to drawing lines, taking sides, and allowing events and issues to become polarizing and contentious. Those with opposing views make little effort to seek common ground. Extremism, bitterness, hatred, and anger are running rampant in our country—and the effects may be more harmful and lasting than the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of us feel helpless and hopeless trying to navigate this tense season.

However, we’re showing a major blind spot when we dwell on negative feelings towards people with opposing views. Instead of seeking God, we’re letting our emotions take the lead. Here’s a question to consider: How often do we include those we dislike and disagree with in our prayers? Let’s look at Jesus’ teaching on this challenging topic:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48, NIV)

Recently I came across a powerful example of this in one of my favorite books: The Hiding Place. Author Corrie Ten Boom tells the story of her family as they risked their lives to help Jews and underground workers escape from the Nazis in Holland during World War II. One night, Corrie and her sister, Betsie, are awakened by the sound of bombs dropping on their city. Corrie writes, “Betsie and I knelt down by the piano bench. For what seemed hours we prayed for our country, for the dead and injured tonight, for the Queen. And then, incredibly, Betsie began to pray for the Germans, up there in the planes, caught in the fist of the giant evil loose in Germany. I looked at my sister kneeling beside me in the light of burning Holland. ‘Oh Lord,’ I whispered, ‘listen to Betsie, not me, because I cannot pray for those men at all.” (p. 79) Corrie recognizes her own significant blind spot as she witnesses her sister’s zeal to pray for their enemies.

Scripture includes a similar story of the first Christian martyr, Stephen. After giving an impassioned speech proclaiming Jesus as the Messiah, the crowd of indignant Jews reacted to him with murderous rage: “While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’  Then he fell on his knees and cried out, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ When he had said this, he fell asleep.” (Acts 7:59-60, NIV)

With his dying breath, Stephen prayed for his executioners. During his stoning ”witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.” (Acts 7:58b, NIV) In a stunning turn of events, just a few chapters later in Acts 9, Jesus appeared in a vision and Saul accepted Him as the Messiah. Following his shocking conversion “[Saul] got up and was baptized [and] at once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. All those who heard him were astonished and asked, ‘Isn’t he the man who raised havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name? And hasn’t he come here to take them as prisoners to the chief priests?’ Yet Saul grew more and more powerful and baffled the Jews living in Damascus by proving that Jesus is the Messiah.” (Excerpts from Acts 9:18-22, NIV.) Remember, it was Stephen who prayed for his murderers, which included Saul. Isn’t it amazing to see this miraculous answer occur in such a brief time span?

Stephen’s prayers for his attackers inspire me, as do Betsie Ten Boom’s. They also challenge me to consider my blind spots in prayer. News headlines that make me anxious, leaders that cause my blood to boil, groups with harsh and hateful messages that stir up fear in me—these are all people God loves who need prayer. 

Will you consider your own blind spots? Whether it’s someone you know personally or only through the media, will you let the Holy Spirit prompt you to pray for them? Remember, people with opposing views aren’t our true enemies, the devil is. Don’t be deceived into withholding love and prayer from those who need it.

Not sure how to intercede for them? Consider starting with this prayer written by Paul (the same man who had previously been called Saul): “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11, NIV)

Let Josh Wilson’s song “Revolutionary” motivate you to find your blind spots today.

Christine Caine, 20/20 Seen. Chosen. Sent., Lifeway Press, 2019.

Corrie Ten Boom (with Elizabeth and John Sherrill), The Hiding Place, Chosen Books/ Baker Publishing Group, 1971 & 1984.

Re-route Your Thoughts

Rolling my bike to a stop, I surveyed the trail. Just ahead of me, a large tree limb had fallen across it, blocking my way forward. It would have been awkward to scramble over, especially with my bike getting tangled in the foliage. The best option seemed to be going around it, which meant trudging through knee-high weeds and over rocky ground to forge a new path. 

On my next ride a few weeks later, the tree was still stretched across the main trail, but the long weeds I’d pushed through were now trodden down. Clearly, others had made the same choice to navigate around the obstacle in the path. Each time I took the trail in subsequent months, I noticed how the new route began replacing the old one. Matted grass gave way to bare patches of dirt; rocks were kicked aside. Over time, the rough trail was smoothed by a multitude of feet and bikes. Within months, the path around the fallen tree had become the main route. It had just taken repeated and consistent use.

Recently, I envisioned that re-routed trail because it illustrates changes I’m making to my thought patterns. I’m not proud to admit that my default mode of thinking tends to be critical, negative, and cynical. Rarely do my natural inclinations lead me to assume the best or to feel confident that circumstances will turn out well. Can you relate? Unsatisfied with my negative tendencies, I’ve been focused on building new neural paths that will point me in a more positive direction.

The desire to change my thinking isn’t futile, there is research that supports what I’m trying to do. It turns out our brains are more pliable than we realize. In her book Get Out of Your Head, Jennie Allen explains the work of Dr. Dan Siegel, a professor of clinical psychiatry. “’Where attention goes,’ he wrote, ‘neural firing flows and neural connection grows…Patterns you thought were fixed are actually things that with mental effort can indeed be changed…We are not passive in all this activity of mind and awareness.’ What we think about, our brains become. What we fixate on is neurologically who we will be.”1 So, the more we think certain thoughts, the wider those paths become and the more we’re inclined to travel on them mentally.  

Allen goes on to explain, “Good things happen when we train our attention on that which is beautiful, on that which is authentic and compelling and good. What’s more, beyond the obvious emotional experience, those good things from the hand of God can point us to the One who creates beauty, who is beautiful. Cynicism puts our minds on things of this earth, and we lose hope. Beauty points our gaze toward the heavens and reminds us of hope.”1

The Bible provides the roadmap we need to change our thoughts. Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians show us how to build a new web of trails in our minds: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV) We can ask the Lord to re-route our thinking onto more positive paths that honor Him. Allen explains, “The spiraling, chaotic thoughts that have so long keep us trapped will give way to the peace and beauty and abundant life Jesus died to give us.”2 This brings hope to us and to others. And when we venture back down negative roads, we can trust the Holy Spirit to show us we’re off track before we’ve traveled too far.

Paul’s words to the Romans describe this process of shifting from old and unhealthy thought patterns to new ones: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2, NIV) When we realize we’re letting the world influence us more than the Lord, let’s make it a regular practice to ask Him to renew our minds. Jennie Allen explains, “We renew our minds by filling our minds with truth, with who God says we are, and then holding every other thought up to those truths. Those truths are our weapons, and they stop the spirals in our minds.”2

As we focus on forging new mental paths, we’re learning to keep our thoughts in check. Our mindsets change as we trust the Holy Spirit, apply the wisdom of Scripture, and surrender our thoughts to God consistently. Every day provides a new opportunity to invite the Lord to continue widening new and better paths in our minds.

For some musical inspiration, listen to “Burn the Ships” by the band For King and Country. It invites us to walk away from the negative elements of our pasts and start fresh. As you listen, ask God what unhealthy practices you need to turn from today so you can let Him help you forge new and better paths.

  1. Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, Waterbrook, 2020, pages 42 & 135.
  2. Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head Study, Thomas Nelson, 2020, pages 54 & 59.

My Cup Overflows

“You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” (Psalm 23:5b, NIV)

Anointing people with oil isn’t a common practice in our culture today, which means the beauty of this verse can be overlooked. I’m grateful to have had rare opportunities to experience it on two occasions. The first was alongside church elders praying for a man in the hospital with traumatic injuries. The second was when ministry leaders prayed for me as I was beginning a new leadership role at church. 

Both of my experiences were powerful and in keeping with what Scripture shows: anointing is meant for consecrating or setting someone apart for special service, honoring or blessing a guest, or praying for a person who needs healing.  Jennifer Rothschild explains that it is “a poetic picture of the sweet presence and action of the Holy Spirit in our lives.” (p. 157)

Although you may not have experienced being anointed physically, you’ve been anointed spiritually if you follow Jesus. “When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.” (Ephesians 1:13b-14, NIV)

To get a more complete understanding, we need to unpack the second part of the verse: “My cup overflows.” Rothschild explains, “The Hebrew word for overflow in Psalm 23:5 means saturated. And it denotes wealth or satisfaction. So, when we are saturated with the good things of God, we will be rich with His Spirit and truth and fully, deeply satisfied.” (p. 165) I think the best example of God’s richness and abundance overflowing is in Jesus’ sacrificial love: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:16-17, NIV)

Jesus elaborated on this the night before His crucifixion using the elements of the Passover table as an illustration: “While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, ‘Take and eat; this is my body.’ Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.’” (Matthew 26:26-28, NIV) 

Overflowing with love for us, Jesus poured out His life to restore us to right relationship with the Father. When we personally accept Him as our Savior, He anoints us with His Holy Spirit. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand… God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:1,2 & 4b, NIV)

With the Holy Spirit living in us, we have access to all the spiritual riches of God. “The more we stay in the presence of the Lord, sitting at the table He prepares for us, the more we are aware of the presence and power of His Holy Spirit in our lives.” (p. 159) We begin to display qualities we don’t possess naturally: “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22 & 23a, NLT)

It is only through the supernatural presence of the Holy Spirit that any of these qualities show in my life. While we’ve been sheltering at home as the COVID-19 pandemic continues to spread, I’ve been reminded that maintaining an awareness of the Lord’s presence and power makes a significant difference. On days when I spend too much time poring over news stories and tracking the spread of the virus, my whole demeanor changes. I’m anxious, irritable, and short tempered. When I don’t make the time to refresh myself with the overflowing abundance of God’s love and grace, I let our current circumstances color my outlook with fear and negativity. 

On a recent rainy Sunday, I got out of bed late and didn’t have a chance to spend time alone with the Lord. Since we were tuning into an online church service, I figured that would be a good alternative. Although I heard teaching from Scripture and passively participated in corporate prayer, I didn’t connect with any of it personally. Instead, I grew increasingly negative, grumpy, and critical. I was tired of sheltering at home and frustrated that the rain was taking away my chance to find respite outdoors. On top of that, I was stewing on a few frustrating interactions I’d had via text and e-mail the day before.

After the service, I realized I needed to give myself a time-out to be alone with the Lord. Curled up on my bed while rain continued to drum on the roof, I opened my prayer journal and poured out my frustrations to God. Soon, I felt Him leading me to different passages of Scripture that spoke directly to me. I realized my attitude had made me a prime target for enemy attack. I confessed specific situations where I’d been harboring negative thoughts or thinking critically. The Lord showed me some incorrect assumptions and conclusions I was drawing from limited knowledge. Sharing my raw feelings and angst gave Him an opening to speak to me through His Word and to renew my mind. He enabled me to see the same situations and people with a fresh perspective. The rain continued to fall, but my dark mood lightened considerably.

My experience was an unflattering example of Jennifer Rothschild’s words, “When your plans get turned upside down, when you get knocked down, when you start to shake, what brims over from your cup? Only what is inside will flow out.” (p. 164) What spilled out of my cup wasn’t pretty that morning. The Lord was ready and waiting to give me what I needed, but I had to draw near to Him to receive it. Rothschild sums it up, “It’s like He’s saying, What I want to give you is bigger than you can contain. What I want to lavish over your life is more than you have capacity to hold. I want to fill you with grace and peace and joy and My Word so you will overflow with hope and love and rejoicing. When I saturate your life with My goodness, you will be satisfied.” (p. 165)

There’s no better time to see God’s goodness then at Easter. Holy Week looks a little different this year as we celebrate it without the usual fanfare. But maybe having all of the exterior aspects of Easter stripped away will narrow our focus so we can celebrate what it’s really about: The Father’s overflowing love, the Son’s sacrificial death and miraculous resurrection, and the Spirit’s anointing that fills us with His presence and power.

Don’t miss the opportunity to reflect on these truths so beautifully captured in “King of Kings” by Hillsong United. 

Jennifer Rothschild, Psalm 23: The Shepherd with Me, Lifeway Press, 2018.

Image by Scott Warburton, courtesy of pixabay.com

The Gift of Empathy

Stepping into line, I clutched my son’s tiny hand and kept my head down as we inched toward his classroom door. The preschool check-in process took a while, but usually created a welcome opportunity to chat with other moms. On that day, however, just walking into the building required excruciating effort. Participating in such a “normal” activity seemed surreal when I felt so raw, exposed, and vulnerable.

Just a few days earlier, I’d sat at my dad’s bedside as he exhaled his final breath. For the two weeks prior to that I’d been consumed with trekking back and forth to see him as he’d received hospice care. I’d been so removed from regular life that it felt overwhelming just dropping off my son at school. 

I assumed most of the moms in line knew I was grieving since I’d received flowers from the class. My sagging shoulders and red-rimmed eyes hinted at my fragile state, yet not one of them acknowledged my loss. I didn’t fault them for it—most of my peers hadn’t yet experienced the death of a parent and didn’t know what to say.

After a few awkward minutes, I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder. Looking up, a mom I barely knew pulled me in close and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died a few years ago– I totally get what you’re going through.” She described the range of emotions she’d experienced, mirroring mine exactly. What a relief to encounter someone who understood my pain.  

In the years since then, I’ve been blessed by other compassionate people who have reached out to empathize with me through different struggles. None of them tried to fix my problems, but they all showed me compassion and understanding. They made me feel seen, heard, and loved. These kind acts beautifully illustrate Paul’s words in the New Testament:

 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV)

Painful experiences are fertile ground for receiving God’s comfort. They also enable us to grow in our compassion for people. When we’re going through hardships, we can find hope knowing God will use them to bless others in the future.

Once you’ve experienced true empathy, you’re able to recognize how it differs from sympathy. Empathizing with others means we identify with their pain and connect with them in it. It’s when we say, “I get it, I know how you feel.” Sympathy, however, is like saying “I feel bad for you.” Instead of being a participant in the pain, a person offering sympathy remains a passive observer feeling pity for the hardships of another. While the intentions are kind, it can make a struggling person feel emotionally isolated. If you’ve ever gone through a hard time, you probably know that receiving a person’s empathy comforts so much more than the clichéd words of sympathy.

Sometimes we encounter people in pain and we have no frame of reference to empathize with them. It’s tempting to hold back and say nothing for fear of getting it wrong. However, there are simple tools we can use to respond in caring and sensitive ways that promote connection and understanding. Here are a few I’ve learned:

-Listen to understand, not to respond. Don’t get distracted thinking about what you’ll say next– you’ll miss what the person is telling you.

-Listen for feelings, not facts. Validate their emotions and don’t judge them as bad or good. Focus on the person, not on the details of their situation.

-Be present and patient. Let the struggling person have room to share the tangle of emotions they’re feeling. Get comfortable sitting in silence too. Remember your presence will communicate your support more than any helpful suggestions you might be tempted to offer. People may forget what you say, but they remember the way you made them feel.

-Avoid sharing stories about yourself. This may seem like empathy, but it’s really turning the attention to yourself. Saying “I’ve been there” or “I feel you” is enough. If they want to know more, they’ll ask.

-Don’t offer advice, quick assurances, or comparisons that minimize what they’re going through (ie: “At least….” Or “It could be worse…”). Don’t offer the “bright side” of the situation they aren’t ready to hear.

-Remember it’s not your job to speak for God or to make conjectures about why He’s letting a hard thing happen. Don’t over-spiritualize, preach, or quote a verse attempting to make them feel better. Instead, offer to pray with and for the person.

-Circle back later and see how they’re doing. Ask if there are any specific ways you can be praying. Sometimes after the initial conversation, we check off the “reach out to my struggling friend” box and move on. Difficult seasons can last a long time and most people appreciate ongoing support (to whatever degree you have the bandwidth to offer it.)

Want to learn more about the difference between sympathy and empathy? Watch this two minute video by Dr. Brené Brown.

Singer/ songwriter Toby Mac gives us an intimate glimpse into the pain of losing his son, Truett, in his song “21 Years.” Let it remind you to look at others with empathy and to invite God to use you to comfort them.

Forging a New Path

Rolling my bike to a stop, I surveyed the trail. Just ahead of me, a large tree had fallen across it, blocking my way forward. The thick trunk and spiny branches would have been awkward to scramble over with my bike. The best option seemed to be going around it, which meant trudging through knee-high weeds and over rocky ground to forge a new path. 

A few weeks later, the tree was still stretched across the main trail, but the long weeds I’d pushed through were now trodden down. Clearly, others had made the same choice to navigate around the obstacle in the road. Each time I took the trail in subsequent months, I noticed how the new route began replacing the old one. Matted grass gave way to bare patches of dirt, rocks were kicked aside and, over time, the rough trail was smoothed by a multitude of feet and bikes. Within months, the path around the fallen tree had become the main route. It had just taken repeated and consistent use over time.

I imagined this trail as I began thinking of my hopes for the new year: I want to build some new paths—not on dirt trails, but in my mind. I’ve been learning there is science to support this goal, it’s not just wishful thinking on my part. In her book Get Out of Your Head, Jennie Allen explains the work of Dr. Dan Siegel, a professor of clinical psychiatry. “’Where attention goes,’ he wrote, ‘neural firing flows and neural connection grows…Patterns you thought were fixed are actually things that with mental effort can indeed be changed…We are not passive in all this activity of mind and awareness.’ What we think about, our brains become. What we fixate on is neurologically who we will be.” (p.42) So, the more we think certain thoughts, the wider those paths become and the more we’re inclined to travel on them mentally.  

Allen goes on to explain, “Good things happen when we train our attention on that which is beautiful, on that which is authentic and compelling and good. What’s more, beyond the obvious emotional experience, those good things from the hand of God can point us to the One who creates beauty, who is beautiful. Cynicism puts our minds on things of this earth, and we lose hope. Beauty points our gaze toward the heavens and reminds us of hope.” (p.135)

I’m not proud to admit that many of my neural pathways take me to negative places. It requires intentional effort for me to look on the positive side, to assume the best, and to be confident there will be a favorable outcome. My default modes of thinking tend to be critical, negative, and cynical. But I hope to change that this year.

Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians fuel my desire for a new web of trails in my mind: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV) I want to re-route my thoughts onto more positive paths that honor Jesus and bring life to myself and others. And when I venture back down negative roads, I want the Holy Spirit to stop me before I’ve traveled too far. That way, I’ll develop a reflex of asking for God’s help to renew my mind so I can continue establishing new routes. Paul’s words to the Romans describe the process of shifting from old and unhealthy thought patterns to new ones: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”(Romans 12:2, NIV)

This year, I’m focusing on developing mental paths that are positive and hopeful. I want to assume the best and see the good from the start rather than having to talk myself into it. This can only be done through the power of the Holy Spirit and the consistency of prayer.

Maybe, like me, you’re ready to step into a new day and forge a fresh path in the year ahead. The band For King and Country has an inspiring song called “Burn the Ships” that invites us to walk away from the negative things of our pasts and start new. Singer/songwriter Luke Smallbone explains, “The analogy of burning the ships came to me: the story of the sailors not wanting to explore the new world, wanting the comforts of their boats. Their leader calls them out and says, ‘We’ve got to burn the ships. This is a new world.’”

As you listen, ask God what ships you need to burn today so you can travel down new paths He has planned for you.

Jennie Allen, Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, Waterbrook, 2020.

Luke Smallbone quoted from: ccmmagazine.com

The Best Request

As a kid, I loved listening to records (yes, the vinyl kind). One of my favorites was called “Tales from the Arabian Nights” and had a storyteller that regaled listeners with accounts of exotic people, places, and events. The one I loved most was the story of Aladdin and the magic lamp. Sometimes I fantasized about how I would answer if a genie appeared to grant my most extravagant wishes. 

Of course, those stories were pure fiction. However, there is one character in the Bible who was given the opportunity to make any request he wanted from the source of all power and authority: God Almighty. Maybe you’ve already figured out I’m talking about the story of Solomon, King David’s son and successor to the throne of Israel. Not long after being crowned the new king, Solomon went to offer sacrifices to the Lord and had an unforgettable encounter with Him. Here’s how it starts:

“At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, ‘Ask for whatever you want me to give you.’

Solomon answered, ‘You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.’” (1 Kings 3:5-6, NIV)

Did you notice what Solomon says before making his request? He starts by recognizing the Lord’s faithfulness to his father, David, and acknowledging that the Lord is responsible for his privileged position. Despite being king, he offers humble recognition that he is merely the recipient of God’s goodness and confirms the Lord’s authority over his life.

Stop for a moment and reflect on your typical conversations with the God. Is it common for you to acknowledge Him for the ways He has provided for you and given you privilege and power? If you don’t think you have privilege or power, here are some things to consider: the family that raised you and what benefits came from it, the country where you were born and the privileges that come with being a citizen, your education and intellect, your material/ financial resources, your relationships, your children/ grandchildren, your skills, gifts and abilities, your connections, etc. Many times, we’re so focused on what we want or need from God that we forget to notice what He’s already given us. Yet Solomon stops to acknowledge the Lord first, even when he’s offered anything he wants. Perhaps we’d be wise to follow his lead in our prayers.

Let’s examine the next portion of Solomon’s interaction with God before looking at the request he makes: “Now, Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties.”(1 Kings 3:7, NIV)

Note how Solomon accepts his humble position in relation to the Lord, describing himself as “only a little child.” He recognizes that as king, he is God’s servant. He understands the enormous responsibility that accompanies his privileged position. Considering this, evaluate how much you include the Lord in carrying out your regular responsibilities. Do you acknowledge God’s sovereignty? Do you invite His guidance and involvement in all areas of your life– including less “spiritual” places like work, school, volunteer positions, and social circles? Be honest. Are there areas that you’re afraid or unwilling to surrender? Will you risk humbling yourself to let Him be Lord of every part of your life?

Finally, we come to Solomon’s request:

“Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?’” (1 Kings 3:8-9, NIV)

In one word, what Solomon wanted most was wisdom. And here is the result: “The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, ‘Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. And if you walk in obedience to me and keep my decrees and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.” (1 Kings 3:10-14, NIV)

Solomon recognized his need for God’s wisdom in governing the people of Israel, and this pleased the Lord. He not only granted Solomon’s request, but blessed him in many other ways as well. Maybe you’re thinking this story isn’t applicable to you. After all, most of us will never rule a kingdom. However, the New Testament promises we, too, can ask God for wisdom at any time for any circumstance–even ones that don’t seem overtly spiritual in nature. The book of James explains: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the seas, blown and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:5-6, NIV ’84)

Is it time to change up your prayers a bit? Instead of telling God the specifics of how you’d like Him to deal with a situation, start by praising Him for being Lord of your life. Then ask Him to equip you with the wisdom you need and leave the rest up to Him. Let Him surprise you with the blessings that flow from there.

Casting Crowns song “God of All My Days” beautifully captures this kind of prayer. Why not listen now and let the words speak for you?

Lamp Image by Vicki Nunn from Pixabay.com

A Solid Foundation

The next time you’re feeling unsteady or overwhelmed, use David’s words in Psalm 62 to regain your footing.

Looking at the realtor’s glossy advertisement, the house seemed to be brimming with potential. It sat on a quiet, tree lined street and was close to good schools for the kids we hoped to have one day. The floorplan was versatile and the large backyard had a panoramic view. But it was the price that initially drew us in. The numbers on the advertisement were far lower than any we’d seen in the area. It seemed too good to be true.

Touring the property with a realtor, my husband and I soon discovered the reason for the low price: the house had a cracked foundation. A large gash in the concrete slab was widening incrementally over time. The garage was shifting in the opposite direction from the house and would eventually pull away from it altogether. Assuring us that it was an “easy fix,” the realtor claimed the money we were saving with the low price would more than cover the repair job. With a bit more research, we learned that contractors hadn’t been able to determine the extent of the problem. They didn’t know if the house would have to be lifted so the deteriorating foundation could be replaced, or if the crack could simply be shored up. This meant estimates of the cost and the time it would take to fix it were rough guesses at best.

The more we thought about it, the less enthused we became. Buying a home on a faulty foundation just seemed like a bad idea. Wary of all the unknowns, we decided to pass on the opportunity and to keep looking. At that point, we learned that when something seems “too good to be true,” it probably is.

I’ve thought a lot about that house and what a metaphor it’s been for my adult life. With each decision my husband and I have made, our goal has been to build a solid foundation in both the physical and spiritual worlds. One of my favorite Psalms written by David captures this idea well: “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God, he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:5-8, NIV)

I’ve returned to this Psalm again and again over the years. I’ve clung to its truth during times of sorrow and stress, especially when family members or close friends have had serious health issues. It’s also my “go to” Psalm when I’m feeling threatened and unsettled by unwanted change or overwhelming circumstances. 

Over the last few posts I’ve been exploring different prayers from Scripture to see what we can learn from them. Psalm 62, however, is more of a pep talk than an actual prayer. It gives the key ingredients we can focus on when hard situations throw us off kilter. It reminds us where our attention needs to be so we won’t be shaken to the core.  In a nutshell, it builds a framework to remind us how to engage God when we’re feeling off balance.

-Find Rest in Him: So often when we’re on unsteady ground we feel emotionally and spiritually depleted. We’re tempted to seek solace in things that lack substance and that ultimately leave us feeling unfulfilled. What’s your default when you’re off balance or running on empty? Stop and think about it for a minute. Do you anesthetize in front of a TV screen? Get lost in a good book? Scroll through social media? Look for an escape through a fun activity? Pour yourself a stiff drink? Eat an entire pan of brownies? Flip mindlessly through a magazine? Go on a shopping spree? Distract yourself with work and productivity? These things aren’t bad when practiced in moderation, but they’re distractions that only soothe you in the moment. None of them will sustain you with the deep rest and reassurance your soul craves. Before going to your usual default for comfort, spend some time with the Lord and ask Him for the grounding and rejuvenation you need.

-Remain Steady on the Solid Rock: The allure of wealth, power, financial security, education, social status, material possessions, health, and relationships makes them seem like reasonable foundations for our lives. With fingers crossed, we hope they’ll keep us steady and secure. And when they fail us, we’re shattered. Conversely, when we build the foundation of our lives on the Lord, He provides a rock solid steadiness that is firm no matter what storms blow through our lives. He provides a refuge and a resting place that withstands chaotic and uncertain times. When you’re feeling unsteady because something you hold dear is threatened, take heart remembering that your feet are firmly planted on the Solid Rock.

-Find Your Hope in Him: We often look for hope in things of the world–the promise of a happy home, a healthy body, a robust financial portfolio, a fulfilling career, or a significant relationship. Our hope rests in circumstances going according to plan as the future unfolds. These desires aren’t bad or wrong, but we’re treating temporary things like they’re of eternal significance. When we take refuge in the Lord, however, we find hope that is secure despite unpredictable circumstances. This hope encompasses something far beyond even the best things our broken world has to offer. That’s what Jesus explained as He concluded the Sermon on the Mount:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” (Matthew 7:24-27, NIV)

The next time you’re feeling unsteady or overwhelmed, use David’s words in Psalm 62 to regain your footing. Ask the Lord to help you find rest in Him. Thank Him for being your solid rock and firm foundation. Celebrate that your hope and security are grounded in Him and aren’t dependent on anything else. Even if your circumstances don’t change immediately, your perspective will

David’s words invite us to be defiant in the face of distress, choosing instead to focus on what we know is true about God. “Build My Life” is a song that captures this audacious hope. Prayers that center on God’s character remind us to rest secure on our solid foundation, no matter what. Listen to this version by Pat Barrett and make it your prayer today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smrq6hc-vcU

David’s Prayer: Psalm 5

Humbling ourselves before God and aligning our hearts and minds with Him allows us to keep our focus where it needs to be throughout the day.

Over the years, the Book of Psalms has become a significant part of my faith journey. The deep laments, honest soul-searching, and passionate praise have put words to my thoughts and feelings many times.

As one of the primary authors of Psalms, David was the most famous and renowned of all the kings of Israel. He was known as “a man after God’s own heart.” At different points in his life he was a shepherd, a musician, a poet, a warrior, a leader, a husband, and a father. Many of the chapters he wrote in that beloved book are songs and prayers that show his response to the different events that occurred in his life. 

For me, a number of psalms have become mile markers that bring back memories from specific moments in my past. Psalm 5 is one I remember learning when I was a teenager. I first heard it in the form of a song while sitting on a small beach during a houseboat trip with my youth group. Standing at the water’s edge, a few of the camp leaders strummed their guitars and led as we sang the first three verses. It was a powerful way to prepare our hearts before sending us off for some time alone with God. Even though it was archaic language, the sentiment resonated deeply with me. When I looked it up recently, I was surprised to see that the lyrics I remembered word-for-word were pulled directly from the King James translation without being altered:

“Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.” (Psalm 5:1-3, KJV)

The New International version translates it like this: “Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” (Psalm 5:1-3, NIV)

 Here’s what strikes me about this passage:

It honors God in the lamenting: Even in his emotional distress, David recognizes the sovereignty of God. He gives the Lord the superior place of honor He deserves, addressing Him not only has his God, but as his King. So often in our prayers we launch right into listing our needs and making requests. When we start first by acknowledging the Lord and placing Him above ourselves, we demonstrate humility. This moves us from demanding an answer to recognizing God’s graciousness to us.

It has a healthy perspective: David lays his requests before the Lord and then waits expectantly to hear from Him. The physical act of laying something down is a powerful image. We can’t keep our worries and fears tightly in our grasp and lay them before God simultaneously. We must relinquish them to Him and then step back and believe that He’s going to respond in His perfect timing. Telling Him we’re waiting expectantly shows we trust Him and frees us from the compulsion to keep fretting. Pastor and author Nancy Ortberg says that lamenting paves the way for praising God. When we lay our troubles down before Him, it frees us to look up and remember His sovereignty over all things.

It sets an example worth following: David begins his day with the Lord. Twice in one verse he mentions coming before God in the morning. His example reminds me of the importance of starting my day with prayer. This isn’t legalistic, it just makes good sense. We wouldn’t leave for the day without putting on clothes. We don’t see this as a luxury, but a necessity. Yet, often we don’t see the need for spiritual covering as an essential part of preparation for the day ahead. When I don’t make time for morning prayer, my focus is on myself and the people and circumstances I encounter. As soon as something doesn’t go the way I want, I’ll default to self-centeredness, frustration, and impatience. Conversely, when I start with my focus on the Lord, He wraps me in the grace, wisdom, and patience I need to approach my day with His perspective instead of mine.

It’s interesting to note that Jesus gave us a similar example. Mark 1:35 says, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” If the son of God chose to start His day with prayer, it’s probably wise to follow His example. Humbling ourselves before God and aligning our hearts and minds with Him allows us to keep our focus where it needs to be throughout the day.

Take a few mornings this week to read Psalm 5. Then, write prayers using some of the same elements David did such as:

  • being honest about your emotions 
  • honoring God’s superior position in your life
  • laying specific requests before Him
  • telling Him you’re waiting expectantly because you trust Him
  • asking for God’s leading
  • seeking God as your refuge—a place of safety amidst life’s dangers and storms
  • asking for God to spread His protection over you
  • thanking God that you can claim to be righteous because of Jesus
  • asking God to bless you and surround you with His favor

Chris Tomlin’s song “Nobody Loves Me Like You” starts off with the perfect lyrics to remind you when to start praying. Let it inspire you today.